Hello, everyone! Hope you guys are doing well today. Today i have made the decision to take my own life in the next couple of days. Honestly, it's gonna be a bit scary, but I think this will overall be good for me since I've been depressed and overall mentally checked out for the past 7 years. I've come to realize that this is just the appropriate next step for my happiness, and the best way to advocate for my wellbeing.

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With that being said, I don't really have many people to talk to, so I figured I'd reach out and see if there is anyone out there who wants to help me out with this. Just helping me process these emotions so I won't have any regrets when the time comes.

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As a bonus, send me a number between 1 and 100 if you want! :)

I was using his phone two weeks ago to fill out a form for him. I’m never usually on his phone, overlooking his shoulder when he’s on his phone or anything like that. I never felt any reason to even if it was just out of curiosity. When I was on his phone he received two notifications from his ex. I said “whoa isn’t that you ex?” And I could tell he was nervous and responded yes. I continued filling out the form and didn’t say anymore. I was shocked. I had a similar experience with my own ex texting another girl and flirting in my last relationship so I was getting flashbacks to that as well.

The following morning I asked him if he thought it was weird that he texted his ex. He said it’s a bit weird but didn’t say anymore. I let my own previous triggers override me and told him I don’t think we should see each other anymore because it makes me uncomfortable. He instantly started begging saying she’s just a friend and it meant nothing. I asked to see their messages but he said his phone cleared it when he got a new phone (he did in fact get a new phone days prior).

I was getting annoyed at him and said unless if he can show me the messages somehow then I can’t see it being innocent. He asked her to screenshot and send them back and she got very defensive. She eventually showed some of it. He showed up to my workplace apologising and he was clearly upset. I mentioned to him how he had told me he hadn’t heard from her for over three years when we first started dating. He told me that was true until she reached out again. When I finished work I asked to see his phone and more screenshots of their chat. When I went through his phone I realised they were calling each other the entire time we were dating, there were photos of them together travelling on holiday in the first few months of us dating and he was telling her all about mine and his future holiday trip to Japan but told her he was going alone and he’d bring her back a souvenir.

I was extremely hurt. He admitted he lied at first to save our relationship because he panicked. The lie after lie made me so angry I did start shouting at him and told him to leave. I was angry and I was hurt and I felt betrayed. Not even that he was texting her but because I was lied to. When I thought about it more that night I decided the texts with her were relatively innocent. He has high functioning autism but does struggle socially. I thought perhaps he really did just need a friend and it was unfortunate coincidence it was her and he felt he couldn’t explain that to me. The next day I went to his house to talk it through but I never realised he had taken his own life hours after I made him leave my house.

It’s been almost two weeks and I can’t get better. I know it’s only been two weeks but I can’t feel okay. I’ve had grief before but this is genuinely agonising. I’m in physical misery. I dream of him at night and I wake up heaving and in tears because I have to remember he’s dead again and I go through the start of grief all over again.

I’m in so much pain, not getting to tell him I really do still love him and we could have talked, that I exploded and overreacted. As much as people tell me I’m not responsible, I still feel it anyway because if we didn’t have that argument he wouldn’t have died that night. I replay everything in my head constantly. Thinking of our argument, how he killed himself or even happy memories with him except they hurt and send me into further agony. Today the police rang me that he left a note. They didnt have it with them but said they would organise next week when I could get it. I’m in even more agony now. I feel this note could break me. Regardless if it’s something loving or pointing out how I hurt him, I’m going to be in pain. It’s going to hurt me so much that he has said goodbye and I couldn’t say it back. Or even that he died not knowing how I really feel and the note probably confirms it.

I don’t want to die. I love my family. But I think about it all the time because I’m in so much misery. I can’t keep living my current life. I’ve tried rolling over in my pillow several times in hopes I’d suffocate and it would look accidental so my family wouldn’t hate me (surprise, it didnt work). I’ve been refusing food and drinking fluids in hopes that would end me (I ended up eating and drinking water today anyway). I don’t think I really do want to die but I don’t want to live this life. I’m in so so much agonising pain. Every reminder, genuinely physically stings like someone has thrown acid on my body.

