r/ACOD • u/searchingandasking • 5d ago

Holidays

The holidays are approaching, which usually means fun, exciting times, but after the divorce, the holidays just cast a dark, gloomy shadow over everything. I honestly hate December 25 because now I spend the day with my dad and my siblings. I hate not being at Christmas with my mom, and I know I'm 21 and should be over it, but I just turn into a different person when I'm around my dad. What do you guys do around the holidays when you have to see a parent that you don't have a good relationship with?

Thank you and have a good day

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3

u/flowerstoned 4d ago

Why aren’t you able to spend it with your mom?
It’s completely valid to want to change the way you approach the holidays.

Do you drive yourself? That was a big first key for me. For a long time I’d make excuses on why I needed to leave. You don’t need any excuse, but sometimes it makes it easier to get out the door

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u/searchingandasking 4d ago

i see my mom christmas eve and if i don’t go ill just get guilt tripped by my dad and brothers

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u/flowerstoned 4d ago

One thing that helped me not go to my dads side of Thanksgiving last year was to take a moment to take a moment to think, without considering everyone else’s feelings, what do YOU want

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u/flowerstoned 4d ago

It’s scary to think about the guilt trip and if their feelings will be hurt, but your dad is an adult and is fully capable of tolerating disappointment. He chooses to guilt trip you with a complete disregard to if it’ll hurt your feelings

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u/searchingandasking 4d ago

unfortunately i dont know specifically what my dad has but he definitely does not have the ability to tolerate disappointment and always puts it on me and how im hurting him but thank you for the advice

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u/flowerstoned 4d ago

I’m sorry

1

u/ktmylady 3d ago

I’m still trying to navigate this too. I completely understand the guilt tripping and fear of disappointing either side. I don’t know how to handle it, but I want to validate your feelings and tell you you’re not alone!