Misanthropic means having a general dislike, distrust, or contempt for humanity or human nature.

I’m curious how many people with CPTSD would describe themselves as misanthropic, or feel that people are generally selfish, cruel or hypocritical.

Do you think this is mainly a result of the abuse you’ve experienced and how it’s affected your ability to trust people, or do you think it’s a realistic view of how society and human nature actually are? Things like people following social norms, protecting their own interests and justifying harmful behaviour.

I go back and forth between wondering whether my experiences have made me too cynical about humanity, or whether they’ve just made me more aware of how people really behave. I’m interested to hear how others feel about this.

I recently ran into an old classmate I went to school with, while we were talking I learned something that made so many painful memories click into place. Almost everyone in my community who knew who I was thought I was gay and some kind of deviant. I live in the south for context, I grew up liking to draw, read fantasy, and use my imagination. Apparently this was all it took and I never caught on. The past couple of days now I’ve been remembering times groups back in school would either walk away or make me leave if I came around. And particularly painful, I can remember all the times in my church when parents would pull kids behind them when I walked by. I was so confused by it all. It’s hitting me like a truck now. I’m straight and always have been, and even if I was, I’m not some kind of boogeyman. I’m embarrassed to say I have no idea why I never figured it out for so long. For a long time I legitimately thought something was wrong with me.

It's so infuriating when I'm venting to my case manager asks "Well when are you going to let it go?"... WHEN I KNOW HOW! If l letting it go was as internal choice, and it only took a second to execute... I would've been done that and never would've felt the need to apply for therapy services, much sign myself up for ACT services.

It's so invalidating and in my opinion unprofessional when my case manager asks that.

Trust me, if we could simply "let it go" we would. A lot of us are also very much struggling financially because we either live in areas of a very little job market and/ or our post traumatic symptoms makes unstable for certain work environments. We wouldn't be racking up more debt on top of that through these therapy/ ACT services if letting it go was that easy twin.

Time is also the most valuable asset... so we also wouldn't be investing all our limited time into these therapeutic services if we knew how to simply let it go! We'd be moved on with our life, pursing our ambitions and whatever purpose God has for us.

Letting it go isn't always a simple switch in the brain that you can turn off and on. If we knew how to let it go we would.

I feel like I'm narrating and annotating my life at all times, more so than actually experiencing it.

I’ve made a lot of progress in healing, but shame still rears its ugly head sometimes, and it’ll come out of nowhere.

This morning I went to my husband’s work event with him and halfway through, I was hit by a tsunami of my own needs. We were walking and the lower half of my body started pins-and-needling (like it does sometimes when I walk uninterrupted outside). I became very hungry even though I’d eaten a high protein breakfast two hours before. And all of a sudden I needed to be alone and freed from the expectation of being bubbly and socializing. I started crying behind my sunglasses and I told my husband I wasn’t feeling well and we left early. But I felt so ashamed and now I recognize the belief loop that played below the surface: “I shouldn’t be hungry right now, I just ate. I shouldn’t have pins and needles, why am I so unfit? I shouldn’t be so overwhelmed with socializing right now, I thought I’d overcome that. —> I shouldn’t have needs.”

I just needed someplace to share this because it felt so lonely. I don’t have anyone else in my life who struggles with these shame loops or identifies with CPTSD. These waves have come out of nowhere my whole life, and I was surprised and overwhelmed today because I hadn’t had one in a while.

I'm a 30M homebody introvert, but lately I've been wanting to get out more and socialize. I used the Timeleft app once last year and had a great time at dinner, but my schedule didn't allow much time to do it again until now. This morning I joined a 10 AM walking group. It was a gray, dreary day, so we didn't walk long and ended up chatting at a café instead.

Across the room, directly in my line of sight, was a stunning woman working alone on her laptop. It was hard to take my eyes off her. She looked focused, but I didn't see any earbuds, so I figured saying hi wouldn't be too intrusive.

For context, I'm shy and reserved by default. I have a history of depression, ADHD, OCD, and cPTSD, and I've been doing a lot of therapy (EMDR, IPS, brainspotting) lately that's helped rebuild my self-esteem. I'm fun and easy to talk to once a conversation gets going. Starting it is the hard part. As a rule I avoid eye contact with strangers in public.

It took me 15+ minutes to work up the courage. What finally did it was telling myself: I'm worth a minute of someone's time. I got up with my drink, wandered over to the sugar station, took a breath, and on the way back stopped at her table: "Hi, I'm [name]. I don't mean to interrupt, but I'd regret it if I didn't say hi." She brushed her hair back and pulled out her AirPods. I stammered something like "what are you working on / do you come here often / just finding a new work spot?" It was awkward as hell. I nervously asked if I could sit down, and she said, "Um, I'm working." I took the hint, said "Sure, take care!" and went back to my group. It took a few minutes for the shaking to stop, but I felt genuinely proud. The last time I even attempted a cold approach was ten years ago in a college dining hall, back when I was less mature and soaking up manosphere "how to approach women" YouTube videos.

