r/Kenya • u/BothJob6890 • 14h ago
Discussion Men conversations in the barber shop
I went to my barber yesterday evening and found a group of men there. Eventually, it was my turn, and I sat on the chair.
I simply said, “Ninyoe tu ile low taper nimezoea.”
The barber nodded, and I knew that today I'd be saying phrases like, “Mfiche wanawake wenu.”
As I was busy getting my shave, a dude walked in and said, “Bibi yangu ananiambia ati ninyoe hii nywele juu ni kubwa.” It was a gauge 3 hair and it actually looked good.
The men immediately burst into laughter.
Some said his hair wasn't even that long. Others claimed that some women deliberately try to make their men less attractive to other women. One guy even gave an example of a woman overfeeding her man until he gains weight and develops a huge stomach.
Then another guy said something that caught my attention.
He claimed that as long as you're living with a woman, don't even try to argue with her verbally because you'll lose. He went on to suggest that perhaps the man's wife thought another woman was telling him not to shave his hair because she wanted him to remain attractive.
At this point, I was just there listening. I'd gone for a haircut, but the men were giving me a whole new perspective on relationships.
And the stories didn't end there.
Another guy complained that having certain women in your life is like taking out a loan that you have to keep repaying.
He said, “Mara anakwambia, ‘Babe, ninunulie hii.’ Mara nyingine, ‘Nifanyie favour.’ Halafu tena, ‘Nitume pesa.’”
The men continued sharing their experiences in marriage and relationships, and honestly, I was shocked.
One guy even said that a woman could go an entire week without talking to you simply because she's angry. Imagine coming home every day, greeting someone who doesn't respond, eating in silence and going to bed without resolving whatever caused the disagreement.
The stories kept coming, and eventually, I just zoned out. I was simply trying to process everything these men were saying.
When the barber finally finished, I looked in the mirror and saw a handsome man staring back at me.
I smiled, paid my barber KES 100, and got up to leave.
He simply said, “Poa, next time.”
And just like that, I walked away with a fresh low taper.
But here's the thing: those conversations genuinely left me a little scared of marriage.
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u/Santamariagirl 12h ago
That’s the problem with people these days. They get their news in barber shops. Back in my day, we got our news the old way, from tik tok.
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u/Top_Objective_511 14h ago
Barbershop is like a men's therapy session, but without the therapist. Men don't call each other to vent. So when they meet kwa kinyozi, they dump EVERYTHING. And when men vent, we exaggerate to make it funny.
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u/FirmProfessional8840 6h ago
Men slowly realizing it’s not the paradise they thought it is😂😂I mean choose peace or violence 😂😂
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u/Xylpl 5h ago
Men conversations in the barber shop
Some said his hair wasn't even that long. Others claimed that some women deliberately try to make their men less attractive to other women. One guy even gave an example of a woman overfeeding her man until he gains weight and develops a huge stomach.
Nah, if my man is not attractive to other women I don't want him 😂 I want bragging rights of how fine my man is and on his side I want him disciplined, stoic, and nonchalant. Staki avimbe kichwa. I ain't going out there with people staring at us like we have two heads coz man's looks unkempt and unattractive. Nah, i want him to be hit on by my other girlies so that he can come tell me about it, I get jealous and jealous F him to get the best S_x of my life. Typing this I just realized it's prolly a kink. I'll show myself out. Thank you.
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u/Kindly-Database-8112 9h ago
Don't be scared. Ni hali ya maisha.
I bet that barber shop was a man-only zone since sikusikia pahali ukisema umekua referred to the massage corner.
You know, old school barbershops used to be zones where men would meet to unload themselves albeit with banter till they got infested with those massage corners.
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u/BothJob6890 2h ago
Hapo hakuna story ya hao madem wa massage. One time kinyozi aliniambia, "Siezi kukunyoa ndevu, shika hii gauge ujinyoe. Siezi kukushika venye dem wako hukushika".
He always shaves my beards but this time he was just joking because tumezoeana. Then hizo story za kuoshwa unaenda unajiosha kwako.
Hapa we feel the methylated spirit after getting shaved. Kama amekukata kidogo you take that small pain like a man. Hapa Maybe urushwe baby powder, after shave na aloevera.
Story huwa haziishi. Most especially juu tuko coast, I think
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u/FvckJerry16 4h ago
Unafaa uskie story za watu wa mjengo. Unashangaa ucheke ama umhurumie.
