During the MBA, is it really "mandatory" to always "read the room" and give the "expected" answer? Do you really have to curate yourself that much such that what you say "lands?" Are you not allowed to be authentic?

[u/Material-Remove167]

I've never been a people pleaser or cared too much what others thought about me. Yeah, I go along to get along at work but I don't hesitate to being honest if asked questions about myself.

At work (I do corporate finance), when people pressure me to drink I bluntly say I don't drink. If people ask me what I thought of the latest Taylor Swift songs I honestly say I'm not a fan. My favorite music is late 80s or early 90s DnB or Jungle.

People invited me to watch NFL games and I said I hate watching sports (I'm a guy).

Someone asked me what my favorite TV show is and I said Dekalog, a Polish tv miniseries from the late 1980s based on the 10 commandments. People usually react by saying that's a weird or different choice but I never cared. That's authentically my favorite answer.

My favorite book is The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury, written in 1950. I get weird looks when people ask and that's my answer - but it's my authentic answer. Some asked me about the Bachelor/Bachelorette lately and I told them I don't have interest in Reality TV.

They ask me what I like to do in my free time and I play retro video games, like Nintendo 64 or PS1. I'm Gen Z and these games belonged to my uncle but I prefer them to modern games.

Do I have to lie and pretend my favorite show is something more mainstream instead? Or do I have to force myself to contort into a mainstream universally appealing version of myself.

To be clear, I don't really volunteer this on my own, and I don't impose my tastes on others. But if someone asks me these questions, I prefer to answer honestly than give a socially expected or socially acceptable answer.

I don't really want to do MBB or banking, but I have interest in economic consulting or in house strategy at a tech company. Will suck up doing consulting in the interim post-MBA if I have to.

GMAT scores are high, and I majored in Econ in a T20 undergrad and have worked and gotten promoted at various F500s.

But I don't want to pursue the MBA route if it's a highly conformist culture. I don't mind if others are mainstream or do their own thing - and I get for some this is their natural self. I just don't want that shit imposed onto me either directly or via heavy social pressure.

[u/cloud7100]

You’re nerdy. That’s fine, I’m nerdy too and had no issues during my MBA (a few finance guys were even interested in my 3D printing.)

But be an “and” nerd.

“Did you see the latest bachelorette episode?”

“I don’t watch reality TV.”

Wrong answer, you’ve defined yourself by what you don’t like while putting down people who do like those things.

“Haven’t watched that show yet, is it good?”

Much better answer. You may never watch an episode of the bachelorette, but rather than put someone down for their interests, you can build a connection just by being curious about their interests. It’s being a good conversationalist.

Put another way, if you ask…

“Have you played Ocarina of Time on the N64?”

And I respond.

“Games are a waste of time, I’m too busy.”

You’ll feel bad. So I won’t say that, there’s no reason to make you feel bad about something you really enjoy. So instead I’d say…

“I loved playing that when I was younger, but I don’t have as much time since starting this program. What was your favorite temple?”

I might never touch a N64 controller again for the rest of my life, but we now have a point of connection regardless.

[u/hurtedsoul27 → u/cloud7100]

You should be giving life lessons wtf you doing in this tarded sub?

Thanks for this lesson. I will be more mindful of it now.

[u/cloud7100 → u/hurtedsoul27]

There are some legit amazing people on this sub, but they lurk more than post these days. I'm happy folks have taken something from my post, getting an MBA is, at it core, an act of self-improvement after all. Maybe I should write a book? XD

While some of the above was just learned through experience, two decades of leading teams, teaching students, traveling the world, and meeting people from all walks of life...I would be remiss not to credit the "soft skills" electives I took during my MBA.

It's hard to pin down and quantify, but the squishy classes in the "leadership" category of the course catalogue of top programs are where you can learn the polish that make MBAs excel in life. Some students blow them off because they are light on the homework/exams, but I had the opportunity to study and practice my social skills with some of the top social scientists/executive coaches in their respective fields. One of my professors charges F500 corps a small fortune to teach their C-suite what was included with my tuition, incredible opportunity.

I'm a daddy Millennial, but especially for the Gen Z students who have struggled socially post-pandemic...the MBA can be an excellent opportunity to make up for lost time, socially.

[u/10tacocat10 → u/cloud7100]

I feel like this question gets asked on this sub a lot, and this is a fantastic answer that I had never seen articulated so well. Thanks for your contribution - not that it’s relevant to me (I graduated a few years ago), but I think this would be of tremendous help to people in this boat if they take it to heart

[u/hurtedsoul27 → u/10tacocat10]

I don't think it's just helpful in MBA but in life too.

