r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Rosekiwi14 Sweet Tooth Fairyđ§ââď¸ • 17d ago
FML Ghosted after three amazing dates and intimacy
Meal is half of a sushi pizza and a zero-sugar Sprite.
TLDR: I fucking hate modern dating, and I wish people with avoidant attachment were legally required to wear bells around their necks like lepers. I hate being single, but I can never trust any guy who says he likes me and wants to keep dating me ever again đŤ
I started seeing this guy (26M) I met on Bumble, and we went on three amazing dates. We talked endlessly about everything, and the chemistry was like nothing I'd ever experienced. We went dancing, he took me out to dinner, and we spent hours at the beach. I'd finally gotten the courage to start dating again after being dumped with no explanation nine months ago. I thought, "He seems pretty emotionally stable. We really like each other. And he's a bit older, so he probably has more of his dating intentions figured out." Yeah, right.
He came over to my place last week, and we had a wonderful time. We were supposed to watch the first 'Lord of the Rings' movie together, and he even brought over this silly prop sword to show me. We ended up watching 'Arcane' instead because I'd never seen it, and he insisted it was really good. We slept together and then got takeout. He said he'd "miss me" when he went back to work and that we'd surely see each other again. I knew he'd be away for at least a week because he works long shifts on a boat.
I noticed a few days ago that he was taking a long time to respond, and his responses were getting shorter. He was still sending occasional pics of what he'd been up to. He apologized the first time he went "MIA," citing that the "air at work has been really weird." He said last Saturday that he meant to ask me out again, but his situation got complicated because his dad was in town. He'd already told me about this in person, so I said, "No worries at all. I know how important family and work are â¤ď¸." I then asked him how dinner with his dad had been. He told me where they'd gone to eat and that he had a good time. He hearted a picture I sent of the sushi pizza I was eating (the one I'm currently drowning my sorrows in). I'd already gotten this awful pit in my stomach and pulled an all-nighter due to an anxiety attack. But of course, I figured it would be pathetic of me to bring this up at all, so I said, "I'm so glad you had a good time with him đĽ°. I was starting to think that the boat had swallowed you again đ." He read it and hasn't responded in over two days.
I've spent this time quietly crying in my room, with a pain in my chest, and trying to sleep the bad thoughts away. My worried parents keep coming in asking what happened, and I can't tell them anything. I kept the fact that I was seeing someone from them on purpose because it was too early and in case something exactly like this happened. And I had this guy over while they were away on a trip. I didn't want to get excited so quickly just for him to turn out awful. I'm devastated regardless, and my trust in men, which I spent so long trying to rebuild, is shattered once again.
Why can't people just be honest if something's changed? I know we haven't known each other long, and no one owes me a relationship, but it's so fucked up to suddenly pull away after so much was shared. This exact thing happened with my ex, and I thought the chances of it happening again were surely slim to none. Because like, what the hell did I ever do to deserve this kind of deception? All I want, all I've ever wanted, is to be in a loving, trusting relationship.
I want to send him a short, final message telling him how hurtful and confusing this lack of communication has been, but I know I might be shooting myself in the foot.
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u/PensionTemporary200 APPROVED⨠17d ago
Honestly keeping in frequent contact and sharing updates throughout the day and accounting for absences over text when you've only been on three dates would push me away. It's the kind of attention and committment given to someone you've been dating 3 months and said I love you to not a few weeks. And given he was saying he would be unavailable due to work and seeing his dad, communicating anxiety regarding his silence could seem a bit demanding although unintentional. I get it, you got excited and you guys bonded fast so everything you're feeling is natural. I think when dating sometimes there's this pressure to "play the role" of being more committed than you are and then it becomes suffocating because its too much too soon, even if it was real it can create this expectation that feels too much to fulfill. I recommend not texting much except to say the date went well and to plan the next date until you've really gotten to know each-other better. After three dates this person is basically a stranger to you even though you had a sweet time and sex. It's a fantasy. Rejection hurts but any way you can de-pressurize early dating is good, if thats seeing mutliple people at once, texting less, or waiting longer to have sex/hang out at your house versus out in public.