AITBF For Lying so much to people

[u/xo_gigii]

Hi I’m a F13 my name for now will be unknown.
I have been a compulsive liar since a was able to speak and now I think it’s gotten really worse. So basically it started a few months ago around September. It’s was lunch time and one-of my friends who will be call L turned to me and said are you and M a thing. For more context M is one of my former friends A’s boyfriend i have never talked to A’s boyfriend nor do I find him attractive. I don’t have anyone’s numbers to hangout after school so I’m pretty isolated after school I’ll talk to a few people in school but other than that I don’t usually contact others only past friends for my former 2 schools. This filling month around maybe Wednesday i was out to lunch with A (different person we will call her A2) so A2 says when did u get ur first hickey. I have never gotten one I had lied about having a boyfriends which they believed super easily. I replied unaware that something would happen. A2 and me have a toxic past and she would always tell rumors about me and ruin my social life with people i was casually acquaintances with. I did not know why i didn’t think before speaking I feel so stupid right now. This week on a Friday 10/17 A (gf of M) said come talk to me while I was with one of the people in my friend circle now I knew what was going on I didn’t want to talk but I didn’t she straight up asked me if I and M were a thing and I said no and she said whats ur boyfriends name. I said damian just to shut this up. And she said that I said my bfs name was M. Now rethinking about it i have never told anyone what the fake bf’s name was. So either when these people were asking me a question they took it as they found my fakes bf was M. Which was not the case. I told my mom a plain story of wha happened and I told her that I wanted to finish the year homeschooling or boarding school. She mainly said homeschooling would work better. I really need advice so I don’t go mentally insane and I will try to answer questions and update when I have school

[u/butt_soap]

Ytb for lying. Hopefully you figured out why its not a good idea from this experience. It might make you feel better in the moment but long term it often backfires. It's a great way to lose the trust and potential relationships of those you care about.

Friends might be TBF from pushing you if they're causing drama but maybe not if they caught you lying.

[u/babysharksarecoolasf]

I don't think you need judgement rn babe, you need advice. I understand the desire to seem cool or the feeling that you may be lagging behind as compared to your friends in certain experiences, but you'll have those experiences too, and it's better to have that sooner rather than later.

Don't feel the need to become anyone other than yourself. If you want to do something or achieve something, then make it a reality rather than a story that makes people stop believing you. Be comfortable with yourself, once you learn how to do it, you'll stop feeling the need to lie. You've got this!!

[u/PegasusRancher → u/babysharksarecoolasf]

Definitely agree with this
The flip side to telling lies & making up stories is to adjust how you present yourself to other, this frequently means you try to mold a new personality that you believe other people would want you to have. And thaf will lead to a very awful, miserable life.

[u/Hvnzfire]

Just stop lying. Ytb

[u/PegasusRancher]

You’re not a buttface but your lying is a problem and will eventually harm someone and probably quite severely.

You said you’re already isolated and your mom thinks homeschool is the solution to this problem tells me that your mom is very out of touch. Do you suspect that she knows about the lifelong lying?

It would be very beneficial to you to get a therapist, one who can help you figure out why you lie, and then they can give you tactics and techniques to stop the lying. You’re not just potentially hurting others with your lies but you’re also hurting yourself. No one will ever know who you really are if you lie all the time, and that will only make you feel even more isolated and incredibly lonely as you get older.

On that note, it sounds like your friends are not being honest either. If you truly didn’t name M as your fake boyfriend, then at least one of them is lying and telling made up stories too.

Work on yourself, find out why you make things up, then work on not being a liar anymore.

Good luck, xo_

[u/SaltySweetSt]

YTB to yourself. Like you said, it’s the kind of thing that ruins relationships. I hear that it’s a compounding problem but that it can get better if you are committed to it.

I read that someone who had that problem was only able to break it by immediately correcting himself every time- even if it was embarrassing. Over time he was able to do it less and less often.

[u/Jolly-Bandicoot7162]

I genuinely can't follow your story and have no idea what the actual problem is, other than you lied about having a boyfriend. If you really didn't ever tell them a name for the fake boyfriend, then why is it an issue that you now said Damian?

[u/xo_gigii → u/Jolly-Bandicoot7162]

I believe that one of her friends that asked me a question when the situation was brewing said a fake lie that I said the name was m

[u/United-Plum1671]

YTBF

[u/MeCompany]

There's lots of reasons why people compulsively lie, I think if you genuinely want to face it, so it doesn't follow you for the rest of your life the solution isn't to isolate and run from it by homeschooling, but to seek counseling to get to the root of it. But also, too accept the consequences of your lying because it can help to be a deterrent in the future.

You're very young, who you are hasn't cemented yet, and this doesn't have to define you. I'm curious if one of your parents said you've been lying since you could speak, or if you are just being tough on yourself?

[u/xo_gigii → u/MeCompany]

My mom knows

[u/MeCompany → u/xo_gigii]

Being a compulsive liar can really impact your relationships, your mom should help you look into resources. There's lots of people who lie, and not even for malicious reasons, it seems like you have a lot going on. I hope everything works out, and that you find friends where you don't feel like you have to lie to them, but that all comes from you first.

[u/swiggityswirls]

It takes courage to tell the truth because you accept whatever outcome happens as a result.

People believing your lies doesn’t make you a good liar. It means they trusted you. And you sacrificed that trust for each lie. You chose to sacrifice years of slowly building trust with friends just to risk losing it over your lies. For what? For what purpose?

The purpose wasn’t to help anyone. The purpose was because you’re too embarrassed? You’re too much of a coward? You’re spineless? Well they see that in you now.

You earn trust by speaking the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. Even if someone gets upset with you.

[u/Relative-Magician-43]

I wouldn't call you a bad person, but you do need to take responsibility for the lying before it causes more problems. You're only 13, and the fact that you're recognising this pattern and asking for help is a good first step. It sounds like you've been hurt by rumours and toxic friendships, and maybe lying has become a way to protect yourself or avoid uncomfortable situations. That doesn't make it okay, but it does mean you can work on understanding why you do it. My advice is to stop adding new lies to cover the old ones, and if someone asks about the situation with M, simply say you made things up and he was never your boyfriend. You don't owe everyone every detail of your personal life, either, saying "I'd rather not talk about that" is completely acceptable. I'd also encourage you to talk honestly with your mom about the compulsive lying itself, not just changing schools, and ask for help from a counsellor. You don't have to fix everything overnight, but you do need to start making different choices. Please don't convince yourself that you're a terrible person because of a habit you can work on changing. ❤️

[u/Not_your_experiment]

I feel like if this is the full truth NTBF, I also feel like you should work with somebody to prevent lying to extends, it could have been very avoided all together, I feel especially if people catch you in the lie it creates mistrust, which would spread ti everyone else around you