r/CPTSD • u/Immediate_Leg3304 • Aug 30 '26
Question When I’m not at work, I’m in bed. Can anyone relate?
Does anyone here also relate to constantly being in bed when not needing to function?
I don’t really cook. I hate being outside of my bed. I function at work, but when I’m at home, I am ALWAYS in bed until the next day. It’s been like this since I was a kid. Always in bed.
Go to work, get undressed, eat in bed, watch TV, masturbate, repeat. All in bed. I live off takeout, basically. No hobbies. I don’t care about anything. I watch TV, eat, masturbate, that’s about it.
I just wanted to share. I feel like I don’t care about anything. It’s always been like this. No one cares, no one can help me. Therapists have abused the living hell out of me. All I do is isolate. I’ve never really had friends before.
Let me know if you can relate to any of this, feel free to comment anything you like
88
u/cantthinkofnamesorry Aug 30 '26
So real and heavy on no one cares. Difference is I am just frozen in guilt from procrastinating all my hobbies/so exhausted after work I don’t want to lift a finger.
59
u/Global_Wall210 Aug 30 '26
I haven't always been like this, but it's currently my life. I'm 45. I'm not entirely sure what happened when I turned 40, but I basically lost my mind. I went into deep burnout, got on Vyvanse, and torpedoed my life. I worked a half-ass freelance job just to keep the lights on for about a year and a half and got off the Vyvanse. I'm scrambling my way back into normalcy, which means getting a full-time job at an excellent place that will give me a pension.
And about 3 months ago I realized all I can do is go to work and be in bed. I was still pushing myself so hard, in so many areas of my life, that I never fully recovered. I have stopped communicating with all my friends. I eat at the work cafeteria, and get takeout or grocery snack delivery on my days off. I don't care about anything. Everything is delivered.
42
u/Jazzlike-Simple3488 Aug 30 '26
Yeah, I do this everyday. Its my depression, childhood habbit(wasn't allowed to do anything), and burnout from anxiety. even when things are better it is habitual and doing anything is a bit scary or have a sense of, "it doesn't matter so just stay in bed." I think not being allowed to do anything for so long has literally deleted my ability to have interest in doing anything else sometimes. maybe my brain is trained that I'm not allowed anything else anyways so it stopped placing satisfaction in anything other than staying in bed. not that I particularly like doing the things you mentioned, but what else is there to do? (not judging just saying generally I relate and its become habitual rather than enjoyment.)
13
u/Pale-Detail2427 Aug 31 '26
Honestly for some people it can become genuinely healing for a while and can be what they need.
If it becomes permanent, then no, not.
4
u/Jazzlike-Simple3488 Aug 31 '26
I agree, I think that for some people if it is a choice of enjoyment or a choice to unwind that it can be good.
3
u/Pale-Detail2427 Aug 31 '26
Yes. That too.
I actually meant if it is genuinely healing for you in a sad situation.
Have had this but have also had it not be very beneficial any more after too long at a time sometimes. 🤔
So, be careful about that too. 🤔
6
u/Mochje Aug 31 '26 edited Aug 31 '26
Being able to feel joy and feeling I was allowed it took a lot of work for me. And still is. From growing up not having independent choices, being told how to be, having unstable parents and such. But I work on my self worth - that I am worthy of good experiences. And that dopamine/serotonin can be released for something over time..
What helped a bit for me, even though it was altså quite triggering in the beginning (and still is on low days), is trying to think out what me as a child would have wanted to do.
Just thinking about different stuff kids do and watching videos of kids or adults doing it, was a beginning for me. Trying to connect to the girl in me who wasn’t able to try and explore and experience what she liked and not.
And then after some time, through social activities organizations or planned meetups through groups I found and joined on facebook, I was able to try out these different things. Alone and/or together with other people.
Also that was at first quite tough, but I was prepared that it would be, and stubborned through it with kind of a mindset of «it will have to feel okey for me over time not just staying at home, and getting some real stimulus and experiences». It is like a -muscle of living- I’m training up. Not just staying in survival mode. But experiencing life a little bit as well. In a way I should have get to do as a kid. Having people around me when doing stuff and being able to ask them questions about the parts I don’t understand, having people looking at my project or style or listening to me - and telling me their thoughts of what I’m doing.I have gone through a lot of my life not really in contact with life, or freely living. It’s really weird and tiresome learning how to do it - as a grown up. But it’s the part about telling myself I’m worth living experiences. And that over time they will make sense (and enjoyment, if just so a tiny bit).
