r/Mommit • u/throwaway76881224 • 8h ago
Update:Child mixed up word resulting in police investigation
Sort of an update but we have a meeting Monday and the story of being woke up by sister yelling "Wakey, wakey!" While jumping on the bed and then making noises in 6 year old face is at least part of it because the child advocate asked me not to talk to 6 year old about it because it could bring up trauma. My hopes are I can write down everything the kids have said and done in regards to what's happening at dad's and the advocate and police will not only be interviewing about siblings bickering. The older child is 15. She has never once injured the 6 year old. However paternal grandma decided due to their age gap the bickering isn't normal so started telling 6 year old all sorts of weird stuff. Now for instance after 6 year old hits 15 year old for no reason and out of the blue when I ask 6 year old why she tells me she just has to defend herself against getting hurt by her sister. So there you have it. I have a kid getting negative remarks from school nearly every day dad has her, two little girls asking not to go to dads, 48 hours of meltdown after getting home from dad's and dad having his third arrest for DUI in the last few years and now this. My only hope is she is totally honest with the team interviewing her and they take my heads up about grandma putting words in her mouth. They have dealt with before Im sure. Any advice at all I would appreciate.
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u/DaisyLady17 6h ago
OP, I don’t mean to put words in others’ mouths (sorry friends!), but I think many of us think you are confusing correlation with causation here.
To be blunt: your daughter’s comments about her sister invading her privacy are not the underlying reason for this investigation.
Your daughter is wetting herself and had blood in her underwear. That is highly concerning.
Your daughters are afraid to go to their father’s home. Also highly concerning.
Is it verbal abuse? Sexual? I have no fucking idea. But let trained professionals get to the bottom of why your children literally cry when they think about going to their dad’s house.
Let these people help you keep your kids safe!!
Stop making assumptions about the situation and the process.
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u/throwaway76881224 6h ago
I agree with you, all of that is very concerning which is why we ended up in the ER. I'm glad they are interviewing because I don't know what the issue is and I can't get anything out of them other than dad's yelling is scary so having trained professionals ask is really the only option left. I suppose her saying that about her sister is a good thing if it got professionals to look at the situation and that will be cleared up quickly enough. Like if she goes in there saying the stuff grandma taught her about protecting herself from getting hurt will they be able to see what's going on there? That's the only thing that worries me about all of that. 15 year old has never injured 6 year old
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u/DaisyLady17 6h ago
Again, I don’t think your daughter saying her sister invaded her privacy led to an investigation.
I think it’s everything else - the fact that your daughter is wetting herself, had blood in her underwear, is afraid to go to her dad’s house, has dark circles under her eyes, etc.
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u/throwaway76881224 5h ago
Oh definitely a combination of factors lead to the investigation if it was everything minus the comment about her sister Id only feel relief that they are looking into it. I have GAD and my mind typically goes a million miles a minute. Everything with the kids has it to the point I cant sleep or eat so Im a bit of a mess. I went the entire week with like 12 hours of sleep combined
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u/Honeyhoneybee29 4h ago
Maybe your anxiety comes from the illegal, synthetic opioid you’re buying from strangers online.
You need to get help for your addiction and let the investigators do their jobs. If your older daughter is bullying your younger daughter, that is an issue too. It’s also your job as a parent to ensure they are respectful toward each other.
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u/throwaway76881224 4h ago
Ive had anxiety for a long time and I never purchased anything illegal? I'm in treatment. I haven't take an illegal drug in these children's life
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u/Honeyhoneybee29 3h ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/SR17018/s/tQhSKAYu31
You’re asking for help measuring powder SR17018 that you purchased from a vendor less than a year ago. SR17018 is a synthetic opioid and is a Schedule I controlled substance in the US, where you live. It is not approved by the FDA, is not approved for human use, and is illegal.
You also asked about going into recovery 12 days ago.
Either you think everyone here is stupid, or you’re fooling yourself.
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u/throwaway76881224 3h ago
And I think Im going to join Smart Recovery because previously I did treatment involving NA, I went to online meetings the day my youngest two were born actually, but there were certain aspects I didnt love. Smart Recovery sounds solid. I've accepted I'm better off staying in recovery permanently. Im in treatment with a doctor, therapist and group therapy again.
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u/Honeyhoneybee29 2h ago
I’m genuinely glad you’re choosing recovery. Again, please let the investigators do what they need to do. They need to get to the bottom of this issue.
