r/AskReddit • u/JustCurious_MM • 3h ago
Women who had an affair with a married man: why did you do it?
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u/adaveaday 1h ago
Said he had Coldplay tickets fml
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u/sadgouda 3h ago
Drugs, alcohol, and getting out of a toxic relationship really clouded my judgement and 13 years later I still feel like the biggest piece of shit for it
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u/Laymanao 3h ago
Any life experience is a chapter in your life and positive or not, it becomes part of your life story. Try to love it as it is part of you. Use, don’t use, be at peace.
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u/sadgouda 3h ago
I honestly needed to hear that and never thought of looking at it that way, life hasn’t been kind especially here lately.. thank you ❤️
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u/Laymanao 2h ago
I hope that you find out that you do have a support team after all. They are there. 😊
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u/JustCurious_MM 3h ago
Don't beat yourself up forever. It doesn't do anyone good if you keep dragging that along with you. I forgave the woman who did it to me. Nobody is perfect. The fact that you are able to acknowledge that it was wrong says more about your morals (in a good way) than you think❤️
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u/sadgouda 3h ago
Thank you! After awhile I did reached out to the wife and apologized, we ended up running into each other at the store and she gave me the warmest hug and I almost cried. She was in a rough patch too and cheated on her husband.. we’re all level headed now with our own lives and families, we don’t talk about it.. but we’ve definitely moved on from it and pretend it never happened
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u/Generic_Midwesterner 3h ago
I was 19, he was 45, and no one had ever paid attention to me before.
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u/Conscious-Ball8373 3h ago
Some men have like a radar for women who feel like this and know exactly how to exploit it. There is something very powerful about someone who can make you feel like they - finally - understand you like no-one else does.
I have come across a couple of women like this in my life, usually somewhat younger than me. I've thought that they looked like they needed encouraging so I've gone out of my way to tell them that they're doing a good job at something. I find the reaction quite frightening - sometimes it feels like they latch on to me in a way that I find quite unpleasant. I back off there. I don't have anything like the charisma to exploit this even if I wanted to, which I don't.
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u/Generic_Midwesterner 2h ago
I approached him, not the other way around. I didn't think he understood me; he just paid attention to me when others hadn't. It took quite a bit of convincing, but I got what I wanted. I was 19 and clueless. I didn't latch onto him -- we had an affair for a few months, then it drifted away and we remained friendly. I just looked up his 2022 obituary -- he and his wife stayed married for 60+ years.
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u/Malcom91 2h ago
I dont think they have a radar like that, those men just have that same approach with every women :O
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u/Conscious-Ball8373 2h ago
Yes, this is a good point. Just try it everywhere and see where it works.
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u/topsidersandsunshine 20m ago
There are absolutely men who prey on vulnerability. Sometimes it’s your brokenness that draws someone’s eye and not your beauty.
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u/knewleefe 34m ago
But it's the vulnerable they're most likely to have success with, then it's straight on to the exploitation part.
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u/JustCurious_MM 3h ago
That is such a good comment. Good for you for not abusing that power. I don't disapprove of an age gap as such, but 19 and 45 is in most cases a huge power imbalance. 19 is barely being out of your kid phase for most people
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u/Conscious-Ball8373 2h ago
In the interests of full disclosure, I should perhaps add that I am eleven years older than my wife. She decided very firmly that we were going to be together and simply would not take no for an answer. She took about three years to convince me that it was a good idea. We'll have been married for 13 years next month.
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u/JustCurious_MM 2h ago
That's wonderful to hear! Exactly the reason why I don't disapprove of age gaps as such. Context matters. Good for you guys! Wishing you the best🥰
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u/Generic_Midwesterner 2h ago
I had lived 100% on my own, paying my own bills, and lived states away from any family for 2 years at this point. I wasn't a kid.
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u/CaptainDisullusion 2h ago
Reddit likes to infantilize adults. While I agree the age gap is large, we're talking about two consenting adults.
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u/Generic_Midwesterner 2h ago
We were absolutely consenting adults. I know Reddit goes bananas if there's more than a 2 year age gap, and also thinks people are children until they're 30. I had a full-time job (police chief's secretary), taking classes at college, was doing fine and was an adult.
