r/WritingPrompts • u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod • Apr 02 '17

Moderator Post [MODPOST] First Chapter Contest Voting! (Round One)

Another contest has ended! You know what this means right? It means voting!

Before we get into the specifics I want you to know: win or lose you'll want to check in on round two of the voting. We will be giving random gold to contest voters. Be sure to tune in and vote in round two as long as you entered this contest.

Fun fact: There are 224 Entries with a total of 652,452 written! Well over half a million words!

VOTING

We've randomly grouped the contestants together. YOU WILL NOT BE VOTING FOR THE GROUP YOU'RE IN. YOU WILL BE ASSIGNED A GROUP TO READ AND VOTE FOR. I will repeat that again later. We've tried to make the teams as fair as possible so you have enough time to read and vote. This is the fun part. If you hope people will leave you feedback be sure to leave feedback of your own. Be sure that it's positive well meaning feedback. Overly negative commentary isn't welcome.

HOW TO VOTE

  • ONLY THOSE WHO ENTERED CAN VOTE!!!
  • If you don't vote, you can't win. YOU MUST VOTE! If you do not vote, you are disqualified! If your story is the most voted for in your group and you don't vote, you are out of luck.
  • You will be assigned a group to read. You will NOT be voting within your own group. Look below for what group your story is in and beneath that group you will see what group letter you'll be reading the entries and deciding the best story for.
  • It bears repeating - you will not be voting for entries in your group! Seriously, don't skip reading any voting rules. I think now that I've said that twice people will not make a mistake! :)
  • Read every entry in the group you are assigned to read, choose the best one then leave a comment in reply to this thread. Your comment must begin with: "/u/username in group A-O (whatever letter the story is in) for "Title of Story." After that, feel free to add additional comments either about that story or the runners up. Mentioning runners up will help us with tiebreakers. Additionally, leaving the feedback you write here on the authors post itself so they are sure to see and read it is helpful. If you want to leave feedback on all the stories you read, do that in response to each story separately. Not as a comment here.
  • Post in response to this thread by APRIL 23rd at 11:59PM PST. We've made the voting round three weeks due to the length and to make it easy to read all the entries in your assigned group fully. The following day the final voting round thread will be posted, everyone who entered will be allowed to vote on the finalists.

After we have a winner for each group, we move on to the second round of voting where everyone who entered can vote for the winner out of the remaining entries.

Tie breakers will be judged by myself, though I might just have any ties, if there are only a few, move on to round two. We'll play it by ear as we always do.

Please read each entry as thoroughly as you can. I can't stress this enough. When we have votes trickle in the first hour of the posting of these threads it makes people think the entries weren't thoroughly read. You have three weeks to be deliberate about your reading and voting.

If you can, feel free to leave comments on stories you do read. It can help you and it can definitely help the writer of the story.

All that said, happy reading and happy voting!

Group A

Group A will be reading and voting for a winner from group B

Group B

Group B will be reading and voting for a winner from group C

Group C

Group C will be reading and voting for a winner from group D

Group D

Group D will be reading and voting for a winner from group E

Group E

Group E will be reading and voting for a winner from group F

Group F

Group F will be reading and voting for a winner from group G

Group G

Group G will be reading and voting for a winner from group H

Group H

Group H will be reading and voting for a winner from group I

Group I

Group I will be reading and voting for a winner from group J

Group J

Group J will be reading and voting for a winner from group K

Group K

Group K will be reading and voting for a winner from group L

Group L

Group L will be reading and voting for a winner from group M

Group M

Group M will be reading and voting for a winner from group N

Group N

Group N will be reading and voting for a winner from group O

Group O

Group O will be reading and voting for a winner from group A

163 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

96% Upvoted

547 comments sorted by

•

u/err_ok r/err_ok Apr 18 '17

Voting for: /u/Fordregha Group G "Stars of Fire"

Runner up: /u/dori_lukey Group G "10 Million for A Spellcaster"

This was a really difficult contest to vote. There were so many exceptional stories. Reading all of the entries the first day, I decided to wait and see what stuck with me the most.

I'm on business in India and don't have my notes on me. But, I can leave feedback for those who want it on individual stories.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '17

I'd appreciate any feedback on my story, even if you hated it lol.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 10 '17

/u/POTWP in group E for "The Wizard of Penarvon"

Detailed, fairly polished, and intriguing. I can see this little section turning into a full novel that I would buy. I cant wait to see more of this story as it develops.

•

u/HiraldoBlonsky Apr 03 '17 edited Apr 03 '17

Me: Group B

Voting for: /u/Rimpocalypse for I Could Read Minds on a Friday in Group C

Runner up: /u/C0deNameN0Name An Existential Threat in Group C

Beyond the fact that I Could Read Minds on a Friday made me laugh out loud several times, something that always scores big with me, I enjoyed it immensely as a first chapter.

The story was grounded despite its fantastical premise, and felt approachable. There was a hint of there being something more going on with some nice foreshadowing throughout the chapter and an ending that brought it back on track right when it felt that it was threatening to wander into the territory of being better as a short story than first chapter. A few lines really sold the story and narrator for me, with one standout being where the main character thinks he’s being too selfish by texting his friend that he’s become a telepath, so adds a nonchalant text about street sweeping to seem a more considerate conversationalist. He can read minds, see how everyone ticks on a fundamental level, but that doesn’t mean his neuroses disappear. I love that.

Honestly this was a close one for me, because on one hand I had more fun reading this story than any other, be it for the laughs of pure enjoyment of narrative, but /u/C0deNameN0Name ‘s story An Existential Threat felt like it was a more concise and functional first chapter. That being said, once I started reading I could Read Minds on a Friday I couldn’t stop, whilst An Existential Threat had me pausing every so often to go back and reread, thinking I had missed something.

An Existential Threat was a great introduction to a larger story, I could see itgoing a wealth of directions and while interesting on its own was very much part of a greater narrative that wanted to be told. However, I felt I was gaining more questions than answers, with the main stumble for me being the “embarrassing video”. I did a double take as the way it was brought up made me feel it surely must have already been referenced. Reading onwards I’m given some degree of understanding as to what happened, but the information is so non-linear and given out in such a piecemeal fashion, while I’m also trying to absorb a scene taking place, that I was left having to go back and reread the info a couple times to get that it wasn’t a simply embarrassing video but one that threatened to topple the whole project and resulted in considerable security threats. I enjoyed the subject and plot, I think the prose was incredibly strong, and the chapter ended on an intriguing note that made me want to read further. The only failing point that bumps it to my runner up is the mid chapter stumbles where so much information is being given out, where I could easily see the information being well conveyed exclusively through conversation in the scene that immediately follows mention of the video. The chapter introduced a lot of threads to keep track of, and I feel could’ve done with either trimming some or concentrating them all under a greater issue (ie tie them more clearly to the threat of the letter when discussing them).

TL;DR: I could Read Minds on a Friday gets my vote over my runner up An Existential Threat. Both are really strong first chapters, I just found I had a more enjoyable and seamless reading experience with the former over the latter, which could be fixed with any number of small changes to improve clarity and flow. Ultimately I enjoyed all of the chapters, and happily doled out upvotes to each. This wasn't an easy decision to make and hadn't realized just how hard it'd be. I hope my comments don't offend in any way, I offer them only as my own two cents.

•

u/Rimpocalypse Apr 04 '17

Thanks for the feedback! Really appreciate you taking the time to read the chapter and share your thoughts, you did a very thorough job and I'm very grateful for it.

