r/KindVoice • u/Future-Analyst-6677 • Jul 03 '26
Looking [L] 28M Just read so many cruel comments, and wanted someone to affirm what I’m telling myself: everyone isn’t horrid.
Unfortunately my algorithm has been formed in this way due to the posts I’ve ended up interacting with.
I’ve seen so many posts back to back with some frankly, almost absurdly cruel and disgusting comments, almost all of them dehumanizing men.
I know gender war stuff gets engagement, it’s an unfortunate aspect of today’s internet. Ragebait is prolific and I understand that.
It’s just: all I’ve seen again and again and again from women are grossly unempathetic comments. Mocking men, telling them to end their existence, telling men nothing good will ever happen to them, telling men that they deserve to suffer as much as possible, etc etc.
I’m trying to tell myself it’s just assholes and jerks who are the loudest and therefore get attention. I’m telling myself that kind women with empathy exist. Like through sheer numbers and randomness they must, right?
But it all rings hollow. I don’t want to believe that all women see men as lower life forms that the world would be better off if gotten rid of. I want to be hopeful that some nice women do exist.
But I can’t convince myself, because it feels like I’m being disingenuous to myself. Can someone please just provide an outside voice, so it feels more legitimate to me? I really don’t like feeling this hopeless.
3
u/tanksforthegold Jul 03 '26
I'm over 40 and have been around many kinds of people and I can tell you that there are toxicity is just a fact of life about a certain percentage of both men and women. The good news is that the majority of people I've known art. The toxic people may stand out more but depending on the environment you're in, it's only really like 2 percent or so of a given group. Online, of course, you're gonna see such people flock together and share their toxicity, but that's just how it is with thise people. It's like watching a group of hyenas as they scavenge for food and being horrified each time. You determine your value and path, not them. Never have I let a toxic person shut me down in real life. My best advice is to understand that the world is not essentially bad or good. It's largely gray, and you should let people online or offline for that matter affect you on such a personal level.
-2
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 03 '26
Great, I’d like to congratulate you on your luck, and your skill at not letting a toxic person shut you down.
Unfortunately, I haven’t met non toxic people as frequently, and I’m having trouble trying to convince myself that non toxic women exist. I just wanted some evidence as reassurance.
I guess I’m just weak and stupid for letting this affect me, not strong and evolved like you are. Thanks for your “kindness”.
2
u/tanksforthegold Jul 04 '26
Despite your backhanded reply. I believe you have the potential to overcome these things yourself. You are not in fact weak nor stupid. Regardless, I wish you well. And I am sorry for offending your sensibilities.
-1
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 04 '26
Despite your patronizing and condescending reply, I believe you’ll one day understand what actual kindness means, and the difference between talking to someone and talking down to them. Regardless I appreciate you, and am sorry for not being a sycophant and agreeing with everything you say.
1
u/tanksforthegold Jul 04 '26
Yes. I will try to learn from the kindness you have shown me here today.
7
u/RipVanWiinkle_ Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
Bro, you can find the same shit said by men. About women.
You gotta think about who they’re talking about, cause as someone working in family court. Plenty of guys tend to knock up and run.
But at the same time, people don’t pick good partners
Totally avoid and ignore those people, they’re toxic and no one likes them in their own life, and so they lash out online.
Normal people typically don’t bother with nonsense.
Also who cares what someone else says, maybe they have a reason to hold that opinion (tho I am against any extreme opinions about men or women)
Some guys do horrid shit, and women, and sometimes that can cause people to hold extreme opinions
Look at it like racism or sexism, it’s totally stupid and pointless. But people associate acts with peoples sex, race, etc, rather than an individual act
And sometimes other people use tragedy to further their own goals like in politics
-6
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
Yes, but I can also see a lot of positive things about women said by men.
But nevertheless, I want to thank you for implying I’m abnormal. You are so kind.
(Oh and believe me, I’m well aware of racism and how widespread it is, how it’s used, and how that makes me feel.)
2
u/RipVanWiinkle_ Jul 04 '26
I mean again, it depends who you’re around. If I go out looking for trouble, I’ll find it. If I go out looking for good, I’ll find that too.
If you hang around guys that hate women, or women that hate guys, that’s what you’re gonna hear.
Personally I’ve seen it both ways. I’ve gotten compliments and I’ve given, and I’ve been talked shit about and I talked shit.
It really comes down to the person and their understanding, perspective, and experience.
Plus, remember, there are more women than guys, yet more guys out causing shit than women.
In short, mind your own business, and you’ll be happy.
Mind other people’s business, and they’ll share their misery with you.
(Also you can’t deny toxic masculinity is toxic, as is toxic femininity) so who we kidding here?
-1
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 04 '26
So I’m guessing this sub is for victim blaming then huh.