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u/whittenaw 55m ago
Just curious...why do you describe yourself as clueless back then. If you were as mature as you imply, then I don't think the adjective would apply.
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u/JustCurious_MM 51m ago
Maturity levels vary a lot at that age. I'm glad, at least, you didn't feel taken advantage of because of your age, despite the huge age gap
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u/Rosemary-Sea-Salt 2h ago
Me. I’m one of those women. It sucks
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u/Conscious-Ball8373 2h ago
Your worth does not come from what men think of you.
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u/Rosemary-Sea-Salt 2h ago
I know that in my brain. My heart has a harder time accepting it
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u/topsidersandsunshine 15m ago
Sometimes I think it was bad that my dad always harped on about how most men don’t amount to much and to stay clear of ones who didn’t have anything going for them because they will lie and manipulate me, but the good news is that I’m always baffled by women who center men in their lives. What random men think of you is none of your business.
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u/GaylicBread 1h ago
Lots of "I was 18/19/23/very young and naive adult and he was 30+" comments in here 👀
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u/OddLengthiness8469 6m ago
Doesn't surprise me. There's definitely a massive imbalance with that age gap that results in this probably happening a lot. I knew two people who have an around 20 year gap, she's the younger one and was 19 when they met.
She is completely weirdly obsessed with him - won't do anything without him unless he's at work or whatever, and once said she wanted to be buried with him when he dies. Super fing weird.
He's a distant (now) mate of mine and is a really funny charismatic guy, but he's a bit of a prick deep down. It's a shame because she's actually got a lot of good in her, her mum just did a number on her growing up.
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u/Icankeepthebeat 29m ago
Are you surprised by that? Women get older and have more life experience and don’t want that drama.
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u/GaylicBread 28m ago
Or a lot of these are creeps who aren't interested in women their own age because younger women who lack life experience are easier to manipulate
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u/Icankeepthebeat 17m ago
Agree. There’s lots of dudes up in here though trying to say “19 is a mature adult, they need to own it”….okkkk. These people are either predators or haven’t talked to a 19 yo recently. They are difficult to even talk to, they’re kids.
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u/lilkhalessi 1h ago
I doubt anyone will admit it here but from being (ex) friends with women who did this, they clearly loved the feeling of being chosen over the wife. Especially if the wife was obviously more beautiful or accomplished or had a seemingly better home life where she was being taken care of.
It made them feel superior that they were being “chosen” over her because they didn’t realize their only value to the man was their novelty and a warm, willing body.
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u/StayAwayFromMySon 24m ago
This is it exactly, but some are more unhinged than others. I had an acquaintance who only slept with married men. She thought the fact that they were married but wanted her meant she was irresistible. If she could get them to buy her stuff that was the ultimate power trip. She bragged one had paid for her abortion. She burst into tears cause one of them refused to buy her a washing machine.
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u/Apprehensive_Tax195 41m ago
Who is responsible for this level of delusion being allowed to fester?
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u/Monstermagnetmarye 20m ago
I would say it´s their own doing, i had a coworker in her late 40´s who was proud of this... and she was only the side piece since her late teens.
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u/lilkhalessi 10m ago
Yeah seeing people fall over themselves to remove the agency and responsibility from the grown women who knowingly participate and oftentimes seek out married men is kinda wild.
Like some ladies just straight up have a kink for this stuff but who’s responsible for that thought process like come on lol
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u/BurstingWithJoya 3h ago
Did not know he was married
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u/Beach-and-Mountains 37m ago
Same. So angry when I found out, freaking slime ball of a man. Glad it was a short relationship (and ended for reasons other than being married, found that out after dumping him)
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u/Inkqueen12 3h ago
I was 23 and he was 47. I was a very naive stupid kid who thought at the time, I wasn’t the one cheating so therefore, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. 🫠
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u/Colonel_Pusstache 3h ago
And partially you are correct but it's 100% more his fault than yours. He was the one who took the vow and decided it was ok to ignore that vow and disrespect someone he claimed to love.
