I'm 44 and for a male, typical lifespan is 65-75 and so I sometimes dwell on the fact it wouldn't be out of the ordinary if I died in 20 years or so.
Sometimes I do this weird thing where I mentally think about what I was doing 20 years ago from today to put in perspective how much time has passed and how much I have left.
20 years ago felt like a different world, 30 moreso.
I sometimes get angry at the realization that 1/3 of my life is devoted to work, 1/3 is to sleep and 1/3 is truly to myself, but not really, because I have responsibilities.
It makes me angry that we live in such a capitalist society and sometimes fantasize about a world were we all worked together and took care of each other giving us more time to pursue passions.
I was injured from work (and recovered quickly)recently and was off for 45 days but still got paid my full salary, so I got a sneak peak of a carefree life with no work (without the stress of unemployment ) and it was like taking off a heavy coat.
I felt lighter, younger, happier and carefree. I was more generous of my time with other people because I felt I had enough for myself. It felt like summer vacation again which I haven't felt since I was a kid.
I wish we could all live like that. I didn't realize how much stress I constantly carried, but it was just my "normal" and thought how I felt was just age or being human.
I've been having stress problems at work, and they've asked me to consider taking 2 to 3 weeks off just to recover so that they can have "the old me" back. I used to be a crusher and got so much done with perfect reliability and accuracy, etc. Now, I'm burned out and it seems like I'm just trying to survive (albeit poorly).
What I want is to have the kind of "taking off the heavy coat" feeling like what you had, but I'm a bit worried to start this time off process because I'm worried it just won't work.
It has to be long enough that you consider the time to be a long time. A week or two wouldn't have done it for me, 6 weeks felt like "going back to work is future me's problem" it seemed so far away.
I don't get this feeling normally when I take a vacation. The next week is still looming like a Sunday into Monday.
I don't know your work situation, so ignore if I'm off track. Besides talking about you taking time off (which you should do), have you talked about fixing the sources of the burnout? If you're out for weeks, you'll need to hand off responsibilities, which means spending dedicated time training others on how to be competent. Or hiring another person to take the load permanently. Are there managerial problems that need to be fixed (lack of communication, inconsistent priorities, last minute projects). Some of these will be harder to implement, but would probably keep you healthy (and alive) and the company running more efficiently.
That was me before I realized what was happening; colleagues were telling me that I had changed, that I didn't look well, that they didn't feel like they knew me anymore. I would get home, look in the mirror, and it was like an exhausted corpse was staring back at me.
I quit that job back in June, and the first few weeks of my new job felt really stale and boring and I wasn't sure I could handle it. My colleagues visited me at my new office and I expressed my concerns to them, and they said "no, this is what a normal business looks like, and you look so much healthier and content". My mind has finally slowed to a normal pace, and I am no longer waking up with panic attacks, I am steadily losing weight, and my color has returned to my face. I stopped by the old office to see my former boss and she was like "wow! You look so much happier"!
It's scary - you could have been describing me in that paragraph...
I'm a civil engineering consultant. We all know that consulting is stressful work, but we're not in the same line of business as those other companies that do "management consulting", whatever that is. We actually produce physical design plans as the work product in the end.
Last fall / winter, though, I burned out. I got too busy and had too much on my plate, and had a severe panic attack at home that nearly scared me to death. Once I realized what was happening, I knew I had a problem. If you start having stress problems at this job, it's hard to bounce back. I've seen it countless times in younger, more aggressive analysts, and they usually leave. After my managers saw what was happening, they hired more help and others started taking some of my work and helping get the things done. But it was a bit like closing the barn doors after the horse had bolted.
Problem is - I love what I do. And I really like the fast pace of it all and having clients and solving their needs. The money doesn't hurt either!
Leaving the job would be extremely difficult to do because working anywhere else would be so boring. Like you mentioned. Since this is the only place I've ever really worked, it's all I've ever known.
I have to make a decision, though. My body told me to fucking slow down and get help, which I've done. And I feel like the problems I had previously at work have been solved and are better now. So I feel like I can stay and keep working! But I'm concerned that once you burn out, you cannot really recover, which may or may not be true.
45
u/ilostallmykarma 10h ago
I'm 44 and for a male, typical lifespan is 65-75 and so I sometimes dwell on the fact it wouldn't be out of the ordinary if I died in 20 years or so.
Sometimes I do this weird thing where I mentally think about what I was doing 20 years ago from today to put in perspective how much time has passed and how much I have left.
20 years ago felt like a different world, 30 moreso.
I sometimes get angry at the realization that 1/3 of my life is devoted to work, 1/3 is to sleep and 1/3 is truly to myself, but not really, because I have responsibilities.
It makes me angry that we live in such a capitalist society and sometimes fantasize about a world were we all worked together and took care of each other giving us more time to pursue passions.
I was injured from work (and recovered quickly)recently and was off for 45 days but still got paid my full salary, so I got a sneak peak of a carefree life with no work (without the stress of unemployment ) and it was like taking off a heavy coat.
I felt lighter, younger, happier and carefree. I was more generous of my time with other people because I felt I had enough for myself. It felt like summer vacation again which I haven't felt since I was a kid.
I wish we could all live like that. I didn't realize how much stress I constantly carried, but it was just my "normal" and thought how I felt was just age or being human.
No, we aren't meant to live like this.