Feeling isolated by my peers

[u/sethsom3thing]

So a couple things have been weighing on me as I discern my place in Church. As someone side B, I have recently been barraged with the purity test/reminders or even outright request to deny a part of myself to make others feel better(can’t get in specifics on this)

Cut to, yesterday I see a bunch of people, who are definitely living in mortal sin, calling for the excommunication of Fr James Martin for..,, calling out the mistreatment of gays and lesbians, treating divorced people with dignity nor withholding communion based on what perceived sin someone may or may not be doing.

If celibacy is a virtue, and all people are called to chastity which is what Fr James Martin was also referring to. It genuinely seems like it is not enough, and those loud obnoxious people don’t have the chutzpah to say they just want us outright banned from the church.

Idk, it’s hitting me harder right now because I feel so disconnected from my parish and I don’t know how to talk about this to our new priest as I’m afraid he may…. Not be someone I can talk to as a whole person.

[u/MagusFool]

I'm sorry that you are feeling isolated.  But, I do think this is the inevitable fruit of such sex-negative theology.

The notion that celibacy is the moral ideal for everyone and that we just get as close to that as we can and let God's grace cover the majority of people who fall short might sound nice, but it is inherently judgemental.  It presupposes that you know what is best for everyone, or what WOULD be best for them if they were strong enough, and not just what is best for yourself.

The result of this judgment is that you will see everyone who lives differently from you as weaker than you, more lustful than you, rather than considering that they may have come to different moral conclusions than you and feel no pull or desire toward the same goals that you do.

This creates a sense of superiority.  And superiority is the antichrist.

Jesus calls us to strive for the bottom.  To be the servant of all.  And that requires non-judgement.

[u/MrScribblesChess]

The word you're looking for here is marginalization. Literally being pushed to the edges - the margins - of your peers, your church, your family, your society. This is a well-established phenomenon that happens to out-groups in just about every context imaginable. 

Conservative Christianity is a series of boxes. The more boxes you fit in to (straight, gender conforming, wealthy, white, etc) , the more access to connections, opportunities, power and resources you have. And those who can't or won't shove themselves in to tiny boxes are branding themselves with big ol' red letters for marginalization.

People who successfully cram in to these boxes often have a very hard time understanding what's so difficult for those who can't.

[u/GCNGA]

Someone posted in r/Christianity recently that he was dismayed that even after sacrificing and being celibate, he was still treated like dirt. IMO, most anti-gay hostility in churches actually is not primarily doctrinal. The doctrine is used to justify their pre-existing hostility to themselves, not the other way around. So they'll still view you with disdain and suspicion no matter what sacrifices you make.

[u/Ocean-Drift]

I feel very bad and sorry that you’re going through this kind of isolation. It’s the complete opposite of what Christ teaches. If the church can’t encourage and lift each other up, then who can? 1 Thessalonians 5:11 speaks very clearly about this. You absolutely shouldn’t have to deny a part of yourself you can’t change. I can tell you that you are loved by God and others here in this community. I pray that the Lord will show you a way through this difficult season 🙏

[u/ThreeSpeedStandard48]

Tribalism runs deep in any group and unfortunately the church, given that it is just made up of people like any other group is not immune from this condition.

If "side B" means what I think it means, there may still be some internal conflict within yourself that you may need to contend with on your path to full acceptance (if you choose that path)

That being said, you're not alone. You have other brothers and sisters in Christ who care and in whom the holy spirit also dwells.

A persons relationship with God is very personal and building that relationship can be sometimes painful but I encourage you to keep going. I attended an affirming church that fully accepts LGBTQ people exactly as they are without restrictions or judgment and builds relationships based on mutual love and respect not old laws and traditions.

There are multiple passages in the Bible which strongly indicate that the Lord wants us to act in love, not maintaining the traditions of man. Mark 7:1-7 for arguments sake.

I can at times be eloquent in my speech but I am a poor apologist and I apologize for that.