My players are on a quest to the dreamlands (campaign is Strange Aeons) and I need some nonsensical quotes for a certain bedazzled, yellow-garbed NPC (IYKYK) to spout at them. Bonus points for anything with words over 4 syllables or ideas for 4th wall breaks.

So I'm running a Year of Rogue Dragons Campaign based off the trilogy, but due to the party's characters, we're starting in Neverwinter instead of Moonsea as in canon, which is a much larger distance. I want to give them options to get there in a reasonable time frame. The party:

Drizzt. Just literally Drizzt Do'Urden
A Hexblade Warlock with Zarifax from Neverwinter as the hilt of his sword and patron.

A Kenku monster hunter who's actually a Thay experimental undead who was freed and resurrected by the Emerald Grove.

A tiefling street rat Draconic Sorcerer

A Chaotic Good Vengeance Paladin

Kara from the original Year of Rogue Dragons as the party patron and quest giver.

So far I've got the obvious 'Drizzt leads them through the Underdark' as a fast travel option and 'Paladin convinces Lord Nasher Alagondar to arrange travel' as options.

Nasher is made a bit more problematic because the Cult of the Dragon incite the plot by using Aggravate Dracorage on a Young Brass Dragon in the middle of the city, but depending on the party's choices, they might've stopped that.

But are there any other feasible fast travel options with this party line up?

To give context, I'm currently playing as a bard in a campaign, and I have learned to love the Suggestion spell, while my DM has come to fear it. I have never played a bard so I wasn't sure about it, but this spell has helped the party out multiple times in combat by locking down the biggest threat on the field. I usually use it to get the threat to leave ("Return to base to await further orders" or "Go home to nap", etc.) and this has been remarkably effective.

It also has the fun tidbit of making my bard become a priority target for minions, lieutenants, and any return bosses who we don't kill in the first encounter. There's a bit of a meme with my character basically surviving combats (like with 1-3 hp left) because he keeps running away and barely making concentration checks (or at least being able to keep the spell up a few rounds so that when it does break, it takes the same amount of rounds for the enemy to return to the battlefield.

More than once, others in the game have made the joke about how my bard "Can't keep getting away with it" and it made me wonder if who else had fun/amusing stories about a recurring spell/feat/action to mess with encounters, social, battle or otherwise.

I'll go first, for my party they had to go through a dungeon designed by the god of entertainment. They are solely challenged by their wits, so no combat. In one room there was a humanoid statue that was facing a miniature stage. The statue was looking sad and the doorway to the next room was barred shut. The clue was written in a cipher code, and to put it simply; the party had to make the statue laugh.

We play DnD through Discord, so when they decoded the cipher I turned on my webcam and went dead face. I made the players go through a 'Try not to laugh' challenge with the DM, and I told them that they could use anything: including jokes, meme images, or funny videos. What made me laugh? A dumb dad joke around the periodic letter for gold: "Ay U, I found some gold!"

I'm planning on running a low level prison brake (either 2nd or 3rd level), that takes place in the Eberron setting, in the city of sharn, in a small jail/ guardhouse thats meant for holding prisoners for later transfer to a proper prison. the player characters will be sent to the jail a few in-game weeks after the "Forgotten relics" premade adventure, and my current ideas are (1-2 person cells, and bracelets that prevent casting an spells that damage, buff/debuff, teleport, transmute objects or create objects or illusions.)

if anyone can help with ideas for how to improve this I would be grateful. homebrew magic item are always in the spirit of the Eberron setting.

I'm using the books Eberron; rising from the Last war and Exploring Eberron, by Keith baker.

the map below is the jail I made in Talespire, the area on the right is the cells, the area in the middle is where the closest guards are station whos watch over and guard the prisoners', above is a kitchen/dining area, and below is a restroom, left is the entrance and guard sleeping quarters.

I am bored, and i want to know what NPCs have you cooked for your campaigns, or what NPC you have concept of. I am not native english speaker so please excuse my potential mistakes.

I will start.

T´Shar-Leen

Artificer, owner of store called Scarlet Shenanigans - Toys and magical items for everyday needs.

Species - Succubus

Despite her origin, she is very wholesome character. Very shy, but very friendly. Most people are afraid of visiting her shop because of her infernal herritage, but those who do visit her, visits her regularly. Children likes to play in front of her shop, and likes to visit her to look at what new toys she created or enchanted, or to taste what she baked today.

Those children brings her joy, but also puts her in bad financial situation due to her soft heart. It is because when kid pull out the few coins that they have, and ask if it is enough for the toy they want, she dont have the heart to say no, so she gives them the enchanted toy for few coppers or silver.

City Guards are not sure if they can trust her, but she obtained all paperwork legally, her permits are in order and she is not violating any laws, so they just let her be.

Her neighbor, that lives in a building in front of her shop, is old lady that bought a magical watering can. To her surprise, her strawberries that she grows started growing much faster (she harvests few baskets everyday), and the strawberries themselves works as "Goodberies". She is selling them at the marketplace every morning, and on her way there, she always leaves a bowl of them at T´Shar-Leens shop.

She is based on artificer/sorcerer. She knows high level magic, can see the weave of it, and modify any spell in a ways she needs.
-For example, her shop is highly modified "Magnificent mansion". It is just a doorframe with a door, that just leans against a wall in the street, that works as a portal to the shop. (because she cannot afford rent for a whole building, so she just pay rent for one wall).
-She also have a modified Simulacrum (which is basically a living creature/clone, not construct), that she considers as a sister (She calls herselfs Sim-leen, people call her Simone). She works in her shop, doing delivery service. Since she is interacting with a people more then T´Shar-Leen, she build more confidence and social skills. She is dating blacksmiths son.

I recently threw my players a twist with an NPC employer/ally having manipulated them and others with a spell. I have also had a good time in the past inventing as a player, or helping a player invent as a DM, spells and abilities in-world. What are yours?

The one I used:

Cecilie's Greater Gaslighting. Enchantment. Component: a lump of coal (The original source of gaslight). You assert a fact and it's supporting details. On a failed wisdom save, the target believes the new memory or an idea alongside its own (It does not replace a memory like modified memory does, nor is it bound to a particular period of time). Saves and checks can be made if confronted with a contradiction, but The only way to get rid of the false memory or belief is greater restoration or a wish.

An older one:

Nevergray's Severance. Abjuration. Concentration. Component: a spell focus that is consumed. If a save each turn using the target's spellcasting modifier is failed, The target is unable to expend spell slots or use magic items for the duration. At 9th level, it is permanent if Concentration is held for a full hour.

When we play TTRPGS we say a lot of things. Some badass, some hilarious some twisted. But what about the times when your character says something that... didn't quite land right?

I wish I had one of these myself or one I could remember as an example. But if you've got any I'd love to hear.