[u/NTSpike → u/cloud7100]

this is a great explanation.

it's not really authentic vs fake, it's more about what impact your statements are having on other people.

there's a way to be authentic and still facilitate connection and relateability!

[u/cloud7100 → u/NTSpike]

Bingo!

I would also argue that what we call "authenticity" has more to do with self-perception, and self-perception can change.

I considered myself an awkward, shy teen, and trying to socialize was "being fake" to teen me. My friends liked me in spite of myself!

Through experiences and practice, I learned to overcome my shyness and be comfortable presenting/conversing with strangers. So now my "authentic self" aka my self-perception is someone who can bring people together, make friends anywhere, and work a crowd from the stage. Same DNA, same brain, new self-perception!

[u/aheavywithdiabeetus → u/cloud7100]

I grew up talking like the "and" nerd and had no idea why I was alienating people, and tricked myself into thinking that I had to have boring or normal interests in order to get along with people.

Changing how I talk and showing curiosity in others turned it around so quickly once I realized what I was doing. Legitimately a life-changer once you experience it a few times and people all of a sudden show interests in your weird niche hobbies purely because you decided to be friendly about theirs.

[u/hurtedsoul27 → u/aheavywithdiabeetus]

Give examples what you changed. Like how this comment explained with examples.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MBA/s/IsvJUlncO2

[u/GradSchool2021 → u/cloud7100]

People don't understand that you don't have to be a conformist/people pleaser/pretender in order to survive in social settings, you just need to not be a dick. I like the part where you explain that saying a direct "no" could feel like putting other people's interests down. Go the extra mile, show some curiosity toward other people and learn how to say polite "no".

I chuckled at the OP's example where he was invited to NFL games and responded that he hates watching sports. There are a couple of ways to handle this:

• Show curiosity: "I tried to follow the NFL but I got confused by so many of its rules. I don't think it will be fun for you guys to keep explaining the game to me.
You guys go enjoy the game without me. What's the upcoming game by the way? Which team are you rooting for?"

• Busy: "Unfortunately I have some errands to run, I am not yet accustomed to this MBA life. But hey, I'd love to hang out with you guys some other time, how about having a lunch together next week?".

• Counter proposal: "My dad introduced the NFL to me but unfortunately it never sticks. However, I do like playing Counter Strike, is that something you guys enjoy?"

[u/cloud7100 → u/GradSchool2021]

You got it!

I haven't paid for a stadium ticket in years, I'd sooner play a given sport casually (or on PS5) than watch a game played live, but I learned the rules and loosely follow the happenings of the most popular teams in my city. Also the Superbowl (domestically) and World Cup (internationally), if only reading the headlines in the sports section of the paper.

Just being able to casually use sports lingo, even if you quickly pivot the conversation to Counterstrike, goes a long way to make people feel comfortable around you, imo.

[u/OneKind6487 → u/cloud7100]

This reminds me a Ted Lasso quote "Be curious, not judgmental"

[u/gkdlswm5 → u/cloud7100]

This guy socializes

[u/GladMortgage7061 → u/cloud7100]

It’s really bizarre to take “I don’t watch reality TV” personally lol. Like who gives a shit? It’s not for everyone.

[u/cloud7100 → u/GladMortgage7061]

You missed the point: while her question was *about* the bachelorette, it was actually a bid for connection with the OP.

OP shut down that bid, awkwardly preventing connection. If you're already friends or even romantic partners, you can shut down said bids without much consequence, though shut down enough bids and you'll be heading to divorce court, ie "He never listens to me!"

But if the person making the bid is a new classmate, a co-worker, or perhaps a power-player at a professional conference...awkwardly shutting them down will make them avoid you, you'll get no more bids. You're now the awkward guy who thinks he's better than reality TV/sports/reading fiction/whatever the bid was about, and your potential network shrinks.

[u/GladMortgage7061 → u/cloud7100]

No I get that. It just doesn’t make sense on the receiving end to take offense to that. Personally I’d say no worries, I get it, etc., and move on. It’s a two-way street.

[u/cloud7100 → u/GladMortgage7061]

Instead of starting a natural conversation about interests, you're now on the defensive: "no worries" and "I get it" are disarming phrases meant to diffuse an awkward disagreement.

If you *really* want to get to know OP, you would probably persist to penetrate his dismissive demeanor, but if this is a cocktail hour, I'm grabbing another meatball-on-a-stick from the waiter and moving on to a different table.

