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So this week is about my 5th week in college(I'm a freshman), and I haven't made any real friends. It feels like everyone is already friends with each other and I don't want to be that leech that follows someone around especially if they don't want me here.

Someone asked me to go get something to eat and I definitely took him up on that offer, we exchanged info but never really talked online. I see him every once and a while, I go up to him and talk to him but then its like he goes back to his group and doesn't want me there, especially because they seem to know each other and have plenty of inside jokes I don't really understand so I feel really felt out. I tried to get to know them but it's like they sometimes want me there and sometimes they don't, like they asked me to study once and I immediately accepted and that ended well and we got along. Yet other times, when they form a circle for example I feel like they're pushing me out. I don't know.

I'm not antisocial or anything, I know like 10 people but no one that really matches my wavelength and shares the same interests, I'm a huge nerd so to say. I dap them up regularly and we talk for a while but nothing more than that because I'm not really one to crack jokes with people I don't really know well, because I don't have anything really to talk about besides college and that just gets boring.

Basically I feel like most times I'm being left out, and since I don't want to leech and keep on being there when they're leaving me out, I sometimes just leave, and other times I don't.

My main question is if this is normal, and when does someone really find the right people in college and make actual friends.

I had a group member not participate in our group project. We’re in Canvas group for everything. I asked the professor what could be done and they said that student will get the grade we get because they can’t modify their specific grade in Canvas. They said there will be group evals at the end of the semester, so I can voice my concerns there. Their response emphasized giving said absent group member grace while attempting to communicate with them. They are unresponsive when contacted.

I’m in a semester long group with this person and there are multiple projects. I feel like this is a very unfair outcome.

I have all proof of the group member never participating despite claiming parts and showing up to the final presentation day.

I call to book an appointment, they book me weeks out. I tell them I want confirmation that they can confirm my attendance with someone, and so then the staff member confirms, hangs up, and then spends an hour finding an excuse to cancel the appointment. They cancel it and lazily send me an email with a list of hundreds of other people I must pay to see. "Sorry for the confusion". They don't even know my issue yet; what confusion?

I email back and tell them I'm explicitly suicidal. They call me the next day, book an appointment within the hour. Great: this is what I needed. So I show up. They ask me a few questions: "who do you have to support you?": "nobody". "What about your family, friends, etc?": "they don't want to deal with it. I don't want to burden them". And after those two questions, it's the same spiel from the email. She "can't" help me even though she doesn't understand the issue, and immediately goes to her computer to pull up a 3-year-old list of people I can pay. I realize they only reason she took me in because that email gave them liability that they needed to defuse. I consider walking away right there because it feels helpless.

I stop her because they're lying about their ability to deal with me. Making excuses about legal issues, lying about the paperwork they "can't give me". I look at the director and say "I read the documents you made me sign when I walked in. What do you mean I can't authorize you to tell someone I've been attending? What policy in specific is this going against?". She looks back to me and can't even articulate an answer. She tangents off into excuses for 10 minutes before she admits there is a document and hands it me.

While I'm filling it out I ask her what people come here for, because during her tangent she said "people don't usually talk their family or their life here". She can't even answer that. She tangents off yet again into "we deal with 2000 students a year".

I finish filling it out, hand it to her, and she says she'll "call the person to confirm attendance is the only thing they need". At this point I'm frustrated. I already told them that's ALL that person needs, yet they're insisting there's a chance I'm wrong, about MY situation. My mental health has been shit for years, I've reached for my family, my friends, now the "counseling center" that the college has been reminding me of since I signed up. And yet, all anyone can do is tell me to go elsewhere. I'm miserable. Some nights I'm scared for myself.

So this director gives me a card with her email, and then says she's taking PTO tomorrow for a week BUT that she'll get back to me by EoD about this. She already set her m365 to out of office multiple days prior. I tell her "you're already OOO on teams" and she looks at me nervous and says "yeah that's a mistake". She never fixed that. So EoD comes and goes, and even the next day, and I receive nothing.

I don't even know what to do at this point. All these shitty resources and people act as if help is always an arm's reach away, but nobody actually wants to deal with it. My dad writes it off as "something is wrong with you". My friends don't have the capacity to help; they just stare blankly. And even though I already pay tens of thousands every year for this university, the only thing they can tell me is "go pay someone else". If they had an actual reason they'd be able to point to the policy first day and make it clear, but they couldn't find one, so instead they escalate directly to the director who still can't find a reason. It's so obvious they're just trying to get rid of me.

