I have no words.

[u/RodeoJones4422]

Ok technically I have a lot of words but damn girl WTF

Girls .. I .. something happened this morning & I just feel like I cannot tell anyone in my life at all. But I HAVE to share it. Idk I feel like it might make some people out there feel better or get a good laugh or IDK THIS WAS JUS THE MOST CRAZIEST SHIT TO EVER HAPOEN TO ME I GOTTA TELL SOMEBODY

TW -> GROSS STORY & also SH joke

My boyfriend slept over last night, as he normally does. We’ve been dating not even a year, close though. Both 26.
I woke up this morning & felt immediate dread. I jumped up and there was diarrhea all down my legs and on my butt and .. on my boyfriend. I skipped, hopped, and RAN off the bed. Unfortunately all this commotion woke him up. I’m standing there, blanket all bunched up tryna hide myself and the bed. He just kinda stands up, chugs water, says “hi sexy” and moseys on to the bathroom. I hear him peeing & I notice some shuffling going on but at this point, I’m not paying attention to him. I am FAST MOVING, stripping the bed, putting a towel down, throwing blankets into laundry bags. He comes back, I literally say nothing to him and run to the bathroom (there’s only one in my home). I’m in there only a few moments when I HEAR THE DOOR OPENING. and I run over and close it on him and all I can say is “sorry!”
I spend little to no time dilly dallying in the bathroom. I get straight to work cleaning up. Using Lysol, cleaning blankets, clothes. THANKFULLY, MASHALLAH, there is Imodium in my bathroom medicine cabinet. I LOVE my past self. I’m ngl I ripped those bitches open w my eyebrow tweezer and dry swallowed three of em. I get myself cleaned up and finally go back in the room.

He just looks at me, naked & wet from my shower, my Lysol-soaked, poopy clothes in my hands, I’m shaking and stuttering “sorry” looking down. He smiles and says “do you have anything else for the bed I wanna lay back down.” I go to the hall closet for another blanket for us & say “I’m killing myself. That was probably one of the worst things that could’ve possibly happened to someone. Shitting themselves w their beau in the bed. I am so sorry.” He just laughed and smiled and HUGGED ME. He didn’t say much of anything about the incident. All he said was “yeah I didn’t notice until I was in the bathroom taking a piss and I was like ‘what’s this on my boxers?’” 💀💀
He wanted me to go straight back to cuddling w him. He even said “I needa keep spooning you, that was so comfortable” GIRL I WAS GAGGED. WDYM SPOON ME ???!?!?!?? THAT WAS THE POSITION I SHIT ON YOU IN !!!?!?!?!?!!!!!

anyway, long story short, he fucked me twice right then & there. yeahhhhh soooo, ladies, this is just proof that you can do the most diabolically gross shit in the world, and that man will still wanna fuck you. Men are DOGS. LOVE MINE THO.
IDK LOVE U ALL SO SORRY TO BURDEN YOU W THIS GROSSNESS. MMWAH MWAH GOODNIGHT PEACE & LOVE

Dinner pictured is the DINNER THAT DID ME IN GIRL PHEW. FUCK THAT. Idk wtf got my ass but everyone else who ate w me hasn’t reported any unwell feelings. So I DUNNO FUCK
Today has just been rice & applesauce 🙂

[u/brittttpop]

DAMN HERE I WAS THINKING HOW GOOD THE FOOD LOOKED LMAOOO

[u/Base_0 → u/brittttpop]

I clicked because the food looked so good

https://giphy.com/gifs/FY8c5SKwiNf1EtZKGs

[u/reluctantseahorse → u/Base_0]

Same 😭

[u/maesardsara → u/reluctantseahorse]

OMG why is this so damn funny. 🤣

[u/BuzzGoesTheBumblebee → u/reluctantseahorse]

YOINK

[u/reluctantseahorse → u/BuzzGoesTheBumblebee]

Pls take her sister too 🙏

[u/Suspicious-Visual-57 → u/Base_0]

This dog reaction gets me everytime 🤣🤣🤣

[u/Kareeliand → u/Suspicious-Visual-57]

It’s the dog version of

https://giphy.com/gifs/AAsj7jdrHjtp6

[u/ClaraCreative8 → u/Kareeliand]

Ok this made me laugh out loud tho

[u/No-Assistance4186 → u/Base_0]

Literally same 💀

[u/Next_Big8144 → u/brittttpop]

Honestly, we need to know what this poo poo platter is about. It looks absolutely banging.

[u/Kipka → u/Next_Big8144]

I came here looking for a name bc I would risk it

[u/curiouskitty15 → u/brittttpop]

I’m mental because it gives me the creeps

[u/laineymainey → u/curiouskitty15]

Give me the creeps too. I think it’s the mashed potatoes. At least that’s what I think they are.

