r/AmITheDevil • u/proevligeathoerher • Jan 07 '23
Update: No longer cooking for my girlfriend. (Read: because I should I listen to my original judgment and try to communicate when I can just be childish about it?)
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/105kxmz/update_no_longer_cooking_for_my_girlfriend/1.1k
u/Backsteinhaus Jan 07 '23
I'm wondering if they are old enough to use the stove unsupervised lol
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u/SlytherinSilence Jan 07 '23
You said this better than I could have
OOP sounds 13
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u/raspberrih Jan 08 '23
The gf sounds done with his shit
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u/PlacePleasant98 Jan 08 '23
Yet she also sounds childish. I don't necessarily think they're bad people, but neither should be in a relationship rn...or at least not with each other
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u/Sassy_Pants_McGee Jan 08 '23
Thank you. In both of these posts, the conversation “goes round and round” until it just ends up unresolved. Purely speculation here, but I’m going to guess OOP is a little prig who can’t EVER concede a point or ‘lose’ an argument.
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u/natrushman Jan 07 '23
Anytime I feel like I would be a shit partner I come here and read this kind of posts where the problem itself isn't high stakes but they way they choose to deal with makes ten times worse, Jesus.
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Jan 07 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Mundane_Preference_8 Jan 08 '23
I'm going to try that breathing thing - thank you! Also, I like your logic around your daughter's swearing. It makes sense to me.
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u/ThereIsAThingForThat Jan 07 '23
Anytime I think "Wouldn't it be nice to be in a relationship?" I come to reddit and read the various relationship fuckup subreddits and it cures me from wanting one.
Gotta get reminded that it's actually quite nice to just... Exist without all this drama. Thankfully I can get all the drama I want from my friends in relationships when I need it. Then they can bitch and moan about their partners not doing X, Y, or Z correctly.
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u/mandarface88 Jan 07 '23
I actually LOVE reality tv for this reason. All the couples on 90 day fiance even though heavily scripted give me such a rush on relationship drama that I don't have in my real life.
I got started on it over covid lock downs I watched all 90 day fiance, the spin offs, married at first sight, the Netflix ones like too hot to handle, love at first sight, the circle, ultimatum, inferno island... And all the dubbed into English ones like Brazil and France. 😅😅😅
So embarrassing when friends ask me what I'm watching these days and if I'm up to date on sandman or house of dragons and I'm like "not really... But do you know big Ed?" My Reddit wrap up was all reality threads, AITA/AITD, and video game help threads. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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u/Remarkable-Log-4495 Jan 07 '23
I'm right there with you! I got hooked with Pillow Talk then moved to the OG version. I just started season 6.
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u/mandarface88 Jan 07 '23
I have a few of the cast members on my Instagram🙈🙈🙈 Tim and I used to chat daily before he got his recent girlfriend... Even shake from love is blind season two follows me 🤣🤣🤣 I can't stand him but it's pretty funny when he comments fire emojis on my gym selfies and my actual friends are like "seriously you are relentless". I also talk with Stephanie from 90 day that was dating Harris she's sooooo sweet.
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u/Remarkable-Log-4495 Jan 07 '23
Wow! I haven't gotten to Stephanie and Harris yet. I like Tim so much more on Pillow Talk. Molly too. I want to be friends w her and Cynthia in real life. (I heard they weren't friends anymore but this is my fantasy lol) Other imaginary friends include the Boston brother, David and Annie, and Armando and Kenny.
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u/mandarface88 Jan 07 '23
Ohhhh I LOVEEE Kenny and Armando!!!! Kenny is such a sweet man and he's such a good step dad it makes me soooo happy to see. I wish he could be closer to his kids though. Just a big happy blended family. 🥹
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u/Remarkable-Log-4495 Jan 07 '23
I know!!!! They are the only ones I believed were genuine from the start!
On the other hand, I had seen the latter half of the Coltee Larissa drama on PT. I'm just now watching the genesis. I can't believe how sweet Deb comes off!
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u/Aquatic_Hedgehog Jan 08 '23
Same! I loooove the bachelor franchise. It's terrible and cheesy and insane, but I just can't get enough tbh.
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u/International-Bad-84 Jan 07 '23
It CAN be nice to be in a relationship, but not worth anybody who posts on AITA, or most of the commenters.
Being single is far, far better than that ...
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u/RaeAhNa Jan 07 '23
Right? It makes me so appreciative! The more I read, the more grateful I am for my freedom. Same with living 1,000s of miles from any relatives. Peace is priceless.
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u/Nierninwa Jan 07 '23
I thought people in romantic relationships were supposed to, well you know, like each other.
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u/suaculpa Jan 07 '23
If it's one thing I've learned on Reddit is that people stay in terrible relationships with people they do not like or that treat them poorly because it's apparently better than being single.
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 07 '23
Yeah FR, I really thought the under 45s had made great strides in attacking the "hetero relationships are built on hate" mindset and encouraging only dating people you actually like and not just dating to not be alone.
And then I read shit like this post/update.
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u/butt_butt_butt_butt_ Jan 07 '23
”hetero relationships are built on hate mindset”
Excuse me, what? Is this a common…Thing that people think?
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 07 '23
Not anymore really? But a LOT of boomer humour works on a premise of hurr durr husband dumb/wife bad. r/arethestraightsokay has some good examples. As compulsory marriage for accidental pregnancies became less common, and attitudes towards single parents or just being single and CF evolved, it seemed to go away.
