tw: mentions of suicide
It’s been around a month since I saw mcr in San Antonio and I’ve been having trouble putting my feelings into words. I went after my best friend surprised me with tickets for my birthday (shoutout to them I love them so fucking much). This year, especially this last September, has been really transformative for me. A lot of change, a lot of healing...
Around this time last year I was in a really bad place mentally; and I used to joke “I can’t kill myself until I see mcr live”. I’m a lot better now and kind of forgot that I used to say that.
The show was already emotional for me as my chem has been my favorite band since I was 13 and I’ve always wanted to see their concert. But around when they played my favorite song, famous last words, I found myself remembering that little joke I used to make…
And that was when it clicked in my head that I don’t feel that way anymore.
I know it sounds weird that that was when I processed it, but it was. It was a strange moment where everything in my head went quiet, and I really realized that I was *here*, I was *alive*, and I’ll still be here tomorrow.
So yeah I cried like a fucking baby when I got home. I’ve been sitting on making this post for a while now, and tbh this probably isn’t the best way I could word my feelings, but this is all I have for now.
My appreciation for mcr runs so deep in my veins. They’ve been such an artistic and life inspiration for me for so long and this concert was absolutely life changing.
I’m finally not afraid to keep on living.