Hi all

I am not Catholic yet, I am just an inquirer. The priest in the church I attend is a nice older man, we have no issues with him. He is very active in the parish & very nice. Everyone loves him & most church goers are older folks.

I follow the parish Instagram page & also found out that he has Instagram, mainly posting about Christian stuff, the Church & so on. I decided to see who he follows & see he follows a lot of young male influencer/model?!?! These men usually have their shirts off, abs, very attractive looking, & definitely not people from the church because they've got a big following & live in another country. One of the accounts he follows is an AI fake male influencer account with gay stories.

Again, he is an old man & idk if he knows that WE CAN ALL SEE IT....

I am conflicted & I am not sure what to do? My husband doesn't want to attend anymore.

Is it inappropriate to go on a 1-2 night trip with a few close female friends while I am married? They’re Christian friends I don’t get to see often (geological distance, timing,etc.) so when we do finally get a time to hangout, we just plan on a longer weekend.

Husband is apprehensive about me going. Do other Catholic wives go on girls trips? Any husbands that are also not fond of them? Do I have a good case to go since I’ve been doing these trips since before marriage?

Also, husband and I never had issues with infidelity, partying/drinking, etc. so trust issues are not the root problem here. He knows these female friends and likes them too.

Some background: My husband and I have a one year old daughter and were planning to start trying for another child soon. However, last month he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. He had to get started on an aggressive chemotherapy regimen right away to give him the best chance at extending his life. Unfortunately, we have been told to absolutely avoid getting pregnant while he is on chemo because the drugs are toxic to developing babies. We did attempt to see if we could get pregnant before he started chemo, but we were unsuccessful.

I’m feeling pretty devastated. Although we have some promising treatment options that could eradicate the cancer and mean the end of chemo, his sperm will be damaged. I have no idea if we’ll ever be able to achieve pregnancy again, much less a viable one.

Has anyone been in a similar boat, either with your own cancer or a spouse’s? Especially if it was the husband who had cancer.

Maybe it’s madness to be thinking about it now. Of course the most important thing is open the cancer can be cured. And we are open to adoption (if they’ll approve us). It’s just hard to think I may never be able to carry another child for us. That we may not have the family we were dreaming of. Having any positive stories/advice would help to boost my spirits.

ETA the advice from the medical team was highly negative at first. They were advising we freeze sperm if we really wanted to try in the future (we declined that).

I thought I'd ask for advice from Catholics familiar with annulments, especially Canon 1098 (fraud) or Canon 1095 (incapacity to assume essential marital obligations).

We're planning on trying counseling, but after some recent discoveries, I'm questioning whether our marriage was valid from the beginning. If counseling doesn't work, could an annulment be an option?

We met in November 2017. My husband is genuinely a very nice, gentle, kind man. He wasn't abusive or cruel to me, and I love/loved him. He did come with some baggage: he earned quite less than I did working part-time at a chiropractor's office (which I actually loved because I'm a huge proponent of natural health), had student loan debt but no degree or established career, a previous divorce (which was annulled), and multiple DUIs in distant history. I accepted these things as temporary hurdles he'd overcome as he got his footing. For the most part, things did improve.

But he also took quite a bit of pills, noticeably more than guys I'd dated before. He said they were for ADD/ADHD and migraines. I knew he took pills, but I didn't understand how much he was taking or how long he'd been taking them. I also didn't understand that the medication was tramadol, an opioid rather than a standard ADHD medication. And when he said "tramadol," it wasn't like saying "aspirin," where everyone knows what it is. You had to recognize the word, know how to spell it, and have enough context to know what questions to ask. AI summaries weren't a thing back then, and I didn't fully understand the bigger picture.

May 2018 should've been my first sign, my brother-in-law (his sister's husband) texted him saying he didn't want him delivering medication packages to their mailbox anymore. He said they were uncomfortable with it and maybe needed to talk about his issues or have some kind of intervention. That definitely felt off, but my husband explained that his family didn't understand you could buy pills online and save money on prescriptions. I was all about saving money, so I bought that explanation. I didn't realize this could be an addiction and him trying to get his fix. In hindsight, I wonder whether he had the packages delivered to his sister's house because having them sent to his own house would get him grief from his parents.