It's why it's so disappointing to see posts like this, where they clearly don't like each other and are playing passive aggressive games with each other, because why, just break up
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u/butt_butt_butt_butt_ Jan 07 '23
Thanks for the explanation!
I was legit confused, but it makes sense how you said it. My parents era of sitcoms were definitely fucking weird for ALWAYS having that relationship dynamic.
I thought you were implying that it’s common thought that every hetero relationship is inherently problematic. And, in that case, I need to text my queer friends and ask why they were in my bridal party. Lol.
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u/Lilitu9Tails Jan 07 '23
A friend of mine was going to have lunch with her husband one day. She had a meeting that put her near his office. His work colleagues were all “but why would you want to have lunch with your wife?” And seemed a bit surprised by his “Because I like her? Why wouldn’t I want to spend time with her?” That was eye opening to how a lot of people view relationships
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u/ConfusingIntellct849 Jan 07 '23
Wtf?
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u/Lilitu9Tails Jan 07 '23
As far as we could determine they thought work time was for mates, and one’s souse didn’t count as a friend, more of a responsibility, so why would he want to engage in boring responsibility when he could be spending time with mates. It was mind boggling. And we talked about it quite a lot afterwards trying to rationalise their point of view.
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u/ConfusingIntellct849 Jan 07 '23
That's fucking wild. I've never been in a relationship, but if I were I wouldn't think of it as a chore. I would be in a relationship with them because I enjoy them and like spending time with them.
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u/Seldarin Jan 08 '23
My parents era of sitcoms were definitely fucking weird for ALWAYS having that relationship dynamic.
Even when the dynamic didn't make a lick of sense.
"Oh yuck, now I have to have sex with my wife Peggy.", completely ignoring that 99% of people that were interested in women would've crawled naked over broken glass to hook up with Katey Sagal.
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 08 '23
Yeah why were all these men so enthusiastic about these absolute knockout women
Give us the Addams marriage dynamic you cowards, I've seen how my friends look at their wives
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u/the-rioter Jan 08 '23
And they were portrayed that way because the Addamses are "abnormal" and no!! I will only accept Gomezes if I date a man.
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 08 '23
Gomez is my gold standard for men yeah, anyone who fails the rest gets chucked in the bin
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 07 '23
Oh I'm so sorry! I'm autistic and my wording CAN be weird at times, and I know that which is why I'm always happy to elaborate.
I've actually myself been in more straight relationships than queer. I feel like a bad bi but I DO prefer Masc, I'm just a more Masc attracted bi, I like more Mascy/Futch aesthetics on myself too.
One of the many things I like about gen X downwards is that friendship and solidarity across the lines, my favourite film is one about a particular bit of UK history, the LGSM. I'm in England and the Lesbian and Gays Support the Miners is a cracking bit of solidarity.
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u/Open_Kitchen977 Jan 08 '23
I had never heard of this movie. My BIL is here for a visit and I talked him into watching it with me. My husband has also gotten sucked into it, and we are all cheering. Thank you so much for sharing this clip!!
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 08 '23
It's all true too! Jonathan is STILL alive btw! Number 2 is still fucking going and at this point I assume it's mostly spite
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u/Open_Kitchen977 Jan 08 '23
We hadn't finished the movie when I first read your response. Now I get it. And holy moly guacamole. That guy is amazing!
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 08 '23
And honestly I'm just SO glad you guys had that reaction, when I first watched it I watched it with a Welsh man and we were literally on the edge of our seat! It's just such a warm movie.
"Well I can't speak for the others, but for me.....I've known since about 1967"
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u/butt_butt_butt_butt_ Jan 07 '23
Don’t apologize at all! You were perfectly articulate. Just me projecting the fear that I may have missed something important.
Being American, I am totally ignorant to the Miners strike or anything about the situation you mention. That clip was moving, though, even as someone who isn’t sure what’s happening.
It seems like the crowd was a bit judgmental at first, but the speakers genuine respect and good attitude turned an awkward situation into a positive one.
That’s always wonderful to see, even with missing context.
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 07 '23
Oh I would really recommend Pride as a movie, it's just SO feel good and nice, it's ultimately a film about empathy and understanding.
Yes you are correct, the Miners hadn't had good relationships with the LGBT community, one of the characters had been beaten for years by the miners in his town, as an underage teenager. In fact when the LGSM started up, the actual union wouldn't take the money, so they just rang a random Welsh village and said "we have X hundreds of pounds, do you want it?" And this guy came to say thankyou.
The joke about the drag queen being more feminine than a miners wife makes me chuckle each time, and that's what fully breaks the tension. Then the speech that follows is so moving. I was hoping it would have the last line but it cut it out: "you wore our badge, 'coal not dole', when the time comes, we WILL wear yours" and they did! The miners union led the pride march the next year and lobbied labour until they added LGBT rights to their manifesto, a couple of decades before any other political party followed suit.
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u/butt_butt_butt_butt_ Jan 07 '23
I will definitely give that a watch!
Never heard of it until your recommendation, but the husband and I could both use a bit of “heartwarming” this weekend, and that movie sounds like it may be the ticket.
I love when a random Reddit comment turns into a positive chat.
If it matters to you, someone in rural Oregon is sending you good vibes and thoughts today for an enjoyable conversation and a good movie suggestion.
