r/Divorce • u/conman123795 • 21h ago
Vent/Rant/FML I messed up
I messed up. I got drunk and cheated on my now ex wife and after doing so i just thought about every little negative thing about my ex and i told her we needed to divorce. Now here i am almost a week sober and crying because i wish i could take it back but i know its far too late for that its been slightly over a month and i cant just admit at this point that i was drunk and going through some things and i dont really want this anymore. I want her back I miss her cuddles and laugh. Sorry for the rant
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u/iloveyourforeskin 21h ago
Leave her be. If you really loved her, it never would have gone that far.
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u/Tequila_y_Scotch 20h ago
Grow up and get professional help. This poor poor me shit won’t help you at all.
Leave her alone and don’t drag her down with you.
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u/january1977 I got a sock 21h ago
You’re an adult. You made a choice. Now you have to live with it. Put your big boy pants on and deal with your life.
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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 18h ago
The minute you decided to cheat is when you ended the relationship. Whatever pain your in now is nothing compared to the pain you caused her in breaking her trust.
Buck up sunshine, if she can endure what you forced on her, you can endure this moment of self loathing.
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u/Unusual_Strength2060 19h ago
If you love her you would leave that poor woman alone. You need serious help, who is to say once you get her back you don’t go back to old habits.
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u/BlackSummerObscura 16h ago
Crazy that earlier this week, when a woman said she cheated on her STBXH, she got all kinds of praise with people saying "girl, you're already checked out of the marriage, so it's not cheating". Now, when this guy does it, everyone is ready to bury OP alive.
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u/Jealous_Soil99 21h ago
A month in, the papers probably aren't even final yet, so it's not as late as it feels. If you want a shot, tell her exactly what you told us, sober, and let her decide what to do with that.
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u/Dependent-Mall-8161 21h ago
that's a lot to sit with man. the drinking didn't invent those feelings but it sure took the brakes off
she might not want to hear it but the only way out is through. tell her what you said here and let the chips fall
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u/Jealous_Soil99 20h ago
Yeah, telling her is the only way to know, even if it's rough. And you're right, the drinking didn't invent the feelings, it just let them out.
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u/conman123795 21h ago
I dont think i could tell her i already broke her asking for this divorce. She already moved out i moved 2 co workers in to afford rent it feels way to far past the point of no return
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u/Jealous_Soil99 20h ago
Yeah, that's a lot to untangle in a month, but honestly, the rent thing is just logistics, it doesn't mean you can't still talk to her. She might be feeling just as lost.
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u/StraightDelivery777 20h ago
Then why are you here whining about this if you aren't willing to be honest with her, and yourself.
There are only two solutions. Be honest with her and tell her the truth or stay quiet and continue on with the divorce.
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u/tayler-shwift 21h ago
Just making sure I understand, you cheated on your wife and instead of telling her you cheated, you asked for a divorce, telling her it is because of her shortcomings?
You are in a pity puddle for yourself but what you have done to this woman is created a false reality. This is gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse.
Clearly, sobriety is a great goal for you. I think you should tell her the truth so she can heal from what actually happened.