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u/sixth_hokage06 3h ago
Of course he's worse, but 23 is old enough to know what you're doing.
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u/Monstermagnetmarye 28m ago
Agreed, at 16 ´´sadly-barf´´ i had married men already bombarding me with bullshit and their unhappy marriage. I asked them if the wife knew... they would get angry or begged me not to tell.
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u/sixth_hokage06 21m ago
Exactly. I know the husband is "more wrong" because he's doing the cheating and he's older, but she's old enough to know she's participating in an affair.
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u/APJYB 2h ago
How can you be partially, but then 100%?
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u/PowerCinema 1h ago
If she is 5 responsible and he is 10 responsible then he is 100% more responsible.
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u/Plane-Safety1201 1h ago
Good for you for being able to look back, reflect, and see the wrong in your choices. Growth is good. 👍
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u/jimmylikeswaffles 2h ago
Technically you didn't cheat on someone (unless you had a partner)
(Before the harpoons come out, this isn't me making a moral judgment just a literal definition based one)
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u/TheAmazingHumanTorus 1h ago
Wait, when did we switch out the pitchforks for harpoons?
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u/sickiesusan 2h ago
I think that how most single women justify it tbh. No judgement when I say that. I did the same thing in my twenties, but he was my age, he just married too young.
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u/sixth_hokage06 3h ago
23 is old enough to know what you were doing was wrong
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u/bICEmeister 3h ago
I think it’s less about age and more about self-centeredness and lacking empathy. I’ve seen the same sentiment from many people far older.
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u/Kingspot 2h ago
I think they are talking about how popular it’s been getting to call yourself or other people a kid all the way up until they are 30 years old to try to shirk personal accountability for their actions and the situations they get into.
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u/5oy8oy 2h ago
I view people in their lower 20s as kids, not in thr sense of reducing accountability. But in the sense that they're still extremely stupid and child like in many aspects of their thought processes.
I was an absolute idiot in my early 20s. Doesn't mean I shouldn't have been accountable for any wrong doings. It just means I was an idiot, and in retrospect, still very "child like."
I suspect many older people will agree with me, and many in their 20s and younger will feel offended and downvote me. I know 20 year old me would have if he read this comment. He'd think it was ridiculous, because he already viewed himself as a fully grown, mature adult.
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u/McJumpington 2h ago
23 is not a kid…
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u/RedditGarboDisposal 2h ago edited 1h ago
Not in a discussion of rules, but as a 30 year-old, I see those early 20’s as kids.
They don’t act like kids but a number of the ones I’ve known still have that residual teenage mindset.
*edit - I’m not saying people in their 20’s aren’t adults or that people of older age can’t be immature.\*
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u/xenocea 1h ago
I've seen people in their 20's who are much more mature minded than some older adults that are in 40s or even 50s.
It's not always about the age.
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u/EG_resident 23m ago
23 is not a kid but it is very relative. Do you feel you were more mature and wise at 30? 40? I definitely do, and see a lot of what I did in my early 20's as stupid and childish, although not too abnormal from what most people that age were doing.
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u/flibbyflobbyfloop 1h ago
Someday you will get to an age where you see 23 year olds as children. And if you don’t there’s something wrong with you. Sorry but it’s true haha
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u/gimmeallthegluten 2h ago
Made out with a married guy in my early 20s. My morals were questionable back then. Not my finest moment at all. If I’m being honest, I just loved the attention and had a dependence on alcohol. Would never make the same mistake now that I’m older and wiser.
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u/Put-A-Bird-On-It 2h ago
I was 19 or 20. He was approaching 40. I was very naive and fell for his act. He made it sound like they were getting a divorce and not living together, said she was evil and cold, etc. The usual. I genuinely loved him, but when he cheated on me with another coworker, I realized that he wasn't a victim at all, he was a selfish asshole. I felt so stupid for falling for it. I learned that him and his wife were not going through a divorce, she had no idea he was cheating, and it made me feel absolutely horrible. I learned a lot from that experience, it helped me to grow up. I still feel really guilty to this day.