•

u/C0deNameN0Name Apr 03 '17

Exist

Thank you so much for the critique. I do appreciate it and I will use it to improve my writing. Again, thanks.

•

u/C0deNameN0Name Apr 06 '17

I thought I had already thanked you for reading my post and for your recognition. Your comments are insightful and will help me improve. Thanks so much.

→ More replies (3)

•

u/MissJLynnRose Apr 12 '17

/u/FireWitch95 for "The Assassin"

I really enjoyed this story so far, and I love Evangeline's character. I'm a huge fan of fantasy and the way you build up the world and what we may see more of in the story is the perfect start to an interesting and appealing story. The narration was spot on and the descriptions were very good.

Good luck!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Apr 02 '17

Off topic non voting commentary should be done in response to this comment.

•

u/TheWritingSniper /r/BlankPagesEmptyMugs Apr 02 '17

Wow. That's a lot of entries. And it sounds like I have some big competition in Group N. :D

Good luck everyone!

•

u/fashionabledeathwish /r/FashWrites Apr 02 '17

Good luck everybody! Definitely some stiff competition, but I can't wait to read everyone's entries!

•

u/autok Apr 02 '17

Good lord ya'll can write! I'm enjoying this contest immensely, if only to see the wild variety people have generated. Thanks to the mods for getting it all organized.

•

u/ChocolateChip3287 /r/ChocolateChipWP Apr 02 '17

Scrolls through all the groups, gets to group L. The one thing on my mind was: how long does this list go?

Anyways, lots of stories (with interesting titles) to read. Best of luck!

•

u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 02 '17

Woo, Group M is the best!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/alana00987 Apr 04 '17

There are a two things I've noticed about this contest. Mind I'm not criticizing or suggesting anything be changed or rectified, just pointing out an observation.

Most of the entries here are science fiction or fantasy. Which means most contestants have a bias towards those two genres. When they vote, they will likely vote for a story that is specifically in either of those genres and will likely be bored or unimpressed with first chapters in literary fiction, adolescent fiction, romance, erotica, comedy, etc.

Most of these first chapters don't really feel like actual first chapters. They're written almost like short stories. They have too much action and are revealing details way to fast. By the end of most chapters, it feels like we've already reached the first turning plot point. First chapters are meant to be slow and introductory. The reader must familiarize with the character's initial world and get to know the character and connect emotionally before the character is plunged into a new world with conflict.

Those were my observations. But great turnout and there are some really great writers on here. Good luck to everyone!

•

u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 04 '17 edited Apr 04 '17

Decent literary stuff usually does well in these contests, at least from my experience. You're right that most people are doing high fantasy or sci-fi with emphasis on action, adventure, or YA themes, so anything that isn't that stands out even more. Even the novella I won with a while back, while it would fit in a light sci-fi category, was hardly cyberpunk, aliens, and spaceships. Strong characters always come through.

I also disagree about a first chapter having to be slow or low on action.

•

u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Apr 04 '17

To your first critique of the contest: we sometimes do specific genre types of contests. But having open ended contests allows people to freely explore any genre they want. Sci-fi and fantasy are popular on reddit. Sci-fi and fantasy are usually the tops at the box office. It may not seem fair but it is what people enjoy. That said, non spec fiction has won or come out on top of multiple contests.

To your second point: the winners of past first chapter contests have usually gone on to complete their books. Do some treat it as a short story contest? Yes. But those stories tend to not survive the first round of a first chapter contest. And in the second round we stress that people ought to vote for the chapters that would make them want to read a whole book based on that first chapter. If all you've written is a short story with a conclusion you will be hard pressed to get votes based on that.

In the end the entire point of the contests should never be about winning but about motivating people to write.

•

u/Jrixyzle Apr 02 '17

I like this format. I was very worried nobody would even read mine, and I'm feeling better reading the voting requirements. Thanks!

•

u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 02 '17 edited Apr 02 '17

Hurray! A reason to avoid reddit and this thread in particular for a month!

Good luck to whoever wins my group, even if it's me!

edit: words

•

u/theycallmemintie Apr 02 '17 edited Apr 02 '17

Yay Group B!! Ok I'm diving in to group C right now! Good luck everyone!!!

Edit to ask by curiosity, how were groups decided?

•

u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Apr 02 '17

Pure cold hearted computer randomness.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '17

In other words, we put MajorPa WPR to work. :D

•

u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Apr 02 '17

Well, he is cold hearted.

•

u/TheWritingSniper /r/BlankPagesEmptyMugs Apr 02 '17

Don't talk about my friend like that! He loves me. With all the circuitry in his heart.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '17

I pity you reading my story :)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '17

I submitted this entry into the contest entitled "American Space Colony". After searching through every group, I haven't found it.

Was I disqualified for whatever reason, or was I just skipped over? I did screw up the formatting a couple of times, and had to resubmit it, but I deleted the ones I screwed up on.

Thanks!

•

u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 05 '17

We're looking into it, it seems something got messed up when you deleted and reposted. Sorry for the mixup!

→ More replies (2)

•

u/knowapathy /r/theautumnrebellion Apr 02 '17

I've been looking forward to this part. Good luck to everyone!

•

u/voxslain Apr 23 '17

u/telsa3335 "All the Way Down" and Runner Up

•

u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 23 '17

Is this supposed to be a vote? If so, why did you reply to the comment that says, "Off topic non voting commentary should be done in response to this comment."

•

u/baby_jai Apr 04 '17

wow glad i didnt enter last minute, that is a LOT of stories :x

not really sure what the etiquette is here for reading/commenting on the entries if you arent in the contest?

well i mean, obviously i can read them, cant stop people from reading, this isn't some dystopian future where books are burned... is it?

but other stuff idk... nvm no one wants to hear what i think anyway, shut up jai.

uh... do you guys do these contests often? :P kind of looking for something new to lose myself in...

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (14)

•

u/LycheeBerri /r/lycheewrites | Cookie Goddess Apr 15 '17

/u/Kaycin in group A for "Streets of Cabro."

Man, group A was a tough, tough group to judge. Even if I could pick 3 or 4 stories to vote for, I'd still find myself conflicted. Lots of strong entries here, so thank you to everyone in this group for letting me have the pleasure of reading your first chapters! :) (And for giving me something to do/read on an 8-hour train ride, haha!)

However, "Streets of Cabro" stood out when I asked myself the question, "If I could only get a second chapter for one of these stories, which would I want it to be?" So, it gets my vote, though it was definitely a difficult choice!

•

u/Kaycin writingbynick.com Apr 21 '17

Thanks for taking the time to read it! And for the vote!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/dori_lukey /r/Dori_Tales Apr 15 '17 edited Apr 19 '17

/u/KCcracker in Group H for "When we left home". The story really drew me in and left me wanting more, and I really loved the universe building for the story. Favourite part was the Yoyo.

Runner up to be /u/Pubby88. Loved the set-up of the story and the interesting concept.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Rimpocalypse Apr 15 '17

/u/Comment_to_Narrative in Group D for "Cryo" gets my top vote.

This story does an excellent job of not being too exposition heavy (we enter right during the action, and right at a time where it's clear an action is being taken that is going to alter the normal events of this story's world) while still taking it's time (it doesn't dump too much information on you too quickly, so it feels like a real first chapter). The writing is technically superb and I think the way the author has set up the story makes for an intriguing puzzle. It made me want to read Chapter 2. Well done!