I see this comment went off to be quite long, I just got these thoughts and it felt nice telling about them if at least some of it could resonate for you:)
Edit: just want to add - that I do not just «push through it» every time. Some times if I really not feel for going or doing stuff, I show myself grace. As you also should to a child. Listening if there is something else you might do that’s good for yourself. Being lighten a candlelight, taking a walk (even tho not enjoying it but at least getting out here some bit). So yeah not every time forcing yourself. But honoring needs.
And lastly I want to add that I told someone I know about trying to do more stuff as I would have liked before, so I was not all alone in the thought of it. And I also regularly call national help hotlines to process the experience afterwords. Or just tell some of the people on the activity I am doing that «this is unusual for me, but I am trying». So yeah - not having to just be in your own head all the time during this as well. I think that is some of what have worked aside it. Feeling I am not disconnected from the other people in the world as much & being able to do try out myself stuff other people or kids would do (and enjoy).2
u/Ok_Plankton4810 Aug 31 '26
Thank you for sharing! This is so me… can I ask how far along are you in your healing journey? And any other tips you can share for someone who’s still floating and trying to connect with their life again?
It’s been a bit difficult for me and (this is bad but) sometimes I get irritable and annoyed when my partner is too optimistic. I feel terrible after but I don’t know how to stop that
35
u/orangepaperlantern Aug 30 '26
Yeah. I go to work and do very well there but by the end of the day I’m exhausted and don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone. The weekends I do very little outside my apartment other than necessary errands (groceries) because I just want to be alone and unbothered and unperceived. I’m in my 40s and this isn’t really what I imagined my life looking like, but really, who are we kidding, I never imagined my life in the future at all as a younger person.
12
u/Jazzlike-Simple3488 Aug 31 '26
being perceived is scary af irl and also a little annoying. I relate..
20
u/debbiesunfish Aug 30 '26
I definitely can relate! Not for my whole life, but for a lot of it.
I found out I have ME/CFS and the medication for that as well as supplements to support have really helped. Sure, I'm in bed right now, exhausted, but this isn't an every day things anymore.
3
u/unfortunaten3ws Aug 31 '26
May I ask what meds you’re on for your ME/CFS? After some testing that’s looking like the ultimate diagnosis for my insane “fatigue” (not even the right word for it, imo). I’m on 60 mg Vyvanse and it barely helps me stay up for an hour or two before I’m crashing again. Curious to what you’re taking if you’re comfortable sharing.
6
u/debbiesunfish Aug 31 '26
Naltrexone is the main one! It's technically experimental, sort of, as in it isn't officially approved for that use, but I know it helps a lot of people. There's a sub called r/lowdosenaltrexone where people talk about their experiences.
I also take Wellbutrin/Buproprion and Ritalin.
2
15
u/bi_pedal Aug 30 '26
Yes, but I have depression (the persistent depressive disorder type) on top of cptsd, like I'm sure many here do. Bupropion has helped me a lot but I still struggle.
4
13
u/Silver_West_4950 Aug 30 '26
I can definitely relate. The last two years have been hell for me and I’ve been in bed for the whole time except for appointments with my psychiatrist.
13
u/East_Tie_1652 Aug 31 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
yeah i had an isolatory period that wrapped up when i found out my ldl count was way too high. i took my doctor's advice and started trying to implement 150 mins of moderate or 75 min of vigorous execise per week, i divded that to daily. so it started mostly with walking. then i started running. but then i found steep hiking and i've been doing that every day. it worked out muscles i didn't realize how weak they were. so that's where i'm at now
2
11
u/EvaKatz Aug 31 '26
I think being horizontal is my trauma response. I’m happiest when I’m in bed (which is a lot) but even in my 20s when I went clubbing I could often be found lying down in the chill-out room. There’s even a photo on the top of a mountain with everyone standing up and me lying on my snowboard.
Not trying to be be dramatic….but I was thinking yesterday, is it because part of me has always wanted to die? Things were so bad in my family with 2 parents with personality disorders, but despite doing loads of work on myself for 20+ years, I don’t think any therapist has ever really understood how bad it was. If there’s no physical abuse, people don’t get that you can still be terrorised/ broken. So it all just stayed in my body.
2
u/AnyaTaylorBoy Sep 05 '26
I think I am becoming more... floor-oriented... as I get older and experience even more traumatic things. I try to let myself "enjoy" the floor rather than judge myself.
1
8
u/Lt37388 Aug 31 '26
I spend most of my time in bed, even though I have a whole apartment. Idk, it's winter here so I just go where it's warm. That and there's nothing else to do most of the time.
Plus bed is safe too. This is going to sound dumb, but sometimes when I'm in bed I pretend I'm a small animal. Like a mouse or something. I kind of imagine that when I'm under the covers, even if my head is sticking out, that if I stay still and hidden and nobody can find me. I can see most of my house from my room so I just peer out.