I don’t know how much I can keep doing this. I don’t want to live a life where I feel like this. Maybe it will get better but I still don’t want a life where it hurts even a little. I don’t think I can ever move on from him either, especially now. I know life doesn’t have to revolve around partners but I’m only 24, I don’t know if I also want a life where I’m sad and alone all the time.

caught myself mid rant to a friend last night and realized i wasnt looking for a fix. i just didnt want to sit with the thing alone

they started problem solving immediately which is fair, thats what i asked for on the surface. i felt weirdly annoyed then guilty about being annoyed

do other people do this too or am i just bad at saying what i actually need​

45-year-old heterosexual man who has never had sex with a woman nor ever experienced intimacy nor romance of any kind. And, 😮‍💨 no, I am not a misogynistic "incel" type. Hell, I am a fucking Liberal who supports diversity and inclusion at that. This situation doesn't take political sides and it also happens to women too, but I am not here to argue politics. I'm just saying so as a disclaimer.

Anyway, this, on its own, is something I could maybe live with, and potentially make peace with, weren't for one thing:

I call it the Dichotomy. It's the framework that I use for it because it is the only thing about it that makes sense to me.

It's like there are two states I can be. I call them High-Maturity/Re-Maturizing and Low-Maturity/De-Maturizing. In the former... it's Paradise. I become loving, peaceful, happy, free, slow to anger, forgiving, confident, optimistic, patient, smarter, wiser, etcetera.

The latter can be pure Hell. I become quick to anger, hateful, vindictive, oversensitive, impulsive, dumber, more foolish, prone to depression and pessimism, etcetera.

I don't believe I have bipolar disorder.

For me to enter either state I have to do a specific thing. In order to re-maturize I have discovered and established, at least, three things that can get me there, but to de-maturize...I have lost count of how many things can get me there.

One of the things that re-maturize me is... telling the right kind of stories. Stories that don't include me as the main character, stories that are just vehicles to imagine myself or someone like me as all-powerful, having a girlfriend, and all that. Those types of stories de-maturize me.

The other two things that re-maturize me, I can't say what one of them is because you wouldn't get it, and I don't want to risk someone ruining it for me, and the other is something I call "pure meaning". It's when I think without words and I formulate thoughts, ideas and messages for myself without the use of words, but focusing on their purest meaning.

Of the many things that de-maturize me, it includes:

Talking with myself as if I was two people.

Unrequited crushes.

Replaying video game story modes with no difference from any playthroughs I've done before.

Thinking in pure words. Yes, that too.

Playing gacha games.

Being very active while in social media. Part of why I rarely use Reddit and almost never use other social media sites.

Creating beautiful and imaginary worlds in my head without attaching a story to them.

Clicker games and counters.

Just thinking of the term "de-maturize". Which forces me the think of the term "re-maturize" in order to re-maturize again.

And the list goes on and on. Many items make sense, but many others do not.

De-maturizing is easy to do, but re-maturizing can be a lot harder. Re-maturizing can also take huge amounts of mental energy, and the things that make me re-maturize don't always work and it's usually because the story or thing I did included a de-maturizing detail or more.

There are so many of those that often times I find myself policing my own mind to make sure I don't de-maturize.

And then there are the reasons that brought me here today. It's several all at once.

When I re-maturize my lack of sexual, intimate and romantic experiences doesn't really bother me. When I de-maturize it consumes me. Lately, it has consumed me far more than usual.

I made progress with a psychological issue that has existed as a result of my inexperience (notice I didn't say "virgin" because I hate that word with a passion), but this has exposed a deep and raw pain that has consumed me.

All that plus the fact that no one understands me. I explained this Dichotomy/Duality to friends, family and my therapist, and not a single one of them could fucking understand me. I don't expect any of you to understand either, but if you do then please let me know.

I am...just losing it. I feel like I am at my wit's end. My friends are all too busy to help me. My family is too religious. I feel that going to different therapists will probably be a waste of time.