Runner up: /u/syhrxeryef for "Fate"

I really liked the opening to this chapter. The writing is very skilled and paints a beautiful mental picture. I would also say I actually felt more attachment and investment with the main character from "Fate" than the characters from "Cryo". Ultimately, though, I was a little perplexed by the ending of the chapter. It seemed like a pretty abrupt change to darkness for the main character and, in some ways, like the end of a short story character's arc, rather than the beginning of a novel character's journey. However, it's a really good piece of writing overall and I hope the author continues to develop it further.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Jrixyzle Apr 05 '17

/u/Leegandlyme in Group N for Curiously Ghastly Creatures

Runner up: /u/mstierious for Foresight

2nd Runner up: /u/rarelyfunny for Surviving Hawkseeker

→ More replies (2)

•

u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 03 '17 edited Apr 03 '17

/u/autok in Group M for "The Burning Stars".

Quickly followed by /u/Mr_Gency for "Hypocritic Oath".

And, my last runner up is /u/physjunkie for "The World Apart ".

I've got to start off by saying that I did my best to judge based on how it was written, rather than what it was genre it was written about. So saying that, " The Burning Stars" was really impressive because normally, while I like Sci-Fi, its sometimes hard for me to read, so it really stood out to me (especially with both other runner ups being fantastic fantasy stories).

The pacing was perfect, from long explaining paragraphs to one liners that interrupted and broke it up, and the sciency tech stuff was just advanced and mysterious enough to be interesting without me getting totally lost in the babble.

I loved the "Hypocratic Oath", slightly because his story was based off a prompt I wrote and I thought that was interesting, but overwhelmingly because it was both hilarious and a whole world of new creatures and people. I always like new takes on monsters, and this was a new look at a lot of them!

"The World Apart" was very good too, with excellent pacing and and interesting lead up. I liked the characters and the names and how he talked to himself. I enjoyed the descriptions of the room and the knife and the trap! The only reason it isn't higher in my list is cause, in the end, it was still too mysterious. Some questions were answered, but I'm really still not sure what's going on, what the story really is, which I think a first chapter should expound upon just a little more.

Thank you guys for writing! Also, I'd be more than happy to provide my thoughts on anyone else's story :)

•

u/LilMsMuffins Apr 03 '17

Hi, I wrote Era of the Dao Empress, I'm curious to see what you thought? :)

•

u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 03 '17

Hmm, yours was an interesting conundrum. It was both very hard, and easy to read. Most stories that I read and find tough to keep up with are kind of cringey because they attempt to sound professional or interesting when they really aren't ready for it yet. Whether it's their descriptions or the way their characters speak, it's difficult to read because it just sounds wrong.

Yours, on the other hand, simply doesn't sound quite right. Hear me out. It's not the best story, but it's also not an attempt to write in a way that sounds better than it is. It's simply stuffing as much story into as few paragraphs as possible. The speech is a bit strange, and the characters are kind of flat, but that's really because they are acting like characters in a story instead of like normal people. (Most characters actually have to do this, when you read a book it isn't peppered with "um"s or "uh"s, it's just a fine balance of finding the line between too perfect and too human.)

You have tons of story, and I really, really love that. If you spread it out properly, you could probably turn this first chapter into a whole novel. The few descriptions you do have are interesting, of the people and the magic and the way they speak. And I love magic and especially dragons, and the whole underlying plot of uncle and Demon Lord and Dragon God is awesome. You just need to work a bit more on stretching that out, and finding more natural ways to allow the reader to learn about the characters (rather than the characters literally saying the whole thing out loud word for word as the story goes.)

If I were to give you a tip to start moving forward, I'd tell you what I told someone else in here—Learn to show, instead of telling. Let's take "Magic is unstable and dangerous!" While it's a good thing to know, you could have given a small story or legend about, say, a magic mage master who died unexpectedly because he let his attention slip, something the parents like to tell as a bedtime story. Or maybe she learns it herself when she meets her uncle, when something backfires.

The plot is really great. All you need is more of it :)

•

u/LilMsMuffins Apr 04 '17 edited Apr 04 '17

Thank you for your honest and helpful criticism, this is just what I needed.

I'll be honest with you, well I actually wrote the whole chapter before hand, and then found it was around 6600 words, so I had to shorten it down quite abit which I think may have made it worse.

I don't expect to win this competition, I wanted help for my writing really :) The full chapter is on my blog where some of the story is also there, which I've been working on.

Anyway, I do agree with what you say and I find trying to make it so the story flows without like chucking information at you quite hard. Plus I also struggle alot with how they speak too. But thanks, I'll try to refine it abit with your advice on my blog.

Glad that you like the plot and story, I thought it might be a bit cliche with demons dragons magic.

Thanks again :D

→ More replies (6)

•

u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 03 '17

Thank you guys for writing! Also, I'd be more than happy to provide my thoughts on anyone else's story :)

You already gave me your thoughts, so thanks again!

•

u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 03 '17

Heh, I still have a few more for yours if you want 'em. Yours was right on that edge :P

•

u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 03 '17

Sure! Always appreciate any feedback to help me know what I did right and where I can improve :)

•

u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 03 '17

Well, if I were to go a little more into detail, I have three main things.

One: I'm assuming this is sort of an unlimited third person? Omniscient narrator, as if reading everyone's thoughts and watching all their actions? It works well, there are just lots of spots where it seems to bounce around and be weird. The fight scene is one of them, where the kid thinks about what he's going to do, and then the mysterious person comes in. The audience should probably have more clues who it is than the son does.

Also, maybe italizise his thoughts. It depends how you're doing it, but sometimes that helps. (And maybe I'm just too fond of italics for my own good.)

Two: I don't feel like there's enough reaction after the TV is smashed. That seems like it would be (excuse my pun) the breaking point, and either punishment or the silent treatment or even just wondering how it got to this point. It leads up well to getting a new TV though, I like the continuity.

Lastly: the last scene with the girl feels really rushed, even compared to the rest of it. Maybe I'm just weird because I like slower relationships, maybe you were a little tired of writing at that point (believe me, I know), or whatever. But all of a sudden the protag has the girl sidekick, and she seems more outgoing than he is, which is impressive considering who we are talking about.

I think that's about it! Its a great idea for a story, the retired spy/scary dude and his sons desperate attempts to figure out what's going on, leading him into a plot that was never meant for him in the first place. Awesome :)

•

u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 03 '17

Thanks so much! Just a few thoughts:

One: I tried to make the narrator show the thoughts like he was feeling them. It might be kind of odd, but I think it's a thing, right? I don't know what it's called.

Two: I can see that. I think I was going for the temper seeming commonplace and his father's understanding of his frustration.

Three: The last part was my favorite, I can't believe it felt rushed! I thought it was a nice surprise for the reader like you'd imagine it was for him. Here he was on his own and suddenly there's this girl...

But all good points, if I work on it again later, I will definitely take them into account!

•

u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 03 '17

Well, its a thing now :P I don't know what its called either.

Hmmm, I was thinking about that. Maybe another way to exemplify it would be to describe similarities to other broken things. If he breaks things or has a temper often, maybe there are a few other things around the house that don't work anymore.

Oh believe me, it was a very nice surprise, though he seems more confused than pleased (and that might be a good thing at the moment), its just a bit hard to see her motivation for hitting on him. Maybe instead of making it less rushed, like I was thinking, you could go the other way and make him wonder what's going on. (Like, just in case the rushing is important cause the girl is a rookie agent from the other team come to distract him or summat :P )

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Jrixyzle Apr 03 '17

Hey, I wrote Eternal Apocalypse, I'd like to hear your thoughts or feedback on that if you're willing

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (8)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '17

/u/WatashiwaOyu of Group G voting for Group H:

Vote goes to: 'Single Use' - /u/russellmz

Honorable mentions next!

