the healing process is embarrassing

[u/Extreme_Speaker6445]

to wrap up my background very briefly: i got cheated on after moving countries for a man

this happened a month and a half ago and i spent the first few weeks just putting my head down and getting my life back together after moving back home (car, apartment, sorting out my old job). i knew i was putting off the inevitable, but i had to get the logistics sorted before my heart could fall apart completely. now that everything is settled, my emotions and brain have caught up.

i cant stop talking and thinking about it. it embarrasses me every time someone asks me how im doing and i realize im getting into a full rant session again as new Thoughts and Feelings come up.

i cannot wrap my brain around this being my reality and it shows. i post about it on my close friends stories. i talk about it to strangers (how could i ignore my entire summer being dedicated to the move?). i literally was playing a game last night with someone i had met an hour prior and started crying. i felt so pathetic i just left and went to bed, because who have i become that i vent and cry in front of a stranger? i cried at work 4-5 times in my first week back because everyone kept asking what happened and am i okay.

all i wish is that i could be one of those mysterious people that heals in silence and you’d never know i had been through anything traumatic before. but i just can’t. that human connection is what heals me. maybe i’m trying to wear my heart on my sleeve in the event that someone has answers for exactly how to get better, or exactly why any of this has happened. i don’t know. but i’m sick of myself, i’m sick of feeling this way when life is objectively fantastic compared to what i would have endured with him, and i’m not sure how ill ever feel better and be happy with myself.

[u/squid-kid55]

Hey girl, you’re going through so much right now, and I just want to remind you to be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to have it all figured out or be strong every day. Take time to rest, do things that bring you peace, and give yourself the same love and care you so freely give to others. You deserve happiness, healing, and a love that honors you. Take it one day at a time, and remember you don’t have to go through this alone. We're here for you, and cheering for you. 🩷

[u/angelonneptune]

Do you have any time available to take off work???

[u/Extreme_Speaker6445 → u/angelonneptune]

i didn’t go back to work for a full month after coming home, so not really. the best i can do is a mental health day with the one leftover vacation day i have lol

[u/mbdjones]

Since talking about it obviously helps, have you considered finding a therapist? Psychologytoday.com had a fabulous search tool with a lot of filters, including insurance, specialty, location, etc.

[u/Extreme_Speaker6445 → u/mbdjones]

i’m starting with one next week and found her off of there. i hope you’re right :’)

[u/mbdjones → u/Extreme_Speaker6445]

Good luck, OP.
Edited to add: you got this. Just let yourself talk. She’s there to hear you.