One thing I've been reflecting on: I tend to take on a lot, maybe too much, responsibility for making sure women never feel uncomfortable. I'm starting to realize that's a little paternalistic in its own way, since it assumes women can't handle a brief moment of discomfort or turn someone down themselves. That's not what I consciously believe, but it's been shaping how I act.

TL;DR: Introduced myself to a beautiful stranger for the first time in years, got politely rejected, and didn't die of shame. I don't care about the outcome. I'm proud of myself for pushing through the fear and the old feelings of worthlessness I've been working hard to overcome.

Small victories right? I went to the supermarket late today because I had a rough day and struggled to go outside. I hadn’t been to this supermarket in a few years so when I went there I remember how I felt back then and was able to compare it to now. It actually made me realize how much progress I’ve made! I felt dizzy and slightly dissociated but the lights didn’t feel insanely bright and noises didn’t give me a massive jolt of adrenaline like before. Going to the supermarket used to send me into a full blown panic attack before so I’m feeling really happy about this 😌 it’s amazing how physical CPTSD can feel and how the bodily sensations change over time.

sorry if this is like a Weird question but does anyone get so paralyzed by anxiety and paranoia to the point where they cant Even go outside . like i just Tried. to and i physically couldn’t bring myself to stay outside my House for more than an hour.

i feel like im going to throq up im so scared . i

I'm 19. Since I was little and still my mom bath me. She wash my hair when I fully nacked and , every time I tell her to let me do it myself, she tells me that I'm doing it not good enough(I wash washing myself in hospital , no one ever complain).

She also shave my legs and even pub area even if I do it myself for a same "you not doing it good enough" Reason.

She also touch my ass. She still doing it. She doing it my whole life. She even kiss it before and only stopped doing it when I was.. Well around 2 grade ? I think. But touching don't stop and she always sayis that she must be allowed, because she's my mom.

She treat me like a doll -obsessed over my look, talk about my chest, force make up on me, don't allow me, adult person, choose my own clothes.

She always baby talk me, yet she always yell at me. She also HUGE bigot, she more or less Russian facisht (she support idea of killing ALL people from America and Ucraine ) , so I could never coming out to her as transmasc enby.

Oh, and she loves make fun of my past self harm and my current ocd.

Despite it, I was more or less neglected and partenfictaed when we was caretakers foe dying grandma.

She love insult my dad and they fights often.

She also drink often.

She love me.. But in strange way.

But she always kiss no matter how much I tell her to stop, hug my strange,walking naked in home .. She act like I'm not exactly human.

I 26f was born into poverty and have been fighting my entire adult life to pull myself out of it. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology, it was the only schooling I could push myself to complete because I find it interesting. I only realized how useless that degree was once I graduated and started looking for work. I am trapped in a small town in rural Pennsylvania, there are no jobs besides factory work and fast food, the pay is low wage regardless of what I pick. The average rent is 2x more than I make in a month and I HAVE to own a car because I can't get to work or get groceries without one. I currently make minimum wage at my part-time job ironically working as a mental health worker, it is the only job I could find that doesn't make me want to off myself. I just feel so defeated and humiliated. I constantly run into people I went to high school with. Some come from money so they were able to go to nice schools and get degrees in something that pays a nice wage. Meanwhile i picked a useless degree that has put me into insurmountable debt with no career to show for my efforts. These people are buying homes and starting a family. While I'm mentally disabled from my cptsd and limited by the class I was born into. Do I just exist as a cautionary tale to scare people into never falling into poverty?? I feel like a background character that's killed off early in the story to show the gravity of a situation. I was discussing this with my therapist the other day and she was kind of dismissive. She said I needed to shift my perspective and my reality would be more tolerable. I definitely agree with her in theory but it feels like a slap in the face simultaneously. I face the actual realities of living in poverty, no opportunities, eternal wage cuck, forced to generate capital for the wealthy people in my area who hold monopolies on the rent, gas stations and jobs. A perspective shift could help me cope better with my situation but it isn't a solution. Like I can cope better with my declining physical health by practicing radical self acceptance. The actual solution would be for me to make a higher wage so I could afford to get the problems medically addressed.

24 and I’ve struggled with mental health my entire life. I’m interested to hear from anyone else who may also relate with me on this: obviously i know that mental illness and mental health difficulties don’t discriminate, however, I had terrible anxiety was undiagnosed neurodivergent and endured a lot of trauma as a small child that was brushed under the rug which led to me internalising that i was bad and no one would help me.

I think that belief has fucked up my entire life. As a teenager i continued to endure mental health struggles including an eating disorder and self harm which again went unseen. Obviously EDs are competitive and so i always felt invalid, especially as teenagers who once bullied me when i was a child were now being hospitalised and receiving help for their mental health. It further reinforced that i wasn’t worthy.