Most interesting character: Simon Werkman from 'A year of living well,' by Pubby88

Faved paragraph/sentence: From 'Griftomancy,' by poiyurt:

“Reha-what?” Marcus repeated, confused. “Look, if you take my spear away from me and hand me a book,” he hefted the spear by his side. “I think I'd throw the book at someone. I'm a weapon, Eli. Nothing more. Don't matter what you point me at.”

Lastly, the (in my opinion,) the most immersive entry: 'The Man with Two Shadows,' by whatdatz.

Thanks for letting me read all your stories and well done!

•

u/russellmz Apr 03 '17

awesome, thanks!

btw, is the first line supposed to be your username or mine?

Your comment must begin with: "/u/username in group A-O (whatever letter the story is in) for "Title of Story."

•

u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 03 '17

Eheheh, Yeah Watashi, can't go around voting for yourself now! :P

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Symeriron Apr 03 '17

Dang. Guess mine didn't make the cut. :P

•

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '17

Sorry D: But there's more than one person voting so there's still a chance.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/Soupbowler64 Apr 23 '17

I vote for /u/BookWyrm17 in group L for "All my Voices". The idea was struggling with multiple personalities in one mind is very neat, and can be expanded upon in many ways I'd imagine. The voices were easy to identify and I just enjoyed reading through it with some good pacing and writing.

Honorable mention to /u/TheDapperPorcupine in the same group for "Sentenced to Boredom". The retelling of this particular story I found to be really interesting. I don't think this story alone, however, can fill a full novel. Maybe if the other stories normally paired with it were also modified to fit the setting it could work.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/hkate12 Apr 04 '17

/u/nickofnight in Group A for 'Necrotics':

A few too many adjectives, but otherwise technically sound and pulled me all the way through. Sets up a spooky and suspenseful tale to come. Very visual, nice flow, and although the character's name is Christian Slater, he worked- almost any time you've got a quirky person who deals with dead people, i'm in.

Lots of good choices in A. It was tough.

•

u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 04 '17

Thank you for your vote! I'm really happy you liked it.

And thank you for the kind words. I'll be on the look out for overusing adjectives when I come to rewrite it. Truth be told, I'll likely rename the character too :)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '17

/u/Jayefishy in Group L for "Cephas and the No Choicers" gets my vote. There were a ton of interesting entries in group L, but this is the one that most made me want the rest of the novel to exist. (hopefully it will soon)

Other first chapters that I liked:

"All My Voices": Strong writing with an interesting premise. Definite second choice.

"To My Kids": Unique in Group L for being the only non-fiction entry, this was very though provoking.

"Hungry Like the Wolf": I feel like a lot of thought went into this one. I would definitely want to see the rest of it.

•

u/mo-reeseCEO1 Apr 28 '17

thanks for the shout out. hope i'll get to share the rest of it someday.

•

u/Jayefishy Apr 18 '17

Thank you for the vote!

•

u/mstierious Apr 24 '17

My vote is for Memory by u/xcessivesmash.

•

u/Orchidice Apr 07 '17

/u/Rimpocalypse in Group C for "I Could Read Minds on a Friday"

Runner-up is /u/alewifePete for "In Her Dreams"

I choose "I Could Read Minds on a Friday" as it was well written, consistent in its point of view, kept me interested throughout, had realistic dialogue, a well-crafted plot as well as setting, and, most importantly, took its time. It felt like a first chapter of a book and not a short story. I have more detailed notes if the author would like additional comments.

"In Her Dreams" was runner up and I choose this story as the runner up because it too felt like a first chapter in a novel. It took its time, building up slowly like I would expect in a first chapter. I felt that I got to know the characters (though I did wish for a little more), and something weird or wild was going to happen and that little clue (i.e the dream) was enough for me to wish for a second chapter. The reason it fell to runner up: the story would do well with a little more plot, drama, what have you, to give it that drive it needs, to sink its claws into the reader. Overall, the story was well-written and had me looking forward to when Vanessa met her "dream" guy. I have more detailed notes if the author would like additional comments.

Three others that came close in this group were /u/Teddey_Bear for "Man vs. Monster" which was followed by /u/Just-a-Poe-boy for "River Children" and /u/3V3RD3AD for "The Last Line."

This goes not just for the stories I mentioned but ALL the stories in Group C: I have more detailed notes if the authors would like additional comments on what I thought. Overall, well done Group C! It was a pleasure reading all of these stories.

•

u/Gliglimp12 Apr 09 '17

PM me fam i would like to know, cheers.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '17

It was great reading all of the pieces! There were a couple that really stood out to me. The piece I'll be voting for is The Midas of Aurem from group B by u/Strawberry-Sunrise

My runner up is The Hedged in group B by u/theycallmemintie

Feedback was left on the posts directly. Best of luck!

•

u/LordLackland Apr 19 '17

/u/sarcastic-chick in group G for "Title of Your Story."

From the start, your writing style was able to captivate me and tie me into the emotions of your narrator, providing beautifully written, enticing descriptions and figurative language at every step of the process. Good job. I enjoyed the read.

•

u/LumosVox Apr 03 '17

/u/Fordregha in group G for "Stars of Fire." It was written well, with an interesting contrast between two groups, with different perspectives. Overall, a very cool story beginning.

Runner up would be /u/dori_lukey for "10 Million for a Spellcaster" because I like the fantasy in space theme. It was fairly well written, with intrigue and tension scattered throughout.

•

u/dori_lukey /r/Dori_Tales Apr 04 '17

Thanks for the mention! Glad you liked it :)

→ More replies (1)

•

u/hungryroy Apr 14 '17

/u/spark2 in group I for "The Long Sleep"

•

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '17

/u/Jayefishy in group L for "Cephas and the No Choicers".

It is very hard to portray a protagonist in multiple different ways, especially when they are both positive and negative. However, for the first half of the story, I found myself actively disliking and pitying the main character. Coupled with an intriguing story and the way music is felt makes for a solid chapter.

Runner-up: /u/TheDapperPorcupine for "Sentenced to Boredom".

The plot of the chapter is an interesting one, and the flashbacks that gave context to it all were entertaining enough and broken up in such a way that the story seemed fairly linear. I enjoyed it a lot.

•

u/Jayefishy Apr 23 '17

Thank you for the vote! I'm glad you felt both ways about my protagonist; that's totally what I was going for!

•

u/POTWP Apr 20 '17

/u/busykat for "Dwindling Flame: A Memoir" in Group F.

Well written and entertaining, with enough plot hooks to leave me wanting more.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/cbeckw /r/cbeckw/ Apr 03 '17

/u/POTWP in Group E for "The Wizard of Penarvon"

I rated my group's chapters on a 10-point scale. I actually had a 3-way tie for top chapter and had to give the edge to the story that reminded me of Diana Wynne Jones, a favorite author of mine.

The runners-up were:

"Silkwings" - /u/Kauyon_Kais

"The Eagle Broach" - /u/jd_rallage

•

u/jd_rallage /r/jd_rallage Apr 04 '17

Thanks for the honourable mention!

•

u/cbeckw /r/cbeckw/ Apr 04 '17

Are you going to continue your story? I want to read it :)

→ More replies (2)

•

u/mo-reeseCEO1 Apr 21 '17

u/Inorai in group M for "Seafoam"

All the submissions in group M were great and it was tough to pick one out, but I really liked the balance of detail in the setting, foreshadowing of things that might come, and the interaction between the group of friends in the village.

I also wanted to give special mention to The End Of The World As We Know It and The Burning Stars which were also well written and helped make my choice especially tough.

