r/Christianity • u/Aware-Conflict-4560 • 23h ago

How much should your partner know about your past sinful life?

I feel as if full transparency should be had with your partner always and with everything. I think your other half should literally be your other half, which is kind of a double edged sword if you're not comfortable bringing that past up. It makes me second guess whether I would ever pursue marriage, because if I don't tell my partner everything, then it'd be like they've fallen in love with the picture of myself that I painted where I left parts out. And if I am open to everything they may feel inclined not to pursue a life with me which is understandable, I think we are still allowed preferences in the partner we choose to spend our lives with. To clarify, all of this would be in the dating/premarital stage of a relationship, not like I've said my vows then I tell them everything.

How much of your past do your partners know? Do or did they look at you differently because of it? I guess to look at one differently because of their sins would be a sin in itself but we're not perfect. I'm young(21) but this thought process makes me want to make peace with being alone even though I don't actually want that

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u/PorridgeBoyManBoy 23h ago

'How much of your past do your partners know?'

I have never kept anything significant from my partners.
Humans appreciate honesty, and sharing vulnerable intimate details about your past life will foster connection.
And you will be unburdened about things you likely feel shame around.
Win-win.

Unless you killed someone.
That's a bit of a pickle.

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u/thebabyishbicycle 23h ago

my partner knows the broad strokes of my past, not every single detail. there's a difference between hiding who you are and not doing a play-by-play of every cringey moment from when you were 19. a good relationship is built on trust, not a deposition

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u/PorridgeBoyManBoy 22h ago

Well I encourage you to share more of your past with your partner.
It will most likely help to build trust, and they will love you for the cringey moments when you were 19.
That's the best stuff.

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u/WhatsGodDoing Our God is an awesome God!!! 23h ago

- Stage 1: Getting to know each other at more than casual acquintance level. There is no emotional bonding at this level. You are friends getting to know each other better. Do as much of this in group settings as you can and the rest in public places with no holding hands, etc.

  • Stage 2: Getting to know each others walk with God and values. You can go for walks in public places and start probing more on specific beliefs. This is also your first sign of your ability to communicate at more than safe surface level. Still not officially in a relationship - still no holding hands, etc. If you discover too many differences here, you can more easily break it off with no serious emotional consequences.
  • Stage 3:: Pre-engagement discussoins. Good to get a pastor or equivalent to walk you through material that really dives deeper into topics. You want someone involved that is completely independent and trained on relationships from a Christian perspective. Conservatively, you would not be holding hands, but some might. Some people through their brain out the window once handholding begins. You have not committed to marriage yet, so what is explored here could still end the relationship and so it would be good if emotional connections are not too deep
  • Stage 4: Engagement. Hand holding, kissing, begin.
  • Stage 5: You enter marriage with the knowledge that you did things God's way - Priceless!

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u/rhythmmchn Evangelical 21h ago

If you're close to considering marriage, they should know as much as they want.