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 07 '23
I hope you both enjoy! It's really good.
Yeah I have found so many cool things and facts from Reddit haha
It does matter, I appreciate the vibes and thoughts 😊
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Jan 07 '23
Every time I see a post like this, I’m like ‘yeah being single doesn’t look too bad right now’
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u/depression_rodeo Jan 07 '23
Can they not break up already? They clearly don't even like each other.
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Jan 07 '23
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u/LightningSpearwoman Jan 07 '23
I wonder why they can't say something like 'what would you like to eat tonight?'
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u/MastodonSevere8217 Jan 07 '23
Because that's what a normal couple who actually like each other would do. These two are too immature to be in a relationship if they can't even do the bare minimum and communicate
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u/PupperPetterBean Jan 07 '23
Okay but I totally get the whole heat up your insides after being out in the cold all day. Like even if the house is warm and I'm in fresh jammies, I still feel a little cold on the inside and will need a hot meal to make me feel right. But I would also end up eating both a hot meal and a chicken salad because I'm a fat cow who loves food too much.
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u/mrcatboy Jan 08 '23
As someone who cooks a lot for others, taking into consideration people's needs for a given situation is pretty important. Food isn't agnostic to different dining situations or social vibes.
During the summer I tend to focus on lighter and more refreshing dishes and make sorbets.
When my friends have been physically active, I have something rich and starchy and full of protein prepared, perhaps a bit higher on the salt to help replenish electrolytes.
One time a friend was very depressed so I brought her some Italian wedding soup because it's so comforting.
For buddies who are sick I make them a lightly seasoned congee or chicken soup since it's easy on the stomach and easy to digest.
Plus of course consideration for people's food sensitivities, allergies, aversions, spice tolerances, etc.
The OOP's gf making a salad after a day of doing activities out in the cold frankly seems like a case of bad menu planning. It's not something that would fit with the vibe.
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Jan 07 '23
Maybe he went about in a rude way but I don’t see what’s wrong with making himself something else if he doesn’t like the food his gf made?
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u/LunaAmatista Jan 07 '23
Yeah, this is my thought as well. That “I want warm food” “But it’s warm inside” and the obvious pettiness of her trying to get back this way makes me think neither of them are sufficiently emotionally mature to be in a relationship.
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u/Nervous-Upstairs-926 Jan 08 '23
May I ask you what was immature about OP? I saw a lot of comments about him being immature but I just don’t get it.
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Jan 08 '23
Dude wanted hot food. Made himself something else that was hot. Then ate with his gf.
How does making food you want in your home make you immature?
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u/trying-to-be-nicer Jan 07 '23
They both have super shitty communication, for sure, but I feel like gf in this story sucks worse. Although, tbf, it is filtered through salad guy's report, so who knows, maybe they are equally terrible.
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u/Yuvithegod Jan 07 '23
Exactly. They both suck donkey balls in terms of communication but his gf is literally trying to play mind games with him.
Telling someone you're making food and then ... not doing that for them, is just cruel. I wouldn't even do that to someone I dislike, let alone someone I'm supposed to love.
If OP ever told or asked her to make him something else, he would 100% be TA, but he never did such a thing, he just... made his own meal.
It is hilarious how the entire thing would've been avoided , but I think this turn of events is actually better for OP as he can now leave his toxic partner.
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u/sausagemuffn Jan 07 '23
She refused the pasta with the sole intent of getting a reaction. When he didn't take the bait, she made him pay another way.
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Jan 08 '23
Yea like, iIdk how anyone could even try and compare what each of those ppl is doing. IF OP was wrong at all (so imo if his making faces went further than an involuntary face that no one can control), then the gf is still 1000x worse and showing seriously concerning behaviours here.
Like those are not even in the same ballpark of intention, manipulation and straight up narcissistic behaviour. No matter what OP did here, this is never an appropriate response and honestly the gf seems unhinged and conniving in the way she does shit. I really don‘t know how ppl can simply overlook it or gloss over it by saying ‚well both did wrong‘ lol. xD
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u/Self-Aware Jan 11 '23
Telling someone you're making food and then ... not doing that for them, is just cruel.
When did she do that, though?
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u/dragongrl Jan 07 '23
My god. This is so pathetic.
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u/yobaby123 Jan 07 '23
I agree. OP sucks, but both seem immature.
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u/Dawn36 Jan 07 '23
I'm just amazed that this is the problem in their life, they have nothing else going on so they're just manufacturing a non-issue. I wonder what it's like to have things that easy.
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u/TootsNYC Jan 07 '23
I think she sucks too. “Are you trying to make some kind of a point?” says the woman who is herself making a point but not getting a reaction.
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u/catastrophized Jan 07 '23
Yeah neither one of them seem to know how to use their words. That was a cringey passive aggressive standoff.
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u/fallen_star_2319 Jan 07 '23
My big take away is that she's consistently trying to rub a point into OP, but it isn't sticking. Which is causing further drama and annoyance because neither of them are apparently capable of communicating like normal adults.
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u/Syzyz Jan 07 '23
I think he communicated fine. He didn’t want her food and would rather cook for themselves to avoid the drama
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u/fallen_star_2319 Jan 07 '23
Unfortunately, part of why people are saying he's an asshole is gonna be out of h's playing her game instead of just asking her why this is so important to her. So instead of addressing what is clearly an issue, he's ignoring it. And that isn't good communication.