Around November 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer which rocked my world. Family members even made comments like, "What guy would want to be with someone who has cancer?" But he stuck by me. Looking back, I wonder whether fear of being alone played a part in my decisions. I was dealing with a lot and probably wasn't paying as much attention to other red flags.

He eventually proposed, and we got married in the Catholic Church on September 4, 2021.

When he proposed, I had doubts and felt idk...dread. I had that same major pit in my stomach feeling while walking down the aisle. Both times, I talked myself out of it, telling myself it was cold feet or my own trust issues making me want to run away from a good man. I convinced myself everyone is imperfect and I was overthinking things. Looking back, I wonder whether I was picking up on concerns I hadn't fully acknowledged. I don't know whether those feelings matter in an annulment case, but they stand out to me now.

About six months into our marriage, I discovered court paperwork showing a case against him for "Obtain Prescription Drug w/ Fraud." The violation date was February 2019, the disposition date was February 2021, and there was a judgment for unpaid fines dated February 2022.

He'd never told me about this while we were dating, even though we talked all the time. When I brought it up, he said he'd been accused of changing the quantity on a handwritten prescription. As far as I know, he wasn't ultimately charged because they couldn't prove it was him, although I haven't confirmed the final outcome. Regardless, I had no idea this case existed to even ask questions about.

He also has erectile dysfunction. We had sex about once a month during the first year or year and a half of marriage, but we've now had zero sex for around three years. I know ED alone doesn't mean someone is incapable of marriage, but it feels like we're roommates, and I understand tramadol misuse can contribute to sexual dysfunction.

The lack of intimacy has been hard since we're fairly young, and it feels like we're missing a fundamental part of a marital relationship. I find myself resentful and jealous of other couples. I address it every couple months to no avail.

I eventually encouraged him to taper off the pills because I was concerned about his use. He said he was gradually reducing them and eventually stopped (or so he said). He told me he was completely off them, and I believed him.

Another thing that bothers me is that I was the financially stable one in our relationship, and I ultimately bought the house for us during the pandemic. I was trying to establish a home and build a future together, but I often felt like I was the one taking on the responsibility for making that future happen.

Granted, we were long-distance at the time, which made house-hunting more difficult. But even on weekends when I wanted to look at houses, he was always "too tired" and just wanted to relax. He wouldn't even help me with the house hunt. I was making a major financial commitment and trying to build a life for both of us, but I didn't feel like he was equally invested in that process.

Looking back, I sometimes wonder whether he wanted somewhere to live and a way to get out from under his parents' oversight, and whether marrying me gave him that opportunity. I don't know if that's actually why he married me, but it's a concern I have when I look at the bigger picture. I was the one with financial stability who bought the house and took the initiative to establish our home, while he seemed content to let me handle much of the responsibility. I thought we were building a life together, not that I'd be providing the home while he kept major parts of his life separate from me.

Everything came to a head when he said he was sick and wanted to see a doctor, then asked to use my car. I offered to drive him, but he was vehemently against that and insisted I didn't need to come. I agreed but asked him to send me a video once he arrived. Time passed, I kept asking questions...I'll spare the chaos and lies that night, but long story short, I discovered he'd recently ordered tramadol online. The package apparently arrived empty, so he had a virtual doctor's appointment and then used my car to get a tramadol prescription from a pharmacy out of state. He eventually admitted he'd gone there because he was familiar with that pharmacy and didn't have to wait to get the medication. He put about 130 miles round-trip on my already struggling car.

He initially denied what was going on. I only pieced together the fuller story after confronting him and finding bank statements on his phone showing transactions that supported where he'd gone. His explanation about where he'd gone and what he'd been doing didn't add up, and I had to put the pieces together myself.

What bothers me isn't just that he was seeking tramadol again after telling me he was off it. It's that he concealed what he was doing, resisted having me accompany him, didn't send the video I asked for, and continued denying things until I found evidence. I feel like he was willing to lie to my face and use my car to do something he knew I wouldn't agree to.

Over the last year, I've seen approximately $20,000 in deposits from his earnings into his personal account, yet he only has around $2,500 to his name. Where is that money going? When I ask to see his bank statements, he refuses and says that's his private information and I have no right to it and he doesn't want to hear shaming from me.