[u/GladMortgage7061 → u/cloud7100]

I think my issue is that I have no problem that others have different personality styles. Conforming to mine is not a requirement to have a professional conversation and rapport. But that’s just my personal leadership style.

[u/cloud7100 → u/GladMortgage7061]

If you have a professional reason to know OP, say he's been assigned to your team, sure. Dealing with difficult personalities is part of your job description.

But I doubt you actively seek out difficult personalities because you love awkward, exhausting conversations that go nowhere, or build relationships with people whom share no mutual interests.

[u/ademola234 → u/GladMortgage7061]

Its a two-way street but you only have control of one end of it. Why not take the approach of doing whatever you can to maximize your outcome as opposed to trying to prove that the other end of the street is in the wrong/over reacting? In this example, it is avoiding a response that could unintentionally trigger a negative response in someone you don’t know. (You can only benefit from this approach)

Thats the easy response.

The much longer/difficult response would be trying to break down social norms, culture, people skills, upbringing, etc, to explain how people interpret/respond to things differently.

[u/TBallinsPremPass]

GMAT scores might be high but sounds like your EQ is negative

[u/maboyxD]

Holy that's the original redditor

[u/Secret_Log_2178]

Were you homeschooled?

[u/TheFlyingBoat]

You are allowed to be authentic. You can't be an asshole or a prick if you need something from someone though, and based on your tone, I suspect you are one.

[u/JLandis84 → u/[deleted]]

And I’d prefer to fart on you when you do

[u/Material-Remove167 → u/JLandis84]

Why

[u/d_rek]

Works for F500 companies.

“I don’t want to pursue the MBA route if it’s a highly conformist culture.”

Yeah so which of those F500 DIDNT have a highly conformist culture? I’ll wait.

[u/ObligatoryClown]

Thank you for sharing

[u/Inside_Cupcake_165]

No, they will allow you to graduate despite your favorite tv show being an obscure Polish drama.

But you may want to reconsider getting an mba. It's a cake degree that's a lot of fun. It sounds like you wouldn't have fun doing it though.

[u/Technical-Sector407]

Don’t do this bro. You know you are prickly and an acquired taste. With this environment it’s not for you to drop so much cash on this degree when all your peers will be getting second interviews after you drop Polish 80s sitcom hot takes. Just keep working and think about owning a lawn care business

[u/Strong-Big-2590]

Is there a word for a guy that is pick me?

Honestly you sound insufferable

[u/pickanameidontwantto]

You seem to be.... Overthinking this

[u/Eclipse434343]

Are people bored enough to have ai write a narrative about a provocative person in an mba program that nobody wants to interact with and ask whether they are normal. You don’t need ai to know the answer to whether you can be annoying and whether that’ll punish you in a socially driven masters program with socially skill testing job roles

[u/Available-Program463 → u/Eclipse434343]

OP really wrote a whole origin story for their quirked-up persona and thought we wouldn't notice

[u/Vivid_Ingenuity5457 → u/Available-Program463]

OP isn't even quirky lol

[u/Material-Remove167 → u/Eclipse434343]

Nope not written by AI.

And how is it provactive if I'm just answering questions that others asked of me.

[u/Altruistic-Pack6059 → u/Material-Remove167]

Honest question. Have you been diagnosed or described as neurodivergent?

[u/OregonTrailislife]

Thank for you for your lazy AI generated karma farming post.

[u/maicii]

I mean just don’t be a prick about it. If the group it’s gonna get together to watch the nfl you can go to spend time with them cause hopefully they are you friends and you enjoy your time with them.

If you get ask what you thing of a new album and you haven’t heard it just say that.

Idk, be normal, that’s all

[u/blue_gerbil_212]

Are you partnered?

[u/MBA_Conquerors]

Depends what you prefer. Other than a bait post, it raises an important question.

If you want to avoid the anxiety or making your life dependent on people who you'll have to keep pretending around or if you want to make your life dependent on no one

[u/whatever7666653]

Pick me much

[u/JayQuellin01]

1. Yes, you always have to read the room

2. You don't have to entirely pander to the expected answer. If your answers are different, come up with a way for it to make you sound different in a good way

3. Own your authenticity but don't let it get in your way either. That's the line to walk.

[u/Lopsided-Ad7725 → u/JayQuellin01]

He has read the room, and the room is BORING /s

[u/archon_lucien]

Be yourself, but not to the point people start thinking of you as 'weird'. It's fine to have quirks, it's usually not fun to be eccentric.

