r/Perimenopause • u/Academic-Balance6999 • 1d ago
Libido/Sex I miss my libido
50F, two years into perimenopause, and my libido is DEAD. I’ve been married for decades and yes my husband and I have sex, but I miss actually wanting to have sex. I miss feeling like sex is an important part of my life and my relationship vs something I could take or leave.
There’s all this literature aimed at middle aged women about “reactive desire” and how you can still enjoy sex if you put on a cute outfit and burn a scented candle and make it romantic!!!! Fuck that. I miss actually experiencing lust, being excited to lick and taste and breathe in the other person. It’s just gone and it’s almost like it was never there, like I only imagined it.
I miss being attracted to strangers on the street, even if I would never act on it. Losing that sense of attraction feels like losing the ability to see in color. I miss the sense of having something a little bit uncontrollable and untamed within me. It feels BORING and I can’t believe I have to live the next four decades this way. It makes me really sad.
69
68
u/GuidedDivine 1d ago
Mine left me at the ripe age of 35. I'm about to be 39 now :/
45
20
u/Crafty-Art-3362 1d ago
Mine started dying around then too. I went through a life time of hellish pms (pmdd), adhd and other mental health shit and now early peri. It never ends. Praying getting hrt level and finding someone to prescribe t will help. I miss having desire. I feel so dead inside 😪
11
u/heartsbeenborrowed 1d ago
same - pmdd and audhd and depression and anxiety and now early peri :( I have felt dead inside for so long.
20
u/OtherwiseArmadillo96 1d ago
35 for me, too. 10 years later now, insurance wouldn’t pay for testosterone, so I tried DHEA. I wish I’d tried it 10 years ago because it’s working!
8
u/twopillowsforme Late peri maybe? 1d ago
Tell me more!! What are you taking?
7
u/OtherwiseArmadillo96 1d ago
Pure Encapsulations 25 mg twice a day. I’m on my second month and so far, no bad side effects. I also recently found the notes I took from a follow-up phone call I had with the functional medicine doctor I was seeing when I felt like crap all the time and my primary had nothing for me. I did a DUTCH test (queue the moderator bot) and my cortisol was through the roof and DHEA was low. We dealt with the cortisol first and I stopped seeing her shortly thereafter due to money, so I forgot all about the DHEA until I found those notes after I’d already started taking it.
6
u/iambetweentwoworlds 1d ago
That Dutch hormone test is incredible for an overall look at things. For anyone reading this it’s a month look at what’s happening in your body.
1
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
4
u/AnnOminous1981 1d ago
How much do you take? Is it in capsule form or the quick dissolve? I’m on 5mg quick dissolve and I’m not sure if it’s just bs or just too low a dose. I really don’t want to go on T and was hoping this was going to be a miracle.
4
u/Ihatealltakennames 1d ago
I started w 5mg sublingual and now take 25mg. Started really slow bc I was worried about side effects. Im happy to report my mon existent libido has returned! Now we are at 3-5x a week. Before it was rarely once a month.
1
u/Flimsy_Goat_8199 1d ago
Is the DHEA prescription only?
3
u/Ihatealltakennames 1d ago
In the US it's over the counter. Other countries have their own regulations.
69
u/heartsbeenborrowed 1d ago
"It’s just gone and it’s almost like it was never there, like I only imagined it." this part really resonates with me. It's like I can't even remember or imagine it now.
64
u/Guilty-Rough8797 1d ago
Well said. I HATE it when I dip into this state occasionally. Like yes, my head is more clear, but .... I don't want my head to be that clear.
It’s just gone and it’s almost like it was never there, like I only imagined it.
Yes, like it was an entire wing of your body that you could go explore and play in your whole life, and its door is suddenly cemented shut. And you left a lot of your favorite emotions in that wing.
10
u/TheDayUnderway 19h ago
Very well said. It’s almost like my entire personality was operated within that wing. I didn’t realize that a lot of what fueled me in life was behind that door.
28
u/monkey_trumpets 1d ago
Same. The most unfair thing is that my husband is still just as raring to go.
39
u/Alternative-Tiger783 1d ago
Some husbands and boyfriends are on testosterone and Viagra.