10
u/givemewineandshine Aug 30 '26
It's me but it really feels wild to do my job. I can't, I don't want to. I hate that I need to leave my bed.
6
u/CautiousObjective752 Aug 30 '26
we sound like the same exact person except i’m still in school. everything is so tiring
7
u/East_Tie_1652 Aug 31 '26
i'm going to share with you some words from daniella mestyanek young's book culting of america. i'm reading it right now. and these words stood out to me; i'm paraphrasing:
"when you're elsewhere, outside the [family], but still operating under the [family] boundaries.... you're viewing every conversation and interaction through the [family]'s teachings.... connecting with others on a real, human level is almost impossible.... you experience anxiety whenever you critically evaluate [family]"
6
u/Altruistic_Reserve61 Aug 31 '26
Yup. All the time. My abusive father makes it worse and I try to avoid him as much as I can. I have no energy thanks to him.
7
6
u/crazesheets Aug 31 '26
I'm like this except I have zero sex drive. I just eat and scroll phone my whole day, having eerie nightmares during sleeping, thinking about death when awake. I'm getting fat and become seriously overweight, but I don't have energy to care. I'm 40F. There's no hope.
6
u/yourusualglitch cPTSD, OSDD/DID (suspecting) Aug 31 '26
yes. i'm almost always fatigued regardless of how much sleep i got and as a result i stay in bed. fml.
5
u/coffeee_clover Aug 31 '26
Yes. I’ve been this way since my SA 10 years ago. I wish I had more energy and desire to leave my house. It breaks my heart seeing myself like this honestly.
3
u/Candlemelter2025 Aug 31 '26
I'm so sorry. I can relate having been like this since a significant trauma a few years ago. I am trying some of the advice here to push myself to try some safer social activities and maybe rejoin the world. But I often don't even want to. People don't sound that appealing, but then I remember my life before the events and I remember how happy and optimistic I was.
3
u/annaw27 Aug 31 '26
I can kind of relate. I have friends but I feel like I’m an outcast even though they’re all very nice to me. I just developed a new health condition (yippee) and can no longer drink, making me feel even more isolated from all my peers who love to drink. I rotate between my bed and my sofa because I live in a very small flat. I relate hard to not caring about anything. My therapist tries to help me and sometimes it feels great to just be able to talk to someone who can’t run away from my shit, but yeah. I understand. And if it works for you, it works.
1
u/DangerousYoghurt9846 Aug 31 '26
your friends “run away from your shit” ?
:(
5
u/annaw27 Aug 31 '26
Mostly it just feels like they want to be happy and I bring the mood down. Idk how to describe it :(
4
u/ajcila Aug 31 '26
Wake up, move from bed to couch for work, stay on the couch after work, move from couch to bed to sleep. Repeat.
5
u/Due-Chicken2333 Aug 31 '26
I used to be like this until I started making decisions that were the opposite of what I would normally do. Two years later, my life has changed for the better but it was incredibly painful/uncomfortable in the beginning
3
2
u/Pale-Detail2427 Aug 31 '26
I'm certainly not always like that nor have I always been like that, but yes, can relate.
2
u/MiracleLegend Aug 31 '26
I have been like this from childhood to mid thirties. Excluding the times when I was an alcoholic and had friends.
Now something changed. I'm still on the sofa a lot but I'm outside with my family now. Cut contact with my parents, reduced hours at work. I'm developing a life.
2
u/kish_satn_7 Aug 31 '26
Until recently I thought I had ADHD and was trying all sorts of things to get the hang of things and more. Then I started counselling on the note of trying to know weather I have ADHD or not but then got to know from my therapist that I have PTSD. I didn't relate much with it in the beggining because I don't have nightmares, traumatic responses and all. But whatever the responses were, that might have been because of trauma. I thought it was some other issue or I just thought I had over-active imagination and more.
I took today off from work (felt guilty af) because I felt I could take some time and discover these things, these thoughts and feelings that I was feeling but yk what! I started watching a youtube video. Last two days I literally binged two series on Netflix for almost 21 hours (started around sat 7 PM).
I wanna share this but it feels weird. I wanna do more but because as I work in tech I need to use my brain and my brain doesn't cooperate. I wanna do my best but I do half assed work because a part of me want's to be recognized even for mistakes ( feels like I want attention even if negative ). Which led to a meeting with the Team lead where I was told to take things seriously and there is a high change that I might get replaced ( last friday ). after that our team of 6 (not my work team but my hackathon team in office) got appreciation from VP where I did most of the heavy lifting in explaining things.
I feel my abilities are not being used to their fullest. And I feel like I can complete my work early but I put it off and complete it at the end because I feel bored of the work.