I can't just hit the club or go on Tinder. My life was severely screwed over in several different ways that each have made it damn near impossible to try and fix this, that and I am stuck here living with my mom and my sister.

Used to be I didn't mind seeing couples, families, etcetera. Because I have de-maturized and found it extremely difficult to re-maturize again, and with the uncovering of my deep wound, now I see these people and it just fucking hurts. Even when I see them by themselves just knowing what they probably have hurts a lot.

I don't have any ill will towards anybody and I wish everyone the best...I just wish I could experience what most people get to easily and effortlessly experience...that and to be finally free of this damned Dichotomy!

If you cannot understand me, then at least, lend me a kind ear or words of support. I am sick and tired of suffering alone and in silence.

Edit: I have re-maturized and feel better/not like dying now. The pain is still there. Thank you all for your kind words. ❤️ Eventually, I will de-maturize again, either by accident or because I had to do something that caused it, but for now it's good to be out of that extremely dark state. Also, I'm currently attempting to change my life. We'll see how that goes.

Unfortunately my algorithm has been formed in this way due to the posts I’ve ended up interacting with.

I’ve seen so many posts back to back with some frankly, almost absurdly cruel and disgusting comments, almost all of them dehumanizing men.

I know gender war stuff gets engagement, it’s an unfortunate aspect of today’s internet. Ragebait is prolific and I understand that.

It’s just: all I’ve seen again and again and again from women are grossly unempathetic comments. Mocking men, telling them to end their existence, telling men nothing good will ever happen to them, telling men that they deserve to suffer as much as possible, etc etc.

I’m trying to tell myself it’s just assholes and jerks who are the loudest and therefore get attention. I’m telling myself that kind women with empathy exist. Like through sheer numbers and randomness they must, right?

But it all rings hollow. I don’t want to believe that all women see men as lower life forms that the world would be better off if gotten rid of. I want to be hopeful that some nice women do exist.

But I can’t convince myself, because it feels like I’m being disingenuous to myself. Can someone please just provide an outside voice, so it feels more legitimate to me? I really don’t like feeling this hopeless.

I'm 60 , F. In the last 11 years, I have lost what few friends I had. And most of them were not truly friends, if I could lose them so easily. Everything is harder when you have no friends. It's harder and harder as you get older to make them. And your own tolerance level for nonsense drops below zero.

I have not handled it well. On the outside "I'm fine." But inwardly I am "dying." I can feel it Parts of me are dying and can't be revived. My dad died when we were estranged. It hurt more than I can ever describe. I can't describe it because I really don't have words for it. We were the closest thing to "twin souls" as I have ever heard of. When he died, I walked around for 2 years in a waking coma. When people spoke to me I had no idea what they said, and i was on auto-response. I went to therapy and of course it got a little better but it took a very long time. When people say they were "devastated" by someone's death, I take them fully at their word. I know...I was/am there. I believe them . Devastaation doesn't even begin to describe the feeling. Desolate. Inconsolable. There are many other words. But desolation of the soul and spirit and mind, the totality of that, is how I perceive it. Remember that movie when Keanu Reeves has to go into the spirit world to follow / get the cat? Remember that imagry? That's how it is, how it feels. I've never seen another visual that visually explains it better. (I know....maybe I need to get out more.)

A few years before my dad died, my daughter walked out and never spoke to me again. I do not know where she is, if she's okay and if she's wearing warm socks, or has love troubles, or if she needs anything. I guess she doesn't need or want anything from me, so I've let her go, without an opera. That too, is another level of devastation. My soul feels like a de-militarized zone. Nothing grows in the soul when this happens.. The worst is, I can't talk about it because I know what will be forthcoming: You are a bad mom,, clearly a narc or this would not have happened. Kids don't walk out for no reason. I never needed to hear any of that, beccause I had already said it to myself, overe and over and over again. I suppose some people do need to hear that. I'm not one of them. I think it and say it to mysellf, every day. I mean really, every day, at least once or twice a day.