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u/ohyonghao 1h ago
My wife ran into something similar, except he didn’t extend the curtesy of letting her know first, so she could make an informed choice as to whether or not she wanted to be a mistress. Instead he got her life entangled with his to control her until she found his and his wife’s Facebook pages. She was suspicious as he always disappeared around holidays.
Then the, “oh, we sleep in separate rooms and are going to get divorced any day now” lies started. And the threats. Threatening her of retaliation if she saw anybody else, or left him, or stopped messaging him.
She had to move away and ghost him three times to different states before he lost track of her scent.
Even after that he was still hunting for her online, and found a number I rarely use and had only once used it in connection with her name and tried to call her. Biggest piece of shit.
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u/SupermarketOk3031 1h ago
That's scary for her. He not only lied, he stalked her as well? What was his purpose? She left, didnt tell his wife, what did he want from her?
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u/recyclopath_ 1h ago
Men who lie to their wives lie to their mistresses. People easily forget that.
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u/KosstAmojan 51m ago
I’m 40 and I work around 20yr olds who intern at work. I find the concept of trying to bang them crazy. They’re just barely older than my own kid! They don’t know anything about life! Skeezy as hell behavior
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u/Put-A-Bird-On-It 46m ago
Yeah I'm 40 now myself, and I teach. A lot of my students are late teens/early twenties. I look at them and think about how immature they are, and how gross and predatory it is for somebody my age to pursue them . I look at them and see kids.
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u/JustCurious_MM 1h ago
OP here. Just to clarify something for anyone reading this: I am a woman and didn't post this question because I wanted to villify women or cast blame - I asked because I was curious:) That's what this group is for, after all:) We can totally ask the married men next. Feel free to create the next shit storm😂😅
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u/RequirementJust5460 3h ago
Bros deff married and looking for tips
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u/JustCurious_MM 3h ago
Bro is a woman and in a happy relationship but was at the receiving end of it once when I was still with my ex:) But that made me chuckle
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u/ICC-u 3h ago
Hundreds of men in this thread doing the same thing right now
Turns out, it's mostly just taking advantage of women half their age.
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u/JustCurious_MM 3h ago
Honestly concerning
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u/JustCurious_MM 2h ago
Downvotes for being concerned about young women being taken advantage of? Damn guys😄 There is a thing called grooming when it comes to huge age gaps, you know. It's a matter of context.
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u/Fine_Boat5141 2h ago
The D was soooo good. That is all
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u/Samwise-Gamgeesthong 1h ago
I had a friend who had a thing for sleeping with married dudes. She said basically that they were experienced, they could last, and this was basically their few chances to just release and they did it by fucking the living shit out of her multiple times. They were always excited and looking forward to it. Meanwhile they were also super chill and interested, and paid for stuff, all with zero strings.
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u/icameforgold 12m ago
You've convinced me to sleep with married dudes and I'm a married dude myself.
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u/MyMasturbatingOne 2h ago
Finally a truthful answer. All the sanctimonious holier than though people in these comments are going to be big mad though.
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u/MANWithTheHARMONlCA 1h ago
Being an ethical person does not always equate to being ‘holier than though’
If it’s two consenting adults there’s nothing technically wrong with it but having your heart broken really sucks and there’s nothing bad about having empathy
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u/No_Wasabi1503 33m ago
The technically wrong bit happens if there's deception and betrayal of a partner or even family who have to deal with the fallout outside of two consenting adults.
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u/MinimusMouse 2h ago
I was 17, he was 43.... He worked at the local skatepark in the town I lived in. A bunch of us used to hang out in the area where he sat and took payment to get in... He always had some inappropriate comments to make, but for some reason at that age... I just thought he looked at me as "mature". Some time went by, and he friended me on Myspace, then the conversations started progressively getting more sexual. Things continued outside of just social media for a little while...... I'm too disgusted to continue typing it out. It felt like I was under a spell or something because one day I finally snapped out of it and was brought back to earth. Blocked him on everything and flushed his fake ass promise ring down the toilet. Now, almost 20 years later.... I discovered he doesn't live far from me. I saw him walking out of a local coffee shop, I completely froze and wanted to vomit. This man was and is a predator. I desperately wish I would have done something about it, but at 17 years old, I felt as guilty as he was because I didn't say "no".