Horrifying to think some men some are going to these Men’s Clinics and then seeking sex from female partnerswho don’t even have access to Rx vaginal estrogen.
Such doctors prescribing this, should really offer to <treat the couple>.
26
u/MTheLoud 1d ago
If you can’t get a testosterone prescription, try DHEA. Your body can convert it to testosterone.
16
12
8
u/electricmeatbag777 1d ago
Is DHEA an OTC thing? Is it safe?
4
u/MTheLoud 1d ago
It’s OTC in the US, but prescription-only in some other countries. It can convert to estrogen and testosterone, so it isn’t safe if you have some medical reason to avoid those. Also it can have all the bad side effects of too much testosterone if you take too much. Start with a low dose, like 5 mg/day, and increase the dose slowly, watching for unwanted side effects. 25 mg/day is considered a standard dose for women, but find the dose that works for you.
3
u/Dr_Alexis 19h ago
IDK I took it during IVF and it completely stopped my periods. It's weird stuff. Didn't make my libido stronger either.
1
u/electricmeatbag777 19h ago
Yeah... seems like a hormonal crap shoot. That doesn't seem safe to me.
7
u/pangolinshavelanded 1d ago
It gives me horrific migraines with aura even with a 5mg dissolvable pill cut in half 😢
3
u/bananataffy333 1d ago
The problem with DHEA, that I JUST discovered, is that your body can also convert DHEA into ESTROGEN and not testosterone!! 😭 It’s not recommended for women on HRT to take it due to the possible conversion to estrogen. I had been taking it and stopped b/c I suspected it was causing headaches, even at very low doses. Trying to see if there is any way to determine if your body converts to E or T but I don’t know if that kind of research has been done.
0
u/MTheLoud 1d ago
So take less estrogen, cut patches in half or whatever.
0
u/Expensive-Candidate4 10h ago
They recommend to never cut patches in half as it affects the delivery.
1
u/emma279 1d ago
Can one try both?
3
u/SquallyMuck 1d ago
That’s what I have.. compounded cream applied directly to the button. Now it’s a lever 😉
18
16
u/IRegretBeingHereToo 1d ago
I'm with you. Same here. Vaginal estrogen helps me but it didn't when I was taking the other forms of hrt.
66
u/Ambitious_Swim1722 1d ago
Not a doctor but the localized estrogen making the difference while systemic didnt seems to track with how blood flow and tissue health drive a lot of what gets read as arousal. The mental side is the part nobody warns you about though, like the absence of wanting anything at all is its own weird grief.
57
u/Academic-Balance6999 1d ago
“The absence of wanting anything at all is its own kind of grief.” Yes.
4
20
u/ND_Poet 1d ago
I have an absence of wanting anything at all across the board unless it’s food. It really sucks.
13
u/FunkyChicken0112 1d ago
Food & time to myself... I feel like if I don't constant police myself, I'm going to end up being a supermorbidly obese hermit.🥴
3
u/Alternative-Tiger783 1d ago
Viagra & testosterone also helps women women w sexual responsiveness and libido. Improves blood flow.
12
u/Academic-Balance6999 1d ago
Did vaginal estrogen actually make you feel proactive desire? Not just help with dryness?
7
u/IRegretBeingHereToo 1d ago
Yes. But again, not when I was taking regular HRT. I think I wasnt tolerating the progesterone?
17
u/electricmeatbag777 1d ago
Well said. I used to be an animal. Now thanks to early peri from Long COVID, I'm somebody I barely recognize. I try to accept myself as I am but I'm ashamed I'm nearly asexual now... and of course I'm afraid of the strain the lack of libido will surely put on my relationship. This sucks, yall.
5
u/LemonGrass6432 1d ago
All of this and the fact that none of my previous hobbies are interesting anymore. I used to trive and have so much fun doing those things and now it's like a constant state of boredom and sleepiness
15
u/Sobergem1982 1d ago
I’m 44. Had a lower libido for a couple years. Came back after I had more me time and read some Literotica. Allowed myself to fantasize again. I will say that I do believe a lower libido can be hormone related. Don’t get me wrong! I also think it can be life and stress related, especially in our 40s or 50s. Work, family stuff, anxiety about aging, and for me my dad passed. All added up to low libido. I used to have porn brain. It’s coming back. Not saying it’s not peri hormones but for it was stress and depression-my vagina was depressed too!
