It's over... (Update to "Boyfriend obsessed with AI")

[u/AileanFae]

Well... the title pretty much says it. A week after my last post I visited my boyfriend (couldn't go sooner) to talk. He was dumbfunded, completely struck out of the blue (guess the "men ignore any problem their partner addresses until it's to late and then they don't understand why it ended 'so suddenly' " stereotype is true in this case). I told him things needed to change, that he needs to seek help and restrict his obsession to a healthy (or at least much healthier than now) degree. That I could walk this path with him, but that he needed to initiate the change.
I explicitely didn't make it about AI, but the morbid obsession he developed and how he puts everything he has into it, but ignores all of his surroundings, including me.

He seemed to understand and we agreed on having a little break for both of us to think and that he would meet me at my place (so he doesn't have the internal pressure to work on his project, my idea) and we would talk things through, the changes he wants to make etc.

After two weeks, tonight he came over and at first I thought he had understood what I told him, because he said he wants to focus more on me and give me the attention I deserve. But when I asked specifics, his so called "plan" was that visitations would from now on be at my place and that he wouldn't talk to me about the topic so as not to burden me with it. Sounds great, right? Yeah, everything but the tiny little detail that otherwise he wanted to change NOTHING. So he will continue to crash himself, his health, but I can ignore it and just be happy, yay (my words, not his to be fair...).
At this point it was clear to me that he still doesn't get the point. As if I wouldn't notice his fatigue, his sleep deprivation etc. if he just keeps quiet about it. Besides, does he really think of me as such a self centered person, that I wouldn't care as long as he was kind and focused on me?
His health matters to me. HE matters to me! 😞 If I didn't care, I would have just ended the relationship months ago. Why bother? Because I fucking love him 😭

For nearly half an hour we went back and forth about it, but it became clear that he didn't want to change his lifestyle at all, just how he handles me. I'll spare you the rest because it was exhausting and my energy is almost gone. (If you want to ask questions, you're welcome to do so in the comments and if I have the energy tomorrow, I'll try to answer you 🫶)

So.... we split up 😔 I hate it so much, but in the end, "love alone isn't always enough" is true. I can't go on breaking myself to keep us working. I need to take care of myself (the hardest thing for me to do, yay 😐). And as much as he doesn't want to hurt me, apparently he isn't able or willing to change things. Fml....💔

[Dinner is store bought Chicken Tikka Masala. I know... I just wanted to have something here that only requires a microwave in case of... well, this very scenario I dreaded so much]

[u/Absurdicas]

Girl, good on you for taking this difficult but necessary decision. Respect. ♥️

[u/cedricdiggory4ever]

shoutout to you for leaving him in the past!!

[u/innocentsalad]

If you’re going to hide your posts then please link to your previous post!

[u/ConsciousOkra7614 → u/innocentsalad]

It’s here: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/35s5dUs6lS

[u/Lisylis]

This is so mysterious without the previous post context

[u/ConsciousOkra7614 → u/Lisylis]

It’s here: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/35s5dUs6lS

[u/Illustrious-Film-592]

So glad you figured this with a boyfriend. It took me 15 years and a whole dang husband to learn the lesson.

[u/tyberrymuch_]

Good for you for understanding the difference between being momentarily appeased and an actual solution. Making the right decisions is tough. I’m sure you did the right thing for yourself. While you cannot control how he will reflect on this, one can hope it serves as a wake up call to straighten himself out. Don’t let that hold you though, we can’t live our life on “maybe”.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/fade2nothing]

Can you tag / link the other post? Impossible to find the context with your posts hidden

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/fade2nothing]

Hey, seems you're new here! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

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[u/fade2nothing → u/madame-maitre-d]

girls rule !