I have tried hard to make friends. Joined groups, reached out to others, offered coffee/my phone number, etc. Nothing happens. I'm tired of trying.

When you don't have a single person on the earth that you can truly confide in it gets harder and harder to stay every year. I don't have a "plan" and not actively thinking of one. It's just the feeling that you want to escape the desolation of your life. There's no one there to tell you when you did something great. But there's also no one there to tell you when you're wrong, when you need to approach something differently, to work on yourself, or something. No one cares enough to do that, believe me.

Right now, I am facing a work crisis and would not be surprised if I lose my job. That's catastrophic for me at 60. I have no where to go, no one to advise me, no one to even just listen. The situation there is: I complained / filed a formal written complaint when a young co-worker made an anti-semitic statement (in jest he says, quoting someone else. So what??????) and our supervisor on duty laughed along, told me to ignore it, that she knew what he meant. My complaint went to HR and at first everyone took me seriously.

Today our District Manager told me that I have to have a sit-down/conference call with him, and HR to "decide the plan going forward." That sounds a lot like I could lose my job. He also gaslighted me, "Do you really think he's racist? I've never gotten that from him...." My DM is a member of a minority so his words will carry wieght with HR. I could very well get fired for filing a "frivilous" complaint. The saddest part, is that I actually do like my job. It doesn't pay well, but at least its a little fun for me. I had great hopes when I was hired in Feb. I had all that new energy about and now, after today, I am fully defeated. I work with people who think that anti-semitism is funny, and that I nshouldn't be able to complain, or do anything about it. The company values them far more than me,because they have longevity that I don't have. It does not matter what is "right" or "just." It only matters that they bring more money in, and that I have to be silenced before "things get out of hand." I have to be "managed." I hate this world right now. I really do.

I came home today and just barely crossed the threshold before collapsing and sobbing. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm tired of lliving in a hopeless situation. Every time, and I mean every time, I make some progress there is some one/some situation that knocks me out. Total KO. I can't keep getting up. One day, I won't.

if you read all this, you deserve a medal that I am unable to give you. thank you for that. thank you for being here. I don't know what else to say so I am, logging off for now. I'm too exhausted to keep crying, even. thanks.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed from work, family, and everything happening in my life. My partner had previously told me that if things ever became too much, I could call him, so I did.

Instead, I was told my problem wasn't important enough, that I ruined his sleep, made him suffer, and I was called names. He then demanded I answer all of his future calls—even if I was asleep—or he'd end the relationship. I couldn't agree to that, so he broke up with me.

The next morning, on my birthday, the first words I heard from him were "Fuck you." He blamed me for ruining the birthday plans he had made, even though I told him we could celebrate another day. He refused.

In the end, I deleted the account I only kept to talk to him. I'm trying to choose peace, but I'm heartbroken and couldn't think straight.

Update: Thank you so much for all the kind comments. Things have been been pretty overwhelming lately, so I don't think I'll be able to reply to everyone, but I truly appreciate every message. Thank you for your kindness and support.

I don't even know how to write this. I'm shaking and crying while typing.

A few weeks ago, a guy reached out to me after one of my Reddit posts. We talked, then he disappeared for a while, then yesterday he text me again we started talking again., comforted each other, and everything seemed okay.

Then he told me he's going to end his life.

I tried my best to talk to him, encourage him, and give him hope. I tried my best to comfort him. At first he said he was planning to do it tomorrow, then later he said he would do it tonight.

And then... he deleted his Reddit account.

Reddit was the only place we talked. I don't know any way to contact him. I have no way of knowing if he's okay.

I can't stop thinking about the worst. I'm having panic attacks and crying because I keep thinking, "What if he really did it? What if I should have said something different? What if I didn't do enough?"

I know I tried my best, but my mind won't stop blaming me.

Has anyone gone through something like this? How do you deal with the guilt and fear?

I just feel so overwhelmed and alone right now.

My husband of nearly 2 decades, who I'd married at his worst and stuck by through things no other person in his life ever did, just confirmed that my value in his eyes has always been based on how much money i made.