•

u/Inorai Apr 21 '17

Wow, thank you very much, that makes my day! Really glad you enjoyed it :)

•

u/Written4Reddit /r/written4reddit Apr 04 '17

/u/Comment_to_Narrative in group D for "Cryo".

I wanted to keep reading. Great stuff.

•

u/JettG_G Apr 03 '17 edited Apr 03 '17

/u/Strawberry-Sunrise in group B for “The Midas of Aurem”

As I was reading through this entry, it was able to truly capture my interest right from the beginning and could keep it all throughout. I loved reading the detail sprinkled on at just the perfect amount (not at all overbearing, not at all any boring). I actually have a favorite sentence: “The chime of the door shutting behind her sounded like another laugh.” I also really like Yui’s character; I don’t know what specifically to pinpoint about her, but her turning down Leon’s offer of magic and constantly moving forward past the fact, making her own strides—I guess it took a turn I wouldn’t have expected especially the part where she grows old (Hah, I guess I did pinpoint something. Also, having written this, I realized how much it feels like a Studio Ghibli movie because of Yui.). This is definitely a story I would truly love to continue. (Gold? Au-rem? Hah!)

My runner up selection would go to /u/HiraldoBlonsky in group B for “Atlantic Supers”. I really enjoy the world that was built and would love to read more about it. It was funny, and Joe and Greg really do seem cute together, haha. Also, the end of the chapter made me feel giddy

•

u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 03 '17

Thank you, I'm so glad you liked it! Studio Ghibli is a wonderful thing to be compared to :)

•

u/HiraldoBlonsky Apr 03 '17

Just finished reading yours. Yeah 100% ok with coming second to that haha

•

u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 05 '17

Atlantic Supers was just my brand of comedy! And a fellow queer lady as the protagonist? Even better. I liked the surprise at the end, and am curious what it could lead to.

All in all, your story was a fun and exciting take on super heroes, and I thank you for submitting it. My apologies for not doing a more detailed review, but just know that I really enjoyed reading your piece.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

•

u/karler99 Apr 08 '17

Could I get feedback for Saving Chazmore? I would love to improve!

→ More replies (2)

•

u/physjunkie Apr 04 '17

/u/FacsistGrammarian in group N for "Art & Avia"

/u/mstierious with "Foresight" as a close runner-up.

"Art & Avia" really drew me in with a strong pace, and managed to bring life to the descriptions of everything going on and around the main character. I also found myself curious as to what would happen next.

"Foresight" was a close second because of how real the characters felt. Their actions and dialogue seemed the most genuine of the group, but ultimately I wasn't sure if there was a lot more to add once the chapter concluded. The story seemed pretty concise in what it wanted to say, but I do hope the author contributes more.

If anyone else from group N would like my feedback on their story, just let me know!

•

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '17

[deleted]

•

u/physjunkie Apr 04 '17

Left my feedback on your story post!

•

u/granthinton Apr 05 '17

I would appreciate some feed back. Although I do realise that my firstchapter was a huge info dump and I had some grammatical errors. I would have changed these but was unsure if I would have violated any rules. Thanks.

•

u/physjunkie Apr 05 '17

Left some feedback on your story page!

•

u/rockwell78 Apr 24 '17

From Group M, I vote for The Burning Stars by u/autok. For runner-up, I choose The End of the World As We Know it by u/page0rz. Good job, everyone!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/PixieDust019 Apr 10 '17

/u/Hamntor in Group D for "The Conscripted Emogician"

•

u/Hamntor /r/Niuniverse Apr 10 '17

I appreciate the vote! Anything about it you liked in particular?

•

u/Celine8 Apr 23 '17

/u/Panx in Group L for "Omaha." I felt like this story was a head-and-shoulders above the others in the group, and therefore a definite vote for first place.

/u/mo-reeseCEO1 in Group L for "Hungry Like the Wolf" for a runner-up. The quality of writing was very good, and I had few criticisms.

/u/Teslok in Group L for "Spellbroken" as the next runner-up. S/he wrote well, had a good flow, and didn't linger too long on specific scenes.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/rarelyfunny Apr 22 '17

/u/XcessiveSmash in Group O for “Memory” takes my vote!

1st Runner Up – /u/Bill_Murray_Movies for “Normal Island”

2nd Runner Up – /u/mrme487 for “The Last Day”

Just as a general comment, this was a strong group, and it was really tough choosing who to vote for in the end. Having walked though this journey as a mini-judge, I’ve gained an appreciation that if a story doesn’t get a vote, it doesn’t mean that it was bad!

It’s just that for this particular outing, for this specific point in time, there was a slight preference for another piece, whether because they were easier to read, they resonated more strongly, or the premise was more interesting or engaging.

For that reason, I strongly encourage everyone to checkout all the entries in Group N, not just the ones I voted for in the end!

This was a great contest!

•

u/XcessiveSmash /r/XcessiveWriting Apr 23 '17

Thank you very much for the vote, I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

•

u/Mr_Gency Apr 20 '17

/u/Zuberan in group N for "Glass Shaman".

Maybe not ideal as a first chapter, but it is the main story in the group I'd like to see more of.

•

u/a_corsair Apr 23 '17

Group E:

  1. The Desperates - /u/blackflamehoodie

  2. Silkwings - /u/Kauyon_Kais

  3. The Trial - /u/KniveckStrebhor

•

u/KniveckStrebhor Apr 24 '17

Thank you! I appreciate it!

•

u/stephyymomma Apr 17 '17

/u/POTWP from group E For title The Wizard Of Penarvon.

The ending of that chapter had me like what?! I would definitely want to read more of that story for sure. The descriptions of the town were very well written.

My runner up would be /u/writerdragonfly with group E For title '' Seven Heart ransom''

Very interested in finding out more about Coras back story.

•

u/writerdragonfly Apr 18 '17

Thanks for the runner up!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Teslok Apr 03 '17

/u/autok in group M for "The Burning Stars."

I really liked a lot of the entries in Group M, but this one had enough hook to make me really want to read the rest of it. While I've read lots of near-future science fiction, this is one of the few--maybe the only--that I've come across showing this particular stage. In some ways, it feels like the birth of a "space navy," but the story is going more high-stakes military thriller than space opera. And that's awesome.

•

u/autok Apr 04 '17

Thanks! :D

I've always wondered what the very first space battle would look like. Almost all the sci-fi I've ready, even "hard" sci-fi, is always hundreds or thousands of years in the future. But it all had to start somewhere, and I like writing about beginnings. Glad you liked it.

•

u/jsouder15 Apr 08 '17

/u/iamtheredwizards for complicit in group F apologize for my previous incorrect post

•

u/Kragvold-_- Apr 21 '17

/u/alewifePete in group c for "In her dreams"

The fact that I actually wanted to keep reading this story was why choose it. I'm not saying the other chapters didn't make me want to read more but honestly I don't like romance stories, so when I find one I want to keep reading it's a rare treat.

Runner up: "I could read minds on Friday"

This story really had a voice that set it apart. It was a blast to read from start to finish, and honestly I think I would react similar to the main character if I suddenly developed telepathic powers.

Block C has a lot of great entries though and I'd be more than happy to give my opinion to the other writers if they want it. Seriously great job guys.

•

u/Ma5xy Apr 17 '17

/u/KniveckStrebhor in Group E for The Trial

The Trial was one of the first books I read for Group E. It has stuck with me through the month since then, regularly popping into my mind while I wonder what is going to happen next. I left some feedback on the submission that he said he appreciated and may be applying changes in the future. Which in turn just left me wanting to read through his changes to see what sort of new information it uncovered.

