Does this make sense

[u/aura_punch96]

I feel I’m a straight passing 30f. I’ve had moments I def looked queer, but work has me confirming.

I came out as bi when I was 18 to close friends and they were all like we know. We thought you did too🤣 and soon after I switched the verbiage to pansexual. Have been going by that for years.

I met a woman online and we just stayed friends, but she introduced me to using queer as a label and it’s my favorite. Why? Bc one either they’re gonna ask questions and we can have a fun conversation or two they’re gonna stop talking. At least that’s been my experience. I love using queer considering it once was a slur. It’s taking it back and not letting others use it to hurt us. At least that’s how that introduced it to me and tbh I never really looked into it and now I feel arrogant/ignorant. But imma continue as I am bc this post is me coming to a safe place to kindness and guidance from others.

I was JUST watching a video from everyone’s favorite volcano loving lesbian about which gem/mineral represent each lgbtqia+. She did omnisexual and said it was the most requested. I’ve seen it often online as well but haven’t looked it up… until now. And I was like woah this feels way more accurate. And then I just kept reading more and searching more and this is what I’ve landed on if I have to keep it to five:

OMNISEXUAL • SAPIOSEXUAL • QUEER • ABROSEXUAL • ACEFLUX

All this being said, I feel for everything in life I have always been on not only both ends of every spectrum, but also in the center. And sometimes center left or center right. I am fairly confident I may be AuDHD from the research I’ve done on that with my experiences as well. But sometimes I’m into this more than others, sometimes I don’t want anything to do romantically or sexually. Sometimes I’m hyper sexual. Sometimes I’m more into men than I am women. Sometimes I don’t care about gender and just want a connection.

Lately I’ve also been introduced to the term table top poly. I think back to how I once loved and thought it was ENM. But I really don’t think that’s me at all. And idk something happened a few years ago that snapped something in me and I feel like I surprised myself into this mono/hetero life and I’ve been miserable but have felt trapt. In my mind I’m not gay enough for the queer community, but I’m not straight enough.. honestly I don’t wanna be bunched up with the straights. Period😭😭😭

But kitchen table poly. It sounds lovely. My own lil commune of folks I adore and some of us date, some of us don’t, sharing, keeping everything within our like village. I love it honestly. Truly its sounds like heaven. I wouldn’t lie if I also see this as a way to save money so I can have horses 🤣🤣 in this economy? The more ways rent is split the better🤣🤣🤣🤣 I digress.

So here I am and some insight that may or not be helpful. I’m just kind of throwing myself out there hoping for clarity on how these labels function together, CC to follow that may help me on this journey, or even just hearing some of you talk about the confusing parts along the way before you found what felt right for you.

And I’d like to say that I’m not one for labels. Clearly I’ve never fit into any one label and I take that with pride. But I am using these labels as a point of reference for growth and knowledge I don’t have.

[u/MagpiePhoenix]

I've never heard of tabletop polyamory! Do yoy mean "Kitchen table" polyamory, or is this different? What does it mean?

[u/aura_punch96 → u/MagpiePhoenix]

You’re correct I just remembered incorrectly!! I’ll see if I can fix that:) tysm