This coming from the man who has always made half or one-third of what I made. From the man i wasted my prime years on, because of his addiction. From the man i literally built up from ashes when his own family left him for dead. From the man who offered me nothing a husband just naturally offers his wife in terms of marital intimacy. From the man i married for absolutely nothing but his kindness(?) and respectfulness(?).

Oh wow!

How can I be SO blind for nearly 20 years?!!

There probably aren't enough hugs in the world that will make any of this better. But i simply didn't know where else to turn.

If you find a little bit of kindness for a fellow human that simply has lost everything that meant anything to them, please stay by my side for just a bit, if you can.

Thank you 🙏🏻

Hey everyone, it’s my birthday today. I don’t really have many people around to celebrate with this year, and I didn’t want the day to just quietly pass by. So I thought I’d reach out here, maybe get a few birthday wishes from some kind souls.

edited: Thank you for all the wishes. I'm really grateful ❤️

I'm a middle aged woman, and lately I've been struggling with where my life is. I don't really know who to talk to, so I'm hoping to find someone who might understand.

I've experienced several things that have changed how I see myself and my future. I had a facial injury that left me with a prominent scar and affected my confidence. Before that, I enjoyed creating hair content and modelling products for a small business I ran. It was something I loved, but since the injury, I've struggled to return to it.

My relationships have been painful, too. I've hoped for marriage and a lasting partnership, but things haven't worked out. I also know that I can never have biological children, and that's something I continue to grieve.

My family relationships are complicated, and although we're trying to rebuild them, things aren't the way they used to be.

Financially, I'm living paycheck to paycheck. I have a chronic illness on top of everything else, and I'm trying to improve my career and financial circumstances. But after years of trying, I feel exhausted by the setbacks.

Sometimes I look at other people building families, progressing in their careers, and enjoying the things I wish I had, and I feel as though life has left me behind. I often find myself wondering why I have to struggle so much for things that seem to come more easily to other people.

Why does it feel like I have to fight so hard for a little stability, love, and happiness? I'm tired of trying so hard and still feeling like I'm falling short. I don't know why my life has turned out this way, and some days I struggle to make sense of it all.

I'm not writing this because I expect strangers to solve my problems or tell me everything will be okay. I think I'm looking for someone who understands what it's like when several parts of your life are difficult at the same time, and you're tired of having to keep going as though everything is fine.

If you've experienced a similar season of life, I'd appreciate hearing how you've navigated it. I'm looking for a kind, honest conversation with someone willing to listen without minimising what I'm feeling or trying to fix everything.

Sometimes I just want to feel a little less alone.lone.

I’m really struggling at the moment and would love nothing more than just to receive a simple message or comment that says Hi

I have been alone for a long time after my father’s passed away. My family fought over his estate and separated. So I didn’t just lose a father but I lost an entire family. I was also going through a divorce too. So I became very very alone.

After years of depression, of trying to make it alone, of a disappointing relationship. I finally met someone and we were so deeply in love. We both started to have so many issues after losing our jobs. I eventually got one but before that he needed lots of help financially. I helped with $500 total in a period of a month. He has friends unlike me and every time I’d send money he’d go out with his friends on the weekend. I started to grow resentful and mistakenly expressed it. He is so hurt by that and no longer trusts me. I said I felt like his friends were seeing me as an easy target. Someone to profit from. He’s convinced I meant him and either way it’s all fucked…

I tried to explain what I was going through as well. That seems to just make it worst. I literally gave him everything I had after knowing him for only 3 months.
Things happened so fast and he even discussed marriage (please know short courtships are very normal in our culture).
We are also long distance for the moment.

The fact that I hurt and honestly the fact that he doesn’t even want to understand my point of you and shuts me out hurts me deeply. I am always an afterthought and my feelings seem to not matter. I have been crying so much mourning this and he’d come to talk again. As soon as I have a little hope that we might make it, he takes it away again. I feel like I am losing something in my life again…

For the first time in my life I made a real plan to end my life. But I was crying so uncontrollably that I couldn’t even leave my bedroom. I contacted the crisis line and it helped me a bit.
I think I am starting to accept that it is over but it is really the sad state of my life since childhood that I cannot take anymore. I don’t think I can work hard into having a loving family one day. I fear this will never happen. Waking up everyday solo to go to work aspiring to nothing anymore is how I feel now.