[u/Cute_Ebb7344 → u/laineymainey]

YES.....like they're overly smooth, and the shaping is.....off? And then there's a random mashed potato turd in the back?

[u/No-Assistance4186 → u/Cute_Ebb7344]

LMAO I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEONE THAT NOTICED THAT

[u/OkAd5525 → u/laineymainey]

I literally fast scrolled past the picture (because it looked terrifying) and metaphorically jumped into a pile of diarrrhea. And then started reading the comments to find that apparently shitting the bed all over your partner is not that uncommon? And now I’m laughing so hard I’m never going to fall back to sleep.

[u/Amberthorn1 → u/laineymainey]

I think it might be bread actually? Like some kind of roll? Idk it just looks too smooth and shaped for potatoes I feel like

[u/Mariskaka → u/laineymainey]

I thinks it’s the shrimp. Always the shrimp

[u/Dangerous_Handle_819 → u/curiouskitty15]

Those big ass brontosaurus ribs, bed shitting is not a surprise at all. Who can eat like that?!

My bad, lamp chops, I guess. The portions are huge though. And a lot of different animals.

[u/eggrollin2200 → u/Dangerous_Handle_819]

big ass brontosaurus ribs
https://giphy.com/gifs/aTXHpCN7TSpmE

[u/technicolortiddies → u/Dangerous_Handle_819]

https://giphy.com/gifs/i39cbjyPfQw2k

[u/Dangerous_Handle_819 → u/technicolortiddies]

This was the exact image in my mind. Made me check what kind of ribs could be twinned up like that.

[u/brainvheart143 → u/Dangerous_Handle_819]

That has to be for at least 3 people right?

[u/curiouskitty15 → u/Dangerous_Handle_819]

Thank you but it doesn’t resemble food for me 😓

[u/Sea_Sider3898 → u/curiouskitty15]

Grossed out lifelong vegetarian here!

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/RefrigeratorCold296 → u/curiouskitty15]

Yeahhh I don’t really like how it looks, either. I’m sure it tasted delicious but the plating is odd to me. I eat meat and all, but something about having a bunch of meats ostentatiously displayed on a giant cow platter feels disrespectful to the animal and off-putting.

[u/curiouskitty15 → u/RefrigeratorCold296]

The plating is insane

[u/Dangerous_Handle_819 → u/RefrigeratorCold296]

A meat cornucopia

[u/sagittalslice → u/curiouskitty15]

I was like “damn no wonder she shit herself, that’s a lot of greasy-ass meat”

[u/rip2690 → u/curiouskitty15]

Same, the food looks diabolical. AI generated

[u/Successful-Cow-4043 → u/brittttpop]

is that what caused it?!

[u/kronicno_tele → u/Successful-Cow-4043]

It says so in the post lmao

[u/Successful-Cow-4043 → u/kronicno_tele]

ok well i missed it

[u/AmarilloArmadillos → u/Successful-Cow-4043]

I think it was just too high in fat content, not that she was sick sick. If she was ill it would be more than once...

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/ChaoticCatperson → u/brittttpop]

I would risk it even after the story, ngl.

[u/myawwaccount01 → u/ChaoticCatperson]

Saaaame. That food looks good enough to risk the buttsplosion.

[u/Purple_Appearance15 → u/brittttpop]

Sameeee! I even zoomed in into the shrimps and went like… I need to know where this is

[u/No_Pause_4375 → u/brittttpop]

Saw the pic and thought, Finally! A girl dinner that would actually satisfy me!

Read the post and thought, Finally! A boyfriend who actually deserves his partner!

Seriously though OP, you better put a ring on him.

[u/Important_Box5053 → u/brittttpop]

Wow, I didn’t think it looked good. I literally thought instant diarrhea because of all the fat in it. No wonder she found herself in that predicament.

[u/ThrowAwayFoodMood → u/brittttpop]

Honest to God, I forgot about the food and scrolled back up when I read your comment.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Independent_Bus4524 → u/brittttpop]

Me too lmao I was just skimming to see anything about the food

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/AeturnisTheGreat → u/brittttpop]

https://giphy.com/gifs/dt5wUdCvLWQghI7xqy

[u/stfurachele → u/brittttpop]

I've gotten food poisoning from much less appetizing meals, I would still risk it.

(I have also shit my fiance's bed, luckily he wasn't in it at the time. Super crisp white sheets and blanket though, RIP. Had to take an entire extra week of leave because I couldn't be more than ten feet from a toilet. And for what? A 3am chicken salad sandwich from an airport news stand.)

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Elegant-Drawing-9536 → u/brittttpop]

I clicked going “no way that counts as girl dinner. That looks like way too much work” and then was immediately distracted lmfao

[u/Scootalipoo → u/brittttpop]

All that meat and butter eaten off a wooden board, as good as it looks, is setting her up for another round of terrible butt squirts