We have a joint account for household bills, but he still keeps his personal finances separate and won't let me see his transactions. I'm an open book and more than willing to be transparent about my own finances, but he doesn't extend that same transparency to me. Given everything I've discovered about the pills and the court case, the financial secrecy makes it even harder to trust him.

I've told him he doesn't seem remorseful. From my perspective, he would've continued taking tramadol with a "what she doesn't know can't hurt her" attitude if I hadn't caught him. I don't believe he would've voluntarily come clean otherwise.

I also don't feel he's taking the initiative to address everything. It feels like he's scraping by, hoping the problem will somehow magically go away rather than actively confronting it. We're talking about counseling, and I want to give that a chance, but I need more than apologies or promises. I need honesty, accountability, and real follow-through.

I understand addiction can involve shame, denial, and secrecy. I'm not saying everyone who struggles with addiction is incapable of being a good spouse. But the combination of the pill use, the lack of disclosure, the court case I knew nothing about, the recent deception, and the fact that I still don't feel I'm getting the full truth on top of everything....

For additional context, I'm also very conservative about medication myself. A couple of years ago, I had a bottle of very old ibuprofen that I'd occasionally use for menstrual cramps. He went through the entire bottle, and the next time I needed it, I noticed it was empty. When I asked, "You flew through that whole bottle? Do you know how old that was? I've had that for a decade," he didn't believe me until he checked the expiration date. It was from 2012. I'm mentioning this because I think we have very different attitudes toward medication. I don't casually take pills, and the amount he was taking always stood out to me. However, I didn't understand the extent of his use or what it might mean at the time.

I love my husband, and I'm not saying he's a terrible person. He has many good qualities. I accepted his shortcomings because I believed we were building a better future together. But I didn't understand the extent of his pill use, and I had no idea about the court case when I consented to marry him. We're planning to try counseling, but if that doesn't work, could these circumstances potentially provide grounds for a Catholic declaration of nullity?

- Could concealing a serious, pre-existing pill problem or addiction fall under Canon 1098 if it was deliberately hidden to obtain my consent to marriage?

- Could the court case be relevant since it happened before our wedding and was never disclosed?

- Could Canon 1095 apply if a serious psychological or addictive condition existed here when we married and it affected his ability to assume essential marital obligations?

- Does the fact that I knew he took pills but believed they were for ADHD and migraines make a significant difference?

- The pattern of secrecy, the lack of intimacy, and the difficulty with taking on shared marital responsibilities - would those things be relevant, or would those things mostly be considered problems that developed during the marriage?

- Do my doubts and the intense dread I felt before the wedding matter at all, or is that generally not relevant to determining whether consent was valid?

I know an annulment isn't just because a marriage didn't work out or someone turned out to be a bad husband. I'm trying to figure out if the things I didn't know about before we got married could mean there was a problem with the marriage from the start. I also know that making less money, having debt, or not contributing as much financially doesn't automatically mean someone can't be a good husband. It's more that I feel like I was trying to build a life together while he wasn't really taking the same initiative or being honest with me about some pretty significant things that were going on before we got married.

I want to give counseling a chance, but I also don't want to assume that because we exchanged vows, I have no options regardless of what I eventually learn. I feel like I entered this marriage without knowing some pretty big things about the person I was marrying, and I'm trying to understand whether that matters under canon law.

I'd appreciate honest feedback from people familiar with the tribunal process. I'm sure it's worth discussing with a priest or diocesan tribunal advocate, but obviously I'm very early in the process and just want to understand whether there may be grounds worth exploring.

TL;DR: Husband took pills for ADHD and migraines (tramadol). After marriage I discovered full blown addiction and an undisclosed prescription fraud case from before our wedding. He told me he'd stopped taking tramadol, but I discovered he's still using and lying. He also refuses financial transparency. We've had no sex for three years and live like roommates. We're going to try counseling, but could this all be grounds for a Catholic annulment such as under Canons 1098 or 1095?

