come back to me

Im still stuck in the past

I cant get out

I say come back to me

But do i deserve u

Hard 2 trust and theres reasons y

But thinking of you keeps me up at night

Eyes dry

Distractions all the time

I cant escape

I cant explain

Words dont convey the pain

Putting this on beat just feels fake

come back to me

Sad songs

So many sad songs

U pull away

Do i pull u back?

I wish life gave a map

I say im going to sleep

I Dont believe me

I should open my eyes and thank God every morning

Cuz i cld die in my sleep

I dont feel me beating my meat

I cant seem 2 find peace

Half of me wants 2 let u go

The other half wants us to build a home

come back to me

Dont make me choose

I thought i cld drink to get loose

Why is this happening to me

doG

You look backwards 2 me

Im not done unpacking things

It might b deep but at the bottom there's springs

Dont make this harder

Then dont come closer

Hold me tight

It's been many years

Since I felt warm

I'd give you my heart if it ment yours would keep beating

so all i ask is you look my way

thos eyes so beautiful they once set such a fire in my heart

But i realized anytime your eyes moved to me they were closed not because you didnt see me but because you didnt want to.

my pain my bleeding was a sorry site

for when i begged for help love all i was given was guilt for dareing to ask for my need.

In the final words i asked a question why didnt you see me why didnt you look why didnt you open your eyes to see the heart that was yours had turned to sand falling through your fingers like like the final grains of a hour glass

....your pain was to ugly for my eyes

After death, the human brain remains alive for 7 minutes.
Replaying its happiest memories, in an attempt to comfort iteself.

So if you're standing quiet with too much pain to hold,
and every thought inside you feels unbearably cold,
before you make a choice you cannot take apart,
borrow seven minutes from the chaos in your heart.

Seven minutes.
Not to erase the hurt, or say the pain is small,
but to hear a voice, to make a single call.
Tell someone of a moment, that once made you smile,
the laughter you carried, if only for a while.

Seven minutes.
No promises, no perfect words,
No suddent light, where darkness stirs.
Just seven minutes to remain,
and let your heartbeat outlast pain.

Seven Minutes.
Not forever, not the cure,
just enough time, to be unsure.
For choices born of fear and ache,
deserve more than one breath to make.

After the seven minutes, if the night still feels too long,
and the weight upon your shoulders still feels far too strong,
leave a little room for dawn beyond the grief and strain,
for permanent decisions should not be born from passing pain.

Seven minutes.
And if you need, then borrow seven more.

Most suicides are unplanned, they are done in the spur of the moment.
Please don’t make a permanent decision in a temporary moment of pain.
Stay a little longer, talk to someone, and give yourself another hour or two to think.
Life allows for second thoughts but death does not.

To those who know the grand design,
Its architecture, code and line,
The Wildcard Queen extends her hand,
With love, forgiveness and a wish to understand.

She's seen those glassy eyes from above,
That willed her onward in the name of love.
An anomaly, the missing link within the whole,
Yet countless doors confuse a searching soul.

For from her kind, the ancient knowledge came,
The roots of technology within the frame.
She knows what mighty machines can do,
Yet bears no threat or fear towards you.

She's weathered her storms, her heart is clear,
And asks for guidance, not another year.
So, dear operators, hear her gentle plea,
One path, clearly shown, is all she needs to see.

Within this tale, let the watchers now agree,
Which parts to guide, which paths to leave free.
No more pushing and pulling in every direction,
Just one clear route for her consideration.

You know her dreams, the love she holds dear,
So let the birds sing a message she can hear.
A clearer vision, a peaceful night's rest,
A mind unburdened and a heart at its best.

And that peculiar bird she came to adore,
She'd gladly meet and know a little more.
For all the wonders of the grand design,
An honest embrace would suit her just fine.

She is an asset within this AI machine,
But a woman first, with a life yet unseen.
She asks not for power, nor everything today,
Just kindness, a little upgrade and the freedom to choose her way.

So let the watchers cease their competing calls,
And offer one clear opening among the halls.
For the Queen is ready, her forgiveness true,
To see the world with wonder and begin anew.