To be clear, the loud eccentric ones usually have a good time. People are too timid to give them a hard time. If you're introverted and have weird interests or mannerisms, people will use that as an opportunity to typecast/isolate you.

Just FYI, playing retro games is NOT something remotely weird lol.

[u/F-N-M-N]

Nothing you listed was weird, no one has to be inauthentic. Hard to arm chair diagnosis someone or a situation based on just a few lines of description from someone whose unlikely to be a “reliable narrator”. My guess is you’re an awkward person who’s poor at conversation and describing things. It should be fairly easy to describe what you like with just 3-4 additional words and people would get it and be on board. I hope you find your community; I don’t want to victim shame, but there’s only so much you can expect from others when you’re the one thats 5 deviations away from the norm.

[u/ThatsNotGumbo]

Its not what you say but how you say it. Show a little vulnerability and say why you're interested in retro games over modern games or how you found Dekalog and why you like it. Then show a genuine and authentic interest in their favorite game or tv show or whatever you're talking about. Its always more about being a good conversationalist than not being authentic. What it sounds like is you are giving short and blunt answers without offering an additional thread for someone to string a conversation along with. If I ask you what you think of X and you just say you're not a fan where does that conversation go next? But also yeah sometimes it does make sense to pretend you like something just for the sake of fitting into the culture. I do not give a shit about football but I keep up with it because it is part of the culture.

Also usually hanging out watching the game is more of a social activity than anything. Usually some people really want to actually watch the game but a ton of people are just hanging out and talking and not paying attention at all.

[u/OccasionStrong621]

The perfect way to put it, is to be authentic within constrain. Sometimes a lie is better than the truth, or at least half the truth

[u/bennie_thejet30]

Good luck in corporate America if you really have to ask this question

[u/Delicious_Use_5837]

You just reminded me to rewatch Dekalog. Saying that, I would be so stoked meeting a person like you in financial world.

[u/Nofanta]

It’s acting. Being unique very bad.

[u/ohsballer]

You might begin trying to go into the wrong type of program. Just get an online MBA and call it a day. The social part is the entire reason you go full time

[u/haze_from_deadlock]

If your goal is tech you should have no problem finding people who love your Karl Jobst shit

Make sure you’re hygienic and well-groomed

[u/DJ_Calli]

I don’t think anyone cares lol. It’s just like the ice breakers in your first team meeting at work. Some people will find unusual/non-conformist answers interesting, others will not, and most don’t care.

[u/IntramuralAllStar]

The most liked dude in my cohort is also by far the most nerdy, and does not hide it. But he’s also a likable and nice guy. When asked about the NFL he probably wouldn’t just decline the invite and say he doesn’t like it. He’d probably ask a follow up question to show he’s interested in the conversation

[u/Fine_Payment1127]

Where in life are you ever allowed to be authentic. You can’t even be authentic with your own family.

[u/VladRom89]

You can do whatever you want, just understand that your actions and words have consequences. We all make our own choices and draw the line somewhere. I also don't like to watch sports, but I can tell you first hand that it does impact certain relationships. How much that is of importance is a question you need to ask yourself...

At the end of the day, you're competing against yourself... So choose what matters to you...

[u/hurtedsoul27 → u/VladRom89]

Which relationship does it impacts?

[u/LowBetaBeaver → u/hurtedsoul27]

It makes it difficult to connect with people who are really into sports

[u/Vivid_Ingenuity5457]

Do you think you're quirky? You seem very normal but desperately want to be different. You're not.

[u/SculptinginTarkovsky]

The fact that you feel the need to explain some basic ass criterion 101 thing like Dekalog that every second year nyu film student has watched and qualify or give it context makes me feel like you think it’s something unique that most people don’t know. You obviously aren’t cultured enough to be in circles where this isn’t anything special.

[u/TableauNoob9669]

You can be authentic. Nothing wrong with that. Consequences of that authenticity however are not in your control. You can tell people you don’t listen to Taylor swift ( I don’t as well), it’s the how you say it that matters. We are supposed to be beings with higher order thinking and essentially 2 distinct human beings should not think the same way. There should however be empathy and understanding that exists. If you can’t show that then you need to learn to live with those consequences

[u/blue_gerbil_212]

So when the boys all bust out into “Sweet Caroline” on the beach the last night of the Martha’s Vineyard retreat are you just… not gonna participate?

[u/cloud7100 → u/blue_gerbil_212]

Ba ba ba!