UPDATE: I just discovered another lie. Earlier above I said he told me they couldn't prove he was guilty in the prescription fraud case. I looked into it further, and according to the circuit court records, he was actually found guilty of “Obtain Prescription Drug w/ Fraud,” classified as an unclassified misdemeanor. One of the letters I found had his date of birth wrong by 10 years, which is why I hadn't connected the dots sooner. Once I matched the date of birth on that letter to the court records, I found the disposition showing he was found guilty. So this wasn't just a case he failed to mention before we got married. He also lied to me about the outcome when I confronted him about it afterward. Every time I think I have the full picture, I discover something else he wasn't honest about.

Hello ladies!! I am currently 27 weeks pregnant and already so so so excited to start planning our son's baptism!!!! Yes it's early, but I literally can't stop thinking about it already

Wondering what everyone did for their babies to celebrate afterwards?

Context, I converted to the faith a few years ago. I grew up atheist, my entire family is atheist and so are many of my friends.

It's really important to my husband and I that we invite them to our son's baptism and subsequent sacraments so they can see how beautiful the faith is. I'd love to hear of some lowkey afterparty ideas that might help them be involved in this a bit more :)

Thank you!!

This year my faith and devotion has doubled ten fold to the point I’ve even considered being a nun. Along with that I’ve hard one of the hardest years of my life.

With countless family, mental, academic, relationship, friendship and personal issues related to being lonely and unloved, I’ve now lost one of the last things I’ve ever wanted to let go of. My almost 6 year relationship ended (before anyone jumps the gun, I asked him to wait until I finished university so I could get my parents approval).

I came to know God through him and we prayed, grew and cut our sins together. And now he is gone.

My parents are there for me because they know how this will affect my mental health, but their negativity drags me lower than I can imagine.

I’m drowning in so many exams/assignments and subject scheduling issues (which will delay my graduation).

Virtually have no good friends. New people that meet me leave, talk bad about me and unfollow me after they know about my faith.

I can go on but it would be useless.

I genuinely need some resources I can distract myself with. Please tell me any novenas, prayers, saints, books, sermons or general advice that can help me through this lonely journey. I’m also looking to getting involved in my church more, perhaps even speaking with the priest more regularly? But I have no idea on how to approach this at all.

Please be gentle. I really only have my Catholic community to fall on at the moment.

My husband and I were trying to do NFP and it failed, so now I’m pregnant with my second before my first is even a year old.

I had such a bad time postpartum with my first. Such dark thoughts and depression. Feeling isolated and having really angry outbursts. My husband and I decided to try to postpone our next pregnancy for at least a few years and that brought me a lot of relief and I felt like I could pour more of my energy into my current baby.

A couple days ago I found out I was pregnant and I’m absolutely devastated. I’m so scared of going through postpartum with 2 under 2 and worried about what kind of mom and wife I will become. My thoughts have even gotten so dark that I’ve considered aborting even though I know it’s so evil and I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I just feel so stuck and scared. I’m beating myself up for not being even more careful regarding sex. I don’t know what to do and I’ve spent the past two days just crying nonstop.

I hated being pregnant and all the comments from relatives and people about my body and our timing with it. And people in our family have seriously let us down with helping out with the baby so mostly everything is falling to me and my husband when he’s not working. I feel like I’m going to break 😔

Hi sisters,

Thank you to everyone who prayed for me to find a job!

A few months ago, I found one in the city where I was hoping to stay, in an industry I didn’t know I would return to so soon, and with amazing people to work with.

It’s been very busy, but I praise God for this gift.

For anyone who is unemployed or searching for meaningful work, know that I’m praying for you and encouraging you not to give up. Every morning ask God for hope, strength, openness, and provision.

God bless and thank you all again. ❤️🙏🏼

Specifically more so Catholic women not using NFP, any women who for some reason couldn’t get pregnant for a time and it wasn’t explained?

I can’t help but feel guilty even though I know it’s not my fault and can’t be helped. End of September my kindergartner brought home the most nasty virus. Not flu or covid (we went to the doctor and they swabbed him for everything), but they told us likely an adenovirus. It has circled through my household and we’re still not fully better. I’m pregnant and have been miserable with it. My oldest came down with it a few days ago and has been consistently coughing with a sore throat, insane congestion, and a fever. I can’t risk bringing them and getting our elder parishioners sick. Husband is sick too so it’s not like just one of us could go.

I’m just venting. I’m sick of being sick and miss church.

