Ok technically I have a lot of words but damn girl WTF
Girls .. I .. something happened this morning & I just feel like I cannot tell anyone in my life at all. But I HAVE to share it. Idk I feel like it might make some people out there feel better or get a good laugh or IDK THIS WAS JUS THE MOST CRAZIEST SHIT TO EVER HAPOEN TO ME I GOTTA TELL SOMEBODY
TW -> GROSS STORY & also SH joke
My boyfriend slept over last night, as he normally does. We’ve been dating not even a year, close though. Both 26.
I woke up this morning & felt immediate dread. I jumped up and there was diarrhea all down my legs and on my butt and .. on my boyfriend. I skipped, hopped, and RAN off the bed. Unfortunately all this commotion woke him up. I’m standing there, blanket all bunched up tryna hide myself and the bed. He just kinda stands up, chugs water, says “hi sexy” and moseys on to the bathroom. I hear him peeing & I notice some shuffling going on but at this point, I’m not paying attention to him. I am FAST MOVING, stripping the bed, putting a towel down, throwing blankets into laundry bags. He comes back, I literally say nothing to him and run to the bathroom (there’s only one in my home). I’m in there only a few moments when I HEAR THE DOOR OPENING. and I run over and close it on him and all I can say is “sorry!”
I spend little to no time dilly dallying in the bathroom. I get straight to work cleaning up. Using Lysol, cleaning blankets, clothes. THANKFULLY, MASHALLAH, there is Imodium in my bathroom medicine cabinet. I LOVE my past self. I’m ngl I ripped those bitches open w my eyebrow tweezer and dry swallowed three of em. I get myself cleaned up and finally go back in the room.
He just looks at me, naked & wet from my shower, my Lysol-soaked, poopy clothes in my hands, I’m shaking and stuttering “sorry” looking down. He smiles and says “do you have anything else for the bed I wanna lay back down.” I go to the hall closet for another blanket for us & say “I’m killing myself. That was probably one of the worst things that could’ve possibly happened to someone. Shitting themselves w their beau in the bed. I am so sorry.” He just laughed and smiled and HUGGED ME. He didn’t say much of anything about the incident. All he said was “yeah I didn’t notice until I was in the bathroom taking a piss and I was like ‘what’s this on my boxers?’” 💀💀
He wanted me to go straight back to cuddling w him. He even said “I needa keep spooning you, that was so comfortable” GIRL I WAS GAGGED. WDYM SPOON ME ???!?!?!?? THAT WAS THE POSITION I SHIT ON YOU IN !!!?!?!?!?!!!!!
anyway, long story short, he fucked me twice right then & there. yeahhhhh soooo, ladies, this is just proof that you can do the most diabolically gross shit in the world, and that man will still wanna fuck you. Men are DOGS. LOVE MINE THO.
IDK LOVE U ALL SO SORRY TO BURDEN YOU W THIS GROSSNESS. MMWAH MWAH GOODNIGHT PEACE & LOVE
Dinner pictured is the DINNER THAT DID ME IN GIRL PHEW. FUCK THAT. Idk wtf got my ass but everyone else who ate w me hasn’t reported any unwell feelings. So I DUNNO FUCK
Today has just been rice & applesauce 🙂
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I know I know!!!! And that’s what I was thinking too when he started up w me. I DONT KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME. I RISKED IT FOR THE BISCUIT AND ALL WAS FINE
Girl, as mortifying as this story is… he’s a keeper???? 😭 Like, unless he’s into that on the regular and that’s not your thing at all (understandable, to each their own lmao), then… he seem like a decent duuuude!! 😩😩🤌🏽
Just in case this is not something you/ anyone else in the comments already know, but it's based on a legendary line from a track called "Frisky" by Tinie Tempah. (It's 16 years old and British so I'm just guessing there's plenty of folks in the comments unaware. Skip to 1:40 . Enjoy!)
Seriously. As a girlie with IBS and other chronic illness, someone who will keep their chill in these situations AND still shower you with love is EVERYTHING.
This happened to me once thankfully not on him, and he woke up when it happened as did I. He took accountability (even though we both knew he was lying). We changed the sheets, I put them in the washer, and by the time I came back upstairs he was "sleeping" and pulled me in for a cuddle. His nonchalance made me feel not embarrassed and he never brought it up after.
Awwwww that’s so sweet :’)))) that’s how I felt too. He didn’t say much about it & was extremely nonchalant. Best response in a terribly embarassing situation 😹😹
It's good dick energy for sure. And I really appreciated his empathy in general as a person.
Though I've never experienced it, I've had girlfriends who have had men shane them for period accidents, one guy made one of my friends take the sheets home to her house in the middle of the night to wash them, oh I saw red, I can't believe he did that, we were like girl dump him so fast. I could have verbally murdered him.
My former roomate was dating this actual monster of a person for years, like true villain of a man. One day she just... shit all over him just like this. Complete accident. Never have I seen this insane, bloated wasp of a man so kind and considerate as he was after getting COATED in feces. I feel like I'm a generally reasonable person but this is now the second time I've heard of someone being drenched in shit and handling it like the most gentle heavenly angel when I know I could never.