I also knew i could never let my guard down because there would be nobody to support me. I had to get good grades, i had no parents, i had to support myself i couldn’t fall behind etc etc and that always took priority. I also think when you have mental health difficulties from such a young age you learn strategies and it becomes your normal.

But there’s only so long this can keep up. Now i’m mid 20s and my mental health is the worst it’s ever been but it’s too late for me to struggle because now im an adult and still, have to have my shit together. I can’t afford a break from work, i can’t afford to open up etc etc. I have resentment towards the majority of people who were inpatient/were validated for their struggles in their teen years who somehow managed to get over it and recover or who had family support or received sympathy due to their age and the love around them.

In your mid 20s there is no sympathy. This post is purely an attempt to try and connect with people who also feel this way. I want to say i have tried getting help multiple times as an adult but i even mask in front of therapists because i have no idea how to let my guard down as i don’t trust anyone and am so scared of being invalidated by anybody. I feel a lot of shame for struggling as an adult. I wish people knew the person in front of them was really the 4 year old version of myself that i’ve had to carry through my entire life. I feel like i’m a 4 year old living on autopilot everyday.

I’ve always been high functioning and my fear of people has always allowed me to hide my struggles really well which also makes being believed or taken seriously impossible. it does make me wonder how do people in this situation ever “get help”.

I so badly want to fall apart and spiral but i can’t afford to and i don’t even know how to.

Like all day I can be like "death and despair" and ruminating on everything, but once I have a drink or two I feel like I can socialize with people and just be normal. Kind of random but I was just wondering if anyone else feels this

I (31F) have pretty bad CPTSD. It’s gotten a bit better over the years—in my early 20s I had trouble leaving the house and would jump at every single noise. In my 30s it’s a bit better but the thing I struggle with the most is having a consistent schedule (sleep is the hardest with nightmares) and so keeping a job has been extremely hard. I am inconsistent energy-wise, constantly under-slept, and so many things trigger me into feeling dissociated or feeling such intense shame that it’s hard to function.

I’m sorting out some stuff in therapy (although my therapist is more about CBT and general stuff so I’m not sure if it’s the perfect fit) but it’s expensive and so I also need to figure out ways to be more employable. How do you guys deal with this?

I went to the doctor today. As usual, I was told I was dehydrated. It has gotten to the point where it's affecting my bowel movements and I am constipated, so that is placing pressure on my bladder and causing me to lose control of my ability to pee. Embarrassing as hell, but while there, my doctor told me specifically to make sure I drink around 8 cups of water, or at least a few, because I don't drink any. Today I have been making myself drink water all day, and it feels wrong, as odd as that is, but I always chalked that up to me being 'silly' or 'stupid'. My husband always pokes fun at me for not drinking enough water and we both assumed I was just forgetful.

Then, I thought back to all the times I wanted water as a kid. I remember sitting in class as a fourth grader, staring at the water fountain and feeling my mouth drool looking at it. I spent so much time drinking water from the fountain at school that my teachers started counting, and limited my water intake to 30 seconds each half-hour, then forcing me to sit back down. At home, my parents would often tell me I cant have any water. I wasn't tall enough to reach the glasses cabinet, and every time I asked for some water, I would get an attitude and be told I was begging for attention. Eventually I learned to climb onto the counter when they weren't looking, get a cup, and keep it in my room for as long as possible to refill.

Anyways, my parents used to punish me with physical labor. If I was bad, they made me run laps through the neighborhood. I'd run back and forth for as long as I could and my stepdad would only let me stop once I was either hyperventilating/ sweating profusely or once I vomited. He would literally say "if you don't behave, I will make you run until you puke" as a threat. He also made me do things like rake the leaves or dig up dirt in the yard, and if I dared to ask if I could get some water at any point, he would explode with anger and accuse me of trying to get out of doing my work. I oftentimes waited until he went to the bathroom to quietly sneak into the kitchen and get myself water, it would get to the point where I would get dizzy and I recall nearly blacking out a few times over the years from the heat. He once caught me in the act, I was in the middle of chugging down a glass on a yard work day, and he stomped towards me, took it out of my hand, dumped it into the sink and screamed at me to get back to work, stop trying to manipulate him into feeling bad, stop trying to get out of doing your part, etc.

I learned to ignore my thirst. So now as an adult, drinking water is really hard to remember to do, and most of the time, I wont drink any water until I am so dehydrated and thirsty that I end up chugging a whole bunch at once. I guess I just wanted to write this out because I always knew I was being emotionally/verbally abused, but I honestly forgot about this part of my childhood. I never even realized that things like thirst, hunger, having to go to the restroom, getting enough sleep, etc. were things that should come naturally to most people.

Being forced to learn to tune out my own body as a kid led to physical issues as an adult, it is crazy how it's all connected. Anyone else ever go through something like this, where you tune out your own body?