Soo stuck in a forced arranged marriage and I need to get out of it. It's an extremely exhausting process and Im all alone. Im tired of being interrogated by everyone and there's so much more to come. I sit in anxiety all day. I need someone to make this disappear.

I doubt most of you can make sense of what im talking about.

I got into a fight with the father of my children, and in the heat of it he told me I need to do more around the house because what I manage to do with two babies under two apparently “isn’t good enough.” He called me lazy, useless, disgusting and a bitch.

My newborn is cluster feeding, my toddler is extremely energetic, and I’ve been alone with both of them for the past few days while he’s been away attending a funeral. I’ve had no transport, barely any money, and I’ve still been expected to keep up with the dishes, rubbish, a week’s worth of laundry, cooking and groceries while caring for two little kids essentially by myself.

Now everything he said is just playing over and over in my head. I’m angry, hurt and overwhelmed. I keep feeling like I have to get absolutely everything done before he comes home, otherwise it somehow proves he was right about me.

And the worst part is that it’s a beautiful day. My babies want their mama and want to play, and instead of taking them outside and enjoying them, I’m stuck stressing about housework and feeling like I’m failing at everything.

Part of me wants to tell him to shove it and leave. Another part of me desperately wants to prove that everything he said about me isn’t true.

I honestly don’t know whether I’m more angry at him, or at myself for letting his words get into my head this badly.

hi, i think i'm getting depressed again. i try not to bother people when im really in the throes of it but its calmed to a low-burning apathy and sadness again and i could use some help talking through my mindset. i really want things to be better and to find things im excited about again.

im always doubtful about real connection online but i also tell myself 'give things a chance, even if it seems dumb, you're not above it and every step is a step'.

i think im a really open minded person, or i try to be. i hear things out to the point i'm too sensitive and struggle to shut them out. i struggle with how society works and how close minded and cold people can be. i struggle to understand what people really think or feel or if they're being honest or if they even know. especially because i didnt come from a family that taught me much about what's healthy or normal. i'm always looking for perspective on how i and other people approach their issues, and irl i feel like a burden with how much i want to know and how much i want deep discussion. i wish i had people actually in my life who i could honestly talk through my issues with a little, im not *that* stupid and if i had a little help i think i could do a lot better in my life.

im not great at reading people but people sometimes think i have high emotional intelligence because i put a lot of thought into it. i'm probably autistic or audhd or something.

i'm lonely and my life isn't going so good. i'm pretty sad right now. i'd like to talk to someone who wants to listen and respond honestly, and who doesn't make me feel worse or grosser about where i am right now. im not going to hold you captive or anything and it's totally fine if you just message me on a whim. i'd just like to talk to someone with no agenda. i usually like to reciprocate interest too and its ok if you want to be private but i just crave honest and kind but real conversation.

i can be annoying with how i talk or ramble. im usually a bit less robotic i just feel drained

don't message me if you hate lgbtq people

i'll be checking this over the next few days, peace

Hey. I’m a girl in my first year of college and I’ve been through a lot of emotional pain because of friends who betrayed or ignored me. I forgave everyone, but I’m still healing.

I don’t have any friends right now, and I’m not desperate — just looking for kind-hearted people who understand what loneliness feels like.

If you’ve ever felt the same, I’d love to talk or just hear your story. 🌼

Long story short I've been trying to find out why I'm too sick to work for about a year and a half now. I was the primary breadwinner, chore-doer, house fixer, etc. Now I'm falling asleep mid action, my guts are so messed up I'm worried I'm gonna John Wayne myself, I have to start eating Ahpla Gal Keto safe foods on a shoestring budget while attempting to feed a family, trying to sell plasma to pay bills and being too sick to, and more. I've been primarily doing all of this because my wife is a medical trainwrwck amd has been for a long time. We are both getting worse. Thankfully she doesn't have to worry about healthcare issues, she has some based on various things.

