r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/New-Cup-3547 APPROVED✨ • 4h ago
Rant & Ramble Me and my sister get treated differently
I'm 17f and my sister 15f have a pretty rough relationship, just standard sibling rivalry but we fight a lot, or just don't talk at all. Today we were getting along and talking, and everybody (me, her, and our parents) were in the living room at the same time, and that is relatively rare.
And though I've always known this, it's hitting me harder today. There's a huge gap in how my parents treat both of us. While there are issues in their relationships with me, I never get such derision, dismissal and overall plain rude behaviour from them. At least not as often as my sister does. I have a temper and tend to yell at them or just give as good as I got. Not that my sister is a doormat, she has attitude issues too but she doesn't overtly retaliate in the same way and I never really understood how much of a difference it creates.
My father told her to shut up and listen (to our mother) when she was trying to express something, but I was literally backing her up and saying the exact same thing. And we both got extra portions of food that we didn't want and I just put my foot down and refused them, while my mother didn't take no for an answer from my sister.
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u/WinterBarona Femininom(nomnomnom)enon 4h ago
I think if you feel safe and if it’s something you’re noticing, you should speak to your parents about how uncomfortable their treatment of her makes you. Or at the very least speak to your sister and let her know that it’s something you’ve noticed and you’re there for her if she needs someone to talk to. Obviously you care for her, and at that stage in both of your lives showing that can mean a lot. She needs someone in her corner, and even though you guys fight, knowing someone has her back will probably be comforting for her.
This kind of situation is relatively delicate, especially because you’re both young and unfortunately don’t have much say in the situation until you’re out on your own. It is crucial to your relationship with your sister and something many people don’t realize until they’re told, so good on you for noticing. But don’t put yourself or your sister in any undue stressful situations.
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u/hamncheesecroissantt APPROVED✨ 4h ago edited 4h ago
my brother and i got treated totally different. my parents abused me mentally and physically, while my brother didn’t receive any of that. worse part is that my brother has fully acknowledged it and talked about it, yet he refuses to talk to me anymore. i have no clue why, but the older i get, the more i become content with never being close to him.
sibling dynamics can be weird when you are pitted against each other from the start. your parents are the root of the problem and they suck for that. you can support your sister and it may help, but it may also always be weird in the way that she could possibly hold resentment deep down for the entire situation. it is definitely worth a try though. and maybe stick up for her when you can. there is a possibility this won’t divide you if you start working on your relationship with her now.
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u/moon_dos Carb-Based Life Form 4h ago
be there for her
Bring her a snack and just say “hey I know they’re hard on you sometimes, an we don’t talk a lot, but just want you to know I have your back”
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u/AlyssumAbyssal Longwinded 😙 Short Tempered 4h ago
Family dynamics can be challenging when you see them so clearly. My dad always had a positive bias towards me when it came to academics. I was much more studious as a child than my older brother was; I got better grades/GPA while he had a hard time maintaining Cs ((As adults, we were both diagnosed with autism which 100% was a contributing factor)). I distinctly remember one time in hs my dad had laid out our report cards with notes one each. Mine said "Great job!" His said "We need to talk..." Bare in mind, my dad also never helped my brother- he left all that to my mom. So he was just being critical without contributing anything. I felt so disgusted by those notes.
My brother never held that against me. I made an effort to once directly ask him how that dynamic affected him. He understood that shit was on my dad and it was unfair to him, but that I never contributed to it and was there for him in other ways, like supporting his hobbies.
It's extremely frustrating, but your parents are gonna do what they choose to do. The most you can do is be there for your sister. You clearly also disagree with their behavior, which I'm sure she sees even if she doesn't outwardly acknowledge it.
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u/this_bitch_over_here Feral Til Fed 4h ago
Something my therapist has said to me frequently is "siblings will all get different versions of the same parents." My sister is 6 years older than, I have a "brother" (who can eat shit and die, as far as I'm concerned) who's 4 years older, and a little brother 3 years younger than me.
All of us know our parents to be very different. Like you, I was really retaliatory towards my parents. The day they stopped hitting me was the day I hit them back. But even the hitting that I got wasn't nearly as intense as the hitting my sister got, who was much more silently plotting than I was.
As soon as we turned 18 we both moved out, but our relationships with our parents remain very different. I won't speak to them at all anymore, and she still entertains them from arms length. My little brother also moved far af away from them and he seems to barely speak to them too despite getting "the best" treatment from them. The best being highly relative when everyone's just getting different editions of abuse.
ETA: sorry if that's an over share 😅 just trying to illustrate that similar pattern and how it showed up in my siblings and I.
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u/0kaywhateverdude Enby with Food Envy 2h ago
The way I see it you are both victims of emotionally abusive parents. Even if you are not receiving emotional abuse directly it is obviously creating a divide between you and your sister. I am really not surprised she has an attitude "issue" (which could be there because she has had to adapt to dysfunction). I agree with everyone else, let her know you see the difference in treatment and you don't like it. Keep backing her up when your parents give her shit, even if it doesn't help with whatever issues your parents got going on, the idea of you two having a united front will do wonders for your relationship
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u/BicyclingBabe ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture 4h ago
You can't control what your parents do, but you can support your sister. You can tell her you see the difference in treatment and that you back her and think it's unfair. Eventually, your parents will reap what they've sown and your sister won't want to be around them when she has a choice. But she will always remember your support.