I mean no disrespect i still consider myself a muslim but i can't control my thoughts
I went from rejecting some hadith to rejecting most to rejecting all hadith, I could not accept the fact the prophet married a 9 year old, that shaytan hangs out in my nose at night, stonlng etc.
I went quran only for a few months but still praying the hadith way, eventually I was like but if hadith can be fabricated and still considered fully sahih, who's there to say the quran wasn't.
So i went into a deep dive looking up all the miracles again that kept my faith strong and now i'm a medical school student almost a doctor who's also studying astrophysics in his own time, i checked all the miracles and i saw that all of them were common knowledge or atleast things being talked about at that time. Some "miracles" were just stuff that aristotle and galel mentioned centuires ago, and since mecca was an important trading place there were a lot of cultures and different people with different belief there. The sun doesn't set in a murky water, the sky isn't an object, then i read about the inheritance divisions some come up to 112.5% some less than 100% and all of them were either "metaphors" or "god knows" but why would god send a book that nobody understands?
Also if god knew hadith would become so problematic where it would lead people to leave islam, why allow it at all? If they are true then why not let the prophet compile them himself so we wouldn't have to reject 593000 of them?
Then i thought about animals, it is believed that the first animals have existed 500 million years ago, humans only 300 thousand years. What was the point of letting animals eat eachother, get tortured for 499700000 years?
Also the "men mentioned 23 times women 23 times so it matches the chromosomes" that is common pattern recognition that can be done in any book it's just not a miracle. Then the fact that the prophet conviniently received surahs exactly when he needed them, like telling his guests to leave, telling his wives that he can choose between who he hangs out with but also that is only for yim not for the rest of the muslims? And also slavery, I never knew islam mentioned slavery cuz scholars hide it, until i read all the quran myself and some hadiths. I always imagined the prophet as this perfect human as this example that would never allow such stuff
Also what is the point of testing us? Genuinely an All powerful god has no need to test anybody, he knew billions would end up in hell why create them? I can't fathom that.