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u/Syzyz Jan 08 '23
You’re right 100% he shouldn’t play her game and he should communicate properly. I don’t think it was wrong initially for him to make a soup for himself
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u/ReceptionPuzzled1579 Jan 08 '23
It’s weird to me people think he’s worse than she is. She is way more immature than he is. Yes in the first post, he should have been a tad more considerate in his approach, but wanting something else to eat is not an offence or an attack. So her choosing to play these these petty childish games to get a rise out of him is ridiculous. I would ignore her crap too. Only difference is I would also let her know how childish and immature she was being.
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Jan 08 '23
Part of why ppl are saying he‘s an asshole is because he has a penis and this just happens to be about some form of traditional female gender role task, so OP is clearly everything that‘s wrong with this world in terms of sexism and misogyny.
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u/Narcoid Jan 08 '23
The GF seems so much worse. Intentionally trying to anger him and doing petty things instead of talking about her feelings.
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Jan 07 '23
How on earth do you make curry for one?
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u/Corgi-Ambitious Jan 07 '23 edited Jan 07 '23
I know there's a lot to discuss on this one but I am absolutely howling at the image of OOP scarfing down a big bowl of curry for one as his GF angrily glares at him all the while lol. How does this dynamic even work?
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u/proevligeathoerher Jan 07 '23
No idea, tbh. Even though I'm single and live alone, I never make curry for one - more like for an entire family.
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u/gizmodriver Jan 07 '23
Isn’t the whole point of curry that it tastes real good on day one but incredible on day two? I can’t imagine making a single serving of curry, both logistically and because I want my leftovers.
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 07 '23
Yup, curry and lasagna/cacciatore are the foods I associate with being borderline godlike the next day
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u/proevligeathoerher Jan 07 '23
Soup as well - gives it time to draw out the flavour more.
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u/M0thM0uth Jan 07 '23
Ooh yeah I bet. I haven't made a soup tbh but I've made stews and they do the same thing so I can see it
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u/IamNyliram Jan 07 '23
Same and I asked myself the same question because I always end up with too much even when I tried to downsize the Ingtedients!
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u/proevligeathoerher Jan 07 '23
I made curry last night and I'm having it again tonight, and I'm not even sure I'll be able to finish it, lmao
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Jan 08 '23
I just asked that! When I make curry, there's usually at least enough for 3-4 person meals. There's no point in making curry if you aren't making a lot of it.
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u/StarsofSobek Jan 07 '23
Well…. He was called greedy by the gf, so… idk… I’m wondering what missing context is behind that insult? Maybe he made (and ate) a loaf of it and ate it all? Lol These two seem petty enough for it.
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u/kgxv Jan 07 '23
Frankly, both of them are insufferable and immature. But let’s not pretend someone’s an asshole for not wanting to eat cold food when they’ve spent all day out in the cold. The way he went about expressing it (and her behavior in response) are what’s assholish.
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Jan 08 '23
...he simply made a face then made his own food. If she was hurt SHE should have said something then or later when emotions calmed.
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u/2_old_for_this_spit Jan 07 '23
When I read the original post, I had a suspicion that this wasn't just about the food. The update confirms it for me. I bet this goes far beyond the kitchen. She criticizes the way he folds towels, so he leaves them in a heap in the basket. He tells her to make straight lines on the carpets, so she no longer vacuums. And so on.
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u/breadyforthis Jan 07 '23
Wait. Seriously? They also argue over folding towels and vacuuming? Wow. I’m just happy that the chores are done.
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u/2_old_for_this_spit Jan 07 '23
No, that's just conjecture on my part. It follows the "If you don't like what I cook, I won't cook" pattern. It was my ex's go-to strategy.
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u/Villain_911 Jan 07 '23
That's a really good observation. Two people who can't communicate/take criticism dragging each down.
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u/LegitimateCut5876 Jan 07 '23
Meh, maybe I've been tainted from past bad relationships but I didn't think OP was too much of a d*ck initially - cold day, sometimes you just feel like soup, he didn't have her make the soup, he made it himself, it is what it is.
Neither of them are handling it well, he seems pretty checked out of the relationship and if it ends, doesn't seem like it will affect him too much.
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u/ThereIsAThingForThat Jan 07 '23
I have always been the primary cook in my relationships because I love cooking, and I honestly have no idea why OOPs partner got so angry at him not wanting to eat salad and cooking a replacement.
Like, i could understand it if it's a meal that you spent a lot of time and/or money on which couldn't just be thrown in the fridge for another time but... It's salad, just throw the excess in the fridge.
Unless this is something OOP does often, but in that case I'd personally just try to figure out if there's a reason why a partner would do that.
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u/worcesternellie Jan 07 '23
I assumed it was due to OOP admitting they "made a face." If I offered my husband a plate of whatever I made for dinner and he made a face and said he didn't want it I'd probably get pretty upset pretty fast too, regardless of his reasoning. That's just rude.
Both of these people still seem to have had really immature and unhealthy responses to the conflict, though.
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u/GlotzbachsToast Jan 07 '23
But also I just don’t understand how he wasn’t aware that they were having chicken salad before it arrived at the table. Like at no point did either of them communicate what the dinner plan was? I can see a normal situation where one person suggests “hey I think I’m going to make chic salad for dinner, sound good?” And the other can say “idk, I’m feeling cold after today I might heat up some soup to go with it”. Almost like communication leads to less conflict!