•

u/KniveckStrebhor Apr 17 '17

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. I really do value your feedback.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '17 edited Apr 05 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

•

u/TheTrainWarden Apr 24 '17

/u/snapple_skank Group D for War Games

This one REALLY grabbed my attention. No matter what story I read or reread from this group they just couldn't seem to match up to mystery and suspension that every word left me with.

•

u/Impossibear94 r/ThadsMind Apr 22 '17

Vote goes to /u/hpcisco7965 in group f for 'The Misadventures of Dale and Luke'.

I love the idea for the story, and am a bit of a sucker for the comical fantasy setting (ala Terry Pratchett).

Runner up - /u/IAmTheRedWizards story, 'Complicit'.

•

u/ClosingDownSummer r/ClosingDownSummer Apr 03 '17 edited Apr 03 '17

/u/Orchidice in Group B for "The Shatter Zone"

Runner Up : The Slumbering World - /u/Lilwa_Dexel

Was a difficult choice, for first place and for the Runner Up. Lots of well written entries in this group, and worse yet, lots of interesting story ideas that tug at your curiosity. Ultimately I chose what made me want to read the next chapter the most - I asked myself, if I could only choose one second chapter to read what would I choose - but congratulations to all the entries and hope you all continue your work!

If anyone would like more detailed and constructive feedback, please let me know.

•

u/Orchidice Apr 03 '17

Thank you! I am honored that you wanted to read more of my story.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/mialbowy Apr 15 '17

/u/MNBrian in Group G for "Dead Broke"

Runner up: Stars of Fire

If anyone in the group would like some constructive criticism, feel free to ask.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/TheDapperPorcupine Apr 18 '17

/u/autok in group M for "The Burning Stars"

This had a hard sci fi feel to it which I adored, and perfectly captured the spirit of the contest. I quite enjoyed it, and would read the rest of the book if it existed.

→ More replies (4)

•

u/BrenoHMS Apr 21 '17

/u/autok in group M for "The Burning Stars".

The pacing of the story is delightful, and this story made me crave for more. There was a few storys in this group that would keep me reading throught a book with ease, but if I've read this one in a bookstore, I would have closed it and bought it on the spot. I hope Autok keeps writing it.

As runner ups, in any particular order, /u/Mr_Gency for "Hypocritic Oath" and /u/page0rz for "It's The End of The World As We Know It".

The first is really funny. Thanks to that story, I have a new favorite word in the english vernacular - Kerfluffle, damn, I love this word. I would keep reading this book, and I think the story has a lot of potential. The hunt you've set up in the end made me really curious.

The second is great, also. The characters are really well written, I want to know more about them. And the moon stuff made me really curious. The only negative of the story is not even in the story. I left "It's the end of the world as we know it" as one of the last ones I've read because of the title. I enjoy the song, but it seemed out of place. Dosn't match with the story, not because the words are the wrong ones, but because I remember the song when I read it. So, what I mean is: the story is great. Keep writing it.

•

u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 21 '17

Ah, yes, that title is based on my go-to method of realizing that the submission deadline is in 20 minutes and I don't have one yet. I wouldn't put too much stock in it.

Thanks for reading and the kind words.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 05 '17

/u/Lilwa_Dexel in group B for "The Slumbering World" gets my vote

The story was very interesting, and I think the prose was the best in the group, which is ultimately what gave it the edge over my runner up. I think there is room to improve it still - edgier dialogue would help, for one thing, but overall I loved it and would read more.

Runner up: The Shatter Zone - /u/Orchidice

Great world building (best in the group for me) and great writing. Almost 5000 words passed quickly and I felt like I was in the world by the end. There just (for 5000 wordsish) wasn't quite enough of a plot going for me to be able to choose it as the winner, just promises of events. Still really enjoyed it and would happily read more.

I've got notes for each story, so please just reply here and I'll give you my thoughts (including more detailed notes on the shatter zone). This was a really strong group - I'm honestly amazed at the strength and variety in here - it was close between about eight of the stories.

•

u/HiraldoBlonsky Apr 07 '17

Ahoy, matey, I be here for me booty! And by booty, I mean notes, if you please. For Atlantic Supers.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/Lilwa_Dexel /r/Lilwa_Dexel Apr 05 '17

Thank you for the vote! I promise to be edgier in the future.

→ More replies (10)

•

u/rrbabbott Apr 21 '17

/u/Solucian in Group C: Feast of Four Hundred: Chalice of Ogwohr.

Almost all of the chapters in my group had me wanting more!

•

u/yakketyjak Apr 11 '17

/u/EDHGod in Group M for "Stella". From the beginning it caught my interest with its sharp words and I lost myself in it which is really all I want from the start of a chapter/book - very well done.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/pheonixkane Apr 24 '17

/u/Fordregha for Group G for Stars of Fire

•

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '17 edited Apr 21 '17

/u/TimDogIrwin from group B for "Lotus."

→ More replies (3)

•

u/kiayateo Apr 17 '17

My vote goes to /u/poiyurt in Group H for Griftomancy.

One of the few stories that made we want to continue reading afterward. I loved both the world and the characters.

My runner up would be /u/Pubby88 for A Year of Living Well. Was well written and had me hooked toward the end.

Honorable mentions go to /u/russellmz for Single Use and /u/rabtj for Legend & Myth which were both good as well.

All of the stories in Group H were pretty good so it made picking my top a bit difficult.

•

u/poiyurt Apr 21 '17

Oh, hey. Thanks! I didn't get a username mention for this for some reason, only just saw this. Anything you particularly liked?

•

u/kiayateo Apr 22 '17

I loved the world you created. It reminded me of Discworld in a way that I found pleasing. And the witty dialog was fantastic. If this was a full novel I found in a book store I would have bought it on the spot.

•

u/poiyurt Apr 22 '17

That's fantastic to hear! Guess I know what I'm doing this year.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/jspitzer221 Apr 24 '17

/u/knowapathy in group A for "The Autumn Rebellion."

→ More replies (1)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies (1)

•

u/PacoDamorte Apr 20 '17

/u/panx in Group L for Omaha.

This entry stood out to me in the group, I loved the opening scene and I am very curious to read more. The world you built is highly intriguing, nice work.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/Inorai Apr 18 '17 edited Apr 18 '17

/u/rarelyfunny in group N for 'Surviving Hawkseeker'.

Very entertaining! I think science fiction can be hard to pull off without going over the top, but this chapter actively made me want to read more. The colors theme reminded me strongly of Seventh Tower by Garth Nix, which was one of my favorite series when I was a kid. Class societies are an interesting theme to see explored more. Well written with a balance of descriptive but lively. I liked :)

My runner up vote to /u/mstierious with 'Foresight'.

I will agree that this seemed to be more of a short than a novel - but, if you wrote it for this then I trust you had more in mind, and I'm intrigued as to how this first chapter would provide a launching point. Your writing was sweet and to the point, and the whole thing felt vaguely nostalgic, which worked well with the theme. Nice!

•

u/rarelyfunny Apr 19 '17

Thank you very much for the vote and feedback, it will spur me on to keep improving!

•

u/MNBrian /u/MNBrian /r/PubTips Apr 22 '17

/u/KCcracker in Group H for When We Left Home

Honestly, I couldn't pick a runner up. There were a LOT of good stories across the board, but what really set KC's story apart was the voice. Holy cow the voice. I had to keep reading it. That's what I look for in a book most, is a compelling voice. When We Left Home had that in spades. :D

Again, lots of good stuff across the board. Lots of really interesting situations and great tension/hooks. I labored over my choice a lot, but i kept coming back to the voice, and that was what won it for me.