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u/BothJob6890 2h ago
😂 huwa wako na jokes zingine funny. I remember when my dad aliniacha nisimamie watu wa mjengo. I even found myself helping them juu they were very good people.
Yaani unacheka mpaka unasahau ata you have a phone. It's fun
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u/getlaid96 3h ago
Wueeh, me i remember last year, nilienda kwa my local barber, wakaanza kuongea stories about having sex with their gfs while on their periods😂😂😂. Wengine wanasema wanaeza, wengine wanasema hawaezi, ilikua tu vibes and inshaalah.
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u/BothJob6890 2h ago
😂 you can only get this stories from zile barber shop hazina massage
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u/getlaid96 2h ago
Btw, that reminds me🤣🤣. Hio kinyozi hainanga massage. Sijui umejua aje but true💯💯💯, only from those without massage parlours
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u/BothJob6890 2h ago
Hizo za massage hapana. Wanakunyoa takataka alafu by the time umemaliza kunyolewa takataka. They give you a cute girl with a huge chest to soothe your anger.
Anakushika shika mpaka unambao unasahau vile umenyolewa. Anakupakapaka all sorts of things mpaka unanuka zile indian perfumes while massaging you and touching your weak points.
Ukitoka hapo unadhani umenyolewa vizuri but immediately ukikutana na your homeboy anakushangaa. Anafikiria uliambia your kinyozi those common 3 words, "Ninyoe kama fala".
That's when it dawns on you, you'll have to wait for almost 2 months to regain your hair. You're left sad alafu unakumbuka ulicough out more that 7 euros for your shave.
Ulipita mpaka kinyozi wa soo. You look at yourself and you feel disgusted and unajiself pity. Self esteem inashuka ajab. In short barber amekutoa from a solid six akakuweka a solid -0.5
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u/Blue_Towel_Is_Mine Nairobi City 6h ago
He said, “Mara anakwambia, ‘Babe, ninunulie hii.’ Mara nyingine, ‘Nifanyie favour.’ Halafu tena, ‘Nitume pesa.’”
Huyu ni fala. Lol. Kwani ulioa bibi ndio ufanye nini? You take care of her. Kama huwezi hungemweka kwa nyumba yako.
One guy even said that a woman could go an entire week without talking to you simply because she's angry. Imagine coming home every day, greeting someone who doesn't respond, eating in silence and going to bed without resolving whatever caused the disagreement.
It's women's nature. If two sisters in one house, sharing the same room, can stay a whole year without talking to each other, wewe stranger uko special aje?
Others claimed that some women deliberately try to make their men less attractive to other women.
Insecure women though! Mimi kama sijachapa luku fiti siwezi kubaliwa kutoka kwa nyumba. Nywele lazima ninyoe twice a week. Plans are underway hata tununue machine nikuwe nanyolewa hi upara yangu after every three days. Alienda hadi shule ya nywele to learn how to shave among other things.
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u/BothJob6890 6h ago
Tuko 2026. Kama wewe ni dem na bado unaomba omba mwanaume pesa then you're a walking red flag. Hata pesa ya credit na fare ni pesa ya kuomba surely? If I begin dating you na nione uko na hiyo tabia najiondoa.
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u/Unique-Addition-8937 5h ago
Mimi talking stage alikuwa ananiomba za fare na akaniambia she's waiting until marriage, I had to be financially celibate too
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u/BothJob6890 2h ago
Good choice. I have experienced the true love of a girl and if they really like you ata fare si shida. Atajileta mwenyewe. She'll only be wanting your attention. The moment it becomes transactional, hiyo ni uma-laya
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u/Blue_Towel_Is_Mine Nairobi City 6h ago
Kuna shida gani bibi yako akikuambia anataka pesa? Better yet, mbona usikuwe unampatia pesa? If your monthly house shopping amounts to 50,000/=, why give her 50? Mbona usimpatie 70 ama 80.
Some of the problems men get nowadays ni za kujiletea. But then again, you are still dating. Some dynamics are beyond your understanding.
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u/BothJob6890 3h ago
Kama hivi ndio unafikiria then I cannot proceed to argue with you. Wacha niachie hapo
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u/FinanceNo2155 5h ago
I honestly hate when my gal has an opinion about my haircut. Esp when she says the hair is too long. Or when she does not agree with the hair cut. I always switch from low taper to mohawk. Which she sneers
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u/kizeemnoma 14h ago
Two things stand out for me: 1. You pay KES 100 for a cut 2. People actually talk at your barbershop