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u/worcesternellie Jan 07 '23
Well it depends on their dynamic, really. We don't know what that is. I rarely get my husband's opinion on dinner, even if I'm cooking something new. But I know what he likes and I know he's not picky. It would be really out of character for him to decide not to eat what I made, but if he wasn't a dick about it I'd just pack it for lunches and let him make whatever he wants. Who cares.
But who knows, maybe she regularly makes chicken salad and he always eats it. Maybe she was tired from their day out so threw something quick and easy together and didn't think to see if he was good with that first. Regardless of what happened, deciding on a route of communication you suggested afterward would be a lot better than "I'm going to try and hurt your feelings like you hurt mine" and "Well, let's just never ever cook for each other again."
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u/ItsTooColdForThat Jan 07 '23
I was doing a chore in the garage and didn't see that she had started making something.
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u/jeba Jan 07 '23
nobody cares, this is irrelevant to the big picture. you don’t deserve this relationship and you’re acting like a petulant child.
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u/ThereIsAThingForThat Jan 07 '23 edited Jan 07 '23
It is difficult with "made a face", because that could be anything from "Looking a bit sad" to "looking like something out of a cartoon".
And I honestly do think the people who say that he was not allowed to show any reaction of disappointment is... Well, I talk too much about the pressure of men not showing emotions of disappointment and similar in romantic relationships, so I won't harp on it here. But I am not a fan of all the comments saying he should have just eaten the food he didn't want to eat to spare her feelings.
Whether or not OOP is immature... Eh. The only immature thing he might have done was "making a face" which in general I think it is unhealthy to carry an emotional mask in romantic relationships. Yeah if his partner had said to him that his reaction hurt her, then he could have apologised, but it doesn't seem like she ever actually communicated her feelings to him (other than her power plays showing how she feels, I guess), she only belittled his feelings by saying he was ridiculous for wanting something hot after a day in the cold.
And personally if something so little as "Not feeling salad tonight, I'll just quickly make something else" could cause... This, then that would be a massive red flag to me, I might just apologise to keep the peace but I would be unsure of the future of the relationship.
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u/TootsNYC Jan 07 '23
I think his delivery was too whiney, because she got defensive instead of saying, “oh, well, let’s heat up some soup to go beside it.”
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u/throwaway-my-nephew Jan 07 '23
My response would be, ‘enjoy your soup, more chicken salad for me.’ People are stupid.
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Jan 08 '23
Yeah thats how I feel about this.
My girlfriend and I have very different tastes. The last delicacy I had was some canned cod liver and crackers. My gf finds that absolutely horrifying. She likes those fancy seasonal starbucks drinks and other things I find way too sweet. When we feed each other I know to not make her fish liver and she knows not to make something overly sweet.
Our attitude to all this? "Hey, more for me."
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u/lr0nman_dies_Endgame Jan 07 '23
I wonder how they got together because it’s clear the two don’t know what communication is
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u/Chaos_Ice Jan 07 '23
Imagine being that petty and childish that you even waste your time going back and forth instead of breaking up.
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u/TootsNYC Jan 07 '23
“She asked if I was trying to make a point.” Says the woman who deliberately chose to make her own dinner. To the man who was actually not displaying a reaction.
“You’re not getting upset when I did to you what you did to me—you should be getting mad.”
They’re both tiresome, but her moreso.
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u/Embarrassed_Hat_2904 Jan 07 '23
Thank you! I feel like I was losing my mind cuz I was the only one that didn’t agree that OP was the raging asshole they all said he was. He made a face, we all fuck up in a relationship sometimes. His one face should not equate several days of her trying to get him pissed to make a point.
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u/Narcoid Jan 08 '23
You can see it here too. Sure dude isn't great and could've handled things better, but this gf sounds like a real piece of work.
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u/Burgling_Hobbit_ Jan 07 '23
I truly don't get how everyone is blasting OP. Yea, he could have been more tactful. But it was one meal where he made himself something he wanted and she stayed angry instead of deciding this one time of him not eating her food could be let go.
Maybe he should have suggested running dinner plans by each other before jumping to never making food for each other again, but she's intentionally trying to provoke him with her bs too.
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u/DiegoIntrepid Jan 07 '23
I was wondering if I was in an alternate dimension.
Yes, he may be 'checked out' but she seems exhausting.
She made salad, which he didn't want, and instead of throwing a fit, he went and made himself something else.
Now, apparently she had decided that she is going to do 'tit for tat' and do the same, then gets upset when he DOESN'T have any reaction, or has the reaction she wants?
I do agree that maybe running plans by each other would be good, but honestly, I am not sure I would want to cook food for someone with this personality or have her cook for me.
Especially since in all these posts (not OOPs) when someone has an issue with what was cooked it is always 'well get off your rear and cook for yourself!' he did. he didn't demand his GF make something else. He just didn't want chicken salad that day.
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u/scienceismygod Jan 07 '23
Look I get it cooking is like an entire ass thing when your both working but like wow. This isn't about the cooking they clearly hate each other.
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u/shayjax- Jan 07 '23
The original judgment was ridiculous. Seriously it was ridiculous people act like he threw a tantrum and through the food on the floor, rather than him decided he wanted something warm, and made it himself.