I actually don't hate studying but i just don't have any patience for long and boring lessons. I was a good student in school but i don't like college. Every day i feel like I'm just wasting my time in college. I feel like im just waiting to graduate though i dont want the time to pass and miss out my youth.I don't even know who to become and how my future will be like. I can't imagine how it's gonna be when i start working with this impatience and short attention span. The assignments are either mostly need heavy memorizing or are very ineffective for improving or boring. I thought college life will be different. Does anyone feel this way?

I'm 18 and happened to land into this shithole, studying aircraft mechanical engineering. Of course, nature of a parent. They made sure it was a field that required MATHS, wow. Totally not my WORST FUCKING SUBJECT.

At first I genuinely did not want to go, but they don't have any other thing to do with their lives other than making sure I don't live a life that I enjoy. So I was threatened with my mothers gaze and being kicked off the house. Now I genuinely don't enjoy how my life is going, I wake up at 7. Walk to the uni, go through lectures, go to dorm at 5. Nobody here cares about doing something enjoyable. And I actually knew that, so I tried to make life more liveable. I wanted to start guitar so that my life wouldn't be reduced to a low quality calculator that will probably never find a job. But no, dormitory doesn't allow guitar. All private dormitories are either a lifelong debt or completely booked.

Only thing that keeps me from forgetting that I am a singular thing in the world is my spotify and earphones. I'm looking down the damn window towards a fucking grocery store wondering how long it would take the police to find my dead body becoming one with the asphalt, identify my exploded confetti head and inform it to my parents. I genuinely thought about this. Probably within 7 hours?

I got both chemistry and math midterms in monday and I genuinely do not want to study, I feel like my quality as a person decreases whenever I study. I don't know what to do with my life. I'm pretty damn sure my mother meant that she would want me dead rather than "uneducated". She has been abusing me since first grade.

"All your friends will have wonderful lives and go to college! You will be picking up trash your entire life!!"

Yeah, now Im in college. All it took was 5000 euro. Now where is the "wonderful" Life? It has been a month and midterms are coming to fucking rape me. Ironic, I'm listening to "Rape me" By Nirvana rn.

If I live far by this point, I hope god sends me to the deepest pit hell has if I send my children to college. Fuck this purposeless shithole.

ok so first of all some context: i studied abroad and am graduating in october. i am also studying for a second time in a different country. i just dont want to go to my graduation. theres no big reason. its on a saturday, i have a project that counts as a midterm due the monday after and another one on the tuesday. it would be a total 13 hrs there and back on multiple planes + trains and i just dont have time for that right this moment. i have no good memories or friends in that country, and i made peace with not going. its just not that big of a deal. the issue is my parents. they have gone from pressuring me into it to yelling at me to convince me to now just well not even believing im graduating. idk what to do really. anyone has any advice?

Exactly as title says. RAs did basic room checks right before fall break and there was word going around about an RA doing much more 'thorough' checks (snooping) and taking peoples belongings including jewelry, gift cards, money, vapes/alcohol, ect. When I say snooping, I really mean it. They had MOVED peoples beds/furniture to get behind them to find their stashes, went through jewelry boxes, bags, and cabinets.

Mind you, they're only supposed to come in and make sure our windows are locked and fridges are empty of anything that can spoil, and they inform us that they are ONLY doing those things specifically so we can put away anything 'sensitive'.

Well, turns out that RA was my RA! I did not expect them at all, they are super, super sweet and gives us cookies and gifts and fun meets/programs all the time. Totally did not seem like the kind of person to drink or vape, let alone steal that stuff.

Anyway, they weren't reprimanded at all for what they did. They still have their job, they are still our RA. Clean slate basically as if it never happened. As far as I know, they've also kept most of what they stole, particularly the vapes/alcohol as no one's going to come forward that it's theirs (obviously).

I think it's completely stupid, as beyond just stealing peoples stuff, they themselves are under the drinking age. Resident life/housing KNOWs they stole alcohol speciflcally and kept it, and instead, are now getting onto our backs by enforcing stricter room checks...

I have a bad memory to begin with on where I put things, and while I don't necessarily bring super valuable things to college with me and take what I can home with me during breaks, I do have things in my room that would just suck to lose (not-so-cheap art supplies, stuffed animals, cute decor/fidgets, ect). I don't think any of my stuff personally was stolen as I don't wear jewelry, and I own a lot of stuff that wouldn't fit their aesthetic, but it still worries me.