That's how it's been ✌🏽
2
2
u/Ok_Plankton4810 Aug 31 '26
This is crazy because I started “hibernating” like you when one of my best friends and dog passed on within 3 months and I haven’t been the “me” before all that, since.
All I want to do is stay in my room and my bed and rot, I could be playing a game, doom scrolling, basically nothing productive. I don’t even want to watch any shows or movies and I used to love them. Sometimes I go the entire day without washing up and I feel evwn worse and guilty by the end of the day. Days that I do do more I feel more tired and then think it was never worth it to do that little bit more so I don’t try. Rinse and repeat.
I was an extroverted and playful person before with some quirks likely from cptsd. My memory used to be really good too and I’d remember to hang out and check up on friends.
Now the days just float by and I’m never ever present in anything I do. I don’t remember the little things that are important to my partner even though I love him very much, which hurts me a lot but I don’t know how to be better.
My point is I never heard anyone share this exact same situation as me before and I’ve been feeling like the only one and beating myself up for it for the past 3 years.
2
2
1
u/AutoModerator Aug 30 '26
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis please contact your local emergency services or use our list of crisis resources. For CPTSD specific resources & support, check out the Wiki. For those posting or replying, please view the etiquette guidelines.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/No-Literature-2105 Aug 31 '26
Yep. I blamed it on not having a couch for a long time in my new place, but the problem with that is that I had one in my last place, and was still always in bed. I also finally just got a new one after living here since last December, and I’ve maybe hung out there with it in my living room 2-3x. Back in bed.
1
1
1
1
u/WrongSort1347 Aug 31 '26
I have been through long patches of bed being my only semi safe place. But I really had to call it quits as it impacted my sleep hygiene too much, and I don’t wanna have to take sedatives just to sleep. That was my motivator.
I also became really weak strength wise. Go to work, sit all day at my desk, come home, lay in bed. The fatigue of getting through the day just meant I’d crawl into bed.
Do you have any problems with sleep as a result ?
It takes a bit to adapt but you eventually get used to feeling comfortable in a different area of the house. During the day I sit outside a lot in a super comfy outdoor chair I thought to get natural light. I have foam bean bags in my lounge room and curl up into them.
I still get in bed super early to be honest, around 8pm, and let myself just chill for a couple hours until I get sleepy.
1
u/SmokeSignals84 Aug 31 '26
Serious question: if I’m in bed all the time, how often should I be changing my sheets? I change them once a week, but I’m in bed a LOT so I wonder whether it’s enough.
1
1
u/North_Fudge4919 Aug 31 '26
Same, though I also have a disorder that makes me tired all the time. Having a pet and writing on my phone as a hobby helps a little.
1
1
u/ColeighRabe Aug 31 '26
I’m addicted to my weighted blankets.
Everything costs so much, and it’s not just $ it’s energy investment that I don’t want to ‘waste’ on something that drains me.
1
u/emmylouwho193 Aug 31 '26
Me with C-PTSD, chronic back injury from a failed spinal fusion, & Narcolepsy has entered the chat as the final boss of relating lol
1
u/Different_End_5618 Aug 31 '26
I don’t have a job and can’t hold one down (I’ve tried) but other than that I relate
1
u/ComprehensiveTune393 Aug 31 '26
Yes. I come home from work, eat dinner, and fall asleep. Repeat the next day.
1
u/TxAggieJen Sep 01 '26
I am this way. Except I'm often online puttering around doom-scrolling or playing some games for distraction. I watch reels of people doing hobbies that they enjoy and can't wrap my head around how someone has the patience or energy to do those things.
I joined a book club (online because the thought of a real life one makes me anxious). I actually read the book, but it was quite a chore. It wasn't that the book was bad, it was definitely a ME problem. People say reading is fun for them and I feel like it's work.
1
u/SweetWeb8987 Sep 01 '26
Im the same way I think it became a habit in prison being in a little cell for 23 hrs a day
1
u/LovableSquish Sep 04 '26
Idk about bed. But I tend to just hang out at home when I have nothing else to do. I find it less stressful, more predictable. I have to make myself go out, even for things I enjoy, if its just for myself. And at that point, is it really for myself? Or just another chore?
1
u/Mrs_Wallace19_28 Sep 04 '26
I can relate my bedroom was always my safe space even thought I was grounded to my room a lot. If I could I would also live out of my bedroom but being married makes that very difficult. I don’t cook for myself much ever either.
1
u/Gameplayer87 23d ago
This is what I’ve been living like for well over a year now. If I’m not working, then I’m at home in bed. The times I have tried to go out just don’t feel real or like it’s “right”. I can’t fucking do this anymore, I want to be free
125
u/CanadianLorax Aug 30 '26
Everything I do is carefully planned to get me back home faster 😆