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u/throwaway76881224 36m ago
Thank you, I thought because I had so many years I was recovered. I would not have taken the energy pills had I known something bought along side a soda could be like that. I had no idea what it was. I'm going to stay in treatment. I'm happy all of that stuff is becoming illegal this year.
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u/throwaway76881224 3h ago
When I posted sr17 was legal. There is no euphoria with sr17 use and its used for stopping 7oh
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u/throwaway76881224 3h ago
Its not scheduled yet. It along with 7oh both will be but was not at that time
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u/throwaway76881224 3h ago
I had many years clean when I picked up some pills that said Energy in big green letters and they actually worked. I took them for awhile and then when I went to quit got sick. The Energy pill had a low amount of 7oh which is still legal mind you but should be illegal. In low doses 7oh just basically gives you a bit of energy. It's horribly addictive though. I would never touch something illegal. At the time I had 90% physical custody of the kids and two jobs so finding a week to go through excruciating withdrawal was not possible for a little bit but I found help. I dont break laws. I raise my kids to follow the rules and laws, they are there for a reason. I would speak out to help make 7oh illegal if needed. I didnt imagine something bought OTC would be that horrible. Mind you I took a low dose, many people get to around 1000-2000mg and I was taking 100mg so it wasnt like I was intoxicated, it was just enough to not start puking
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u/throwaway76881224 6h ago
Her reason for doing something mean to the 15 year old is because thats how she protects herself. Really they just bicker. Sometimes i have to send them to their rooms
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u/x0Rubiex0 7h ago
Ok, I am not understanding why the fact that she “mixed up her words” and “grandma is putting things in her mind” matters more to you than the fact that these girls’ dad is obviously not a good person to them. Why are you not concerned about them going to their dads? You are so much more focused on nurses mixing up a 6 year old’s words and her grandma telling her to defend herself than the fact that these girls’ dad is possibly abusing them. Why are you protecting him? What in the actual world. Protect your DAUGHTERS. You seem to me more angry at nurses, grandmother, and 6 year old than you are at their dad… the man who could quite literally be sexually abusing your kids.
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u/throwaway76881224 7h ago
I dont want them going to their dad's! Something is so wrong. My 3 year old comes home with dark circles under her eyes. They both have asked not to go. My 6 year old said her sister got in her privacy instead of in her space and wasnt asked follow up questions or properly interviewed at the time. Grandma has coached 6 year old to talk about protecting herself from her oldest sister (different fathers) when the 6 year old starts half the bickering, meanwhile I always come down on 15 year old because she should be more mature than to stick her tongue out to start something. But that crap is normal! What's not normal is the kids struggling so much with their time with their father
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u/Honeyhoneybee29 7h ago
You’re fucking dense.
You have no idea what your daughter said in that interview or if she was asked follow up questions because you admit you weren’t in the room at the time.
Your 3- and 6-year old children are coming back from their dad’s with signs of sexual and physical abuse, including black eyes and blood in underwear, and you’re sitting on Reddit complaining about their grandma and a nurse.
Fucking stand up for your children instead of pointing fingers at people trying to get to the bottom of this.
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u/throwaway76881224 6h ago
I thought about not letting them go with him. I really did, if Im being honest the only reason I did not leave work at 2pm and go pick them up was 1. Id lose my job and then we'd be homeless and he would get custody and 2. Totally keeping him away would go against me in court and not help the situation. It kills me to make them go. The 6 year old doesn't cry shes just asked if they have to go and I think has accepted it now. The 3 year old cries at the mention of going
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u/Specific-Turnip-1718 1h ago
You “thought about it” yeah, and my mom “thought about” leaving my abusive asshole dad, and guess what, she didn’t until I was in my 30s and no-contact with both of those idiots who were terrible, selfish, narcissists. Guess who absorbed all of his abuse, not her!!! If you can’t keep your children safe, they should be placed with someone who can. JFC.
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u/throwaway76881224 46m ago
I left him, I'm not your mom I didnt want my children to see the way he treated me and think that was acceptable. I read just because he abused me didnt mean he would them and I clung to that. I was thinking tonight it would have been better not to though because of whats happening. He knows shes being interviewed Monday he's not going to be mean this weekend. He never did anything abusive until after I was pregnant. I cant legally keep him away. And if all that's needed for him to be a good dad is getting treatment for alcoholism and anger management I wouldnt want to. I hate his fucking guts to be blunt. I hate what he did to me. I hate he is using the children as a shield against jail time for his 3rd arrest but parents are important. A parent should only be removed if they have done something really bad because of the trauma it causes. I know hes not physically harming them I check their bodies when they come home. I worry about sexual abuse because I was abused and never told anyone. 100 detectives and child advocates couldn't have got me to talk. I do not believe their father would sexually abuse them. I do believe he would pass out drunk with one of these men my babies call uncle which are not their actual uncle (who I also know would not hurt them) are around and their grandparents out of town though.
