During the MBA, is it really "mandatory" to always "read the room" and give the "expected" answer? Do you really have to curate yourself that much such that what you say "lands?" Are you not allowed to be authentic?

[u/Material-Remove167]

I've never been a people pleaser or cared too much what others thought about me. Yeah, I go along to get along at work but I don't hesitate to being honest if asked questions about myself.

At work (I do corporate finance), when people pressure me to drink I bluntly say I don't drink. If people ask me what I thought of the latest Taylor Swift songs I honestly say I'm not a fan. My favorite music is late 80s or early 90s DnB or Jungle.

People invited me to watch NFL games and I said I hate watching sports (I'm a guy).

Someone asked me what my favorite TV show is and I said Dekalog, a Polish tv miniseries from the late 1980s based on the 10 commandments. People usually react by saying that's a weird or different choice but I never cared. That's authentically my favorite answer.

My favorite book is The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury, written in 1950. I get weird looks when people ask and that's my answer - but it's my authentic answer. Some asked me about the Bachelor/Bachelorette lately and I told them I don't have interest in Reality TV.

They ask me what I like to do in my free time and I play retro video games, like Nintendo 64 or PS1. I'm Gen Z and these games belonged to my uncle but I prefer them to modern games.

Do I have to lie and pretend my favorite show is something more mainstream instead? Or do I have to force myself to contort into a mainstream universally appealing version of myself.

To be clear, I don't really volunteer this on my own, and I don't impose my tastes on others. But if someone asks me these questions, I prefer to answer honestly than give a socially expected or socially acceptable answer.

I don't really want to do MBB or banking, but I have interest in economic consulting or in house strategy at a tech company. Will suck up doing consulting in the interim post-MBA if I have to.

GMAT scores are high, and I majored in Econ in a T20 undergrad and have worked and gotten promoted at various F500s.

But I don't want to pursue the MBA route if it's a highly conformist culture. I don't mind if others are mainstream or do their own thing - and I get for some this is their natural self. I just don't want that shit imposed onto me either directly or via heavy social pressure.

[u/cloud7100]

You’re nerdy. That’s fine, I’m nerdy too and had no issues during my MBA (a few finance guys were even interested in my 3D printing.)

But be an “and” nerd.

“Did you see the latest bachelorette episode?”

“I don’t watch reality TV.”

Wrong answer, you’ve defined yourself by what you don’t like while putting down people who do like those things.

“Haven’t watched that show yet, is it good?”

Much better answer. You may never watch an episode of the bachelorette, but rather than put someone down for their interests, you can build a connection just by being curious about their interests. It’s being a good conversationalist.

Put another way, if you ask…

“Have you played Ocarina of Time on the N64?”

And I respond.

“Games are a waste of time, I’m too busy.”

You’ll feel bad. So I won’t say that, there’s no reason to make you feel bad about something you really enjoy. So instead I’d say…

“I loved playing that when I was younger, but I don’t have as much time since starting this program. What was your favorite temple?”

I might never touch a N64 controller again for the rest of my life, but we now have a point of connection regardless.

[u/hurtedsoul27 → u/cloud7100]

You should be giving life lessons wtf you doing in this tarded sub?

Thanks for this lesson. I will be more mindful of it now.

[u/cloud7100 → u/hurtedsoul27]

There are some legit amazing people on this sub, but they lurk more than post these days. I'm happy folks have taken something from my post, getting an MBA is, at it core, an act of self-improvement after all. Maybe I should write a book? XD

While some of the above was just learned through experience, two decades of leading teams, teaching students, traveling the world, and meeting people from all walks of life...I would be remiss not to credit the "soft skills" electives I took during my MBA.

It's hard to pin down and quantify, but the squishy classes in the "leadership" category of the course catalogue of top programs are where you can learn the polish that make MBAs excel in life. Some students blow them off because they are light on the homework/exams, but I had the opportunity to study and practice my social skills with some of the top social scientists/executive coaches in their respective fields. One of my professors charges F500 corps a small fortune to teach their C-suite what was included with my tuition, incredible opportunity.

I'm a daddy Millennial, but especially for the Gen Z students who have struggled socially post-pandemic...the MBA can be an excellent opportunity to make up for lost time, socially.

[u/10tacocat10 → u/cloud7100]

I feel like this question gets asked on this sub a lot, and this is a fantastic answer that I had never seen articulated so well. Thanks for your contribution - not that it’s relevant to me (I graduated a few years ago), but I think this would be of tremendous help to people in this boat if they take it to heart

[u/hurtedsoul27 → u/10tacocat10]

I don't think it's just helpful in MBA but in life too.

[u/NTSpike → u/cloud7100]

this is a great explanation.

it's not really authentic vs fake, it's more about what impact your statements are having on other people.

there's a way to be authentic and still facilitate connection and relateability!

[u/cloud7100 → u/NTSpike]

Bingo!

I would also argue that what we call "authenticity" has more to do with self-perception, and self-perception can change.

I considered myself an awkward, shy teen, and trying to socialize was "being fake" to teen me. My friends liked me in spite of myself!