Anyone who responds with anything other than a "there but for the grace of God go I" attitude to a situation like this is tempting fate in ways fate will struggle to resist
I had to wake my boyfriend up in the middle of the night and told him I needed to change to sheets. He very sleepily went to the living room and when I told him he could come back to the bedroom he said “Did you shit the bed?” I’m glad we can laugh about it.
The first time I stayed over at my boyfriend’s new place, his dog climbed on top of me while we laid on the couch and puked all of her kibble onto my chest. It was in my hair, my clothes were soaked and the smell was horrid. Amazingly I was incredibly calm. It was super gross and hard to get the clothes off without proceeding to smear gloopy dog vomit all over me. As a mom to a toddler now I’ve definitely been puked on and peed on and pooped on more than I’d like and still manage to keep my composure. My boyfriend is the one who really struggles with it all 😆 also his dog (now our dog, love her to pieces) puked on me a second time after we officially moved in together. It felt very intentional and targeted at that point lmfao
I literally fast scrolled past the picture (because it looked terrifying) and metaphorically jumped into a pile of diarrrhea. And then started reading the comments to find that apparently shitting the bed all over your partner is not that uncommon? And now I’m laughing so hard I’m never going to fall back to sleep.
Yeahhh I don’t really like how it looks, either. I’m sure it tasted delicious but the plating is odd to me. I eat meat and all, but something about having a bunch of meats ostentatiously displayed on a giant cow platter feels disrespectful to the animal and off-putting.
Wow, I didn’t think it looked good. I literally thought instant diarrhea because of all the fat in it. No wonder she found herself in that predicament.
Keep him at all costs! My hubs (me: 31F, him 31M) have been together about 7 years, married for 3. I just got out of the ER for chronic stomach issues. While dating (even earlyyyy on) he had cleaned up my puke before and would uninvitedly come into the bathroom def know I wasn’t justtt peeing and like have convos with me while getting ready to brush his teeth or something without being fazed. Not a care in the world. I was in my mid 20s truly perplexed. I literally just got home from the er yesterday with him because I get terrible stomach issue attacks and he had putting cream on my hemorrhoid that we thought was possibly an abscess. I’ll be crying of embarrassment and he’ll say “babe, I’ll never think of you as any less beautiful EVER” or make a joke like “what do you think I’ll have to witness when you deliver our child?!” True Love Conquers All…even literal shit.
I just started seeing a guy long distance, and he called me on video call maybe two months into our relationship, and I was like "hey I need to go to the bathroom, I will call you back" and he is like "nah, we can talk as long as you are okay with it" ... Okay, yup I knew he was a keeper LOL.
Girl my husband has pooped and peed on me when he was super sick so i guess I’m a dog too. When I was pregnant with our first baby he saw me peeing while projectile vomiting on the side of the road. Love is blind lol
Awwww! I literally commented in here a few days ago about a similar time this happened to me, and it was one of those moments where I was like “oh this is a keeper”. I had proper food poisoning so there was no sexy time, but he just gently helped me get clean, got the bed sorted, and gently put me back to bed and made sure my work knew I wouldn’t be in, before lying back down with me. No disgust or shame to be found in that house
If you find “the one”, the chances statistically are that the two of you are going to end up seeing the other person shit themselves at some point in the relationship. Finding someone who in their 20’s can go “yep. That sure is a gross and unfortunate part of being human. Anyway did you need me to make you overnight oats this week?” Is the best thing you can do.
I need to know if he washed or at least rinsed himself off while he was in the bathroom. Not sure how I’d feel about getting f*cked by someone that has sh*t on his boxers—even if it’s mine.
I use Pepto chewable tablets. The wrapper practically falls off like panties at a Pedro Pascal premier. So easy to get to and ends the diarrhea immediately
Every time i’m trying to get the blister packs open, butt clenched, beads of sweat running down my brow, I have the same thought. “Is Imodium getting kickbacks from like laundry stain-remover, or underwear manufacturing or something?!” It’s so impossible to get into those little packs that my brain actually invents conspiracies to explain why they are so overpackaged
One of my claims to fame is that I was never “the puker” in my group of friends. I moderated my alcohol intake, sometimes got too tipsy, but never threw up. I was always the caretaker of folks throwing up.
One night, I went to bed with a migraine (with gnarly aura). Woke up in the middle of the night, and had some mild stomach cramping. I clambered out of bed, sat on the toilet… and within the span 5 seconds had the mouth sweats and then realized It Was Happening. I didn’t have enough time to switch mid-pee, so I tried to puke between my legs while legally blind (without my glasses).
I was not successful.
My boyfriend woke up to what sounded like a mop bucket being emptied onto the floor, and came over to check it out. He saw me, pants down, sitting on the shitter, covered in puke. He asked if I was okay; then told me to get into the shower if I could stand and proceeded to clean up the evidence of my unswallowing.
When a man loves you, he loves you.