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u/Far_Hovercraft_1621 59m ago
Who is 43 and works at a skate shop giving out promise rings to kids?!? Yikes
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u/JustCurious_MM 1h ago
That's abuse, full stop. I am really sorry you went through that. Wishing you all the best❤️
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u/Prior_Tumbleweed2308 1h ago
You were groomed.
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u/MinimusMouse 1h ago
As an adult, I'm able to understand that now. As a kid, the shame and guilt kept me quiet.
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u/Links_Morgen 2h ago
I was under the impression we were both ending our relationship to be together. Turns out only I ended my relationship.
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u/Professional_Bar4190 3h ago
I felt very low, just ended a relationship of 8 years. Felt disgusting, undesirable and like the future I had planned just crumbled at my feet. He offered support and a friendly word and I fell for it. Not proud of it at all.
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u/crazy_relic5725 2h ago
I can tell you this. I was divorced at 22. I chose to have an affair with a married man because it was safe. I never went out in public with him, never called him, he didn't spend money on me, he stratched an itch and we could talk about anything.
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u/nigel_bongberry 2h ago
I was freshly 18. He was like 26 and swore his female roommate was…well just a roommate. Then it was she cheated on him and they’re only together for his green card.
I was so fucking stupid dude lol
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u/JustCurious_MM 2h ago
Damn. Started a shit storm.
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u/Swimming_Cookie9951 2h ago
Yea you did lol. But I don't understand why people can't just lead with curiosity. They come here to vilify people and it's unproductive and doesn't align with the goal of the post. There is no shortage of other subs and posts where they can go to trash cheaters to their hearts content. It's annoying to do it on a post that is simply looking for honest answers.
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u/JustCurious_MM 2h ago edited 1h ago
Exactly! The shaming is intense. Don't support that level of harshness no matter where people post. Starting to wonder if keeping this post alive is ethical😅
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u/Custom_Destiny 1h ago edited 1h ago
Yea I am really shocked at how many 20 to 40 something pairings come up.
Way more than I expected.
Not really sure what to do with this knowledge other than realize the world works a little differently than I had imagined.
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u/cantgetthistowork 34m ago
Why didn't you start it gender neutral. We need the shitstorm for the married women too
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u/Cherrynotastripper 2h ago
Attraction and then fell in love. It's painful to fall in love with someone who isn't your. It's not right either to cheat with someone. Life is complicated and it can happen.
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u/UnlikelyRegret4 2h ago
Not sure this counts as an affair, but technically yeah. After he drove her to a clinic to have an abortion from her who-knows-how-many extramarital affairs, he and his wife decided to have an open marriage. I knew him for 20 years before we got together, and he had to talk me into it and I did NOT like the circumstances of the relationship. But sometime while helping her with her emotional collapse after her fourth or fifth boyfriend in the time we were together, I stopped worrying about the situation. They never divorced due to financial reasons and also... they were both marriage counselors and shared a practice. We were together for 16 years until he passed away. I'll add that when we did get together I was still legally married but separated for 2 years and living away from my ex. I was still legally married because my ex was refusing to sign the papers, and it wasn't until his fiance put down her foot and demanded him to sign that he finally did. Apparently I have a penchant for complexity.
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u/cataholicsanonymous 38m ago
they were both marriage counselors and shared a practice.
Damn, dude.
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u/ManicPixieDreamVixen 2h ago
What I told myself when it was going on:
- They were technically separated (for the first few months)
- no one understood me like he did and vice versa
- He told me he was a better husband and father because he was less angry when he also had me.
- Not an excuse, just for context; I was in a very destructive phase in my life and so was he. I have ptsd from my ex before him and he also has PTSD. We’re also both bipolar and neither of us was medicated properly, we did a ton of drugs together and just tried to escape reality. At the same time we kept each other alive at a time when that wasn’t a given. Again, not an excuse but you asked why I did it and I think those things played a part
- He made me feel safe when I was still terrified of my ex.
