Matched with a guy on a dating app in the morning. We had really good chemistry chatting and sending voice notes throughout the day and my evening was open, so I decided to say screw it see if he wants to get drinks that night. We agree to meet at 7PM at an Irish pub near the center of town.
I arrived at 6:45PM and managed to snag a table, order myself a pint.
At 7:15PM he texts me saying he's on his way and should be there in the next 20 minutes. I say I'm going to order food because I was super hungry and he says he already ate dinner anyway, so go for it.
At 7:45PM, I get a text message from him saying that he actually ended up going to a super shitty dive bar that was on the outside of town because he wasn't able to find parking at the pub. I'd warned him ahead of him that parking may be difficult but he assured me that it wouldn't be an issue.
I responded "Then you won't be meeting me. :)" since at this point, I was now a pint and a half of Guinness and a really awesome Cuban sandwich down. Finished my beer, closed my tab, and made my way to my car.
About ten minutes after I leave, I get a message from him saying that he found parking and he'll be inside soon. I'd told him already that I left so that surprised me. THEN he offered to pay me back for my meal/drinks if I give him a second chance. By then it was already 8:15PM and I was just done.
I really cannot fathom how he expected that to go??? Just switching where we meet up at the last second after already being 45 minutes late AND on the first date??? I feel like I honestly avoided something potentially spookier. It was just W E I R D. I figure I just ended up having a solid self-date evening after a day of adventuring. I wasn't mad just... confused?
Food is a porter and pepperoni pizza from a dope ass brewery in WA.
Okay like what?? You’re going to pay me back for a meal I ate alone? Why? It’s weird to be like, “hey girl I blew off on a first date, here’s some money because I was shitty, wanna do it again sometime?”
He was trying to see you were desperate. First, by disrespecting your time. Second, by trying to see if you would go to the other place. And then third by trying to see if his money could pay off your anger.
He wasn’t actually keen for the date and it’s obvious he was only there for the fun! I’m happy girl that you don’t get to keep up with someone like him
I heard a similar story elsewhere and turned out the guy was doing some lame test to see if she's "flexible" (read as desperate or easy to manipulate) enough to meet him at a different location last minute. When she was like f this, that guy tried love bombing her for a second date. OP dodged more than bullet
In my early 20s, I didn’t have the years of therapy and confidence I have now. I probably still wouldn’t have stayed unless I was genuinely not done with my food yet lol but if I wasn’t married today, I’d be the exact same way. No way I’m giving up peace for a dude that can’t even be on time
This is me right here. No way would I change location or change direction once I’m headed home. I think I would have stopped replying when he said he went to another pub. Men like a little mystery. 🤭🤣
I heard a similar story elsewhere and turned out the guy was doing some lame test to see if she's "flexible" (read as desperate or easy to manipulate) enough to meet him at a different location last minute.
Man, I assumed it was code for “I know you told your friends where we were meeting, so I’m switching the location at the last minute in the hope of being able to murder you.”
That is a "test" that women need to intentionally fail every time. Mr. Boundary Pusher will not stop with one simple boundary (like "come to the right place and be on time for our date"). The boundary pushing will just go on and on and on and on as long as the other person will allow it.
I’m going to assume the worst of him and say that he may have double booked and figured one of you would wait around for him to be late because of “parking”
On a first date, basic communication and being on time are like, the bare minimum requirements someone should give you!
That or he lives right by the dive bar and decided to be super lazy about everything. Based on the stories my coworkers tell on themselves, the dating two women at once is a lot of energy for the younger crowd.
It's not that they are dating two people at once, it's more that they expect at least one person to flake on them, so they double book. Like airlines overbooking flighrs because they expect some no shows.
Not discounting it. It's just my 76 year old mother has more sexual hijinks stories from her single women friends than I do from my friends supposedly in their party era.
This is also a known red pill trick called the “dread game”, where the point is to find women with low self-esteem who will be so excited by the time that he eventually shows up an hour later that he knows he’ll be able to mistreat her.
As a woman, no way am I arriving anywhere unless the guy has confirmed he’s already there lol. The lack of communication would have heading home if he’s not there or at least letting me know he’s late at 7
His apologies are so lackluster. Also, bad parking doesn’t excuse leaving for the date 15 mins after it already started, and then single-handedly deciding to change the date location when he KNEW you’d already been waiting AND ordered food… like what.