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u/GeorgeBird0457 Jan 07 '23
Thank you! I thought I was crazy reading the comments in the OG post. He didn’t ask his gf to go back in the kitchen and make him something else. Dude was literally like “I’d rather have something else, sorry.”
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u/Embarrassed_Hat_2904 Jan 07 '23
Omg! Yes! I feel like I’m in bizarro world! He mad a face, we all fuck up at times. He didn’t intentionally make a face, unlike she is doing trying to get a reaction of of him. Everyone is treating him like Hitler cuz he doesn’t want to engage in her mind games at this point.
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u/designatedthrowawayy Jan 07 '23
She isn't entirely in the clear here. She is doing the same stuff everyone is yelling at him about not doing and the same stuff she's getting mad at him for. She isn't communicating her issues at all. She is deliberately trying to prove points and getting mad at him when he doesn't have her desired reaction about it which she then uses to accuse him of being trying to prove a point as though he's the bad guy for doing what he said he would do in the first place. All in all, ESH.
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Jan 08 '23
It's not that she wasn't entirely in the clear.
Anyone who purposefully tries to hurt their partner over the course of several days (which means emotions calmed and she still decided to do this) to "teach them a lesson" is either abusive as hell, a child, or both.
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u/Myrindyl Jan 07 '23
I felt like I was taking crazy pills reading the original comments and the update comments (and many comments on this post).
Dude makes an involuntary disappointed face at cold salad for dinner after a cold day outside, expresses what seems to me to be a totally normal desire for a hot meal at the end of such a day and is blown off and given a mini lecture about the thermotstat and his core body temp, makes himself something hot to eat, and gf pitches a multi-day shit fit.
Somehow he's an asshole with a communication problem.
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u/Pollowollo Jan 07 '23
It sounds like neither of these people have any clue how to communicate like adults and they both seem exhausting, tbh.
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u/Miss_Milk_Tea Jan 07 '23
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!
Seriously, though. This is the dumbest, pettiest shit I’ve seen in a while.
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u/Entire-Beat-423 Jan 07 '23 edited Jan 08 '23
She's looking for him to be upset because he didn't eat her stupid salad. He's just saying what he's gonna do and not changing last second.
It was an incredibly stupid subject to fight on. He just wanted to eat something hot and not cold, she was hurt or upset by this but ALSO was giving him shit about his own preference that day. Both were in the wrong because both were brats that complained about dumb shit.
Of course he didn't want to cook for her when she made the whole meal about "You're trying to prove a point, aren't you" instead of, maybe, he was just not upset by her not eating his food. He said he wouldn't be, and he wasn't. She WANTED him to be upset because SHE was. But they don't see it the same. Her LL is probably acts of service and his is probably quality time from the sounds of it. He's fine just because they're eating together. She isn't because it's a change that she IS upset by.
Then She's upset and adamant that he's trying to prove a point. Because she told him she'd be making salmon(but neglected to say it was just for her) and he wasn't upset with her when he found out she hadn't cooked a portion for him.
She's making this a huge thing and keeps pushing and wanting a fight to start ONLY because she is hurt he didn't eat her salad.
It's gonna snowball if she doesn't let go of this whole "You're trying to prove a point to me, right?" thing because she's only going to keep getting more and more upset that he IS NOT getting upset at her.
Food is not that deep. Try communicating with your partner instead of trying to find a deeper meaning of "oh you don't like my food" or "oh, you're doing this to prove you're not bothered by this" when sometimes, they're just not bothered by it. Maybe he's just okay with her not eating his food. Because she can decide what she wants to put in her body.
(Honestly) Getting upset someone isn't eating food you cooked, or "cooked" in her case, is not normal. There's clearly a deeper issue for her she isn't talking about. Coupled with her wanting him to be upset like she is? She's trying to validate her being upset by trying to make him upset, but gets upset that he isn't making it a big deal. She needs to communicate the actual reason she's upset, it's not just a stupid salad.
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Jan 07 '23
This. ☝🏽this AF.
It must be exhausting as hell to be in that relationship, for both of them. Man I do not have time or energy to get bent out of shape over food.
But, they sound young and I feel like I might as well be 70.
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u/Acrobatic_Schedule33 Jan 07 '23
Guy literally says in a comment “I don’t plan to be with her forever” then just break up with her. You’re literally just hurting her for no reason. I don’t understand people who want to live in bad living situations when there are other options available
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Jan 07 '23
Honestly I don’t see how he did anything wrong. He didn’t want a salad and made himself some soup. He made her dinner the next day and she refused and had a salad. He didn’t make a big deal out of it. She didn’t cook salmon for him so he had an omelette. He didn’t start a fight over it. So he figured she agreed on not cooking for the other and only cooked curry for himself. SHES the one making an issue out of it all.
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u/Assiqtaq Jan 07 '23
Anyone know why these people are pretending to be in an actual relationship? I'd love to know.
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u/B0326C0821 Jan 07 '23
They both sound insufferable AF. Hopefully they stay together so no one else has to deal with their weird passive-aggressive petty bullshit.
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u/Hijodeagua1320 Jan 07 '23
They are both so incredibly immature. She wants an apology for how he reacted and going scorched earth untill she gets it. He just can’t acknowledge that he hurt her feelings. Smh people need to grow up
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u/cdp657 Jan 07 '23
I don't see how this is 100% on him though. Like they're both being childish. She's not eating his food to prove a point and he's not cooking for her to prove a point. They're going in circles for no reason. It's ridiculous. They're children.
