as a person who grew up around a lot of English people and interacts with a lot of elderly via work none of these terms of endearment are a problem for me. It entirely depends on the tone and context of it been said.
I just use "ma'am" or "sir" for services and pleasantries in passing. Idc how old you are, im not calling a young girl "sweetheart" cause its way weirder. Duck is cool though. I could see using it like "dude" if im in a conversation with women who i want to assure im not interested in.
Also in this context, theyâre not really gendered in my experience. Maybe sweetheart. But Iâve been called darling and love a bunch by older women and Iâm very obviously a dude. Never got it from men though so I wouldnât be surprised if there is a gendered component when older men use them.Â
As someone from a super British family yes that does happen. I get called "my love" "love" and "darling" from a male British customer all the time once he found out I was from there. For clarity im a dude.
I've heard it both ways. I met an old man who referred to me neutrally, calling me a person with neutral terms. Then after he got my gender right he exclusively referred to me as a "lovely lady," "sweetheart," etc. Before I was just a plain person, afterwards I felt like he was trying to set me up as something smaller. There was a definite before and after for him that I don't see very often.
It's gendered in who can use the term with whom. Women can use it with men, men can use it with women, women can use it with other women, men can't use it with other men.
My Australian grandmother says "Ta love" every time she thanks someone. Plenty of older women running small businesses in my town use all of the terms/words in this post. Wouldn't shock me if men exclusively use them with women, but they ARE very normal in a lot of cases.
Older men can use terms of endearment for younger women, but it is definitely context dependent. If an older man was making a pass at a younger woman, any term of endearment will just intensify the bad vibe and it will always sound creepy no matter which term is used. Sweetheart does seem to be the term people overall find to be the most uncomfortable.
However, when their interactions are normal, something like, "Thank you, dear," is just an older man addressing a younger woman and nothing more. The more familiar the pair are, the more unremarkable it is. Personally, I am the only woman in my department at work, and I'm also the youngest. My coworkers all seem to notice keenly when a term of endearment towards me is weird vs when it is not. Whether it's a stranger or someone from another department, my coworkers always remark upon it derisively after the guy leaves, but only when I also thought it seemed off. So even without experiencing it directly, men do seem to be able to feel the ick too, if they're around to hear it when it's weird.
There are still rules though. Old men don't call each other "my love." Neither do young men, or any combo of men.
Older women might call a younger woman that, but will use it much less often we ith other old women. Young women typically do not do it amongst themselves either.
Absolutely! Old lady saying "Thanks dear" if I help her out? Not an issue.
Weird creep at my workplace calling underaged girls dearie and hoping I play along? Fucking disgusting, I hope he died under the faulty machinery that we had to fix everyday.
Yeah, forgive me in advance, but where do we draw the line on validating peopleâs discomfort? A lot of these terms, regionally, are not gender-specific at all nor contextually sexual or invasive.
This post kinda feels like choosing to instigate a âsocial yellow lightâ, like âmmmm guys do we think this is problematicâ just for the sake of it.
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u/Mckavvers Aug 28 '26
as a person who grew up around a lot of English people and interacts with a lot of elderly via work none of these terms of endearment are a problem for me. It entirely depends on the tone and context of it been said.