r/shortstories • u/FyeNite • Aug 30 '26

[Serial Sunday] Rebel Against The System!

Welcome to Serial Sunday!

To those brand new to the feature and those returning from last week, welcome! Do you have a self-established universe you’ve been writing or planning to write in? Do you have an idea for a world that’s been itching to get out? This is the perfect place to explore that. Each week, I post a theme to inspire you, along with a related image and song. You have 500 - 1000 words to write your installment. You can jump in at any time; writing for previous weeks’ is not necessary in order to join. After you’ve posted, come back and provide feedback for at least 1 other writer on the thread. Please be sure to read the entire post for a full list of rules.

This Week’s Theme is Rebellion! This is a REQUIREMENT for participation. See rules about missing this requirement.**

Image

Bonus Word List (each included word is worth 5 pts) - You must list which words you included at the end of your story (or write ‘none’).
- Revere
- Rage
- Riotous
- Food is rejected despite someone being hungry.. - (Worth 10 points)

As grand as the revolution of nations to as personal as the betraying of friendships. But where will your stories fall on the line? Perhaps a trusted friend will choose wealth or power over someone they swore to care for?

Will your main characters be the ones betraying, or the ones being betrayed? How far will the consequences of the betrayal go? And, perhaps most importantly, will the antagonist win? Tell me about your story’s great betrayal, and how that will drive the story.

Good luck and Good Words!

These are just a few things to get you started. Remember, the theme should be present within the story in some way, but its interpretation is completely up to you. For the bonus words (not required), you may change the tense, but the base word should remain the same. Please remember that STORIES MUST FOLLOW ALL SUBREDDIT CONTENT RULES. Interested in writing the theme blurb for the coming week? DM me on Reddit or Discord!

Don’t forget to sign up for Saturday Campfire here! We start at 5pm BSTand provide live feedback!

Theme Schedule:

This is the theme schedule for the next month! These are provided so that you can plan ahead, but you may not begin writing for a given theme until that week’s post goes live.

  • August 30 - Rebellion

  • September 6 - Stratagem

  • September 13 - Torture

  • September 20 - Unleash

  • September 27 - Venom

Check out previous themes here.

 

Rankings

Last Week: Quality

Rules & How to Participate

Please read and follow all the rules listed below. This feature has requirements for amparticipation!

  • Submit a story inspired by the weekly theme, written by you and set in your self-established universe that is 500 - 1000 words. No fanfics and no content created or altered by AI. (Use wordcounter.net to check your wordcount.) Stories should be posted as a top-level comment below. Please include a link to your chapter index or your last chapter at the end.

  • Your chapter must be submitted by Saturday at 2:00pm BST. Late entries will be disqualified. All submissions should be given (at least) a basic editing pass before being posted!

  • Begin your post with the name of your serial between triangle brackets (e.g. <My Awesome Serial>). When our bot is back up and running, this will allow it to recognize your pmserial and add each chapter to the SerSun catalog. Do not include anything in the brackets you don’t want in your title. (Please note: You must use this same title every week.)

  • Do not pre-write your serial. You’re welcome to do outlining and planning for your serial, but chapters should not be pre-written. All submissions should be written for this post, specifically.

  • Only one active serial per author at a time. This does not apply to serials written outside of Serial Sunday.

  • All Serial Sunday authors must leave feedback on at least one story on the thread each week. The feedback should be actionable and also include something the author has done well. When you include something the author should improve on, provide an example! You have until Saturday at 04:59am BST to post your feedback. (Submitting late is not an exception to this rule.)

  • Missing your feedback requirement two or more consecutive weeks will disqualify you from rankings and Campfire readings the following week. If it becomes a habit, you may be asked to move your serial to the sub instead.

  • Serials must abide by subreddit content rules. You can view a full list of rules here. If you’re ever unsure if your story would cross the line, please modmail and ask!

 

Weekly Campfires & Voting:

  • On Saturdays at 5pm BST, I host a Serial Sunday Campfire in our Discord’s Voice Lounge (every other week is now hosted by u/FyeNite). Join us to read your story aloud, hear others, and exchange feedback. We have a great time! You can even come to just listen, if that’s more your speed. Grab the “Serial Sunday” role on the Discord to get notified before it starts. After you’ve submitted your chapter, you can sign up here - this guarantees your reading slot! You can still join if you haven’t signed up, but your reading slot isn’t guaranteed.

  • Nominations for your favorite stories can be submitted with this form. The form is open on Saturdays from 5:30pm to 04:59am BST. You do not have to participate to make nominations!