I'm paying a hefty sum to go here each semester (while RAs get free housing btw, salt to the wound on how lousy people seem to luck out), I shouldn't have to worry about MY stuff in MY room being stolen during a 4-day break.

TLDR: RA steals stuff from peoples room and gets to keep their job (and most of the stolen goodies) without even a smack on the wrist and now I'm paranoid about if my stuff was stolen or if I just misplaced it.

I'm a senior in college living with 5 other girls, and I genuinely cannot believe this is how our last year is going.

We were all super close sophomore year until one girl (Abby, fake name) started making passive-aggressive comments, assuming we were excluding her, and getting increasingly defensive. While my best friend and I were abroad junior fall, things got REALLY messy. Abby started talking shit about everyone, and one of my friends eventually went through her phone and found some pretty nasty texts between Abby and her mom about our entire friend group.

Two of my closest friends decided they wanted absolutely nothing to do with her, which I completely understand. Abby has done some genuinely shitty things, and I'm not defending her behavior.

But here's where it gets complicated. When I came back from abroad, I had an AMAZING semester with Abby. She was genuinely such a good friend to me.

Now we're all living together senior year, and it's miserable. Abby and I are the ONLY two downstairs, while my three closest friends live upstairs. Abby barely leaves her room, never goes upstairs, and seems increasingly isolated. I've always been sweet to her, and it's honestly hard watching someone I care about become so withdrawn.

They even attempted to reconcile at the beginning of senior year, but it didn't last. Everyone still talks shit about each other, and I'm not going to pretend I'm innocent because I've participated too.

I understand why my friends don't want to be friends with Abby anymore. I respect their boundaries, and I know Abby contributed to this whole mess. But holy shit, the negative energy in this house is EXHAUSTING.

My best friend told me I'm too obsessed with having a "perfect senior year," and maybe she's right. But is it really that unreasonable to want to enjoy our last year of college without feeling like we're living in two separate enemy camps?

I'm not expecting everyone to magically become best friends again. I just miss when we could all hang out, go out together, and have fun without everything being so complicated.

It's literally our senior year. We're supposed to be making memories, and instead I feel like I'm constantly navigating a friendship divorce that I wasn't even around for.

I don't even know what I expect anyone to do at this point. I'm just sooooo tired of the tension and wish our house could feel like a home instead of a battlefield.

I'm doing online asynchronous college courses through community college after 5 years of not being in school so I'm not sure if my expectations are just too high and this is normal for college, or if this is something most people would struggle with.

I'm taking an introduction sociology course and my only resource is a textbook. There's no lectures or study guides or any other material from the professor just the textbook. We complete one quiz and one 2 page paper every week for each chapter. And for every chapter I take notes for all the key important information. But on every single quiz, all the questions are nothing I took notes on. They're specific minor details that I wouldnt have even thought to take note of.

So I guess I'm just curious, is this a common way for online courses to be handled and I'm just not taking notes with enough depth? I dont understand how I'm supposed to know what key information will be on the quizzes from a textbook alone.

I attend a university that has a pretty large Jewish population. I'm not Jewish myself, but I have a couple friends that are Jewish that also attend the university. The school prides itself on having a large Jewish population and is constantly advertising that fact to prospective students, religious/cultural organizations, etc.

However, my university is also home to what I can really only describe as an all-out hate group. They advertise themselves as a group for conservatives, but that is far from what they actually are. In the past, just to name a few things, they've rallied behind known antisemitic and racist political figures and brought them to speak on our campus, posted images of "crazed leftist students" on their social media and invited members to harass them, and have frequently had members generally disrupt the peace of campus by spreading messages like "legalize guns on campus" or "deport the invaders" or posting images of Epstein all over campus.

The group itself is also oddly secretive, with zero public access to who's in the club, who's on their executive board, and even severely limiting who can attend meetings by putting prospective attendees through "background checks" before they are allowed to attend, the specifics of which they do not make public. In the very few images that they do post of their meetings, members' faces are censored. It seriously puts into question what they're discussing at these meetings that could necessitate so many precautions as to not be identified.

Anyways, this club made the news a few months ago after an image leaked of a member (unsurprisingly) performing a Nazi salute, and were subsequently kicked off campus after the university began receiving backlash for not taking action. Rather than denouncing the actions of that member and apologizing, they simply targeted the university for "silencing their opinion" and threatened legal action.