Hi everyone, my husband and I live im the midwest in a massive Catholic area. We are looking to move further south to one of these states Missouri/Texas/Tennessee/Kentucky and I'm curious what towns in any of these areas have a strong Catholic community. We have one daughter and I want her to grow up surrounded in a faithful community. (Open to other states as well just have to be south of MN/WI)

Hi everyone! I wanted to share something that has been weighing on my heart lately.

I’m a Deaf mom, and my husband and I have been searching for a Catholic church that provides an American Sign Language (ASL) interpreter during Mass. We finally found one, but unfortunately, it’s quite far from our home.

What makes it even more frustrating is that the sign language interpreter hasn’t been consistently showing up for Mass. Because of this, I haven’t attended church in a few weeks.

I feel so discouraged because it seems incredibly difficult to find Catholic churches that offer ASL interpretation or make accommodations for Deaf people. Meanwhile, I’ve noticed that many non-denominational Protestant churches seem to offer more accessibility and support for the Deaf community.

It honestly hurts. My heart is with the Catholic Church, and I genuinely want to attend Mass, grow in my faith, and raise my child in the Catholic faith. But how am I supposed to feel included and spiritually connected when I can’t fully understand what’s being said during Mass?

I understand that not every parish has the resources to provide an interpreter, but Deaf Catholics deserve access to worship, Scripture, and community just as much as hearing Catholics do.

Sometimes I feel like the Deaf community is overlooked within the Catholic Church, and it makes me sad. I don’t want to leave the Catholic Church, but I wish there were more efforts to make Mass accessible.

I’m not posting this to criticize the Catholic faith. I’m sharing this because I love the Church and want to feel welcomed and included.

Are there any other Deaf Catholic women here, or anyone who has experienced something similar? Have you found a parish that provides consistent ASL interpretation? I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences or advice ❤️🙏

I am a 34-year-old cradle Catholic who has been actively dating in the hopes of finding a partner. The man I recently dated broke up with me, and I suspect it was because I had no intention of sleeping with him before marriage. We are both cradle Catholics, although we have differing opinions, with him being more politically conservative than I am.

Finding a Catholic partner has always been very important to me. Part of it stems from Catholic guilt, while another part comes from a desire to be aligned in our values. However, as I navigate the dating world, I am realizing that I need to spend more time deepening my understanding of my faith and reflecting on why Catholic values are important to me.

Are there any resources you would recommend to help me learn more about our faith and continue discerning marriage? Any other advice regarding faith and dating would also be welcome.

Personally, I don't think marriage is in the cards for me, given how these dates have been going, but I do know that I want to have children and a family, and that scares me.

This is partly a vent but I really would appreciate some advice from Catholic women

So as context I was raised in an extremely strict traditional Catholic group. Modesty rules were from an old 1920s Marylike booklet. So no pants or shorts at all, skirts had to go BELOW the knee, no shoulders, necklines had to be 2 fingers below the collarbone, nothing at all tight or see-through. Examples of things I was told as a kid: wear your hair down to cover your neck, put on leggings (under your long skirt) because it just "looks like too much skin," take off that fairy dress-up because the sleeves are see-through (i was 4) and 'how dare you parade yourself in front of your uncle (!) in those swim clothes' (it was a rash shirt and long board shorts down to my knee). I was (obviously) very scrupulous as a kid and thought my body was inherently bad. Nothing about sex or how men work was explained to me at all, so there wasn't even a logical reason behind the rules that were enforced.

I'm 19 and my parents have now loosened up to let me wear pants, but only tracksuits and very loose jeans, usually with a long top over them. I see other practicing Catholic girls wearing shorts, one-pieces, shorter skirts, a bit of cleavage. And I would love to wear those things too. I don't know how those girls get away with it in their conscience, when mine screams "SIN, SCANDAL, IMMODEST." I always hated sticking out so much with my clothes as a kid. I look fairly normal now I wear pants, but there's still so much off limits. I get so frustrated going to the shops and every single cute item of clothing is immodest. Any time I see a beautiful dress like a ballgown or wedding dress, I think "I can never wear that" because it always shows cleavage or shoulders. I'm angry that other Catholic girls get to wear whatever they want. Why can't the Church be more clear about what is and isn't allowed?