If I wanted to be told I’m the problem, I would have gone to those subs where I read those atrocious comments.
Do you not know what kindness is? Or is this you trying to be kind here? Cause you’re failing at being kind, like failing hard.
2
u/RipVanWiinkle_ Jul 04 '26
I’m just gonna add, I’ve said nothing for you to react this way.
If you took it personally, then maybe you aren’t explaining the situation fully.
Nothing I said was towards you or against you.
I’m just saying, you shouldn’t give the slightest shit.
Don’t let your emotions dictate, use your brain
2
u/RipVanWiinkle_ Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 04 '26
Bro no one’s saying you’re the problem
Don’t include yourself in the actions of others.
If girls talk trash about guys in their life, it has nothing to do with you.
I’m just saying, people have lives and experiences, and sometimes those experiences are so bad and repetitive. that they develop a hatred.
It’s nothing against you, you just be you, live your life, be good, and avoid toxic people. Simple.
How’d you jump to the conclusion that I’m victim blaming?
It goes both ways
Again, if it ain’t you, then it ain’t about you.
If you’re a good dude, why care about other people talking shit about other people?
5
u/princessbubbbles Jul 03 '26
What would convince you that there are empathetic women? I am a woman, and I love men! I love my dad, my brothers, my husband, my male friends, my male coworkers. Recently I got to meet a coworker's dog and look at his garden! We had a lovely time. It's another coworker's (M) birthday, and someone (F) brought in chocolate cupcakes for him and everyone else working today.
0
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
Thank you. I guess just someone saying they see men as humans and individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, struggles and experiences and not through a lens of “He’s a man”, with all the assumptions and generalizations that lens can, and does bring.
3
u/Dowager-queen-beagle Jul 03 '26
It seems like you've solved your own conundrum in your post then, right? Because the algorithm is feeding you negative posts about men that you've "ended up" interacting with, perhaps a starting point would be to no longer "end up" interacting with those posts.
When I realize my timeline is getting a little too negative, I spend some time leaving positive comments in subs I want to see more of. Thus far, that's been a successful tactic. Good luck!
1
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 03 '26
Yeah the problem I was having was I saw no positive posts or comments about men to give me hope that not everyone is like this. Thanks tho.
5
u/Dowager-queen-beagle Jul 03 '26
That’s always a concern when you continuously engage with negative content. I hope you’re able to break the cycle!
5
u/Simkingdra Jul 03 '26
Most angry and mean women are exactly that because angry and mean men hurt them or someone close to them. It's a vicious cycle but honestly it's not wrong of them to fight back in a way. They just end up generalizing because it's easy to do.
There's plenty of kind women in the world, and even more so if you are genuinely kind to them first and foremost.
My advice to you is to seriously stop following these topics and anyone involved in them. Stay aware of where the problem originates aka from nasty men (never become ignorant or blind to it), stay away from the negativity, and don't take things personally if you are not the reason for said negativity :)
-2
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
I’ve asked Reddit to stop showing like 8 subreddits just now. I do now know I shouldn’t engage with those subreddits and posts. I am going to try to be more on top of that.
But you seem to be saying that, in the end, no matter what, it always comes down to the fault of some man, am I reading that right? And generalizations and prejudices toward men shouldn’t affect me if it doesn’t describe me?
Oh and those things I mentioned in my post that women wrote were not wrong?Ok. Cool. Thanks. I guess I should “man up”, huh?
3
u/Nuttyalmonds Jul 03 '26
The problem isn't women hating men. When a woman says she hates men, men who aren't those men usually aren't offended because they know that they aren't talking about them. Look up the rate of murder, rape, and sexual offenders. That doesnt mean your feelings arent valid. But once you realize they aren't talking about you, it takes the sting away. I mean men are also victims of other men. I realize there's plenty of mean toxic women out there who really are trying to insult men for not being "manly enough" etc and I don't like those women either. But think of it this way, you can avoid the nasty insults by getting offline, but women have to look over their shoulders and be aware of protecting their lives and bodies at all times and are taught this from a young age. Treatment of girls and women have been pretty terrible for a long time, child marriage is always an older man with a girl. We never see it the other way around and they still want to keep it legal. Rapists can be president. The Epstein Files. A lot of women are pissed and a lot of women have been victims. Little boys too.
0
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 03 '26
Thanks, yup, I see. It’s like when I see racist comments and generalizations about my ethnicity and nationality. Since they don’t apply to me, it’s ok! Those people making racist generalizations have probably been through a lot! And if I just get offline, that racism is just simply avoided! Thank you for your kindness.