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u/throwaway76881224 6h ago
I don't believe they have been sexually abused. I told the doctor I was 99.9% sure but because I dont know who he has around I can't say 100% I took her to the ER to be cautious. They found no signs of sexual abuse there, they did find what I thought it was all along uti and constipation.
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u/starcrossed92 6h ago
You’re sick ! Something is wrong with you . If you’re not 100% sure then you make damn sure wtf is wrong with you !?
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u/throwaway76881224 6h ago
The police officer said there was no interview at the hospital. I am 100% positive she answered them exactly how she answered me. From my understanding now the nurses aren't supposed to ask follow up, they let the police and child advocate due to making kids relive trauma
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u/throwaway76881224 3h ago
I made 2 cps reports, took her to the doctor, reached out to attorneys, applied for legal aid, took her to the hospital. There is nothing the police can do unless she tells them something Monday. I've gently broached how time with dad is 1000 times while never speaking ill of him. When she started having issues in school I tried to get help but was told without an attorney its unlikely things would go my way so then I applied for legal aid and then over the 10 days I've contacted CPS, I took her to the doctors, took her to the ER where they found no evidence of abuse. I dont have a foot to stand on to keep her from her father. There is no evidence that he abused her other than 100 red flags that can be caused by uti, constipation, a dad with a bad temper and stress of sudden custody change.
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u/starcrossed92 3h ago
No she shouldn’t even be dropped off there though . Have you spoken to your daughter privately and asked
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u/throwaway76881224 2h ago
I've asked the kids so many times, open none leading questions but none of their complaints are worthy of a custody modification even. Dad yells doesnt sound bad unless you have seen how he gets when drunk
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u/Sure_Cancel_3427 6h ago
I am so confused
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u/starcrossed92 5h ago
I’m starting to wonder if this is a troll post at this point bc mom seems mentally slow with her responses and insane
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u/DogsDucks 3h ago
Ok, I’ve read all OP’s comments now, because it is confusing and she jumps around topics and timelines, backtracks and buries the lede a lot.
Generally, I can form a very cohesive narrative (career writer).
However, I have CPTSD, and when asked to summarize why and how, I start to popcorn little snippets of information similarly to how OP is responding.
We know that she has been abused severely, based on inferences about the dad, and that she has the debilitating insomnia right now as well as GAD.
I don’t think she’s trying to be obtuse on purpose. I think she is cycling in and out of trauma responses as she’s trying to piece together a path forward.
Cognitive function declines so significantly from lack of sleep, coupled with everything else.
And looming over it all, she doesn’t have a safety net. It seems like she will lose her house is she can’t show up at work. She also mentioned that her ex used threats and manipulation to get out of child support. And it worked. This is a battered woman.
The way that she is weaving in the advice from grandma at seemingly random times, or something her ex said a long time ago?
That sounds exactly like how I’ve sounded when I’m trying to sort out what happened. It makes sense in my head as I’m trying to filter and prune the minutia surrounding the event, in an attempt to form a more concise map to inform the future.
But I am not saying all this to disagree with you or absolve OP of accountability. I think you’re also giving hard-hitting, but spot on advice.
You’re saying what needs to be said, and I am trying to build on that and hopefully add some context to help clarify why she’s all over the place.
As I mentioned in another comment, this thread is an impactful discussion that I think will help more people than just OP.
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u/starcrossed92 3h ago
Ya I guess it’s just scary to me that someone can see signs and have thought that it might be a possibility and still send them there . I legitimately think that’s insane . I would protect my children no matter what , if I had even a tiny shadow of doubt they weren’t safe they would not be there . She should have opened an investigation herself immediately once she had even a sliver of suspicion of any harm on those children
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u/DogsDucks 2h ago
Ideally she would’ve created a paper trail a long time ago, I will send her the link for the FU binder, that might help.
This is so sad, because of course we want to do whatever we can to protect them, but refusing court orders is a huge deal. She can get lifelong legal ramifications, including less custody.