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u/Shelly_895 Jan 07 '23
God OP is such a dick. His gf is childish too, but he doesn't give a shit if his relationship survives. He's just waiting for this fight to blow over instead of communicating like an adult. He's so fucking callous about it, I feel super bad for his gf.
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u/bellowen Jan 07 '23
in one comment he says : my relationship is good
in another : either she moves on from this or i move on from her
in another : if she doesnt let go, it will be over.
How is this a good realtionship XD He will just throw it away just like that. He is so stubborn, i would be miserable to have someone like that in my life. Only cares about his opinion.19
u/Shelly_895 Jan 07 '23
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u/naturebabyyy Jan 07 '23
Jesus. I saw his first comment there and it was already awful, but now he fully admits he doesn’t want to be with her long term? He’s pretty much explicitly said he’s just using her as long as it’s convenient for him
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u/TootsNYC Jan 07 '23
He should throw it away. It would be better for both of them. They’re probably in this from inertia only, at this point. If it takes a stupid fight over food to end it, that’s pretty good! Low damage
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u/the-rioter Jan 07 '23 edited Jan 14 '23
Maybe it's the fault of subs like r/pettyrevenge but I feel like people pride themselves too much on being petty rather than speaking with one another like grown ups.
The gf definitely seems childish but it also seems like she is trying to prompt a conversation and OOP did make this unilateral decision and refuses to talk about it.
ETA - Okay his comments on the posts and this sub are bad. Dude is really emotionless and lacks empathy. It seems he's just using her. 😬
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u/Embarrassed_Hat_2904 Jan 07 '23
How is he a dick though? He clearly communicated what he thought they should do to keep this issue from happening, and she keeps trying to poke the bear and won’t let it go. At this point, what communication is there to have? Yes he was an ass for making a face, but shes taking it to a whole new level. She’s not trying to have a conversation with him, she’s just trying to even the score in her mind.
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u/cucumberkales Jan 07 '23
OOP also commented that he has no plans for a future with his current girlfriend and that she can either put up or he'll leave. He's very upset that no one seems to be on his side that it's fine to enter a romantic relationship with someone only to plan on breaking up after a few months
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Jan 08 '23 edited Jan 08 '23
Can someone explain what the fuck is going on here?
I read the story and cannot for the life of me figure out why it was posted on this subreddit.
What I get is dude made pasta, GF didn't want pasta and made a salad, dude didn't care. Suggested they make separate meals cause she gets upset if she doesn't get what she wants without communicating it? Moving forward the GF does things to purposefully try and piss him off and gets even more pissed when he shrugs it off.
Now granted, I'm autistic. So I am not good with nuances of situations. But from what is posted here, I would do the same thing. If you're not gonna like what I make and get pissy when you don't communicate what you want. Then make your own food.
Edit: I saw the original post for this. Still don't see whats wrong here. Sure a face isn't great, but sometimes your internal reactions get externalized. Dude was out in the cold all day and wanted hot food. I've been in his position before. It doesn't matter if you're inside in warm dry clothes and its warm. You want hot food on a cold day, you want hot food on a cold day. He didn't shit talk or throw a fit. It was a simple "I'm actually not feeling that. Thank you but imma microwave some soup. Be back in 5 minutes" and then they still ate together. While I can't say whether or not the dude needs to communicate more or not, but his gf needs to take a lesson in chilling the fuck out.
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u/leah_paigelowery Jan 08 '23
I was actually on the guys side with this. He didn’t want what she cooked so he made his own things. She then continued to drag it out for like 3 days. I can’t believe this guy was voted the ahole.
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u/jasonshmoorhees Jan 08 '23
I don't see how anyone is against this guy.. sure the face at the salad was a little much but everything from then on out seems extremely diplomatic and thought out? The girlfriend on the other hand seems highly immature.
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u/lallapalalable Jan 07 '23
This whole thing sounded like two asshole children in a meaningless fight
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u/NonConformistFlmingo Jan 07 '23
JFC neither of these people are mature enough to be in a relationship. They both suck and are acting childish AF.
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Jan 07 '23
They both sucks.
They refuse to cooperate or have healthy communication and they both refuse to admit they act petty. I also have a feeling this happens outside of the kitchen too.
At this point if none of them is willing to make an effort, just end the relationship and move on.
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u/CoastalParadise Jan 08 '23
So petty the pair of them. Don’t know why they don’t just end it. They maybe don’t realise but they are already starting to go their separate ways with this petty food issue.
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Jan 08 '23
How can you only make enough curry for one person???? This is physically impossible. Leftovers are required.
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u/No-Paramedic6892 Jan 07 '23
I’m not understanding how either one being petty makes them the devil. I kinda agree with him on the warm meal after a day in the cold. I think it’s more mental than actual temperature, but still. She’s picking a fight over it because she wants to prove a point, and now they’re both being ridiculous.
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u/kade_void18 Jan 07 '23
bro i still don’t understand how she got made at him for wanting warm food on a cold day, it’s literally his preference
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u/the-rioter Jan 07 '23
For me this is definitely ESH but OOP annoys me more. There's comments claiming that the gf is trying to get a rise out of him and he's grey rocking her, which I think is ridiculous because it's pretty clear that he's also trying to get a rise out of her. She's going about it the wrong way, but I got the impression that the gf was trying to start a conversation and OOP just shut it down. He absolutely made a unilateral decision about cooking for each other and is now digging his heels in. These two need to learn how to communicate.