15
u/FearlessEnquirer 1d ago
Me too. I feel like you. I miss that drive. I’m on HRT and on testosterone. I feel happy and healthy, lift heavy weights 4 or 5 times a week, walk for an hour on the beach with the dog but…. Libido is still very low. I’m single so perhaps it’ll come back when a new man is around. I do get very bored with sex in relationships. Could that be a part of it for you?
14
u/Furry-snake 1d ago
Estradiol cream brought my libido back from the dead
2
u/azooey73 1d ago
I use estradiol gel on my arm and am feeling similarly to OP. Where do you apply your estradiol? I’m wondering if I need to look into other applications!
5
30
u/Milky-Way-Occupant 1d ago
Get that T babyyyy you’ll be back like fire.
34
u/FunkyChicken0112 1d ago
OK, but, like, WHERE? What type of doctor do you need to see, & what do you tell them, that will make them consider prescribing it? Two GYNS have offered me BC pills only (no HRT) because I still occasionally get a period (aka, I'm not in full menopause yet). The symptoms I was having were ruining my life so I went with an online HRT provider & got compounded E&P topical cream, which helped everything but the sex drive. 😣 My online HRT provider doesn't prescribe T; only DHEA (which, after more than a year, has done nothing for me). Like OP, I used to have a strong sex drive & vibrant, enjoyable sex life w/ my husband but for the past ~3yrs, it's like I couldn't care less. For a short time I had an actual aversion to sex (which SUCKED & was so different from my usual feelings that I worried I was losing my mind)- fortunately, that's gone. Now, I'm fine with having sex but it does absolutely nothing for me, & if it were up to me alone, I could probably stop bothering with it, altogether. I feel like I've been neutered.
34
u/Milky-Way-Occupant 1d ago
I found a young gynecologist who is up to date on the science. She has me on E patch, oral progesterone, vaginal estrogen, and a testosterone gel. Oh and a vaginal T for the clitoris. Maybe try calling providers and asking if they prescribe full HRT for perimenopausal women. And don’t go through with an appointment if they don’t. I’m also still in my 40s and in peri. Sorry you’ve had a hard time getting the medical treatment you deserve.
9
u/joysoulessence 1d ago
I see a functional medicine doctor who specializes in hormones. He’s fantastic, never questions my symptoms or my experience. Super supportive and I think honestly loves his job. He’s seeing fairly healthy people who he can make feel a whole lot better with hormone replacement therapy. It’s been such a breath of fresh air seeing someone who was genuinely supportive and celebrating me feeling better.
I can also attest to the life-changing effects of testosterone on libido as well as sensation. I had no idea you could lose your sensation and this freaked me out even more than my severe and sudden loss of libido a number of years ago. I’m very happy to say that both have returned, perhaps not quite at the level I was experiencing right before perimenopause when I was getting that last hit of hormones and super turned on. But actually not all that far off from that either.
I’m also on estrogen and progesterone, and I do think that’s supportive. However, I started with testosterone first and most of the gains I experienced in libido happened then.
7
u/FunkyChicken0112 1d ago
This sounds really good. I've been thinking that a functional medicine practitioner might be the way to go... honestly I can't believe that HRT isn't a big part of a GYN's job, though. That was really surprising to me (& not in a good way). Handling issues related to a woman's fertility & hormones doesn't start & end at having babies. 😑
3
1
u/filledcups 1d ago
thanks for sharing about the loss of sensation. This has happened to me and I've been grieving. It freaked me out as well. I am on HRT for the past 9 weeks and the estradiol cream is helping a bit. My PA is open to trying Testosterone if things persist.
6
u/Academic-Balance6999 1d ago
What’s the DHEA for?
7
u/New-Willingness6366 1d ago
It’s a precursor to testosterone and estrogen and helps some people. For me it just made me sleepy.