  • Authors who complete their Serial Sunday serials with at least 12 installments, can host a SerialWorm in our Discord’s Voice Lounge, where you read aloud your finished and edited serials. Celebrate your accomplishment! Authors are eligible for this only if they have followed the weekly feedback requirement (and all other post rules). Visit us on the Discord for more information.  

Ranking System

Rankings are determined by the following point structure.

TASK POINTS ADDITIONAL NOTES
Use of weekly theme 75 pts Theme should be present, but the interpretation is up to you!
Including the bonus words 5 pts each (15 pts total) This is a bonus challenge, and estnot required!
Including the bonus constraint 15 (15 pts total) This is a bonus challenge, and not required!
Actionable Feedback 5 - 15 pts each (60 pt. max)* This includes thread and campfire critiques. (15 pt crits are those that go above & beyond.)
Nominations your story receives 10 - 60 pts 1st place - 60, 2nd place - 50, 3rd place - 40, 4th place - 30, 5th place - 20 / Regular Nominations - 10
Voting for others 15 pts You can now vote for up to 10 stories each week!

You are still required to leave at least 1 actionable feedback comment on the thread every week that you submit. This should include at least one specific thing the author has done well and one that could be improved. *Please remember that interacting with a story is not the same as providing feedback.** Low-effort crits will not receive credit.

 

Subreddit News

  • Join our Discord to chat with other authors and readers! We hold several weekly Campfires, monthly World-Building interviews and several other fun events!
  • Try your hand at micro-fic on Micro Monday!
  • Did you know you can post serials to r/Shortstories, outside of Serial Sunday? Check out this post to learn more!
  • Interested in being a part of our team? Apply to be a mod!
     
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8

u/katpoker666 Sep 04 '26 edited Sep 15 '26

<‘Wild Eats’>

Chapter 7: An Uncomfortable Upset

CW: vomit

Bright-eyed and humming, Annie decamped from the sofa at 9 a.m. to the cramped kitchen a few feet away. She opened the fridge door and stared at the contents, shaking her head. A variety of condiments dotted the shelves, along with a surprising amount of yogurt. Annie pulled out the drawers, her face tense in the refrigerator’s LED lights.

“Carol, Carol, Carol… tsk tsk This is not well stocked… just veggies… How am I supposed to make you a lov—“ She gasped, thumbing through the contents of the last drawer. “What have we here…? Farm-fresh pork sausages and back bacon… some eggs… full English breakfast it is!”

Rooting through the cupboards, she grabbed a can of baked beans and some bread.

Grabbing a small pot, Annie added a couple of pieces of bacon to the beans and simmered them, since they would take the longest. Next, Annie toasted the bread in the rather sad toaster. Then, she fried up the sausages and bacon and set them aside. With the pan still warm and greasy, Annie flash-fried the toast for an extra couple of minutes. She sliced up some tomatoes and fried them as well. Then she added a knob of unsalted butter to the pan to melt. Whisking eggs, milk, and a pinch of salt, Annie added them to the pan to scramble into fluffy, high American peaks. No matter how much some preferred the slightly wet English style with medium curds, she knew Carol loathed it. She plated all the elements and placed them on a tray with utensils, a napkin, and a small cup of black coffee, courtesy of Nespresso.

“Rise and shine, Sunbeam!” she chirped.

“Ugh, what time is it?” Carol pulled the duvet over her head.

“Almost ten.”

“That’s early. Stop being so riotously perky!”

“I have breakkkfast.”

“Not sure I could handle it.”

“Don’t make me use my ‘mom voice.’ I cooked this, and you’re damn well going to eat it.”

Carol peeled back the covers, sat up, and glared at Annie, who placed the tray on her lap.

Eying its contents, Carol grumbled, “What, no prairie oyster?”

“Afraid not; I couldn’t find the Worcestershire sauce.”

“It’s on the door.”

“So are half the other condiments in the known world,” Annie chuckled. “I’m surprised you can find anything… Now, eat already!”

Carol tucked in, eating like a starving woman at a feast. Her face turned slightly green. “I don’t feel so well.”

“Slow down then.”

“Too late.” The redhead burped and covered her mouth. “Take the tray?”

“Why?” But Annie did as bidden.

“We’re about to have a Paul Revere moment.”

“I don’t get it…”

“The British are coming…” She belched again, lurching toward the bathroom. “…back up!”

“Leave it to you to make a highfalutin’ history joke when you feel like shit.” Annie sighed, laughing. “At least run the tap; I don’t need to hear you in there.”

Ten minutes later, Carol emerged.

“Better?”

“Yes. Give me a few, and I’ll try eating again. Maybe in the kitchen this time?”