Nothing else exists. They’re more concerned about things that may turn you off than being a person with functions of sickness. Mine wanted to make sure I was ok than being grossed out.
These are MEN. Not boys! 💛
lmfao I actually went on a date yesterday with a super sweet dude I’ve been seeing and confessed to him not to squeeze me too hard because I had been sick all day from eating something I’m allergic to yesterday in a burrito
he was super concerned and asked if I needed anything like gentle cuddles or water or for him to drive me home and after cuddling me sweetly and carefully for a bit he asked me what symptoms I had and I said gas and bloating and everything else and he was like “what? like diarrhea?” and then he leaned in and whispered “does that mean if I eat your ass later it will taste like guacamole?” 💀💀💀💀 fucking pervert 😆😆😆 (and he fucking did, thankfully without incident… what a freak 💀😆💞, I think it’s love 😭)
This story would make the day of everyone in the ostomy sub! As someone who now rocks an ileostomy, having bag explosions at night is a common occurrence. Having a partner, or dating with an ostomy can be intimidating. Knowing that poop accidents can happen to people with fully working colon’s and anus’s definitely helps! With all that butter in restaurant food, I’m surprised it wasn’t sliding out of both of you! 🤣
Hahahaha aw yes I love that!!!!! There are people out there who don’t judge!!!! And girl .. he was not present for this dinner. Prolly why I went a little crazy. It was fully a GIRL dinner w me & all my besties for our girls bday 🥲
I mean I’ve lived 40 years, most of those with IBS-D and a carefree attitude about greasy food and how long pizza has been sitting out, and I have yet to shit the bed as an adult. Knock on wood, I guess. Maybe I’ll consider veganism if that time comes. Or Depends.
Literal nightmare. I’m scared of farting and you describe a movie scene here!! In similar realm, we went out, and I had a bit too much, during the deed I felt sick and bolted into the bathroom in the middle of it to puke. He didn’t make a big deal out of it, kissed me goodnight and stayed. Brought me electrolytes in the morning.
This happened to me but we were in the shower when my intestines betrayed me. I managed to get out without anything getting in the tub/near him, but I destroyed the floor and toilet trying to get my soaking wet, mid diarrhea body onto the toilet. I just kept yelling at him to stay in the shower, he wanted to get out to help me but I warned him if he did I wouldn’t forgive him 😂 it took me 10-15 minutes to clean everything up and he is 6’5 so I’m sure he was watching over the top of the shower curtain, but we never spoke of it again! We did end up breaking up eventually, but it was long after the shower incident 😷 you got a good one girlie!!
Hahahahaha awwww!!!!! Yes that’s exactly what I wanted to do I just wanted to yell at him to get out!!!!! Thankfully he went up to pee and idk the timing worked up but DAMN WAS I STRESSED
I once shit the bed with my ex.. I made something up and basically scream/begged him to go get us orange juice or something because we were in a hotel.. I immediately did what you did, and when he came back I said nothing. We never ever spoke about it 😂 but I know he knew..
Reminded me of a horrible and lovely memory of my bf!
We had been friends for a while, and started dating at the beginning of our junior year of college. I had been up to visit just a few times and this time, I decided to take the train. During my ride, I had a hot dog, a cheese and crackers plate, two vodka seltzers and a can of tomato soup. All was well, I made it to his dorm, and after some visiting with friends we had a nice little shower together. It was awesome. We were now going at it in the bathroom when my knees went weak and I felt pure doom. Genuinely hopped up OFF him to have aggressive projectile vomiting 3 feet away.
He immediately got my water bottle from the room and wrapped me up in his towel as were fresh out of the shower and soaked. He was just happy it passed and saved jokes until I wasn’t full of embarrassment and rage lol. We just celebrated two years!
Pooped the bed with my husband sleeping for a shift he had to wake at 4am for. New medicine had an unexpected effect. It wasn’t on him, but by got was it dangerously close. I had no choice. The longer I thought about the situation, the more everything was just sinking in. I thanked God for the mattress protector I had got on a whim .
I woke him. He’s a heavy sleeper so his sleepy confused eyes staring up at me as I said “Hey babe…..I uhhhh need you to get up for a minute so I can change the sheets. I uhhhh shit the bed”.
After several minutes of hysterical laughter on his part he went to get the fresh sheets while I stripped the bed. It was the funniest story between us for years.
lol my husband waited until the day after our wedding to inform me that the FIRST TIME WE HAD SEX I pooped on him a little. I’d had stress diarrhea earlier that day. absolutely mortified but the keepers don’t care lol
https://giphy.com/gifs/qomtdddnHtRRP2Xxa8
I think my husband of 5 years would hold that over my head forever and not touch me for a couple months. But I’m glad it worked out for you lmao
My husband and I both have iffy tummies so the occasional Dueling Banjos of Farts is inevitable. But we draw the line at actual bathroom activity. You got to leave some mystery, you know?
Reading this was a rollercoaster of feeling tense before your bf noticed, then being like awww that’s sweet. Then reading he fucked you twice right after and being like.. Oop he- wow- good for you girl
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