There's a whole trend where dudes will switch up the spot right before the date or when you're actually there. They always pick somewhere closer to their place too. They're trying to see if you're compliant and also trying to score.
Shit like this is the reason why I'm staying single if me and my partner ever break up. No way I'm ever even attempting to sift through weirdos who play these kinds of misogynistic Andrew Tatesque games to find a normal, sane guy. Having to deal with one guy like that is one too many for me, I do not have the patience for it at my age.
And a whole subculture where when this doesn’t work, they try to tell the men that women are the problem and sell them exclusive access to a discord server where they can get trained to do it better.
Sorry dudes. I have already carefully researched the menu and picked a meal and a backup meal in case meal one isn’t available. I am too fucking weird for modern dating.
I’m glad you didn’t end up going to the shitty dive bar on the outside of town, that gave me the creeps. Glad your spidey senses were sharp, who knows wtf he was planning. Stay safe babe🫶🏻
If the date was planned for 7 & they were letting me know they were leaving at 7.15 my only reply would be "don't bother, I didn't realise you had the time reading skills of a 2 year old" & then a block lol
Nah keep that guy’s number in your phone but add a zero at the end of his name so if he ever reaches out again you’ll know he’s an ass who disrespected you before. I still have names of men I dated 15 yrs ago in my phone in case they send a creepy text some day.
I recently got a text from a guy I went on two dates with FIVE YEARS ago. I have moved states in that time. I left him on read, but yeah, hang on to those numbers. The men are something else.
(The dates themselves were fine, there was just no chemistry there and I didn’t feel like expending further energy. I’m mostly just surprised he bothered after that long.)
This is exactly what concerns me. If some guy with my phone number reaches out I want to know EXACTLY which one he is as soon as that text lights up my phone. I don’t want to have to reply “who is this?” and wait to find out.
And with one guy my reply would be “You think I want to hear from a guy who gave me an STD over 10 years ago?”
Was this some sort of weird power play? Like, he wanted to push you to see if you crumbled so he could establish a power dynamic from the start? Or.....is he an absolute amoeba? I can't fathom any of his logic lol glad you got to have a good date anyway!
Sounds like a red pill compliance test. Men in those spaces are coached to intentionally change plans at the last minute to gauge how accommodating, eager, and submissive a woman is 🤢
Thank glob there's SOMEONE in the world with enough self-respect to just be like "ok see you never then 👍" and not give this dude a million more chances to disappoint you
Ugh…this sounds like a guy who I met at work. We didn’t work in the same company but it was in the same office building. He pursued me to give him a chance on a 1st date. I caved after weeks and said yes.
He was excited. We agree on a spot. I arrive 15mins early cause I’m punctual. He says he’s running a few mins late. I wait 15mins after said arrival time. I text him. He says “I’m stuck a friends place”. I’m done. I paid my drink and thankfully some gfs were nearby having brunch so I left.
He texts me an hour later, hey I’m here.
I said great I’m with my gfs. Lose my number.
He begged for a second chance ….i bumped into him again a few more times but i said no firmly. I won’t be played again.
I don't care how great of friends you are, they would understand "hey I have a date and I should arrive on time" if they are friends worth a damn. And if they aren't, then why is he hanging with them????
That’s assuming men even share any details of their lives with each other. They literally do not talk about anything deep. Have no idea about each other’s families, relationships, careers etc it’s just beer and sports and video games for the majority of them, absolutely no depth 😂
She even told him that parking is difficult. A normal person would have left a bit earlier as a result, so that they found a spot and still arrived on time. Showing up on time is the absolute baseline in terms of respect for the other person's time.
Ugh I once stuck around for a guy who was 45 mins late for a first date and it was truly the WORST date of my life. You dodged a bullet! No idea what this guy was thinking. Glad you enjoyed a little solo night out nonetheless!
Same! The only reason I was still there was that I was waiting on the tater tots I had ordered. He showed up looking like he’d come from digging a ditch, I didn’t even pretend to grab for my wallet, and the man who catcalled me on my walk home was was more respectful (just leaning out of his car to go “Ayo miss, you look nice tonight!”). On the bright side it did give me the thing I say when a machine goes badly, courtesy of said terrible date: “oh no buddy, please be cool!”
Taking a bet the dude is married or has a girlfriend and had to change schedule at the last second. Or he is casually dating multiple women and ran into one when trying to get to this one and tried to move the settings.