Having had some space from it, I know it was bad. We’re now strictly friends and I can’t get myself to regret meeting him, tbh. His wife doesn’t know and I honestly think that’s in everyone’s best interest. They have a child together, she’s catholic - to an extent - and doesn’t believe in divorce, they have had a dead bedroom from long before we met (they were about 2-3 years into DB when we met, and it’s been like 4-5 years since then) which she refuses to address and honestly, I did feel bad for him. He was in his late thirties at the time. Again, doesn’t justify anything that I did, just answering your question of why.
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u/JustCurious_MM 2h ago edited 2h ago
I don't condone cheating in any way but I do appreciate you taking the time to explain it all. There is such a diversity of answers you get.
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u/ManicPixieDreamVixen 2h ago
I’m sorry you went through that, I’ve seen the effect it can have on people and on their worldview/ability to trust. Sadly, a lot of people just don’t care/look at it as a competition (wanting what you can’t have) and just horrible, nasty reasons. I’m not trying to say I’m better than any of them, I just think that sometimes there isn’t a “why”, people are just selfish and in many cases even malicious. There is no acceptable justification for it, people just justify their own shitty behavior because that’s the only way they can live with themselves. Or they’re lying to themselves (and obviously to others)
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u/JustCurious_MM 2h ago
I'm not saying I never made a mistake in my life. And I do think context matters. But I also believe when you are old and mature enough you should at least self-reflect and learn. I am interested in psychology and this thread is so interesting, honestly😄 Thanks for being so sweet!
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u/ManicPixieDreamVixen 48m ago
Oh no, sorry, I was talking about people who cheat in the comment above! Not about you at all.
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u/No_Wasabi1503 24m ago
They were technically separated but she's Catholic and doesn't believe in divorce?
You need to not be friends with this guy. He's likely an absolute liar. Why on earth would he be telling you they have anything but a dead bedroom? That's standard adultery chat. If it was or is it doesn't take 2 people to believe in divorce ...just one. He wants to be married and they likely have an active sex life now and also when he was with you.
Maybe save the sympathy for her instead of him wallowing in his "dead" (sure Jan) bedroom and marriage.
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u/nyctomeetyou 1h ago
Imagine taking away his wife's autonomy because you make assumptions about someone you don't know and staying in his life lol I only wish my husband told me sooner that he'd been cheating on me for years. Feel bad for her instead of him.
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u/joker33 1h ago
I was 23 he was 39. He told me they were in the process of separating and that she was in the process of moving out. Turns out, she was pregnant.
I found out later that when the affair started, they thought she was going to lose the baby and she went out of town to be with family. That's when he had me over, using that as an opportunity to cheat rather than being there for her during an incredibly difficult time. He told me he loved me.
Months later he has something to tell me and it was the fact that she was about to give birth. We worked together and I had to watch people give him gifts for the new baby. I was so heartbroken.
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u/jumpythecat 1h ago
For everyone that knows exactly what they're doing, there's someone else that doesn't find out until they're already hooked that they're married. And once they do find out, they're told things like "the marriage has been over for a while, but..." 1) we never have s*x, 2) it's cheaper to keep her, 3) we're just waiting until the kids are done with school...
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u/Aggravating_Rush_929 2h ago
He was my sugar daddy…I mean his wife knew about me and I’ve met her so technically they were in an open marriage. It was great while it lasted!
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u/JustCurious_MM 2h ago
If the wife was supportive of it and didn't mind? That's not cheating, just a different relationship model. Polygamy can work def for some people:) Thanks for adding that to the mix!
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u/Tu_mama_me_ama_mucho 2h ago
Yeah, my wife allows me to, but I have rules. I take care of kids, her and home first.
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u/Open-Station-9643 2h ago
I had known him since we were very young but he being more and more involved in a gang made me leave him. He then went of to marry someone else. And for some reason I felt I had him first. So we just continued seeing each other for a while. In the end I left him again and I later found out that he divorced his wife shortly after. Its many years ago now.
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u/bcfuthatsy 1h ago
He told me they were getting divorced and I was dumb enough to believe him.
