Hi, I am 27 yo, I never had the chance to play organized basketball when I was young. I played street basketball from time to time.
Last year, I had the chance to play for six months a team newly created. We played in the lowest league against old dudes and sometimes young teams.
This year I did tryouts for a new team. Still playing in the lowest league.
In the 3 sessions of tryouts, i showed leadership, some perimeter dribbling and passing, good mid range.
I was accepted.
I did now 10 trainings and 2 games with this new team.
Each time I regress.
Coach asked me relentlessly to stop dribbling. Just pass.
My shot got worse since I don't feel the ball that much in my hands.
Each training I lose more confidence.
Dribble less, shoot less, bad positioning.
A negative spiral.
Negative thoughts in my head.
Teammates looking at me badly.
Hate it.
I usually love to train basics. Shooting midrange with different variations. From dribbling, spinning, stepping forward, sideways...
Feels bad. Stuck.
I play in the university team. So, most of my teammates are 20 yo, youngster who played since young age.
Now, I regret I was chosen in the tryouts. Was not easy. I was last one chosen between remaining 20 persons.
Was able to show glimpses of good. Of a dog.
Now, I am getting cooked. Embarrassed. Like a sorry motherf#$&$)..
Writing this after a training, where coach used me as a sand bag. Played me in 4 vs 4 as a defender on 2 big dudes. To let them train and improve their game. 10cm less than them, 20kg of muscle less, 7 years younger.
It's 1 am, can't sleep. Headache. Demons whispering in my head. How sorry and pathetic i am.
Feeling regret for being chosen to be in the team is worse than wanting to quit.
I am not a quitter. I usually embarrass myself and show up the next day. Whether at work or at ski or anywhere.