r/Petloss • u/hyqwerty • 12h ago
CONTENT WARNING/GRAPHIC Guilty about pet loss
Im heartbroken and really just need a space to write down my thoughts about the situation. My cat passed away suddenly and unexpectedly after we moved apartments. Like, immediately after. We took her and our other two cats to the new apartment, and when we let her out of the carrier, she started open mouth breathing and it sounded a bit crunchy. My other cat open mouth breaths when he gets stressed, so we tried to just pet her and calm her down, but things progressed very fast.
She began to collapse and cry like she was in pain, and began to spit up clear liquid onto the floor. My mom and I scooped her up and started to rush her to the emergency vet. She died in the carrier on the way there. I feel genuinely traumatized and can’t stop seeing the light leave her eyes and her body go limp. The emergency vet tried CPR but it was too late, she died when we were a few minutes out. I can’t stop thinking, if I had just taken her a few minutes earlier. She was only 2 years old. The vet said that she most likely had an underlying heart condition, and the stress of the move provoked it. I feel like I killed her because I wanted to move apartments. There’s so many little ways that I think I failed her and so many different choices I should have made in the moment. Our home feels empty without her and I can tell that our other cats are wondering where she is.
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u/Elegant-Resident-974 12h ago
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I just experience that limp, cold feeling with my dog and it's literally burning me.
You did NOT kill her. I'm not sure if you're religious, and perhaps you don't want to hear this, but the concept of perfection has been creeping up on me the days leading up to my dogs passing. You could not have changed a thing because you did not know what was going on - I know as superintellegent beings we still think we have control over life, but we cannot control when it is time to go. Release yourself from the guilt; You did everything 'right', and your beautiful cat did not even show signs until it was too late. I know it hurts so much because she was such a baby. Sending you a big big hug.
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u/hyqwerty 10h ago
Thank you so much 🫶🫶🫶. I know that she is at peace now, and I am trying to constantly remind myself of what you just said about us not having as much control as we would like. Feeling completely powerless in that moment was so hard. I truly appreciate your kind words.
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u/osoftswan 11h ago
This is heartbreaking ❤️🩹🙏🏽😔 I am so sorry this happened and I understand the feelings of shock and self blame. There are so many things that are out of our control in this life ❤️🩹
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