Perched on stools at the kitchen’s diminutive counter, Annie toyed with a glass of iced coffee as Carol gorged. “Hope you like it. Wish you had some blood sausage or frozen Yorkshire pudding… I did the best with what I could find…” Annie sighed.

Hunched over breakfast like some feral animal, Carol glanced up as a bit of egg dribbled down her chin. “Really, mmm, good, mmm.”

“I’m glad. Want me to mix up a prairie oyster to get rid of any residual cobwebs, now that I’ve found the damn Worcestershire sauce?”

Still chowing down, Carol nodded.

In a tumbler, Annie mixed a tablespoonful of Worcestershire sauce, a splash of Cholula hot sauce, a healthy grind of both black pepper and sea salt, and a slug of brandy. Whisking these until mixed, she dropped in a whole raw egg and handed it to her friend. “Drink up.”

The redhead swallowed it in a single gulp.

“Better?”

“Mhmm.”

“Good.” Annie held out her hand and squeezed Carol’s. “I think we should talk about what happened.”

“What? It’s not the first time I’ve been hammered. Sure as hell won’t be the last!”

“Not that. With the business.”

Carol groaned.

“It’s almost like you’re avoiding talking about it…”

“Wouldn’t you in my place? I love you, but you do have a temper—“

“Why would I fly into a rage?”

“Because a good part of it is your fault.”

WC: 741

Includes: Revere, Rage, Riotous, and food being rejected despite someone being hungry (Carol vomiting)

Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated

Chapter 6

Chapter 8

Chapter 1

Chapter Index

3

u/KiIIer_queenie Sep 05 '26

Hello Kat! I’m stopping the puns after two, I’m afraid this third crit go around, my mental gears are simply running at 33 1/3? Eh eh? Lame joke aside, this is a very (other than the hangover vomit) comfy chapter. Very homey.

> “Carol, Carol, Carol… tsk tsk This is not well stocked… just veggies… How am I supposed to make you a lov—“

I believe you were betrayed by the emdash here which defaulted the quotation mark at the end into a beginning one.

> She gasped, thumbing through the contents of the last drawer. “What have we here…? Farm-fresh pork sausages and back bacon… some eggs… full English breakfast it is!”

> Rooting through the cupboards, she grabbed a can of baked beans and some bread.

This is minor, but although in the South beans are basically a given, I feel like the full English comment could’ve waited until after Jean discovery so it’s less predicting what else there is available.

> She sliced up some tomatoes and fried them as well. Then she added a knob of unsalted butter to the pan to melt. Whisking eggs, milk, and a pinch of salt,

This isn’t a crit and more of a suggestion, but I’d like to have had tomatoes listed as an ingredient she saw. The milk is understandable but at least around Georgia we consider tomatoes fruits, and if we didn’t I could see them fitting in with veggies, just not something I considered and I went back to see if I missed tomato listed.

Also side note, I was reading this hours ago and the prairie oyster legitimately made me take a while to ponder that being a thing people willingly consume. Fascinating.

> “It’s almost like you’re avoiding talking about it…”

This stuck out to me, because Annie is actively trying to talk about it now. Maybe this could be said before she talks about it, but while it’s being brought up.

> “Wouldn’t you in my place? I love you, but you do have a temper—“

Another pesky quotation mark at the end.

So, into the good. This is a very good chapter, I liked getting the in depth cooking but in the middle, and the Hangover was well done from the perspective of someone who was only witnessed them lol.

I enjoyed the clear difference between the two, clearly not on the same plane mentally yet but getting there!

I also like the detail here even when it isn’t “needed” because it helps paint such a clear picture.

3

u/katpoker666 Sep 05 '26

Thanks so much for some more great crit, KQ! The tomato one is most tricky for me and I debated it quite a bit. While they are biologically a fruit, they tend to get stored with the vegetables in the fridge. I wasted soooo much time arguing with myself about this and whether Annie would go for technical accuracy or how people often treat them from a culinary perspective. Now the wheels are spinning again! lol

3

u/Morose_Prose Sep 05 '26

Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey, Kat!

Ah, the morning after hangover where the only solution is good greasy food, and should that fail, a prairie oyster. Love the continuing interactions between Annie and Carol, you really show how much they care for each other. It's always good to have a friend make you hungover breakfast in bed, even if it does come right back up! As always your dialogue is great and tells the reader all they need to know about the relationship the characters have. On the other hand though, the descriptions in this chapter feel a bit flat. Thus I shall begin the crit!

to the cramped kitchen a few feet away.

Minor thing here but 'a few feet away' sounds very clinical. It was already established Carol lives in a shoebox apartment so maybe consider using: 'a few steps away.' to hammer home how small the apartment is.