•

u/Andrew__Wells Apr 23 '17

/u/CodeNameNoName 's An Existential Threat for Group C

As a Runner-Up: /u/Erwinfrank's The Todd's through Time and Space

•

u/Gunnybear /r/Gunnybear Apr 17 '17

/u/madlabs67 in Group K for Arbora

It was a really well written first chapter, in that it got me hooked on the story. I can't wait to see a possible continuation, the flow and pacing was on point.

→ More replies (5)

•

u/busykat Apr 03 '17

/u/mikerich15 in Group G for The Trapdoor.

I'd like to point out, dear mikerich15, that your story falls solidly into what I consider "scary stuff." Normally, I wouldn't read it. I don't do scary stories. Most of what I write is children's fiction, and I'm okay with that.

But the imagery in your chapter captivated me. Vivid, clear, and breathtaking, it left me wanting to follow the characters until the spider ate the insect or, better yet, the insect turned out to be a scorpion in disguise. Bravo, good sir.

Runner up has to be The Assassin by /u/FireWitch95. The attention to detail, like in Evie's eyes and muscles, gave the story a thoroughness rarely seen in a first chapter. Fantastic world building.

Thank you to everyone who submitted their stories. I'll go through and leave individual feedback as I have time. Great entries, everyone!

•

u/mikerich15 Apr 03 '17

What an honour, thank you!

•

u/FireWitch95 Apr 05 '17

Ok! I am from Group G, voting for Group H. My vote goes to /u/C0nj for 'Life is Kinda Scary'. Hooked me from the word go.

My runner up is/u/rabtj for 'Legend & Myth.'

Great work to all involved!

•

u/C0nj Apr 05 '17

Aww thanks:)

That's my first time writing anything here in WP(and also first time writing something of such a, ummm .. let's call it "personal" nature) so it really is nice to see someone liked it.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/tinycourageous Apr 10 '17 edited Apr 10 '17

/u/BraveLittleAnt in Group L for "Heads or Tails".

There were quite a few well-written pieces in this group, but this one really grabbed me. My favorite genre of writing is human interest, and this piece really clicked for me. I loved that the main character's name was Tayls, which led you to believe that the story was going to be sci-fi, but it ended up just being a nickname for "Taylor."

What especially sold me on this piece was this passage, its final lines in particular:

"My mother had died when I was a baby. My father told me she had been so strong during the birth, and she saved me, but in the end, there was just too much blood. The doctors couldn’t do anything. I almost laughed. I remembered feeling angry at the doctors the first time my father told me the story, angry that they just gave up. 'Why didn’t they try harder?' I asked with tears in my eyes. 'Why didn’t they do anything to help her?' My father had simply smiled a sad, lonely smile and said, 'Sometimes it’s better to just let them go.' And then he had left it at that."

[EDIT] Crap - I forgot my runner-up vote. This would definitely go to /u/rockwell78 for "Choice and Consequence." I'm not a sci-fi fan, but the writing here was simply fantastic.

•

u/rockwell78 Apr 10 '17

Thank you!! That's really kind.

•

u/BraveLittleAnt r/BraveLittleTales Apr 10 '17

Thank you for the vote! If you have enough time, I'd love some feedback on it for how I can improve!

•

u/tinycourageous Apr 10 '17

Absolutely. Will do.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '17

/u/Jayefishy in group L for "Cephas and the No Choicers"

Very close runnerup was /u/BookWyrm17 for "All My Voices"

Difficult choice, really good work in this group!

→ More replies (2)

•

u/inacti Apr 07 '17

/u/shetellsweetales in Group J for "White".

Hands-down the winner.

My scoring process went like this: I opened every single story and saw how far I could get before I let myself be distracted by something else (Based on percentage of the story). I strongly believe a first chapter should suck you in. This story had me from the get-go. The mystery of who she was, what she was doing, the action, that urgent feeling of escape, go, run ticked all my boxes.

My quibble is that I got confused sometimes about when things were happening. The sort of monologue our good villain does is also a teensy bit on the nose. I'd highly advise letting the details of why this is happening be revealed a bit more slowly. Likely, both these characters know what's happening (You state she outright knows her time is over.). They probably wouldn't talk about it.

I decided against picking runner-ups. The other stories didn't quite pull me in like the winner did. I liked quite a few of them, but would be hard-pressed to narrow it down for various reasons.

Feel free to message me if you want to know what I thought of your story, but please be prepared for honest and open criticism.

•

u/shetellsweetales Apr 07 '17

I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for this feedback - I will definitely be incorporating your notes into my next draft! :)

•

u/scottbeckman /r/ScottBeckman | Comedy, Sci-Fi, and Organic GMOs Apr 07 '17

What did you think of Ash & Balibah / Granting Wishes?

•

u/inacti Apr 10 '17

I'll reply to you soon, just got sort of busy on my end of things! I haven't forgotten you though.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 10 '17

[deleted]

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '17

[deleted]

•

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '17

Thank you for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

•

u/scottbeckman /r/ScottBeckman | Comedy, Sci-Fi, and Organic GMOs Apr 02 '17

The guitar solo joke had me laughing for a solid minute. Classic Falsetto Magenta Piggyback Toaster Oven!

•

u/StrangelyBrilliant Apr 23 '17

I vote for /u/Pyronar's "Under the Eye of Argus".

Same reasons with /u/IraAgotila12, A.K.A me

•

u/Forricide /r/Forricide Apr 03 '17

/u/madlabs67 in Group K for "Arbora"

A very close second would have to be /u/finestgreen 's entry. This was an incredibly difficult decision, to be honest. Can't say I'm certain either way here. Great work from both authors and the others in the group; there were more that were close as well.

→ More replies (4)

•

u/mikerich15 Apr 22 '17

/u/fashionabledeathwish in group H for "Town"

Usually I gear towards more fantastical fiction, but the prose in this story is a prime example of a beautifully effortless free-flowing narrative. The balance between exposition, description and natural-sounding dialogue was an absolute pleasure to read. There was just enough small character details given to paint a vivid picture of each person. If I HAD to nitpick, which I will, I would suggest that the reason for the emergency remain a mystery for even longer. Let us, the reader, figure it out without it being given in plain English. Great job /u/fashionabledeathwish, I hope you finish this story some day.

Runner up: /u/rabtj for Legend & Myth

An author takes on a difficult task when so much of the narrative laid out is dialogue. It is hard to doll out exposition and have it seem natural, but I absolutely loved the back and fourth between the seasoned warrior and the frightened rookie. There is a rich sense of history throughout, and by the end I wanted to know everything and anything about the world presented. Fantastic work /u/rabtj, please continue to write!

If anybody else would like some feedback on their stories, I am more than happy to share some words and praise.

Good luck everybody!

•

u/Pubby88 /r/Pubby88 Apr 23 '17

I'd love to hear some feedback, even if it's not praise. Thanks for offering!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/poiyurt Apr 23 '17

Heyo! I'd like some feedback too!