5
u/Starrskye 17h ago
Find a doc that also has a “wellness center”. It’s a loophole for a lot of Drs who are on board with T for women but can’t legally prescribe it. I get it from my PCP but she has to to order it separately from her wellness center. I have to pay $65 out of pocket but there’s no “prescription” and it’s not listed in My Chart. Sad we have to do that but there are work arounds.
3
u/Crafty-Art-3362 1d ago
Look up menopause clinics in your area or online that prescribe testosterone. Some will say they do or don't...I think a meno clinic is one of the safest bets cause they are experts and even gynos can be reslly ignorant and outdated when it comes to this phase of life and HRT.
5
33
u/ConsiderationDue8102 1d ago
I understand. I'm so worried that the rest of my life will be one big luteal phase going between feeling blah and asexual to feeling grumpy/melancholy.
11
u/Guilty-Rough8797 1d ago
I'm so worried that the rest of my life will be one big luteal phase
Commenting because I literally just said this to myself yesterday. I'm in luteal rn, right at the edge, and counting the seconds until this period comes. This is a rough one. If this is the rest of my life after menopause...
0
u/Regular_Error6441 1d ago
Is this a thing. Being stuck in luteal forever?
5
u/fernshade 1d ago
not literally, but insofar as menopause would be similar to a luteal phase in that it is permanently post-ovulation...
1
14
u/TeamPlayerOne4321 1d ago
What's libido - long lost stranger and my husband would appreciate to get reconnected.
12
u/MermaidHotpot 1d ago
I've decided to pursue other hobbies. Surprisingly satisfying. I also noticed my arousal is in a distinct cycle now, it comes once a month, and I just need to embrace it when it's here. The rest of the time I just do other things.
One piece of advice is to have orgasms even if you don't feel up to it. Just do it.
11
u/IndependentHot5236 Early peri 1d ago
I feel you, OP. It's not even always the actual sex I miss, it's the desire. Your reference to experiencing attraction to random people really hit home for me, as well.
My obgyn tried telling me to schedule sex on the calendar, and it's like, ummmm......you're missing the point. It isn't a scheduling issue. I want to WANT to have sex, not force myself to have it. Sheesh.
12
u/rose_west13 1d ago
I stumbled across this thread and I'm in tears. This is me, I'm not alone, there are options. Thank you, I needed to see all this. I have hope for the first time, instead of just guilt and self loathing.
11
u/AlternativeAdagio517 Early peri 1d ago
Read erotica!! I was feeling exactly the same. It helps me so much.
9
u/Academic-Balance6999 1d ago
I do. Doesn’t help unless I’m actively reading the erotica. But that’s basically how I get in the mood for sex now.
2
10
u/zumothecat 1d ago
Amen. Also 50f, resenting the total dryness of life. The only thing that really helps me is cannabis. If I have an edible and spend some time fantasizing, I sometimes want something. It is far from unbridled passion though.
9
u/alexali_22 1d ago
Yep. I’m on all the hormones including testosterone. It did not come back. It’s devastating.
3
u/FluteVixen 1d ago
I read that taking a quarter or half a Viagra can improve female desire and pleasure.
11
u/Starrskye 18h ago
Girl, same. I was watching a movie the other night and they were getting all hot and heavy and I thought, gah I so miss when I had such passion… yet I am still so in love and attracted to my husband but it’s like a void now. Sucks. They say it’ll come back. Here’s hoping🥂
15
u/nodamecantabile28 1d ago
Peri is messing with my brain so much, I initially read this as "I miss my dildo" which I thought was a fair point
4
7
u/smokemirrorsunicorns 1d ago edited 1d ago
its hard. but its both of us. not that it makes me feel any better about it. its like, below the ocean floor for me. tons of kissing cuddling and snuggling and even playful naughty touching but ZERO anything else and couldnt care less :/ erotic novels are like meh - dont hold my interest...like i have no spark? like my starter is busted and it feels like that part of me died. i even find sexual scenes in films and movies utterly boring and ff through them. masturbation feels like a chore! not sure where the myth of "hyper sexual older women" came from :(. i wasnt always like this :( now am pretty much an asexual.
