Just missed the anniversary dangit

[u/No-Supermarket-6065]

[u/OpenStraightElephant]

When I was
A young Roo
My mother
Took me into the battle
To wield me as a flail

[u/PurplestCoffee → u/OpenStraightElephant]

She said "son, brace yourself

You will be the creator of the broken

The beaten and the damned!"

[u/DoubleBatman → u/OpenStraightElephant]

Ġefeolað wē!

[u/RaphAngelos → u/OpenStraightElephant]

Where's that gif of Kong swinging his adopted son by the ankles

[u/ben121frank]

I know it’s time for me to go to sleep when I am laughing uncontrollably at “that is roo”. Idk something about how its phrased is just cracking me up

[u/StrykerGryphus → u/ben121frank]

The use of "that is" instead of "that's" feels like the written equivalent of saying it with a completely straight face

[u/No-Supermarket-6065 → u/StrykerGryphus]

That's exactly it. It's kinda funny to think about how online communication has evolved its own forms of tone/sarcasm.

[u/bayleysgal1996]

I feel like Roo would be down to be used as a morningstar

[u/No-Supermarket-6065 → u/bayleysgal1996]

"Look, mama, look! I'm a lethal weapon!"

"Just close your eyes, honey, we'll get through this if I have to kill every Saxon myself!"

[u/TheOutcast06 → u/bayleysgal1996]

mega kangaskhan type beat

[u/RainbowSkyOne → u/bayleysgal1996]

I read that part before I saw Kanga. I was 100% expecting Roo to be using the morningstar.

[u/idiotplatypus]

Eeyore, after being shot with an arrow: Oh, bother

[u/Ildrei]

Wield the child as a Morningstar

[u/ISB00]

Is this real?

[u/No-Supermarket-6065 → u/ISB00]

The Battle At Pooh Corner

[u/Teep_the_Teep]

So did they call hunny "miel" back in the day?

[u/ChonkeyDoug → u/Teep_the_Teep]

Miel is honey in French. I guess he could’ve leaned into the Pooh of it and called it myelle?

[u/FragrantAd6533 → u/ChonkeyDoug]

And spanish too

[u/Teep_the_Teep → u/ChonkeyDoug]

Zut alors!

[u/fermatagirl]

Reminds me of this frame from Absolute Batman

[u/Heroic-Forger]

NOOO THEY'RE SPEARING EEYORE AND HE'S JUST ACCEPTED IT 😭

[u/No-Supermarket-6065 → u/Heroic-Forger]

"I've been waiting for this day for so long"

[u/SugarStunted]

They stabbed Eeyore. 😭

[u/extremely-cynical → u/SugarStunted]

And he's entirely unimpressed. 'Is that it? I feel worse every day.'

[u/ihopeyougethitbyacar → u/extremely-cynical]

"The barbs you sling at me hurt far less than the barbs life visits upon me on the daily"

[u/UndeniablyMyself]

"Oh bother, it seems we’re surrounded."

[u/peace_off]

This would have been a much better movie.

[u/sweetTartKenHart2]

Roo seems like the kind of kid who would unironically love being used as a flail. He’d like try to do kicks and tail thwaps and stuff.
Kanga would normally never want Roo to get tangled up in something like this but I can absolutely imagine a scenario where they can’t run away and he’s got that burning desire to protect the Hundred Acre Wood dancing like a flame in his little beady eyes and Kanga ends up relenting and they proceed to kick all of the ass there is to kick together and fuck now I wanna see a Winnie the Pooh movie where they actually have to fight a tangible threat instead of it being purely imagined (a la the Skullosaurus or the Gabloon) or a big misunderstanding with a peaceful faction (like the Heffalumps) which I know would be really difficult to do while maintaining the idyllic optimistic “the world is cool and you don’t need to be so afraid of it all the time” message all of these things share but also like aaaaaaaaa

[u/No-Supermarket-6065 → u/sweetTartKenHart2]

Very intriguing Pooh fanfic you've written there

[u/sweetTartKenHart2 → u/No-Supermarket-6065]

Thank you??? :D

[u/Darthplagueis13]

Detail I missed at first: Pooh is going after a group of warriors holding a large pot of MIEL - hunny.

[u/bobbymoonshine]

I love that of the two who weren’t toys so don’t have “proper” names, Owl keeps the WOL spelling he uses, and Rabbit becomes Rabbit in French

[u/MasterOfCelebrations]

They killed piglet

[u/Luvas]

We were robbed. "Winnie the Pooh: Blood & Honey" could have been a black comedy reenactment of the Battle of Hastings where armored soldiers are beat down by giant plushies out for revenge.

[u/angelinaparisss]

the history books left out the part where Tigger was the cavalry

[u/Heckyll_Jive → u/angelinaparisss]

u/SpambotWatchdog blacklist

Pornbot.

[u/SpambotWatchdog → u/Heckyll_Jive]

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