I'm waiting for death. Like, this is as good as it's going to get. The rest of my life will become gradually worse, and not at a constant rate. If anything, that's what we don't know, how turbulent the downfall is going to be.
I'm not depressed. I'm not suicidal. I just..... lost hope of the future. What's motivating me these days? Eh..... maybe the fact that I can still eat well and I'm not out on the streets yet (what's happening in the US will happen in Europe). But it's still "waiting for death". I just hope it's painless.
I know what you mean about the depression. Up until a few years back I had elaborate ideas about how to deal with my final affairs and then one day I just got up and thought,
No. No, fuck them. They're fucking it all up and I'm supposed to feel bad? I didn't do anything wrong, and god damn it all, I'm going to get ready to scrounge off their damn bones.
Since then I'm not hopeful for it but I know it's coming with only a little twinge of regret, and I'm just quietly planning and organising for the day I can happen upon some fucked up corpse of a face from the TV and newspapers ... and shit on it.
When we have nothing else left to eat, the only option will be to eat the rich. I live only to make hell of the lives of nazis, statists and other idiots. They'd laugh at me, standing over my corpse, if I did myself in. So I press on. Life is meaningless anyways so why would I do it now when I still have shit to do. I will outlive them and instead, I will laugh and spit upon their graves!
I relate. I realize the only reason I'm alive and not killing myself with stress right now is absolute, stupid, idiot, blind luck. And I suspect since this is California, it won't hold. If the past few years have proven anything to me it's that our legislature could fuck up a lemonade stand, and they're going to find a way to take away what fell on me by accident.
Hard work got me exactly nowhere. If I'd just accepted my "place" in life, I could have sat on my ass my entire life and ended up in the same exact place. My "place" is also "waiting to die", alone generally speaking.
we're still, amazingly, in the age of convenience and abundance (for the most part in America)
I can still WALK to the store from my house and buy veggies grown in Chile. I can buy shit off Ebay and have it delivered to my door. I'm typing this on a state of the art PC that I built from parts sourced all over the world.
Seriously lol. First build so I went for a budget card thinking I could get a 2070 or better whenever (silly me as it turns out). Even still, the GTX 1650 Super does good work and only cost me $115-ish. The same card was going for $450+ last I saw a few months ago.
I looked into the waiting list for 3070s et al. last week only to find out that it’s been disabled for… indefinitely I guess? Wasn’t exactly clear. Either way, outlook doesn’t look great for the foreseeable future.
1650 super is a good card. You're lucky you got it at the right time :') I'm terrified of the day my 1660 dies, I'll have to get a loan for a new replacement.
Not spending money on fucking college. I dropped that shit first year while I still could.
Getting dental/health work done while there are still functioning hospitals/economy/etc.
Spending money on shit you want instead of saving it for retirement. I just got a VR set and I can't wait to mess with it. I'm 18 rn; I'm not going to retire, I might burn to death in a heat wave or some shit before then.
Survival-Prepping to make your life a bit easier for longer after everything goes under.
Ugh, dental. Every single time I start to get my teeth sorted something happens that fucks me over and prevents me from seeing a dentist for years at a time. Right now it's the pandemic. 🙃
Yeah same, I got mine in Oct 2020, literally right before prices went crazy. It's funny back then I was asking friends and others if it was a good time to upgrade my PC parts, and many said to just wait lol
I hear you. I've been lurking on Collapse and CollapseSupport for months now, if not a full year or more. After being aware for around a year or two before that. I'm 24. This is my exact stance. This is as good as it gets and it only gets worse-my selfish psyche thus wants nothing to do with it so when the going gets tough I will get going.
The only motivations I have are one of selfishness and sentimentality. I cannot prescribe to homesteading that people encourage here as again, I have zero interest. There's no point to it, to me. Call me a fatalist; I am. Cheers.
The only hope I have to give you is: I've been plagued by this knowledge for 7 years now, and the reality is.... while Covid is a result of industrial civilization, it hasn't really affected me.
I don't know how long this is going to take. What if it's another 20 years? That's still a long ass time to live. And even if it's "for nothing", I mean........ what was, under capitalism?
If humanity survives, okay great, we can start over and hopefully evolve. If it dies, well whatever, I won't be around to say "Told you so". I'll be dead.
Life is about to get shittier, possibly so shitty you won't want to live. But it might take a while, and whatever this society offered you even before climate change ..... wasn't "all that". So live. There's really not much to feel bad about, if I'm being perfectly honest.
Ha jokes on you I haven't wanted to live since I was 10!
But I also want to play video games, see Japan and have a lot of sex as well so... I guess I have to stick around longer to accomplish all of that lol.
Oh, make no mistake I'm right there with you. I don't need, want, or desire hope. I'm planning for "it" to take maybe 5 to 8 years before quality of life is drastically reduced. That's what time is left on the clock, and if time exceeds those expectations, all the better. The clock analogy isn't an empty euphemism nor is the I get going in my previous conversation.
I actually devolved right into your statement of what life was before climate change. I studied sociology/criminology and just knowing all the fucked up things, I chalk it all up to this. We were doomed from the start. Humanistic selfishness and callousness repeating itself since prehistoric to Roman to modern times. Corruption, lobbying interests, a societal drive devoid of compassion and subsequently altruism. With those tenets, I think it's been a collective story that was predestined and the reality we live is (it'd be cool if there WAS another reality but it's just us existing in this one) has always going to result in collapse and possibly extinction much much much further, whether caused by catalyst or by the natural swing of things, that statement being the Sun swallowing our Earth before we could get off the rock. But, chaos is cool and we're fluid matter floating in skeletal structures. Neat.
Don't think I don't know my privilege. It's a class issue - I'm not those peoples enemies, they're not mine. I'm a college educated white man who was forced to join the military by socioeconomic factors to get a college education and now resents that existence.
If you're a home owner, you're better off than me so I can chuck that rock right back atcha.
I feel like it's time to give, too. As much as possible, too. Give food, necessities, and money to those in need. Give love, compassion, and support to those who are hurting. These are our final hours and we need to show the world that it didn't bring us down.
And not to be preachy, but I believe God is watching this to see who gets it. I believe that we're being given over to our sins, our greed and self-indulgence, and that this is nothing less than our just deserts.
So it's time for us to take care of each other. We're not responsible for the problems, but we're still responsible for the well being of one another. We should feel compelled to care for each other because people who never contributed to the problem shouldn't have to suffer as much as they will without community support.
I decided to become a bodhisattva rather than give up. Either I help people and it really ends up helping or I help people and it doesn’t end up helping. Either way I know what to do each morning and it’s not worry about the future. 🤷♀️
How privileged are you lol. It’s weird seeing white upper class people acting like this but I go to my hometown with cartels roaming around and an actual collapse and they seem more optimistic
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u/Detrimentos_ Jan 26 '22
I'm waiting for death. Like, this is as good as it's going to get. The rest of my life will become gradually worse, and not at a constant rate. If anything, that's what we don't know, how turbulent the downfall is going to be.
I'm not depressed. I'm not suicidal. I just..... lost hope of the future. What's motivating me these days? Eh..... maybe the fact that I can still eat well and I'm not out on the streets yet (what's happening in the US will happen in Europe). But it's still "waiting for death". I just hope it's painless.