I need advice

[u/Specialist_Green6481]

I am planning on divorcing my husband. We’ve been married for 2 and together 5+ years. We have arguments almost weekly and explosive ones about once a month. I don’t feel loved or cared for in the way I try to express. I know he isn’t happy in the relationship either. I briefly brought up separating before and it did not go well.

He has severe anxiety, ptsd and depression(undiagnosed but very noticeable) I am his only support system. He has no friends and one family member that he may talk to about it. I’m afraid for his wellbeing, in ALL aspects. He has threatening stuff(if you know what I mean) “because I’ll be happy without him”. He has no support and I don’t think he will bring up his needs to people who try to be his friend at work. He is very dependent on me for emotional needs and take care of himself.

I love him so much, and I don’t want thing to happen to him. I know a separation will be hard but we are both really unhappy. We argue so much, I developed anxiety to the point of effect me physically. I had depression but i got meds and it helped. He has cheated multiple times. I’m also worried that he might take it nuclear. Which i want to take what I own and leave and he can keep the apartment and what he owns.

I have a plan on leaving, because I know if i just mention it he will emotionally pull me back.

I’m sorry if this is a lot but I have so much that I’m concerned about and I know I shouldn’t be if I’m planning but I still love him and I want the best for him in the end.

[u/Downtown_Zebra_266]

My soon to be ex-husband and I were in a similar situation. Not fights, but the anxiety and depression, lack of friends and family is almost copy and paste. To the point our separation, which was his decision, got him in a deeper depression and drinking to the point he blacked out at his mom's house a few times. It didn't start getting better until he was hanging out with his affair partner more after breaking up with her (not really) because everyone else in his life couldn't fathom why we would be getting a divorce.

As someone who has been and still is going through it, you need to move forward with the divorce. You ARE NOT responsible for his mental and physical health. I always knew that deep down, but it didn't really hit me until a few months ago. You are taking too much on that isn't your responsibility.

YOUR need to do what is best for YOU and advocate for YOURSELF because nobody else will. He NEEDS intense therapy and to work on himself. If he hasn't done so yet he never will so long as you're in the picture. He needs to hit whatever his version of rock bottom is in order to start to heal. If he does something stupid, that is on him, not you. Never on you.

Go through the separation, mute his texts (don't block him just in case you need something for court) and only communicate about a divorce and separation of assets. Do not do phone calls or anything in person. Have a written record of things.

You love him even during this difficult time. I understand that, I get that, Ive been there. But love IS NOT enough, OP. It never will be.