It seems counterintuitive, but women who cite abuse in custody battles statistically get less custody than those who say nothing and act amicable. It’s sickening and I think every mom should read the report (I don’t think this is the original article I read, but I think it has some of the same data)
https://zawn.substack.com/p/family-courts-and-child-custody-are-3a9
This topic has come up on r/domesticviolence and r/legaladvice
If she stops them from going, she’s in contempt, he can cite parent alienation.
If she flees with them, that’s a felony that would lose them forever, not to mention the trauma of uprooting life with a new identity and living on the run without resources.
The legal system is very flawed in this regard. Her best bet is hopefully to have a good lawyer and find a judge who personally hates drunk drivers and shitty dads.
It’s heartbreaking. This is such a broken system.
I am a very law abiding citizen, not even a speeding ticket, been called a goody two shoes and a nun. . .
But I don’t know what I would do if the immediate right thing to do would cause me more legal trouble that would hurt my children even more?
I think I might check out some history books about the Borgia family.
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u/throwaway76881224 17m ago
Thank you, some people don't get that you just cant say no to the other parent taking the kids. No matter how much it worries you, no matter how sick you feel they have a right unless proven unfit. The entirety of replies made yesterday I was sobbing because my youngest reaction when she realized where she was going, well not just her reaction but everything. I KNOW something isnt right and I'm BEGGING authorities to overlook my past and look at a family with means which is not going very well. I will be lucky to have legal aid help me. I will be lucky if the team that talks to her has people on it 100% wants to protect kids (I think my odds are good there)
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u/throwaway76881224 2h ago
Can you tell me how to keep them with me without being in contempt of court? From my understanding parental alienation is a no-go with zero evidence dad is the abuser, I know he's verbally abusive but that doesn't do a lot of good standing in front of a judge. So would you just go on the lamb with your kids? Im very open to any advice
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u/DogsDucks 2h ago
OP, here is the link to the FU binder, this will help you create an organized blueprint of his abuse.
I think it will also help you organize your thoughts.
https://www.reddit.com/u/ForwardPlenty/s/SLFxU2tPtf
Because I’m going to level with you. As I mentioned in other comments, I believe you are struggling so much right now that you’re having a hard time communicating in a cohesive way.
I understand. In the wake of trauma, I have been all over the place, mind racing, wanting to do what is best and seek justice, but instead getting stuck in mental quicksand, vacillating about what to do and what to think.
To prepare for the next steps, I think you need an outline, written down.
At the top of the page, write your goal. Plain and simple: my children are being abused and I am trying to figure out how badly, so I can protect them.
Then start with the history with the ex. The FU binder layout, and write everything you can remember, when you started seeing evidence and patterns.
You need that structure, that blueprint to work from, because unfortunately your trauma and lack of sleep is causing the wheels to spin in all directions, and we don’t want that.
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u/throwaway76881224 2h ago
I called CPS as soon as I had a reason. The police at that point would not have gotten involved (I checked)
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u/viperemu 6h ago
You are living in denial and you’ve entirely missed what’s actually going on here. You’ve drip dropped details in these posts, but truly every additional detail you raise is another blazing red alarm bell. Your daughters come back to you with dark circles under their eyes? These little kids call their grandpa “slimy” and “gross”? Stop telling your little girls how to answer the investigators’ questions (yes, even “you are an honest girl” can influence her answers). File an emergency custody request, contact DCFS if you have to. These girls are crying out for protection here.
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u/throwaway76881224 6h ago edited 6h ago
I didnt know that could influence so I won't be saying that. For time reference all of this has slowly unraveled recently 90% this week. What would you do other than what I did and Im in the process of doing? I honestly don't know what else to do?
The issues at school has been from the start. The comment about their grandfather 6 year old said a few months back and it sounded like it was just because he sweats but then 3 year old said he was yuck and gross this week
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u/viperemu 6h ago
Stop sending your children to be with him. Get legal advice if you’re concerned that that is custodial interference (there will be a pro bono legal aid clinic in your area able to give advice on that point). Stop talking or focusing on the bickering between siblings being at all a focus of this investigation. Ask to speak with your case worker at DCFS and follow exactly what they tell you to do.
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u/Here_4_cute_dog_pics 5h ago
I don't understand. You seem upset that DCFS is investigating but you also want them to investigate there dad and terminate custody.
There are some serious red flags beyond just siblings not getting along. I feel like you are trying to control the investigation just as much, if not more than grandma.