My question is, when I eventually live on my own, what modesty guidelines should I follow? Without following those rules I was raised with, navigating modesty is very scary. I don't believe in those rules anymore, but I also believe modesty is important and it can be a mortal sin depending how badly you dress. The internet varies from "bikinis are fine" to "Mary would never wear jeans," and all the 'its just subjective and about your intention' is unhelpful, as is 'follow social norms' because it's currently normal to wear booty shorts and a bra-top to the grocery store. Does anyone have any actual guidelines? I live in a temperate climate and I'm kind of curvy. Yes I know "modest doesn't mean frumpy" but I just want to dress like everyone else (not bikinis or crop tops or booty shorts). And this is related to times when I don't have to follow my parents' rules.

I am in the process of looking for an elementary school for my kids. My husband and I aren’t able to homeschool and the public schools are a nightmare where we live. Unfortunately we can’t afford the local Catholic school either. So now we’re visiting other Christian (Protestant) schools. Does anyone have experience sending their children to a Protestant school? I’m worried about the teachings being different or in conflict with what we believe and teach, but I’m hoping it’s better than secular school options? Opinions and experiences appreciated!!

Hi everyone! I am currently a senior in high school and I plan on attending a private “Catholic” college next year. It’s one of those schools where it’s not truly Catholic, it’s kinda just in the name. They have an LGBTQ club and those sorts of things. But I mean that’s to be expected anywhere unless you go to somewhere like Franciscan, Benedictine, etc. It definitely has a friendlier feel than public state universities that I toured and I believe it will be less detrimental to my faith. That’s just a little background, but the thing I’m worried about is marriage. I have never been in a relationship before. I have been asked out by 4 different guys, all within the course of junior and senior year. The first guy saw me at a dance,thought I was pretty, and texted me asking me to a dance. Unfortunately I did politely declined because I genuinely didn’t know him, texting was formal and awkward, and I was terrified of how awkward it would be if I went.The other three guys were from my school. One a classmate, and two friends. I could not possibly see myself ending up with any of them (very different personalities and abilities and lifestyles etc) so i politely declined. I’m just so scared that once I get to college 1. it will be very difficult to find an actually Catholic man. and 2. I don’t have any dating experience or experience with boys in general so that will make things way harder. I want to get married and be a mom and i’m just so worried that it will never happen for me and I always have this thought nagging at me. I know I’ll be fine financially and academically in college. I’m planning on studying neuroscience or biology and doing something medical. I’ve always been a good student so I know I’ll excel in that regard. But I just have this feeling that something is wrong with me. Probably part of that comes from being a bit of an introvert but idk. I feel like I would be a good gf/wife. I love taking care of people that I love and I yearn for that. Im so sorry for this rant, my mind is just a whirlwind right now. I would be so grateful for any advice or personal experiences or words of encouragement. thank you for taking the time to read and God bless!

Hi sisters, I posted earlier this year that I had just found out that we were pregnant with our rainbow baby after a very hard year where we lost our first baby girl at 28 weeks. Just wanted to come back and update you all and let you know that I’m now 22 weeks pregnant and so far everything is going beautifully. We had our anatomy scan and baby is perfectly healthy, growing great, and we found out we’re having a GIRL 🎀

I’d like to ask you to please continue to keep our family in your prayers, and pray for continued health for myself and our sweet baby girl! Later this month will be exactly one year since we lost our first baby so it has been hard. We have been saying the rosary every day this month and are almost done with a novena to St. Gerard. God has been so good to us and we are so grateful for the blessings he’s given us each day.

As a new Catholic I really love this community and all of the love and support, so just wanted to let you know the good news! Thanks to you all and God bless sisters, hope you have a wonderful day!

I really don’t understand the whole “leaving it up to God” how many children you have. Like you have a choice in it right? You can’t conceive a baby without doing the marital act. So how are you supposed to know when you’re done? It stresses me out because I’ve had a c section and I don’t want endless c sections. Right now the Marquette method (which due to my anxiety has really just been abstinence) has been what we’ve been doing. Just the concept of every cycle thinking what if we were meant to have a baby that cycle just because we wanted to be together is messing with my head. Like I get no child can happen without God wanting it to happen but like children can be avoided even if God wanted them there right? I’m just at a loss with this whole topic.