•

u/rabtj Apr 24 '17

Thank you so much for the runners up vote. I am currently working on my first fantasy novel and some horror shorts.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/IStruggleWithThings Apr 24 '17

/u/page0rz for "It's the End of the World As We Know It"

runner up goes to /u/MajorParadox for "Alone, We Fight Together"

•

u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 24 '17

Thanks for the vote. I'm happy you enjoyed the writing.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/BreezyEpicface Apr 21 '17

/u/Fordregha in group G for "Stars of Fire"

I would really like to see this as a full novel. My runner-ups are /u/Sxilenced for "Incursion" and /u/Writteninsanity for "Social Villainy"

•

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '17 edited Apr 22 '17

[deleted]

•

u/BlackFlameHoodie Apr 23 '17

Thank you so much for the vote of confidence. I really appreciate it. 👍☺

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Erwintfrank Apr 18 '17

/u/syhrxeryef in Group D for "Fate" gets my vote. A lot of gripping tales but this one stood out in style and tone. Especially the opening few lines.

•

u/Unicornmarauder1776 Apr 13 '17 edited Apr 17 '17

/u/Teslok for Spellbroken in Group L. I loved the imagery and the idea that the unicorn is basically a giant pain in the butt made me smile.

Runner up: /U/Bookwyrm17 for All My Voices, which made me wonder about a person with a few too many voices in their head.

I very much enjoyed reading all of the entries in group L and hope to see more of their writing.

•

u/Hzzah Apr 17 '17

/u/WinsomeJesse in Group A for "The Pocket Children of Frank and Audrey Bunt"

•

u/WinsomeJesse Apr 17 '17

Thank you for the vote!

•

u/ClosetEgomaniac Apr 22 '17

/u/autok in group M for The Burning Stars

Each character has both a role and a distinct personality-they're distinctly tied to the setting but they feel like they function without it. The setting too, is excellent. I'd say more but I'm running out of time.

And most importantly to me, it certainly reads like a first chapter.

•

u/autok Apr 22 '17

Thanks! :)

•

u/after5writer Apr 14 '17

/u/Conj in Group H for "Life is Kinda Scary" - Love the pace of this story. Great read! Thanks for submitting!

•

u/C0nj Apr 18 '17

I was actually somewhat worried the pace was a bit hard to follow due to its semi-rambling speech/thought proccess nature, so that's nice to hear.

Anyway, glad you liked it:)

•

u/Xais56 /r/Xais56 Apr 24 '17

Shit I've missed the deadline.

For what it's worth /u/Panx with Omaha - Group L

Runner up /u/BookWyrm17 with All My Voices

•

u/Panx Apr 25 '17

They didn't end up counting this, but thanks for the support all the same!

→ More replies (3)

•

u/ChocolateChip3287 /r/ChocolateChipWP Apr 24 '17 edited Apr 24 '17

u/rarelyfunny in Group N for Surviving Hawkseer.

Loved the diverse vocabulary put into this. Also, great descriptions as well!

Runner-up would be u/TheWritingSniper for Snowfall

The imagery used was really good. Especially the way you described Jackie's eyes and how you described the storm scene.

•

u/TheWritingSniper /r/BlankPagesEmptyMugs Apr 24 '17

Thanks!

•

u/rarelyfunny Apr 24 '17

Thank you very much for the vote, I really am glad you enjoyed the story!

•

u/KniveckStrebhor Apr 24 '17

/u/busykat in group F for Dwindling Flame: A Memoir for first.

/u/LordLackland in group F for Scavengers as the runner up.

•

u/busykat Apr 24 '17

Thanks for the vote!

→ More replies (2)

•

u/Illseraec Apr 21 '17

/u/CatchTheBandwagon in group A for "Parallels". It was a fantastic story, and a really hard decision to make, but it stuck with me the most. The dialogue, storytelling, and want to see how it continues were just too awesome with this one. Fantastic work!

All of the other entries in group A were incredible as well! A very solid group of writers, I'm stoked to see what they continue to come up with on the sub and with their own private works!

•

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

•

u/LilMsMuffins Apr 04 '17

/u/Ford9863 in group N for Outbreak

I liked the fast pace and interesting story idea, nice twist of outbreak since I was expecting virus or illness and surprised to find demons. Really interested me to read the most. And hooked me the most from the get go and the end. Love to see more.

Runners up for me A Reign of Ashes - /u/Chronicler12 , really loved the detail and descriptions in this. And a interesting story, would also want more ^

Final runner up Snowfall - /u/TheWritingSniper , another incredibly well described setting, loved the atmosphere and enjoyed the dialogue. Really interesting! x) Interested to see more.

My opinions was likely influenced by my bias preference, but I had a look at everyone's in this group, some really good stuff. Best of luck to everyone!

•

u/TheWritingSniper /r/BlankPagesEmptyMugs Apr 06 '17

Thanks for the shoutout! I appreciate it! :)

•

u/LilMsMuffins Apr 07 '17

Your welcome! =)

•

u/Ford9863 /r/Ford9863 Apr 04 '17

Wow, thank you so much! You just made my day!

•

u/LilMsMuffins Apr 07 '17

Your very welcome x)

•

u/apaganplace Apr 23 '17

/u/0_fox_are_given in Group F for Pride.

Posting to make sure I don't miss the deadline but will add further commentary anon.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '17

/u/Teslok in Group L for Spellbroken

Of all the stories, this is the one I had the strongest reaction to. Immediately after finishing I wanted more. It was a well paced, solid introduction to the main story and the world it inhabits. Nowhere did it feel rushed, nor did it feel too drawn out. It left enough questions unanswered that I don't feel as if I've read a short story. Teslok did a good job at leaving room for the story to grow and develop further.

I want to congratulate everyone else in Group L. A first Chapter is no easy feat, and all around I had a pleasant few days of reading. Best of luck to you in your endeavors. As I find time in the next couple weeks, I'll try to leave some feedback on each of your stories.

•

u/Chronicler12 Apr 22 '17

My vote goes to /u/Dimitri1033 in Group O for "The Office" I really loved the concept. I thought it was inventive and interesting. I mean this in the best way possible, I hated the characters. The fact that the story gave the reader a person and being to put the blame on for the horrible things that happen to people worked well. Mixed with the 9-5 office style backdrop was a great setting for such an otherworldly genre. Well done.

My runners up would be /u/hkate12 for "Body Story" I really liked this piece. I think there is tons of potential to develop a really compelling relationship between Doe and Body.

And /u/SHOW_ME_SEXY_TATS for "The start of history" The potential to develop this story is off the charts. I liked the character and the concept. Would want more world building info about the trip though.

Congrats to everyone who participated

→ More replies (1)

•

u/SurvivorType Co-Lead Mod | /r/SurvivorTyper Apr 07 '17

My vote goes to /u/Hamntor in Group D with The Conscripted Emogician

Runner up: /u/Animal_Companion in Group D for Neville and the Night Fiends

It was tough trying to decide among all the great entries. Congratulations to everyone who entered the contest!

•

u/[deleted] Apr 10 '17 edited Jun 16 '19

[deleted]

•

u/candiceday Apr 20 '17

Thanks for the honourable mention! ☺️

•

u/Jayefishy Apr 19 '17

/u/Mr_Gency in Group M for "Hypocritic Oath"

Runner up: "The World Apart"

Honorable Mentions: "It's the End of the World as We Know It," "Stella", "Eternal Apocalypse," "The Burning Stars"

Choosing a winner from this group was insanely hard. I ended up going with the story I enjoyed reading the most, since I guess that was the main criteria for this contest!! However, I definitely enjoyed reading all of these bad boys. Everyone did a wonderful job!! I left comments on everyone's work, but if someone wants more in-depth critique, please PM me and I'll get right on it!

•

u/physjunkie Apr 20 '17

Thank you so much for giving me runner up! It made my day!

Also, thank you for the feedback. If you have the time and are so inclined, I will gladly read any other critique you might have regarding my story.

→ More replies (1)