7
u/OpenedUp79 1d ago
My libido died in the earlier part of the year. It went to the thought of masturbation bores me and results in nothing. Prior to this, I had cycles of wanting sex several times a day and then not wanting it for weeks. But never total indifference. So I started Estradiol gel and cream, continued on bc. And no sex drive, or even possible aversion to sex. Then a month ago added T cream and then saw an uptick in desire as it became part of my nightly regime. Now I feel more desire, I'd credit the E cream and T cream combination. Cannot believe that my T is completely not covered by insurance!
2
u/Loose-Committee7884 1d ago
Did the T cream cause hair loss or anything?
2
u/OpenedUp79 1d ago
I had hair loss and was on Finasteride and minoxidil so yes but those 2 helped stem it. Definitely a balancing act between a dermatologist and my hormone specialist.
6
u/pangolinshavelanded 1d ago
I got mine somewhat back for now after starting Concerta. Adderall never helped (or hurt) but never got the OMG HORNY! like a lot of people. Not that intense with Concerta but it’s better than the zero I was at.
Still looking to add testosterone, but have to deal with my rockbottom ferritin first after my ablation.
1
u/LevelPapaya1930 7h ago
There’s a woman on insta who is really focused on raising her ferritin with food. She’s seen it raise and is still trying to get higher. Worth a look.
1
u/pangolinshavelanded 5h ago
I had no issues with iron or ferritin until 2 week cycles started that got heavier and heavier. Should have no issues catching back up one the bloodbath is over.
6
u/mayhemxmak 1d ago
I literally felt that last when I was still pregnant with my last child around 33. Very occasionally I have dirty dreams or feel lustful about a character in a movie or book, but VERY rarely. This description is so accurate. I keep shifting focus to try intimacy in a different wag and thinking it's the fact my kids rooms are close to ours abd I really can't let go, but maybe it's a bit of both?
5
u/Shoe-Shoddy 1d ago
Same (40f), but not all the time because I can hardly remember what desire actually feels like. Testosterone has not helped in my situation.
6
u/TheDanishThede 1d ago
Maca, zinc and fenugreek has helped me some. Not a miracle cure, but I've gone from once every 6 months to maybe once a month.
4
5
u/Pretend_Plum_1677 19h ago
Everyone saying T and dhea, I just want to add that everybody is different and neither of these things did crap for me. Worth trying, like all things but I don’t think those things should be hyped so much cause it may not work.
10
u/InkyPinkyPeony 1d ago
Wellbutrin lowest dose!
3
u/Academic-Balance6999 1d ago
Really?
10
u/InkyPinkyPeony 1d ago
Yes it often increases libido. I started it to counter the reduced interest from my Venlafaxine with peri added in had left me at a 0. Got me right back to where I wanted to be.
3
u/kitsune556 23h ago
Did you stop taking Venlafaxine? I’m on 187.5 mg and have been for 8 years. I don’t feel like it’s really doing anything anymore. I’m intrigued by potentially switching to Wellbutrin.
2
9
u/velvettipss 1d ago
Mine disappeared a couple of years ago at age 36.. and then came back when I entered a queer relationship.
4
u/elizabethjanee22 1d ago
This is exactly how I have been feeling and I’m 42 😩. I am on testosterone cream daily and it has helped but it’s not the same 😔
5
u/morty_morty hanging on by a thread 1d ago
Wow. This was perfectly put. I am not married and am likely asexual so I don't have a partner and haven't for a while. But I miss feeling desire. I just don't feel anything anymore, not even the want to pleasure myself. It's really, really sad and feels like a part of me is gone forever. I can't imagine being sexually passionate ever again.
4
u/Petal20 23h ago
I had this issue and set up a zoom with my gynecologist to spell out the problem as bluntly as you have in your post. She got it. She put me on this supplement “Bonafide” from Ristela, plus their moisturizer (forget what it was called). I couldn’t have been more sceptical but it actually fucking worked. Took about a month. I also read spicy books and I do still have spells where it’s tough to get things going but I definitely feel a lot better (I’m on HRT too). Good luck.
1
11
11
u/Legitimate-Talk9558 21h ago
Try being 35 when you went into peri all while most of your friends are having kids.