Hi everyone,

I just need some help trying to figure out how I should handle this situation I am facing.

A little background: I grew up with very toxic relatives. My parents gave me a good childhood, but there were family members on my dad’s side that were quite cruel to me growing up. My two aunts were extremely jealous and competitive – not just with each other, but with anyone who threatened to steal away my grandmother’s attention from them and their children.

I can remember understanding that I was disliked at a young age. I was always singled out and ridiculed for everything I did; they were always criticizing me about my weight (I was a dancer and quite fit at the time, but wasn’t “skinny” enough). I was also homeschooled, which they all took great offense to. They made my life miserable, which I think inhibited me for many years, even into adulthood. I only recently graduated with my bachelor’s degree at 33 years old, and I think the reason it took me so long, is because of all the self-doubt they implanted in my mind throughout the years. I’ve had so many false starts in life, because I never thought I would be good at anything. For instance, they often suggested that I should choose an easier course of study, because criminal justice (my major) was too hard for me. I was getting straight A’s, but when my father would tell them this, it’s like it was hard for them to believe.

Anyway, by my late twenties, I decided I wanted nothing more to do with them. My father respected this decision, and even chose to cut them off himself (his childhood was also filled with abuse). By this time, my grandmother had passed away, and so withdrawing from the family was easier to do.

I also married the most wonderful man, who (along with a therapist) has helped me realize my self-worth. This is the main reason I ended up returning to college to complete my degree.

Anyway, one of my aunts has recently been calling our house. She has a lot of mental health issues, and I am beginning to understand that much of her behavior is a result of her emotional problems and own insecurities. According to my sister (who is still in contact with her on occasion), she is hysterical all the time – she is lonely, depressed, and is desperate for family relations. She and my other aunt do not get along, and her children live out of town, so she really doesn’t have much contact with anyone.

A couple months ago, she wrote to me saying that she loves me, and that she just “didn’t understand what she had done to make me not want to talk to her.” Admittedly, I did not reply to this message, because I did not want to get into an argument with her. Honestly, I really think that she actually has no idea about how cruel she was to me growing up.

But today – which is the reason I decided to seek advice on here – I received a very expensive and thoughtful birthday present from her in the mail. It’s not like I can be bought through gifts – it’s not that at all – it’s just that she has now made several attempts at contacting me, and I just do not know what to do.

I do not feel like I have the energy to have a relationship with these people anymore. Their behavior never changes; the last time I tried to make amends with her, there was a period of normalcy, but that was soon followed by the usual toxic behavior. I do truly feel sorry for her; she has so many unresolved issues, and I cannot imagine what it must be like to be so alone all the time. She is consumed by her thoughts.

However, I do not feel like I can be the one to give her the emotional support she needs. I am currently navigating the last of my cancer treatment, and I just cannot bear anymore stress in my life than I already have.

I was thinking of sending a thank you note to her, but nothing beyond that. I don’t mean to sound callous or uncaring, but I have a strong need to protect myself AND my husband who will undoubtedly face the same ridicule at some point (they were all extremely cruel to my mother, and she was an absolute saint).

Anyway, I apologize for how long this is. I am just hoping to get some ideas on what I should do. My heart does hurt for her. But I just do not have the strength to go back and do it all again. While I’m starting to be able to forgive the family for what they did, I still don’t think that a relationship can be part of that forgiveness. Am I wrong to think that?

If you read this far, thank you for taking the time to do so 🙏

On the one hand, it kind of feels like we have the number of kids we can handle, but on the other hand, what if we’re supposed to have another baby?

I’m both afraid of missing something God has for us and also of blowing up our lives by adding another baby.

How do you know if you should try for another? I’d appreciate hearing how you think through this.

Does anyone have a Canadian Catholic online store that they would recommend? For Christmas, I’d like a high quality miraculous medal; my current one is made of cheap medal, it’s tarnished beyond repair and I wear it daily. I’d like to support a Catholic run store and I’d prefer it to be located in Canada to avoid any tariffs or high shipping costs. ☺️

I feel like this community always provides some good wisdom and balanced takes, so I wanted to ask, how do you find jobs that you feel you are being positive or at least neutral in the world? I understand that the world is complex and full of grey, and if you dig through enough degrees of separation, there will be something unethical there. I apologize for the length, I wanted to give background.