Unfortunately, the university backed down, and have now let this club back on campus. They have since become even more aggressive; straight up doxxing people who disagree with them, making strange threatening messages along the lines of "ending the woke mind virus once and for all, just wait and see what we do", etc. The university is well aware of this, and yet refuses to do anything about it. I know this because I've personally contacted the school's administration regarding this club (and a number of other issues) and have recieved absolutely zero response after weeks.

I think it is absolutely disgusting that a university that prides itself on its Jewish and minority population and uses that as leverage in attracting prospective students knowingly allows a wildly antisemitic and racist club to remain on campus.

So, I wanted to ask: is there anything I can do to help get this organization dissolved? Are there any anti-hate groups that I can contact, ideally anonymously? I'm sick of just sitting around and watching this group get away with spreading so much hate on my campus.

I've never been good at socializing. I was on varsity sports all throughout high school and my teammates were nice but also typical popular girls. I was the weird one who was good at making people laugh sometimes and that's it. I've kinda always been this way, and I think that's a big part of why I decided to go to an art college. Now four years in and all my love for art down the drain I've realized I don't fit in here either. Everyone has this overflowing energy and social battery that I just dont have. I tried joining a conversation the other day in class and realized my socialization skills were so atrophied I was having trouble knowing when to chime in without accidentally interrupting people.

My whole life school has made me incredibly miserable and I was told that high school and college would be where I finally find my people, I was looking forward to finally being happy so much. With how shit I am at anything academic AND social I'm terrified that I'll feel like this all my life; too exhausted to try to improve my life and too depressed from not doing anything to have any energy at all.

I've had a lot of these in highschool, but i'm having one right now. I'm in online, tech writing is terrible, but the assignments have been pretty regular and the same each week. This week we got fall break on monday and tuesday. Most online are week classes, so they just cancel the week to not disrupt the schedule. NOT MY TECH WRITING THOUGH! Not only do we have work this week, but apparently we had something due yesterday. SO, just realizing, I go in to start working on it. The class is like 20 people. 4 people have completed the assignemnt. And with this teacher, stuff like this, or just stupid stuff in general has already happened so many times nad it's only october. I just.. i don't understand how people do the same stupid shit over and over without thinking, 'hmmm, maybe I should listen to the people that i'm teaching.'

I just don't get it.

So in one of my classes, I sit behind this guy who can't keep his mouth shut. He's in my assigned group (hence the seating arrangement) and I know his name, so that's not the problem. The issue is the fact that every single time someone without perfect English speaks, he laughs. My professor just moved here from S. Korea and has an accent, and every time she mispronounces something, he turns to his girlfriend and chuckles, repeating the word so she 'understands'. Not to mention when other classmates speak up, he does the same thing. One girl in my class has some challenges, and struggles to make her point clearly (she's like the nicest person), and he and his girlfriend were laughing quietly and making thumb sucking gestures. I don't think the prof sees, or if she doesn't want to push it, but they drive me crazy. Should I say something? This happens at least once a class, if not more, and I'm so tired of it.

EDIT: The girl I mentioned with the speech challenges is also black, and this guy and his girlfriend are white. Just to add another layer.

I’ve been burnt out since the middle of the 2026 spring semester, but I kept going. I did a single glass for the summer semester, and now I’m in the midterms of the current fall semester. I have a part-time job that I have to have a minimum of 7 credit-hours to be able to keep working. My job doesn’t provide enough hours for my expenses, so I’m currently looking for a second part-time. I’ve burned myself dry and it’s just getting worse and worse. My depression has come out of remission because of it. I’m failing 2/4 classes atm because I just can’t get myself to do any work. My other two classes are quickly lowering. I’m struggling to attend classes now, and I’ve got a combined 12 absences now. I need to do another semester, and it’s going to be FIVE CLASSES. I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it. I cry every night whenever I’m alone. I can’t do it.

I’m an awful student. I didn’t used to be, but when I got to college everything went downhill. I’m a sophomore and my mental health has never been worse. Even though the past three semesters I’ve been taking only three classes, I’ve been completely overwhelmed. I failed my last semester and am now on academic warning. I purposely tried to pick the easiest classes this time but even then I’m completely overwhelmed by the assignments.