3
u/Nuttyalmonds Jul 03 '26
I'm sorry you don't see what I'm saying. I don't think what I'm saying makes it equal to racism either. I'm white and if I see someone say they hate white people I don't get offended. You seem like you're looking for conflict about this. Again if you understood you might not internalize it and let it ruin your day.
1
Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Nuttyalmonds Jul 03 '26
I absolutely don't think that you're being too sensitive. We all have emotions and they are valid. You do seem like you're young and being a little childish in your responses. I have a lot of kind things to say about men. My sons are amazing. My husband is my best friend and I trust him with my life. What are the specific comments you're talking about?
1
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
Try rereading my post please, a bit more carefully if you must. I’ve mentioned them in the body, the 4th paragraph.
And it’s ok, I think I get the gist of your “kindness” towards men.
And I’d kindly request you to please refrain from replying to me if you just wish to patronize and have nothing kind to say. It gets my hopes up.
5
u/Nuttyalmonds Jul 03 '26
I hope you can find some peace
1
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 03 '26
And thanks to you, I’ve now realized how women see men, and will always see me! So thank you for that.
1
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 03 '26
Well, I’m a man, I don’t deserve it, seeing how some men are, like you said.
3
u/Simkingdra Jul 03 '26
Not taking things personal is not about "man-ing up" or not. It's about not letting them get to you
What the women wrote wasn't necessarily right, and it's not about being right or wrong. It's about understanding what they went through and why they are so angry. And then you can choose to ignore it if it's just generalization and is just an unnecessary insult at you and other men.
I say this as a grown ass man btw
0
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
Right, my feelings about this are so stupid, I should get better at suppressing them, like a proper man. Thank you for showing me how a real man handles this, and thx for the kind words.
5
u/Simkingdra Jul 04 '26
Didn't say that. There's a difference between suppressing your emotions (don't do that) and taking everything as a personal insult, which you seem to be doing even here, considering I didn't say a single mean thing (like all of the sass and sarcasm you used with me, thanks for that btw)
I hope this is just because you're very young and you see everything as an attack at you instead of seeing things from a neutral perspective and evaluate the threat.
Idk if this helps, but I can compare you to a wasp who views any living animal and human as a threat to it and its nest when they walk past, instead of only attacking when they are truly in danger
Good luck bro, and try not to fight the world too much because the world is too big and mean to let you win 🫂
-2
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 04 '26
Riiiight I’m taking everything personally. Great, thanks for showing me how a mature and evolved person handles this.
Oh and don’t worry, it’s not like you didn’t even remotely answer my prompt and just justified and made excuses for those atrocious comments I’ve read and made me feel stupid for having any negative feelings about them.
Totally not condescending or patronizing at all, but sooooo very kind. So helpful!
5
u/Simkingdra Jul 04 '26
Ok nope, nevermind. You're just downright filled with hatred. If you reply like this to kind words, you shouldn't expect anything positive in return.
You think people are talking shit towards you because they're not saying what you would like them to say. That's some "Karen" stuff right there.
You get what you give, and you aren't giving kindness or comprehension in the slightest. Expect the same with love, affection, and women my guy
Also don't bother replying, we're done here
-2
u/Future-Analyst-6677 Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 04 '26
Yep all my fault. Surely you’re perfection personified. And clearly you took the time to listen to what I was saying without judgment or throwing in your own preconceived notions.
Aside from all that, it’s your comments that are dripping with venom from the very beginning. ‘You get what you give’, that applies to you too, or are you an exception? Maybe think about what you’re giving out for a second.
Get off your high horse for once and try seeing other people as those to have a conversation with, not talk down to. Give introspection a try.
Oh and your gaslighting isn’t helpful to anyone either. Just because I’m not replying the way you want me to doesn’t automatically make me wrong. Or do you think you’re right by default and everyone else is wrong?
You just can’t handle the slightest pushback to what you say. Either I behave like a sycophant, or you call me every name in the book. In all honesty, You should be banned from this sub.
1
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1
u/NIRNR00TS Jul 04 '26
I'm sorry that you've been seeing that kind of content on here so much lately, and that it's been making you feel a bit down on yourself. I've been getting pushed some pretty nasty stuff on my feed here lately as well, stuff I don't even follow or have any desire to see on my algorithm. I think you're right in saying that the Internet is always about farming for engagement and wanting to get people upset and all riled up. However, I promise that there are still good people/women out there, not everyone is mean or man-hating. I think people of either gender can be toxic or do bad things, so it wouldn't be right for women to hate all men just for the actions of a few anyways. One gender isn't better than the other. I love and care for my husband, male family members, and have a few childhood friends who are men too. And even men I don't know, I have no negative emotions for them just because of their gender. I wait to judge the character of individuals based on their actions that I observe, not anything superficial/their gender. I wouldn't wanna be friends with anyone who hates whole groups of people for something they have no control over either.