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u/jennypij 44m ago
I didn’t know he was married. I was 22 and he was in his 40’s. A friend figured out who he was and sent me a photo of him with his wife and his newborn and toddler. I had no idea, it felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I didn’t know what to do. I blocked him. Still wonder about when/if his wife found out. Now I’m in my 30’s and a mom, I can’t imagine the pain of that with kids.
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u/PaganButterflies 24m ago
I was the wife and my (now ex) husband cheated on me with numerous people, male and female. I 100% hold him responsible for his actions, however, one of the affairs he had was with someone I thought was a good friend, and that one really hurt. To this day I wish I knew why she did it. She cut me off though, before I knew about the affair, and told me I was a lousy friend and she didn't want to be friends anymore. Later I heard she moved to a different country. So I guess I will never get an explanation. So it goes.
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u/officerbirb 2h ago
I was a shy, chubby teenager all through high school and never dated. After I started working my first real job, I slimmed down and got hit on by a married 34 year old man when I was 18. He was a neighbor btw, not a co-worker.
I was flattered by the attention but ended it before actually having sex. It was more an emotional and flirting situation than anything physical but I'd still consider it cheating.
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u/rizzo1717 1h ago
He was somebody I had dated over a decade earlier and we had been friends since. He ended up getting married, they had a kid. And we were just friends.
He would cheat on her all the time. He cheated on her at the rehearsal dinner. Cheated after they were married. While she was pregnant. Etc. He had a whole affair with her best friend. All kinds of crazy affairs that he even recorded and posted online.
I’d ask why he didn’t just leave, but he wouldn’t initiate any separation.
She ended up finding out, so he packed his bags and was going to move out temporarily while they worked towards divorce. And she begged him not to go.
At that point I was like well now it just feels self induced. And he and I started a super casual, sporadic FWB relationship. It didn’t last long, because I didn’t enjoy the sex any more than I did over a decade earlier when we were together.
They are divorced now 🤷🏻♀️ and we are still just friends.
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u/Neither_Return_2425 3h ago
men who had an affair with a married woman, I think this is the same reason
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u/quitenoncompliant 1h ago
I knew he was married. I was 25 and he was 44 at that time. I worked with him but he lived 1500 miles away from me. It started innocently just flirting when we worked together. He was sent to our office on business and that's where it started physically. I was naive & I was enamored with him, he was smart & funny & adored me. It was a lot of fun, but I knew it wasn't going anywhere and ended it. To my knowledge his wife never found out & they are still married today. That was the only time I was ever knowingly involved w a married man. I wouldn't do it again.
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u/katzenjammerr 17m ago
she treated him like a dog (made him sleep on the floor)/servant and they stopped having sex years ago. she was italian and wanted to live in costa rica/start a business. he was a mayan/spanish gardener/botanist guide. i was 27 and he was 53 and one of the most healing partners i ever had. we never fought. if i got upset he would find a way to make me laugh.
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u/Mysterious_Topic_733 2h ago
Because of the thrill
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u/Parish87 1h ago
An honest answer. I’ve never cheated but I have been the one a woman cheated with and this is my answer too. The taboo element really got me going. The feeling of knowing she shouldn’t be doing what she’s doing.
Yeah I sucked for doing it but that’s my reason. I’m older and more mature now and engaged and would never and have never cheated on my own partner, but back then I just didn’t care.
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u/Upper-Video-6067 3h ago
Sometimes people confuse attraction with emotional connection and ignore the consequences.
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u/True-Source-6512 2h ago
I love how not a single person is really taking any responsibility and how many comments are saying it was the man’s fault or he was being manipulative. Holy fuck
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u/recyclopath_ 1h ago
More than half of these the guy was twice her age and she was barley into adulthood. Men who lie to their wives lie to their mistresses.
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u/KPR70 1h ago
Most of them are taking responsibility. I don't know what you're reading.
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u/Infamous-Lobster9817 1h ago
Remember women, women suffering from loneliness, boredom and some naughtiness will steal your man for the night without any regret.