8
u/songofthecosmos 20h ago
I'm in the same situation. That said, the way you worded this is a bit aggressive and dismissive of OP. You should honor the struggles of others if you want others to honor your struggles
2
6
u/fuzzyd123 1d ago
I’ve been this way my whole life. Maybe once a year I experience the drive you are talking about. Would have been nice to have that consistently, but peri changes are more of the same for me in that dept :/
2
7
u/SandwichFabulous8217 1d ago
Wow. 50 and only 2 years into peri? I hit peri just after my last child 10 years ago, now 44. Of course I only had mild symptoms until I got to 38ish and then it all kicked off.
This year was the loss of my libido. Its zero. No need or want. And I loved being intimate prior. I was quite active, almost always wanted it. I even made myself single with feeling so guilty for having no sexual attraction to my ex. So its a strange feeling now. I hope you can get some feeling back. I have hope that mine will return. Eventually.
3
u/WitchyMama81 1d ago
I am with you!!! I have always been pretty sexual but now I’m just blahhh. I take Prozac to not freak out about all this shit happening to me! 😭
3
u/wellinever222 1d ago
I'm 39 and feel like i could have written this (although I'm not married). Have you had your bloods checked as far as iron/vitamin d etc?
Are you using any topical hrt?
3
u/Academic-Balance6999 1d ago
Blood stuff is fine. I have autoimmune gastritis so get B12 injections, but that’s not the problem as it predates this issue by several years. I am sure this is hormonal.
I take oral progesterone but no estrogen of any form because my mother had premenopausal, bilateral ER/PR+ breast cancer. My clinician said she would consider estrogen if I was really suffering and I can’t figure out of this is “really suffering” or not. The progesterone helped with sleep, anxiety, and my 15-20 day cycle. Not sure if I should keep tinkering?
3
u/kind-butterfly515 1d ago
How about vaginal estrogen…. It’s localized and very little systemic absorption. It helps bring blood flow back to that area and can really help increase interest.
1
u/Academic-Balance6999 1d ago
It may be an option but to be frank I’m actually not having problems with blood flow or physical arousal. Sure it takes a bit of time & sometimes lube, but I usually get there. What I miss is the MENTAL aspects of libido. I miss seeing an attractive stranger and feeling a spark, I miss flirting. It seems unrealistic that vaginal estrogen would fix that unless I’m misunderstanding?
5
u/kind-butterfly515 1d ago
It almost sounds like your describing anhedonia.
For me, the vaginal estrogen increased my interest in engaging with activities, but ymmv!3
1
u/wellinever222 23h ago
It did help for me. It's not back to where it was but it's definitely helped.
1
u/alexali_22 1d ago
Ask her to review the new literature. My mother also had breast cancer and there’s no meaningful risk.
1
u/Academic-Balance6999 1d ago
But will it help?
2
u/i_miss_my_neopet 18h ago edited 18h ago
not who you are asking, but girl, yes.
i'm 40 and in the early days of peri...i still have a good libido but nowhere near where it was. i recently started 0.05mg twice weekly patch and for the first time in 3 years had a sex dream and orgasm in my sleep. i used to have them multiple times a week when my libido is at its peak; losing wet dreams was a big sign for me that my hormones were dropping.
my masturbation frequency has also doubled if not tripled. like i'm back to wanting to do it before i wake up for the day again. i'm thinking about it in the anticipatory sense again instead of feeling worried that it's gone.
i've been on estrogen cream for two years and it never helped with anything like this, it's 100% the patch. it seriously changed things pretty immediately, like after a week. i am in the luteal phase right now and still sort of feel like i am ovulating... not 100% but damn close
might be worth trying and seeing for for a brief period, x amount of weeks.
3
3
3
2
2
u/litetears 1d ago
Amen this is exactly how I felt. I am on a low dose of topical testosterone for just short of a year and am feeling a verrrrry minor return of it. I also have dabbled with intrarosa for the physical symptoms and when I am taking that regularly it seems to improve things - but my insurance doesn’t cover it and it’s like a kajillion dollars so I haven’t had a chance to really take it consistently.
2
2
u/avatinfernus We tired 14h ago
Ah... I've only had some sort of libido for a few years in my life.