She opened the fridge door and stared at the contents, shaking her head. A variety of condiments dotted the shelves, along with a surprising amount of yogurt.

'Stared at' is also a touch odd. Maybe 'examined' or 'perused' would be better. I got the mental image reading this line of Annie just frozen in place while looking in the fridge. Would also maybe rearrange the lines. Annie opens the fridge, describe contents, then Annie shakes her head.

Rooting through the cupboards, she grabbed a can of baked beans and some bread.

Grabbing a small pot,

Repetition of 'grabbed/grabbing', consider replacing one with a synonym.

Then, she fried up the sausages and bacon and set them aside. With the pan still warm and greasy, Annie flash-fried the toast for an extra couple of minutes.

Repetition of 'fried', see above in regards to synonyms.

The cooking segment is great with all the ingredients listed and their preparation style, but, I think it would help to add more sensory details to it. What smells are filling the apartment? Also maybe some more action: Annine turning the sausages, flipping the toast. Give the cooking more motion.

Carol tucked in, eating like a starving woman at a feast. Her face turned slightly green.

I like the image you are going for here, but it could use more descriptive language in my opinion. Maybe have Carol shoving the food into her mouth so fast that some is dripping down the sides of her mouth, have her breathing heavy, maybe a hiccup or two. Nitpicky, I know, but I think it would help lead up to the vomiting and let that land better.

“Leave it to you to make a highfalutin’ history joke when you feel like shit.”

Love this line, no crit.

The redhead swallowed it in a single gulp.

This line and the followup lines confuse me a bit. Prairie oysters are... gross. Carol takes it down like a champ and nobody questions it or makes a comment about it. If Carol is a prairie oyster queen, Annie should make a joke about it. If not, maybe add in Carol grimacing, or choking it down, maybe a bit of it comes back up? Something to consider.

Another wonderful chapter of 'Wild Eats' with some minor editing things to consider, and punching up the descriptions to bring those in line with your fantastic dialogue and characterization skills. I look forward to next week when Annie and Carol get down to business! Good words! Stay awesome and have a good one.

2

u/katpoker666 Sep 05 '26

Thanks for the fantastic crit, Doc! Some great points

3

u/AGuyLikeThat Sep 06 '26

Hiya Kat,

Really fun little chapter that really show the character traits that make Annie so good at what she does. Instantly waking up perky, despite stress and a night on a sofa, she focuses on what she does best and quickly whips up a tasty breakfast from found ingredients.

The recipe and engaging descriptions are made interesting by her character, the thematic heart of your serial really shines here.

Now for some nitpicks and suggestions.

“What have we here…? Farm-fresh pork sausages and back bacon… some eggs… full English breakfast it is!”

Remember that ellipses are used to either show an omission or a trailing off into silence, neither of which seem apropos here. I'd suggest using short statements and observations, as this is a moment to show Annie going about her business in a confident manner. Perhaps;

“What have we here? Farm-fresh pork sausages. Back bacon, nice. Ah, and some eggs! Full English breakfast it is.”

Not a fan of this;

“I have breakkkfast.”

I was distracted by the kkk here. I can already imagine Annie's voice from the dialogue and character dynamics, and I don't think this works to suggest any particular kind of pronunciation.

Typo;

Eying its contents,

s/be 'Eyeing'

This paragraph suggests that these things happen almost instantly.

Carol tucked in, eating like a starving woman at a feast. Her face turned slightly green. “I don’t feel so well.”

I feel like you need a beat between starting to eat and turning green. Suggest;

Carol tucked in, eating like a starving woman at a feast, but even as she swallowed her first mouthful, her face turned slightly green. “I don’t feel so well.”

Picking on punctuation again;

“The British are coming…” She belched again, lurching toward the bathroom. “…back up!”

Again, ellipses seem inappropriate. Em dashes denote sudden interruptions. And you then have a sentence describing an action, so you need a new sentence for dialogue that follows. (Fragmented sentences are fine in dialogue, imo.) Suggest;

“The British are coming—” Belching again, she lurched toward the bathroom. “Comin' back up!”

Well that seems like a lot, but those are all really minor things. I doubt you really need to change any of them, but I'm obviously very finicky this afternoon, so I hope you find the suggestions interesting at least.

Last thing, I really like the way this all leads into Carol broaching 'the thing' - not only is it a good cliffhanger, but her reluctance to discuss it ties so well to her reluctance to eat breakfast. Very cool.

Good words!

2

u/katpoker666 Sep 06 '26

Thanks so much for the great crit, Wiz! Super helpful!