I guess I should also mention I have ADHD/Autism, which definitely impacts everything. I know what I have to do to pull myself up by my bootstraps, but I don’t WANT to. I don’t WANT to go to a tutor, I don’t WANT to make a study group, I don’t WANT some shitty advice that I’ve heard a million times. I’m tired and completely burnt out. My whole life has been nonstop school and I’m sick of it. I want to take a gap year but everyone advises against it and I’m scared so I probably won’t do that. I have no choice but to power through. I have so much pressure on me by my family to do well as well.

With the speed I’m moving, I’ve probably got at least ten more years of this crap. It feels inescapable and I know for a fact it will destroy me. I know I sounds dramatic but all of this has snowballed into me thinking about horrible things.

All I want is a simple, stable job where I can do mundane tasks that don’t require all my brainpower. I don’t want endless school.

Is that too much to ask??

(PS I also have no friends and the campus life/events suck and nothing is fun)

I've never gotten sick so often like this year. Last semester if I spent 2 weeks without flu/cold - like symptoms it's too much, but when the semester ended I was fine the whole time. Now this semester I'm half way through and I got these respiratory illness symptoms again. Coincidentally I'm having my worst year ever, grades aren't as good, I'm probably gonna fail at least a course and I've dropped two classes because I couldn't handle the load.

I was planning on seeing a doctor but then I felt healthy again so I just postponed it. Maybe I should do it now, although I'm not sure what the use would be if it's just college related like it seems. I mean, I can't just drop the entire semester, I've already decreased my workload by a lot, I don't know what else my body could be asking for lol

Not sure if this is the right sub for this, but I genuinely need advice.

For some context, I come a very large, religious family. My relationship with them has always been shaky, but after being more open about my own opposing views, and orientation, it has been getting much worse. For the past two years, my parents have threaded kicking me out of the house with absolutely no support at all. To be completely cut me off. I really wanted an emancipation, but my parents refused to sign off on it (despite them wanting me out,) because they knew me leaving, and having independence would mean I would attend public school—something they are strongly against (especially because in my insular community, this would look really bad for my family.)

Anyway, recently, they have become more serious about this “kicking me out” threat. My father has literally said “ go be homeless” in response to me sharing my worries about having no place to say/ anticipated struggles of renting at freshly 18. My parents, mostly my father, are also verbally abusive. My father has said, many times, that I’m going to be punished in hell, even allowing my brothers to go into great detail into the ways I would be punished/tortured there (hell) This is all to reiterate—I don’t have any support.

So my parents have officially given me a date. Right after highschool graduation, i need to be out completely. I asked my parents to kick me out beforehand, hoping to get kicked out right before senior year so I could attend a public school for the full-year, and work after school to support myself. (I get home past 5:30, leaving me in a tricky position because many jobs don’t hire that late. The few that do are establishments, ie: fast food, that aren’t “part” of my religion, so I am prohibited to work and do not have reliable transportation because my parents will not take me, and I am also not allowed to get my drivers permit, let alone license without them signing off on it.) Because my parents are only kicking me out after senior year, I’m afraid I won’t be able to get accurate financial aid, reflecting my situation, for colleges. I also can’t just leave at 18 because I’m in a private high school, and I can’t scramble to join a random highschool mid-way through senior year. I cannot continue at my private high school, because if I leave, I won’t be able to afford the expensive commute to school everyday without the school bus.

I’m going to see if I can live with my grandparents instead. This would work bc a school bus actually makes a stop near their house, so I could catch it each day. If I am able to live with my grandparents, would I qualify for a dependency override after submitting FAFSA? I am planning on getting a note from my pediatrician, and a religious leader, but am unable to get one from my highschool counselor at risk of losing my friends and embarrassing my sister who is in a lower grade (my school is very tight-knit, and all the faculty discuss students. Embarrassment aside, my school will also discourage this for sure.) I also do work a Saturday job, so I can submit paystubs from that.

TLDR; My parents said they’re kicking me out & cutting me off after high school graduation. I want my financial aid to reflect my situation. If I leave my parents home to live with grandparents before admissions are out, but after my parents FAFSA information are already submitted, can I qualify for a dependency override? I plan to submit a personal statement, paystubs from Saturday job,
note from pediatrician, and note from religious leader.