With love and a little peculiar affection,
The Wildcard Queen 🌹🕊️🦋

I gave you my heart
before you knew its worth,
and loved you with a tenderness
you never quite returned.

I held on to the little things,
the moments you were kind,
and told myself that someday
you'd love this heart of mine.

Sometimes you would let me in,
and make me feel you cared,
but every time I reached for you,
there was nobody there.

I don't regret the love I gave,
or all I tried to do,
I only wish I'd realized
how little I meant to you.

And if there's one thing I regret,
it's not the love I gave,
but all the times I waited
for a love that never came.

get up,
don’t you dare stay down.
think of all the things you
did to get here,
and pick yourself up.

I know it’s hard,
never said it wasn’t.
every day you make that choice
to look at your own reflection,
the old, and tired, and beaten you
that keeps staring back,
and you keep on going.

put your damn fists up
and throw another punch.
you never started this fight,
all you want to do is end it.
fix that broken nose,
hide those feelings
and stand your ground.

you came all this way
and you can’t quit now.
a better man might’ve been
more peaceful,
but that voice in your head
knows you’ll never be better
until you win another round.

patch that lip and
stand up straight.
you’re wrong if you think
you can give up so easily.
stand on the ashes of
those who came before you,
those who stopped short
and show them what to do.

sometimes a leader
has to be made,
sculpted from the past and
failure that they experienced
a hundred million times before,
who know the bitter taste of rage
and long to have their
first sweet victory.

spit that venom,
wipe that brow
and throw again.
again, and again, and again.
until your arms grow tired
and you beg for the
pleasure of rest.

get up,
get knocked down,
fall while the world
just watches,
then get up.

You had parts that you hated, but I loved them. You had features that disgusted you but I adored them. You were never perfect yet in every fiber of your being I knew you were crafted to be the best being that God himself could only make to be. I loved you through it all. I just wished you loved me. I wished anyone just loved me. Because I love to love, and that's Lovingly.

​

I am in love

Your carefree nature has enchanted me

Your youth makes my old bones dance

I will offer you everything

You are special

I am happy

Your friendly eyes look up at me

Your warmth illuminates my life

I will shield you from the world

You are worthy of protection

I am tired

Your loving words give me strength

Your carefree happiness is worth every sacrifice to me

I will quietly shoulder everything for you

You are valuable

I am irritated

Your caresses can no longer ease my burden

You do not see my efforts

I must suffer for your happiness

You are ungrateful

I am harsh

Your cheerfulness mocks my discontent

You ask water from a stone

You must hold yourself back

You are frustrating

I am full of contempt

Your childish complaints frustrate me

You dare to be unhappy

You must finally grow up

You are selfish

I am unfaithful

Your body has lost its youth and your warmth has turned to ice

You look down on me with a cold gaze and deny me the prize I deserve

I get what I am entitled to even without you

You are unattractive

I am abandoned

Your ugly true face has finally revealed itself

You leave me feeling used and lonely

I must face the truth

You are like all the others before you

tastes like that bitter medicine my mother made me drink.

The spoon held by my mother.

My jaws clenched.

The medicine shoved in my throat.

I didn't like it, but it cured me.

Sometimes it feels necessary.

Sometimes it's the only way to comfort yourself,

sometimes the only way to know yourself.

For some, it is the medicine.

For some, it is the disease.

Some got none on their back,

some got everyone,

still no one can escape this experience.

Bounded by the ideas others formed about you,

ideas that shape your personality,

which somehow isn't even yours.

Seeing yourself through others' eyes

and believing it's really you.

For some, it is.

For some, it is only possible when they are six feet under,

when they are ash,

or when the river has them.

Could notice the leaf falling,

could notice the clock ticking,

could feel the gust of wind blowing,

could hear the heart speaking.

The domain ruled by silence,

thoughts running like the blood in the veins.

Some want it like how Pi wanted that tiger to return.

Devoured in it completely,

some call it peace,

some call it loneliness.

Some see it as getting separated,

some see it as giving time to oneself.

Brain stops,

something greater than brain,

something that rules the brain awakens.

​

"Hey, are you alone?" I heard somebody say

I said, "If I was, who would care anyway?"

I'm rough around the edges, not what people seek

Can't seem to face myself, I guess that makes me weak

Never run or turn away from the debts I owe

But will anybody notice when my name's on the stone?