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u/BoysenberryNo3043 2h ago
I banged an older married women when I was younger. Started with massaging her(although we both new we were going to bang). During the massage I asked her why she chose to do this(she was from out of town and in vacation with her gfs) and she said that I would understand when I got married. I'm 45 now and never married. 😑
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u/DulceCarlotta 24m ago
I’ve always wondered why some women take pride in being mistresses. I have a friend who loves being the other woman, and the bloke is just using her.
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u/Glittering-Rise-488 24m ago
From a mans point of view, married women are just WAY more fun than the single/dating woman. A married woman wants one thing, great sex. No games, no prolonged dating "seeing if we're a fit" garbage, just great sinful sex.
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u/pascalthewalrus 16m ago
Didn’t know he was married; bitched him out and left the minute I found out. I tried every way of finding out how to contact her, but never could. I hope she found out and left him one day.
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u/Icankeepthebeat 1h ago edited 32m ago
I was 25 when we met he was much older, his 50’s I assume. I was having fun and living in manhattan. We weren’t dating or anything but I slept with him semi regularly for years. He was rich and only in town sometimes for work (monthly maybe?). When we first met I didn’t know he was married, but after a few months (maybe a year?) I started to figure it out . I gave him a ton of shit for being a cheater after I found out. I think he liked that though. Me belittling him became part of our dynamic. I openly used him for fancy hotels and dinners- he also liked that. I just wasn’t serious about him so I guess at the time I just didn’t care or really didn’t think about me personally being part of his cheating. Plus I knew he was sleeping with lots of other women so like I figured it just didn’t matter much what I did. If I’m honest too, after I learned more of the story I think I eventually thought his wife was spineless. She obviously knew and could easily prove his affairs (they talked about it. Fuck I’d have provided proof if she wanted). I thought she should divorce him and take him for everything and her trying to “change him” was just beyond ridiculous. The guy was a sex fiend/addict who clearly gave zero fucks about repairing what he’d broken. Years later I got married and realized how fucked up it all was. He would still text me like merry Christmas and happy birthday and stuff. I told him that I didn’t want to hear from him again because I had immense guilt from what we did. He was shocked. He couldn’t understand why I felt we did anything wrong. Wild stuff.
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u/itsfineguys 50m ago
I was married, too. We were coworkers who work in a very small, difficult environment who developed a friendship. Then a best friendship. Then feelings developed and we were in denial to ourselves. It took about 8 months to understand it was no longer platonic and admit what was really happening to myself. Told my husband the next day. No physical cheating but the emotional is equally as bad.
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u/weggaan_weggaat 1h ago
To clarify, is this asking about women who were single and were the affair partner for a married man or women who were having their affair from their partner with a married man?
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u/JustCurious_MM 1h ago
Wow I had to read that more than once😂 The first! But feel free to answer in any way you see fit lol. Any experience is welcome😄❤️
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u/airnhamim 1h ago
I was a stupid young woman hurting from my own divorce. It took me a long time to forgive myself for it.
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u/KlutzyWin6592 1h ago
I was just turned 19, he was 31/32. He told me it was an arranged marriage, he didn't love her, she didn't love him, just convenient blablablah.
And of course, he had never met someone like me, couldn't help himself, loved me, understood me on a way no one else ever could blablablah.
Until a few years ago I really thought it was this incredible romance. Now I feel very differently.
I dont even know if anything he told me was true, I don't think I even know his real name.
I last saw him about 17 years ago, but he has popped up in my life a couple of times since, always doing weird stalker type shit that initially seemed "romantic"
Honestly, on reflection the guy was a liar, a creep and a control freak.
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u/dearDem 34m ago
I was being selfish. I knew he liked me for a long time and wanted the attention. It lasted about a month and a half.
I started getting turned off when he would talk shit about his wife. And then he tried to send me a video of them having sex. I know this isn’t a “cop out” but I always sided with his wife. I started to see him as a coward & lost attraction
There’s more layers but that’s the gist of it
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u/cherry-gram-888 3h ago
He didn’t tell me he was married and I found out about his wife when he died and I googled him and a news article mentioned a wife (and his real age).