There's some real incels in the comments, though. I don't know why some people cannot have a conversation about how a particular woman is acting badly without unilaterally claiming that this is the behavior of all women in a very gross, misogynistic way.
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u/CameronBeach Jan 07 '23
I just don’t get why so often compromises are on the man in this sub. He made a face. She had turned it into this big thing. She literally is just trying to make him hurt like how she was hurt. Sadly for her, like he said he doesn’t care if they eat different things. I wouldn’t exactly call saying hey I’m making salmon communication. Seeing as she only made it for herself. Which is OK. The girlfriend is the real problem. He isn’t very emotional so things don’t bother him as much she obviously is very emotional
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u/the-rioter Jan 07 '23
A compromise involves two people. He said they will not cook for each other anymore and when she said he cannot make unilateral decisions for the relationship, he ignored her. I do not think that she is handling this situation in the right way, but it's also difficult to reach a compromise when someone is stonewalling you.
The second half of your comment feels gross. Being "very emotional" is not a negative quality and it sounds like you're using it to dismiss her. And OOP is not all ~logic and reason~ because if he truly didn't care, he wouldn't be digging his heels in about not cooking for each other.
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u/Embarrassed_Hat_2904 Jan 07 '23
There is nothing gross about the second part of their comment. She’s tried several times now to get a reaction out of him just because he didn’t want a salad. That’s pretty emotional. Instead of having a grown up conversation, she decided to play a game of gotcha the next day when he cooked dinner. He didn’t intentionally set out to hurt her when he made soup, but she did when she decided to wait til after he cooked to make something else. That was her being petty.
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u/aliceafterall Jan 07 '23
I don't think the OPP was TA at all, especially with this update. His partner sounds like a petty child.
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u/Arifault Jan 07 '23
He's only with her because he perceives the relationship to be mutually beneficial, but doesn't want to be with her long term... gross!
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u/agent-assbutt Jan 07 '23
They are both whiny little bitches with the emotional maturity of cold salad.
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u/64788 Jan 07 '23
Barely even went into the comments and I already found the classic “narcissist” diagnosing comments! Bravo AITA
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u/Trepptopus Jan 08 '23
OP isn't the asshole. Read both posts. At no point is OP mad at his partner, nor does he ask her to do anything, nor does he demand any concessions on her part. He simply says "we seem to have conflict over our food needs/preferences and I feel like it'd be best to just cook separately"
OP's GF seems to have a habit of escalation and also of needling and trying to start shit over nothing. Sorry but OP isn't the asshole and OP certainly isn't the devil. He does need to leave this woman child he calls a partner as her lack of maturity is such a massive red flag.
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u/0ld-S0ul Jan 08 '23
Why is everyone criticizing oop? His gf got upset that he wasn't mad about hernot eating his food, like she said she wanted a salad just to make him feel bad and then got upset when he did the mature thing by saying no problem, and he would just have it for lunch the next day. His solution to avoid being baited into an argument over food is that they don't cook for eachother anymore.
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u/roxannefromarkansas Jan 07 '23
I didn’t see the original one, but the girlfriend is the devil here. So she told him what she was making for dinner, made it for herself only, and then asked if he was trying to make a point? Who is trying to make a point there?
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u/mockingjbee Jan 07 '23 edited Jan 07 '23
Literally dont understand why he even asked if he was an asshole or not when he clearly knew he was, and wasn't going to listen to anyone anyway and play games instead.
Edit - lmao how I am getting downvoted when I have the same opinion as everyone else reddit is wild
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u/Checkoutrainwain Jan 07 '23
He is just absolutely awful. so instead of communicating he's just shutting down and now acting like it's her problem. I really hope this is a troll because I don't want to believe that he is just this immature.
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u/AutoModerator Jan 07 '23
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
Update: No longer cooking for my girlfriend.
Wednesday after I served the plates, my girlfriend said she didn't want pasta and was going to make a salad. I was pretty sure she was going to do this, and it didn't bother me. I waited for her to come back to start eating, and when she sat down I tried to talk to her about her day. She asked if I was trying to make a point. I asked what she meant.
She asked if I cared that she wasn't going to eat what I made. I said that I didn't and would have it for lunch. She got frustrated, focused on her salad and wouldn't engage with me. After dinner, I said we shouldn't make dinner for each other anymore.
She asked why I thought that, and I said it's clear that she gets upset when she makes food for someone and they don't eat it. It would be better for us just to make separate meals so we each know we will get what we want and no one's feelings would be hurt. She said it wasn't okay for me to make a unilateral decision about our relationship. I said that I wasn't, but I didn't want to cook for her anymore or have her cook for me if it was going to make her upset. We kind of went round and round on it, until the conversation petered out. She texted me at work Thursday that she was going to make salmon. I decided that if she tried to cook for me I would just let her so she'd feel like she won one over on me and we'd draw a line under this.
She ended up making salmon only for herself, which I was surprised by, because I was expecting her to try to convince me to have some. I made myself a quick omelette and sat down with her. She asked if I was upset she didn't cook for me, and I said no. Again, she accused me of making a point. She asked if I was going to cook for her Friday, and I said no. She was put out.
Friday she was upset that I made only enough curry for one person and called me greedy. At this point I'm over it all, so I just ignored her.
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