I've been past the end of my rope for a long time. From having to watch my wife break herself and our vehicle trying to make income, to me not even being able to keep up with chores, losing what time I have with my kids due to exhaustion and gut issues. The main thing pulling me along was my ability to sell plasma to support them and now I struggle with even that. We both have issues serious enough we can't really work a standard job, and she has started disability, but I don't have anything my state cares to give it for, even while talkong to a lawyer.

Advice, resources, kind words, anything would be helpful right now. I cannot use chat well, comments are fine. More people seeing everything might help others with answers.

Thank you all, I hope everyone here is making it. As bad as it is here I know there are thousands to millions of my neighbors in the US alone that have it worse. I just hope we all make it.

Looking for someone who has a compassionate ear and who is also good at giving advice. I have been struggling with dealing with the cards life has dealt me and I'm exhausted and alone. I really need help getting out of a cycle I've been in and am deeply lonely. Would love someone to talk to. Do not reply if you're a creepy guy with any intentions other than to talk and be helpful. Please don't reply if you are flakey, will listen to my story and then ghost. I need someone who will stick with me and not leave me hanging after I've shared what's going on.

This conversation is would be NSFW. It involves drug use, sex, suicide, domestic violence.

I've been very vulnerable ever since last year: my dad died from a sudden cardiac arrest, my dog died two months prior. My brother has been emotionally abusive. Dealing with my mom's grieving, and even though this 2026 is better compared to last year, I was still hoping to make some new friends along the way.

I wanted friends to share my dreams and goals with, but after many heartbreaks with partners that treated me horribly, as well as with strangers that weren't kind to me, my self-esteem took a toll and I started to push people away because I didn't think I as worth anyone's company.

Many of them got angry at me and said very mean things, or didn't understand me and completely misunderstood me. Calling me horrible names.

I could use a shoulder. If anyone is out there.

im 26 and im falling apart and there are too many stressors in life currently that im not able to handle. i need someone i can regularly talk to / vent to about the things im struggling with, who can help me keep a track of what i'm actually doing, because i feel like i'm losing my mind. basically, i feel like i keep contradicting myself and that i'm actually stuck even when it feels like i'm making progress, and i need someone else's perspective on things that doesn't feel too invasive

i am a good listener too (not so much lately ig) but im interested in talking to people and offering mutual support, since im looking for someone i can check in with repeatedly.

please feel free to ask me anything here if you don't feel like reaching out on DM immediately, i'd be happy to share more

TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts

My life is pretty complicated in several ways. I'm dealing with serious problems that make it hard to enjoy my current life, especially the environment I'm in. I try to find some rest, and it turns out that even there, I end up facing the worst.

I'd rather not share the dream itself, but it deeply shook me.

I don't know if you understand or have ever been through this: the kind of dream so awful that you want to cry the moment you wake up, that makes you wonder why your brain is capable of imagining things so horrible, disgusting and terrifying, and that keeps you awake because you're afraid to fall back asleep.

In that moment, I just wanted to die. I was thinking: my life is terrible, my dreams are even worse, just end it already.

I also found life so unfair. I'm full of trauma that shows up in my dreams, and I'm the one who has to deal with it alone while the people responsible walk free. I'm the one who has to endure the nightmares, the therapy, the rebuilding. I'm the one who suffers, who will keep suffering, and who has to fix it all. I'm still young, and I already feel like I've been dealing with this for so long.
When I realized that, I wanted to stop existing.

My dreams are no longer a gentle escape but maybe a prison, and it makes my stomach knot up. It feels like there's no end to this ordeal. Even if I grow up and move to a different environment, I'll still be haunted by my trauma and my dreams will keep going, right? When will it stop?

I'm 18 and I hate myself lol. Please don’t be weird or old

I think it would be nice if someone wished me a happy birthday