r/Life • u/crispynuggets_8 • 23h ago
Need Advice Grown man bullies me at work..
27 F works at a pizzeria. He’s 48 m and what’s weird is he would playfully flirt with me most days, I thought he was a cool older guy but I know he wasn’t serious. All play, however there’s been occasions where he’ll become randomly rude to me.. I’ve moved past it those few occasions because a few moments later he’d be fine like he just wasn’t being weird.. however, a few days ago he name called me and I confronted him when the few other times I never did… I let the anger go in my heart and I no longer talk to him unless it’s work related. I have no hard feelings towards him but it seems like he does.. when I talk to him about an oder he won’t look at me, he’ll have an attitude when I walk by his area and what blows my mind is HE STARTED THIS…. I’m not even mad anymore and he called me a name but he’s mad????? He continues to do passive aggressive things towards me and i ended up wrapping my day up early today but I felt myself becoming angry and I didn’t want to react emotionally.. anyone deal with anything similar and know why this could be happening? I truly don’t think it’s because he genuinely liked me.. it feels like something else idk.. also like to mention I am a manager so there’s really no higher up to go to besides my boss. I talked to my boss about this already and my boss said when your manager things like this happen and you’ll be alone. Managers don’t have “friends”… I agree to some extent but also don’t think I should be bullied and no one’s correcting the behavior…. Looking for advice on how I should handle this so I’m at peace.
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u/_Zephirr Deep Thinker 16h ago
Wow your boss is disgusting. You're literally getting harassed at work. Your reaction was 100% valid ;-;
I don't really know how you could get out of this situation beside taking charges against the old creepy guy if he ever does something more to you
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u/Old_Knee4300 15h ago
i think he is attracted to you and wanted attention, when you didnt appreciate it and confonted him, he's gone in the huff & is too immature to apologise. I work with someone who sounds very similar & has been that way with others, try to let it go over your head and accept he is emotionally a child and he will get over it eventually & maybe offer him an olive branch to help ease the tension
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u/HovercraftNo7126 14h ago edited 14h ago
Lägg noll energi på honom. Försök inte vara honom till lags försök inte ställa något till rätta. Inse att problemet är hans. Du ska fokusera på ditt jobb och det du gör. Och samtidigt söka ett nytt jobb.
Män som beter sig så är inte ditt fel och du ska inte fundera och lägga energi på det utan lägg tillbaka problemet där det hör hemma. Hos honom.
Din chef kommer märka att han beter sig dålig kunderna kommer märka att han beter sig dålig.
Du har rätt att säga ifrån. Och i slutändan förlorar de en bra medarbetare.
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u/BadGuyBusters2020 Growth Mode 14h ago
I’m constantly told that restaurants are like this. I sure hope it’s not true.
You’re being harassed and verbally abused.
That’s why it bothers you so much. Your nervous system is reacting to “danger.”
I’m not sure I understand how your boss is saying you can’t do anything about it, especially if you’re a manager. That’s how a-holes get away with treating people like crap.
Can you be just as mean back to him? Every time he does it?
Can you manage him out? I would look up some strategies on doing this if you can’t take other action.
Sorry this is happening. He sounds like he hates women. He definitely hates himself…apparently for good reason. lol
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u/Fragrant-Half-7854 Work in Progress 12h ago
He’s 48 and working under a 28yo at a pizzeria. You can bet this is not what he wanted for his life, he has issues that have led him here, and he either doesn’t see them or he refuses to address them. Either way, he’s not going to change. Schedule him to work different hours than you or just blow him off.
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u/Ready-Accountant-502 12h ago
Don't react.
These types of people are trying to get a reaction from you.
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u/crispynuggets_8 12h ago
I hear you and I know this. It’s just taking from my peace of mind.
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u/Ready-Accountant-502 12h ago
You'll be better off not acknowledging it.
It honestly will probably lead him to realize you don't care, and he will stop.
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u/Low-Bake8401 16h ago
Is it not up to you as manager to correct the behaviour?
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u/crispynuggets_8 15h ago
I did my part correcting the behavior in the moment. I don’t have the authority to send anyone home.. there’s only so much I am able to do.
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u/ErgoProxy0 14h ago
It’s not a managers job to regulate other behaviors or emotions. However it is their job to impose consequences for bad behaviors and such
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u/crispynuggets_8 12h ago
I ageee, however I don’t have that authority. My job is to make sure orders go out correctly, handle any complaints and make sure things are done and ordered.
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u/CricketNo7666 12h ago
How very unspecific. What bullying? What is “passive aggressive things”? Anyhoo..
If you clutched pearls at light hearted banter, it would be no surprise he isn’t up for any kind of banter on a go forward.
If he was truly offensive, then you should have no issue with there being no banter going forward, as why would you.
Either way, seems the informality is done, and it is all work on a go forward. Probably good in either case.
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u/ez2tock2me 12h ago
HR department has experience with issues like this.
Also, I have a nephew who gets in trouble in his classroom all the time. Over n over. The teacher doesn’t know what to do.
I told my brother how to find out and reluctantly… my brother tried what I suggested.
MY NEPHEW has a crush on this girl in his class, but doesn’t know it and doesn’t know how to approach the girl.
My nephew is 10 or 11 years old.
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u/Ambitious_Nomad1 7h ago
Okay, you lost me at 48m works at a pizzeria…why would you ever take him seriously 🙄
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u/crispynuggets_8 7h ago
I hear you, I don’t judge anyone. You gotta make your money. Nevertheless I don’t take it seriously but it still does at times take away my mental peace
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u/Ambitious_Nomad1 7h ago
Yea, unfortunately that part of it sucks, hope everything gets better for you!
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u/AlphaEmpire2026 Advice Dispenser 16h ago
How to handle a man- child? Yikes! Nobody wants them in their lives!! Cold shoulder him until he shows an inkling of decency, he probably hates that you are his boss.