Through experiences and practice, I learned to overcome my shyness and be comfortable presenting/conversing with strangers. So now my "authentic self" aka my self-perception is someone who can bring people together, make friends anywhere, and work a crowd from the stage. Same DNA, same brain, new self-perception!

[u/aheavywithdiabeetus → u/cloud7100]

I grew up talking like the "and" nerd and had no idea why I was alienating people, and tricked myself into thinking that I had to have boring or normal interests in order to get along with people.

Changing how I talk and showing curiosity in others turned it around so quickly once I realized what I was doing. Legitimately a life-changer once you experience it a few times and people all of a sudden show interests in your weird niche hobbies purely because you decided to be friendly about theirs.

[u/hurtedsoul27 → u/aheavywithdiabeetus]

Give examples what you changed. Like how this comment explained with examples.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MBA/s/IsvJUlncO2

[u/GradSchool2021 → u/cloud7100]

People don't understand that you don't have to be a conformist/people pleaser/pretender in order to survive in social settings, you just need to not be a dick. I like the part where you explain that saying a direct "no" could feel like putting other people's interests down. Go the extra mile, show some curiosity toward other people and learn how to say polite "no".

I chuckled at the OP's example where he was invited to NFL games and responded that he hates watching sports. There are a couple of ways to handle this:

• Show curiosity: "I tried to follow the NFL but I got confused by so many of its rules. I don't think it will be fun for you guys to keep explaining the game to me.
You guys go enjoy the game without me. What's the upcoming game by the way? Which team are you rooting for?"

• Busy: "Unfortunately I have some errands to run, I am not yet accustomed to this MBA life. But hey, I'd love to hang out with you guys some other time, how about having a lunch together next week?".

• Counter proposal: "My dad introduced the NFL to me but unfortunately it never sticks. However, I do like playing Counter Strike, is that something you guys enjoy?"

[u/cloud7100 → u/GradSchool2021]

You got it!

I haven't paid for a stadium ticket in years, I'd sooner play a given sport casually (or on PS5) than watch a game played live, but I learned the rules and loosely follow the happenings of the most popular teams in my city. Also the Superbowl (domestically) and World Cup (internationally), if only reading the headlines in the sports section of the paper.

Just being able to casually use sports lingo, even if you quickly pivot the conversation to Counterstrike, goes a long way to make people feel comfortable around you, imo.

[u/OneKind6487 → u/cloud7100]

This reminds me a Ted Lasso quote "Be curious, not judgmental"

[u/gkdlswm5 → u/cloud7100]

This guy socializes

[u/GladMortgage7061 → u/cloud7100]

It’s really bizarre to take “I don’t watch reality TV” personally lol. Like who gives a shit? It’s not for everyone.

[u/cloud7100 → u/GladMortgage7061]

You missed the point: while her question was *about* the bachelorette, it was actually a bid for connection with the OP.

OP shut down that bid, awkwardly preventing connection. If you're already friends or even romantic partners, you can shut down said bids without much consequence, though shut down enough bids and you'll be heading to divorce court, ie "He never listens to me!"

But if the person making the bid is a new classmate, a co-worker, or perhaps a power-player at a professional conference...awkwardly shutting them down will make them avoid you, you'll get no more bids. You're now the awkward guy who thinks he's better than reality TV/sports/reading fiction/whatever the bid was about, and your potential network shrinks.

[u/GladMortgage7061 → u/cloud7100]

No I get that. It just doesn’t make sense on the receiving end to take offense to that. Personally I’d say no worries, I get it, etc., and move on. It’s a two-way street.

[u/cloud7100 → u/GladMortgage7061]

Instead of starting a natural conversation about interests, you're now on the defensive: "no worries" and "I get it" are disarming phrases meant to diffuse an awkward disagreement.

If you *really* want to get to know OP, you would probably persist to penetrate his dismissive demeanor, but if this is a cocktail hour, I'm grabbing another meatball-on-a-stick from the waiter and moving on to a different table.

[u/GladMortgage7061 → u/cloud7100]

I think my issue is that I have no problem that others have different personality styles. Conforming to mine is not a requirement to have a professional conversation and rapport. But that’s just my personal leadership style.

[u/cloud7100 → u/GladMortgage7061]

If you have a professional reason to know OP, say he's been assigned to your team, sure. Dealing with difficult personalities is part of your job description.

But I doubt you actively seek out difficult personalities because you love awkward, exhausting conversations that go nowhere, or build relationships with people whom share no mutual interests.

[u/Apart-Course5014 → u/GladMortgage7061]

You seem a bit too obtuse to be an effective leader

[u/ademola234 → u/GladMortgage7061]

Its a two-way street but you only have control of one end of it. Why not take the approach of doing whatever you can to maximize your outcome as opposed to trying to prove that the other end of the street is in the wrong/over reacting? In this example, it is avoiding a response that could unintentionally trigger a negative response in someone you don’t know. (You can only benefit from this approach)

Thats the easy response.

The much longer/difficult response would be trying to break down social norms, culture, people skills, upbringing, etc, to explain how people interpret/respond to things differently.