But that doesnt make it a pint glass 😂 In Europe, Canada, NZ, Australia, Asia, this is a tall glass. For a country that loves having everything big, apparently ye draw the line when it comes to a proper pint size lol
Honestly, kind of lol. When I was in america I could get a lemonade in Wendy's that was bigger than my head, but couldnt get a proper pint because the pint glasses are 16oz lol.
US ounces are slightly bigger than UK ounces. A 16oz glass is still smaller than a 20oz glass of course, but the 20oz glasses aren't filled to the top, they're filled to 16 imperial ounces. The 16 US ounce pints are filled to the top. This doesn't always work out equally depending on the beer, but in the grand scheme of things, it's equivalent enough. Splitting hairs on this is silly.
It depends greatly on the bar. There are plenty of places in the U.S. that stock a wide variety of bar glasses and serve beer, wine, and mixed drinks in the correct vessels. But your average family-friendly restaurant or cheap bar is probably just going to have wine glasses, short glasses, and tall glasses (like the one pictured).
Edit: Branded glasses are common but not everywhere. Major brands like Budweiser often give branded stuff to bars so you see them a lot. Especially at chains. Guinness glasses are common too. But plain ones are most common in smaller places.
They got so popular in Ireland when I was a teenager because of how often everyone had seen them on US tv lol. I run an art class for old people and i use those red cups because they hold so much water lol.
Ive always been confused and intrigued by beer pong
Some people - why is it always dudes? - just seem utterly unable to imagine how someone else will react to their absurd shenanigans. Like, they get as far as thinking how they want it to go, and that's it. I don't get it.
It isn't always dudes. I am bi & have been stood up by women too. One who told me she was arriving at our meetup spot and then stopped responding and never showed. 🤷♀️
She said she was. I don't think she actually came. But not exactly sure what her deal was.
Seemed like a really common thing for awhile for women wanting to send me nudes & be super explicit on snapchat and then stop responding when actually trying to set up a date. Assuming these women were actually real, I think some people want the validation of feeling like they can get someone interested in them but have no real intention of dating.
Was he asking you to go to the other bar instead? If so, 45 minutes after he was supposed to meet you is far too late for that. This is just really confusing.
Girl I hate to say it like this, but someone he wanted to see more was prob at that bar. He sounds like a fucking tool so just be glad you dodged that bullet right on the first day. On to the next! 🍻
this reminds me of when I first moved to the city and lived on the outskirts and was SO unused to parking here that I showed up to a date 20 minutes late once because I was panicking over parking. and that was after my date said "oh there's tons of parking" (which, yes, but that means a different thing to a suburb person who isn't used to arriving 10 min early to cruise 10 blocks).
Once I lived in the city for 6 years, I then got soooo annoyed at a date from the suburbs who made me wait 20 minutes for him to park bc he was claiming there was "no parking" and I had to remind myself, I was that person once. So I do get that there is often a disconnect.
That said, it seems really weird to go to ANOTHER place instead of just going to the place you're at. I agree that it feels like he was trying to... pull you to a location you wouldn't be as familiar with? Or something weird.
Maybe he shitted himself on the way and had to change😆😂.
Weird guy, you saved time and had a great date with yourself! You showed yourself that you have self respect and left!
He was on another date likely and tried to maximize the night. That’s why the excuses and him being so late. I have seen this happen before. Best to just never talk to him again because he’s testing to see what he can get away with early on.
Guinness is 4.2% abv. Unless she weighs 60 lbs she’s great over 90 mins w a Cuban sandwich. This is not what causing traffic related deaths. Wear a seatbelt and get off your effin phone if you want to make changes.
Drunk driving is incredibly normalized. It's always "no no the people drunk driving dangerously are way more drunk than me when I drive drunk". They want to justify their own behavior.
I’m not a driver and I’m from NYC and when I first moved to Jersey and found out people drive after having ANY alcohol shocked me and spooked me. I guess people factor in their body weight and height, how much food they’ve had, how much alcohol they’ve had and how long it’s been since their last drink before driving, but I was always taught to never get into a car with someone who’s had anything to drink. I don’t know. I feel the same way and I felt the same way when I read this, but I think unfortunately most people do drive after 1-2 drinks.
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u/cedricdiggory4ever girl du fromage 🧀 1d ago
this man’s logic is……something else. i genuinely am at a loss here girl. i’m sorry!
edit: see another comment about him being double booked for dates and THAT tracks