I think instead of trying to tell your children what they should and shouldn't be talking about just telk them that it is a safe place and that they need to tell the truth.
In the meantime you need to be getting your butt in court for an emergency custody hearing to get full custody. I feel like you have been too passive about all the red flags surrounding dad's visitation and should have been working towards full custody for a while now.
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u/throwaway76881224 2h ago
Im not upset they are investigating. I was flustered part of it was siblings bickering but that'll be cleared up. That's why I contacted so many people and followed all the avenues I knew of. I want their dad to not yell at them the way he does and not get drunk in their presence unless other abuse has happened which I'm unaware of.
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u/itsonlyfear 7h ago
Please for the love of god get them TF away from their dad.
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u/throwaway76881224 6h ago
Im going Monday after the interview to put in for a custody modification. Im also putting a restraining order back on him. He can't just continuously cuss me in front of the kids. I thought if I dropped child support he'd stop, its eased up but I shouldn't have to deal with it at all and they shouldn't see it
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u/starcrossed92 6h ago
Omg you’re talking about cussing you out instead of talking about ten fact your children might be getting abused ?!
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u/peachie88 38m ago
OP, I’ve read through all the comments. I think you have a lot of cognitive dissonance going on right now and a lot of trauma resoonsss coming out. The idea that your child is being abused is so scary and it is triggering your trauma responses, so you’re hyper focusing on your daughter’s mistaken word choice to avoid having to deal with the fact that your kids may be being abused. This may even be happening subconsciously so you aren’t aware.
You need to pull out of this cycle. Deep down, you know as well as we all do, that none of this is happening because your daughter said privacy instead of space. Pediatric nurses and doctors are not dumb. They’ve worked with kids before. They know kids mess up words (privacy and space for example) and can use their professional judgment before referring to CPS.
Right now you need to take some deep breaths. If you have any grounding exercises, now is the time to use them. After that, go get a pen and paper and write out your thoughts, concerns, and questions. Go to sleep. And tomorrow, after you’ve slept, go back and review it. Pull out the questions and things you want to tell CPS/the interviewer and write them on a separate piece of paper.
Stop discussing talking to your kids about it, even things you think are harmless. The less you say, the better. On Monday, bring your kids in and bring your paper. While they interview your daughter (or whenever you can), go over your list with the social worker or prosecutor (whoever is there). Ask what they’re investigating, what you can do to keep the kids safe, any steps they recommend.
You also separately need to file in family court for emergency placement. CPS and even police charges do not overrule a parenting agreement. If CPS substantiates the abuse allegations, they will look next to make sure you’re protecting your kids. Filing for emergency placement is step 1.
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u/throwaway76881224 6h ago
I dont think dad has touched them sexually. I do find it very strange they both refer to grandpa as gross and slimy. I always thought he was nice.
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u/viperemu 6h ago
Two little girls would not call a “nice” grandpa gross and slimy. Please, set aside your own pie-in-the-sky beliefs about what’s going on here and hear the words that your children are using to describe their reality with their dad and grandpa.
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u/throwaway76881224 6h ago
My 3 year old cried as soon as she knew she had to go back with him. I remembered towards the end to get some video. I cheered her up before I dropped her off but I've been sick with worry.
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u/kesi 4h ago
Did you seriously put them back in that situation?
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u/throwaway76881224 3h ago
I cant withhold the kids from there father, legally or stop him from going to the school and picking them up. I know he's well aware she will be talking to the team Monday so I believe that will buy them the weekend without him being mean, which is what I think is the issue
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u/Honeyhoneybee29 7h ago
I read your original post and the responses there (plus the post you initially wanted to post that kept getting auto-deleted) and I’m flabbergasted as to what your concern is with an investigation.
You continue to insist the issue is your younger daughter saying that your older daughter got in her privacy. The point of having a meeting where they ask more questions is precisely to get to the bottom of what has happened. It’s possible their dad is sexually abusing one or both of your daughters. You admit their dad is verbally abusive.
Once they begin their questioning, if your older daughter has not been abusing your younger daughter, they will find that out. You need to stop saying that this is a pointless investigation, you said yourself there were red flags.
You also have no idea what your younger daughter said to the nurse. You weren’t in the room. You asked your daughter after and she made the “privacy” comment, that doesn’t mean she used those words verbatim with the nurse.
Stop interfering and let them do the investigation. You admit their dad is abusive. The investigation needs to happen. The more you interfere or ask your daughter questions about what she told the mandated reporters, the more you start to look suspicious.