I wanted to be an engineer since I was little (28F now), and worked at a small robotics company right after school. After about 2.5 years there, I left for a volunteer service year corps program to spend a year serving while I didn’t have many obligations. I worked at a large homeless shelter, and despite the chaos and occasional violence, I fell in love with the work and the people I served and discovered a passion.

Right at the end of my service year, I got a job as a homeless/housing case worker at a charity that is Catholic, and after a year became the housing program coordinator managing a team of other case workers and supervising the day to day building up and operating a drop in center and collaboration with a neighboring soup kitchen. Side note - I’m currently engaged, and if I have children one day, they will never believe that their mom used to break up fights between large grown men!

I loved the work, but the nature of it is already disheartening with the tough times and cuts here in the US, and you spend a lot of time as a punching bag for people’s frustration and hurt. But the chances I had to help someone or at least walk with them as someone in their corner - I regularly said I had the best job in the world.

Things shifted - In addition to the classic more required busywork, new policies from senior leadership (who had never worked in a frontline role) made our jobs and rapport with clients harder, and a couple things I was uncomfortable with as I felt we wouldn’t be treating clients with as much dignity. I also took shielding my team from pointless burn-out policies really seriously, and I used to advocate with our leadership, try to propose alternative ideas, but that stopped working, I still don’t know why it shifted. Watching my team get burned out and sharing their frustration about it getting harder to serve our clients, I got incredibly burned out myself. Physical symptoms, constantly in survival mode, nightmares about meetings with senior leadership etc.

I took a leap of faith and put in a month’s notice to help with the transition while I looked for a job. I currently have a temporary position at an R&D robotics institute, and while it’s really hard to try to keep up after 3 years out of engineering, my adhd brain is loving the stimulation. I even can feel a tiny fraction of myself coming back outside of work when I felt an interest in reading about something, I can’t remember the last time that something felt interesting.

My dilemma is partly that I am a little angry at myself that I couldn’t find a way to stay. I’m maybe even a little angry at God that I got to be with some of the most despised and forgotten members of the my community in a job I was really good at, but I stopped being able to survive there. I don’t know what to do next.

I can try to get a regular position in the robotics world, and I understand that I may just not have the privilege of getting to directly help people as a job in this phase of life. Sometimes you just have to pay bills. But I worry about being put on a project that would have a military end use case, or something exploitative of others. I also can’t just hop between two wildly different careers every couple of years.
I’m still scared of a new social services job with how bad my position became, my nervous system is still wrecked. My only real job history is working in robotics or homeless social services.

How do I discern a balance between needing to pay my bills with a job that doesn’t lead to nervous breakdown, but also isn’t the antithesis of my passion for service?

Thank you for your patience with the long post and for any advice!

I recently learned that lust means a disordered view of sexuality. That, essentially it is a form of objectification of a person. I am coming from the protestant background where it was my understanding before that lust basically meant any sexual thought (it's not explained very well.)

Well, I don't really think I look for sexual pleasure in others and I certainly don't separate them from their personhood.. I'm very emotional, present, etc. What I have done though, is allow myself to be lusted after, and accepted sexual attention because I thought I needed to in order to be loved or valued.

Not to get too deep, but this kind of started early on in my life, because I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. I think it was normalized to me. I grew up and allowed my sexuality to be useful in getting affection. To put it practically, if I wanted closeness, to feel desired or to cuddle, I'd be okay with having sexual acts happen, but ultimately my goal was never really the type of "sexual pleasure" that I think other people mean when they talk about sexual pleasure.

However some of it was definitely disordered, because in my worst moments, I didn't love the man at all, but just wanted to feel desired/thought it could maybe lead to love. In my most dark moments, I thought it would bring me a sense of control or power or "coolness" (this was in my teens). I don't mean control over the person, but control over my life/desirability/ability to attract and sustain attention.

Is this considered lust? I want to know how to really repent of all of this, knowing that as a result of all this, more than anything I really felt objectified. In this season, I also was sexually assaulted unfortunately, and the whole time is blurry and kind of hard to think about. I want to repent for what I am accountable for, but because there was so much pain it's hard to know where to start.

Thank God, I've been celibate for 5 years and am discerning catholicism right now.