I don"t miss it. I prefer imagination. So at least this aspect of peri doesn't bother me. I'm lucky I guess lol
2
u/NotTodayCheeses 11h ago
I hear you. I lost my libido after my hysterectomy in 2020. I am 37 years old and I can watch porn like I would watch the news. It doesn't bother me. My husband is super hot and I just can't. It's breaking my heart. I watched the movie "365 days" because it was recommended but nothing. I read dark romance, erotica, cliterature but nope, nothing. It's devastating. You are not alone. 🥺🖤
2
u/MorePesto 5h ago
This is exactly how I feel. I’m 46 and my libido disappeared a year ago. I’m terrified it will never come back. It makes me feel empty inside.
2
u/abritelight 1d ago
the context required for responsive desire is so much more than a scented candle. it requires knowing yourself deeply and moving towards pleasure without pressure. if you haven’t checked out the books ‘come together’ and ‘come as you are’ i highly recommend. i imagine the info in those books has been watered down in water content you’re referring to in your post.
and, also totally recommend testosterone applied locally to the clitoris as libido support… hormonal changes can’t always be managed with context!!
good luck, hope you get your mojo back!!
3
u/Academic-Balance6999 1d ago
I have responsive desire. What I don’t have is PROACTIVE desire. And that is what I miss.
1
u/abritelight 22h ago
sorry i didn’t get the gist of your post the first time around, hope you got other support here that felt more useful.
1
1
u/Fraggle-of-the-rock 1d ago
Everyone says add T but I’ve had a hysterectomy and I didn’t think T was an option?
1
1
u/NiceHRBosslady 22h ago
I couldn’t have said it better. Saving this post for all the ideas. Can’t do HRT though, I had hormone positive breast cancer and I’m on tamoxifen. But you’ve inspired me to reach out to the oncology gyno to see if she can help. 🫶🏻
1
u/Beandip1974 17h ago
You worded this so well, I teared up a bit reading it, 52 here, this is exactly how I'm feeling!
1
u/pedaluphill 11h ago
Not just perimenopause causing low hormones, but I miss butterflies and the thrill of the chase. I think my antidepressant is a big part of my problem. I just stopped taking them because I think they were maybe making the brain fog worse. We will see, but I am now feeling like masturbating again and I haven’t had that desire for some time. I’m hoping we can get our sex life back on track because it was such a source of joy for us and a major part of who we are individually and as a couple.
1
u/AndreeaTri Early peri 9h ago
I have gotten T because of the brain fog. Feel way better now, also libido and every thing else is back-and I am single 🤡
You should at least try it.
1
u/DeepBlue73 6h ago
Anyone taking the patch and have breast cysts? My GYN won't give me any hormones and im 9 mos with no period. Supplements have helped with hot flashes, but other than that im taking nothing. My skin has improved but sex drive is also dead and yes I miss that feeling too.
1
u/DivineFeminineRising 3h ago
43 and just started testosterone after a little over a year on estrogen. Estrogen fixed my moisture issues and after less than 2 weeks of testosterone cream, my libido is back!
1
0
u/CatandCurious 13h ago
My libido tanked in 2018. At first I thought it was antidepressants I was ok but slowly started to learn about perimenopause and now know it’s cuz of that. I totally get where you’re coming from. I used to have such a high sex drive, especially during ovulation, my long term partner loved it and I did as well. I miss having that lust and desire for him and wanting to initiate it. I started vaginal estrogen about a month ago. The other thing that is a new development is the last 3 times we have had sex I haven’t been able to orgasm. This is causing me a lot of distress. I don’t know what to do about that. I started vaginal estrogen a month ago and topical estrogen last week. I am wondering if my dr would prescribe testosterone. I’m not sure if she will cuz my last GP wouldn’t. This perimenopause just sucks.
-5
281
u/RubTiny7691 Mid peri 1d ago
This is probably the most accurate description of what I’ve been trying to put into words. It’s really upsetting.
Hoping that adding Testosterone to my HRT regimen will help. A friend of mine started and she said she feels like her libido is that of a 22yr old again. I’m crossing my fingers.