r/FTMMen • u/FarAdhesiveness2116 • 6d ago
Vent/Rant Dating problems
I mostly just need to vent about this because I’m not sure there’s a practical solution, but long story short, I’m sick and tired of having dating problems as a trans guy. I’m gay and have had decent experiences with the community, but dating has been pretty much impossible because of this one bizarre trend.
Every guy who isn’t wish-washy about whether he’s attracted to trans men seems to become unhealthily obsessed with me to the point of conflict. For example, I’ll go on one date with a guy and he’ll already want me to commit to exclusivity. I have casual sex with another guy and all the sudden he’s texting me every day trying to get me to be his boyfriend. Things like that. The crazy thing is that I never have much in common with these guys, but they’ll talk about feeling a connection with me after just one or two mediocre dates. It’s like they’re projecting some idea of who I am based on their attraction to me.
They often won’t take no for an answer either. I went on a date with this guy who, halfway through, revealed to me that he’s engaged to a woman and isn’t out to his family as bisexual. At that point, I was no longer interested, and when I told him that, he just kept pushing and wouldn’t let it go.
Part of the reason it’s so distressing is that their attitudes seem to be the exact opposite of the experiences that cis men complain about. All my cis gay male friends complain about it how no one wants to commit, everyone wants an open relationship, etc. But when it comes to me, people become obsessed, angry, and possessive so quickly in a way I haven’t seen anyone else describe. I already dated one horrible chaser and I’m not going back to that no matter what, so I’ve just decide to be single. This sucks.
3
u/Little-Unit-1770 3d ago
It sounds like all of these men are just treating you like a fetish.
2
u/FarAdhesiveness2116 3d ago
Yeah I can’t find anyone interested in dating me beyond a fetish. There have been two guys I went on a few dates with who weren’t chasers but they were too weirded out by my being trans to take things further. Not sure why they even reached out in the first place.
1
u/johnnyisdarling 2d ago
Honestly I dealt with obsessive behaviors like this with men who initially didn't want to commit then started going nuts even before I came out as trans. I think the way I carried myself or whatever was unusual to them and I figure they fetishized that.
I do have a friend (cis gay dude) that has also complained about some guys becoming weirdly obsessive after like a date or two, he also complains about the lack of commitment. Neither option is desirable to a lot of people since a healthy relationship usually wouldnt happen after 1/2 dates.
These guys could also be chasers, that sucks. But I also find if you've met any of them off apps it can attract some weird people in general...