I had this thought earlier today. I hate how one class just caused me to hate an entire subject. I sometimes wonder how things would be for me if I had a better experience with that class. I took it twice. Failed the first time and made a D the second time. Math was never really my weakest subject until I got to college. College Algebra killed my liking for math. It’s crazy because the material wasn’t necessarily hard. What made the class hard was having to learn 30+ concepts in a week and over time that number increased. Math is all about practice. It takes me a while to completely learn something. I need to be able to see patterns in problems. That can take a good amount of time depending on the concept. Having to take that class along with 3 others that require hours of my time made it unbearable. I kind of gave up half way with that class.

I took introductory statistics and research and statistics and did just fine. Why? Because I was able to learn things at a decent pace. There was no 30+ concepts that needed to be mastered by Sunday. College Algebra is just a lot and I seriously am jealous of everyone that is able to pass that class with no issues. Unfortunately, my brain is wired differently.

Sorry in advance for this rant:

As the title says, I do not think university is for me. I am a first-year student and thought it might be because I am just settling in and getting used to university, but it is now mid-October, and I started in September (I know that is not a lot of time, but I have had midterms, tests, and stuff). I'm just lacking motivation; nothing seems interesting, and I hate it here. I barely make it to class. I have barely any friends, and the friends I do have we rarely chat or hang out, so I am kind of just alone. My roommate is rarely in the dorm and never invites me to things despite me asking every day. I just do not know what I would do if I dropped out. Maybe get a dead-end job, but I don't want to do that for the rest of my life. I have depression, adhd, anxiety and social anxiety, and they are all pretty bad right now. I am getting medical treatment soon, which will force me to either drop this semester or take fewer classes, so that makes me feel stressed. I just have no motivation for anything and feel lost and stressed, and I just have lots of bad thoughts. I honestly just hate it here, but idk what to do. My mental health is terrible, and school is just making it way worse. idk what to do. I would feel bad if I dropped out of university, and idk what I would even do after that; probably rot away in my bed or something. I just feel a pit in my stomach whenever I think about university. I do not want to quit, but I just can’t do this. I feel like such a loser. Everyone else seems to be doing it, but I just can’t. University sucks, and life sucks. I just hate it here so much. I feel like I am getting a panic attack just thinking about all of this. I can't do four years of this; idk how I would survive. (I do have an appointment to speak with a counsellor soon, so that is something I guess idk) What should I do?

Any help/advice/encouraging words would be appreciated!

Freshman, I study for so long on chem but i still end up getting a damn 70 or some bs while my friends barely even study and they ace it wtf is wrong. Genuinely so demoralizing given I actually wanna go to med school

Every single week it’s “I’ll start homework early and won’t save it to the last minute this time!! I’ll change!!” And then I don’t change and I’m crying at 4:30 am because my midterm is at 9:45 am and I have Ancient Greek to learn

I see a therapist but I’m not medicated despite her heavy recommendations bc I’m afraid it’ll quiet the good parts of my brain, but I guess it’s time 😭

Anyone have any good study tips for learning a few chapters of Ancient Greek in the next five hours?

Or adhd studying tips?

I plan to go to college. But I am unsure which major to choose: either forensic science the chemistry path but I also want to do the radiography program. I’m unsure which one to choose because I’m passionate about about both but feel scared of taking so many hard classes and wether or not I would be guaranteed to get a job right after I complete my degree. And if any of those choices will make me enough money. Any advice would be helpful !

sooo my school doesn’t provide me any kind of real financial aid. im not eligible for the Pell Grant and the school only offered me $6,000 in direct loans for the whole school year, though my tuition is $12,000.
I emailed them asking to increase the loan amount, they said no, so I looked into private loans. College Ave allowed me to take $12,000 but they needed the school to certify it.
School told me that to certify my loan request, I needed to reject the direct loans, so I did, and then the school only certified my loan for $6,400.

what do I do from here?? im not sure if it would be smart of me to look for another loan to cover next semester? im a first gen student, my parents have their own loans to pay, ive applied to sooo many scholarships and haven’t received any luck. im so lost 😭

I just finished an exam. It was the 3rd one for my course. It’s been a consistent decline of 20% less every exam. I feel so stupid because the more I study and the harder I study and the more effort I put into it, the worse my score is. I know worth isn’t tied to score and im not basing mine off of it but if my grades suck I won’t go to med school. I just feel so dumb because I study and I try like I really do try but the more effort I put in, the worse it gets. I’m so sick and tired of this pattern and I don’t know if I should give up by not studying or if I should continue trying to do well despite the fact that it won’t turn out well. I got a 73% on Exam 2 and a 53% on Exam 3. Those are with the curve.