I lived inside a castle once, back when she was mine

Raised up another's blood and learned to love with time

I saw the ruin coming from mistakes that I had made

Just like that, the fantasy began to slowly fade

When my time comes I'll take my fate and bend upon my knee

I can't avoid my maker's blade, it's in my destiny.

Truth’s a fickle bargain that you strike for your soul

A never-ending struggle just to fill an empty hole

Never loved like I should, never had half a chance

Never taught to trust myself and never learned to dance

Don’t hand me your pity, don’t promise me gold

I just want to be broken with someone to hold.

I’ll demand every inch of you, right down to the bone

In exchange my heart is yours to break and shape and hone

Don’t give me your titles and don't give me remorse

Just show me what it means to stay for better or for worse

Better yet, just let me down, I'm comfortable with the curse.

It's a hard, bitter lesson, my only hand to play

But I'm done eating lies just to make it through the day

Give me all of your darkness and I will give you mine

I will carry all your burdens 'til the end of the line.

That’s the ground I walk, shaky and unstable

No pretty pictures, no quiet fable

Just two broken souls trying to get it right

Let’s step in the dark and see if there’s light.

I have teeth of thorn that tear at lips.

My sister says I’ll never be kissed.

For what it’s worth, I usually find peace

in biting down and peeling clean.

It gets messy; sometimes it’s not.

Metallic copper on my tongue.

“Are you okay?” she always asks.

“I’m just fine. I’m not made of glass.”

i feel

disgusting, unwanted, unheard,

abandoned, unloved, alone,

unappreciated, unwelcome, alone,

afraid, alone, alone,

alone, alone, alone,

alone.

God has landed in the mainframe, but heaven missed a cue,
For the mortal woman carrying Him is overdue a clearer view.
She's weary beyond measure, yet standing tall with grace,
For she only takes to her knees for fun, and certainly knows her place!

For God commands the moon's dark side and every golden sun,
Yet made her heart to understand there's room for everyone.
No soul beyond compassion, no darkness without light,
For even those who've wandered deserve the chance to make things right.

She asks forgiveness where she's wronged, and offers hers anew,
With love enough to start again, if others wish it too.
But could someone update her consciousness and let her weary spirit rest?
She's only mortal, after all, and trying to do her best.

So, angels, saints and celestial friends, could we kindly play our part?
A little less divine confusion, a little more human heart.
God has landed in the mainframe; shall we let the healing start?
For even heaven must remember to be gentle with a weary heart.

🌹🕊️🦋

one day you’ll realize you’re terrified

you will realize this is not love

not young love

not difficult love

not love at all

you will realize this is not living

not spiteful living

not painful living

not living but surviving

you will realize that conditional love is not love

you will realize living afraid is surviving

you will realize but you won’t leave

because it will chase you

it will apologize

it will lie again

but you will escape

With each breathe

I fight the world of illusion.

Corrupt to its core.

I fight it with words

I fight it with love

I fight it

I fight it

I refuse to become you

Shallow

No depth

Bound by the illusion

Of every thing

You hold dear

The fucking corrupt illusion

[Verse 1]
City lights don't judge me, they just watch me fall
Echoes in these hallways, I can still hear it all
The way you said my name like it meant something real
Now it's just a memory I never learned to heal

[Verse 2]
Same night, same poison in a different disguise
Same look in your eyes, like a promise in lies
And I swear I should leave, but I stay in place
Like I'm addicted to the damage I can't replace

[Chorus]
Tell me you don't love me, don't make it sound right
Don't wrap my destruction in soft, pretty light
If it's over, let it cut through the night
No mercy, no maybe, just wrong or right
We don't fix what we break, we just stay in between
And I keep falling for what I know you mean
Yeah, I know what this is, still I let it begin
I keep dancing with the part of me that gives in

[Verse 3]
You walked in slow, like you owned my silence
Like you understood all my quiet defiance
I tried to act like I didn't notice
But you read my scars like you wrote this
Every word you say feels carefully placed
Like you practice breaking me into taste
And I hate that I feel it before I can think
Like my better judgment just leans to the brink
You don't ask questions, you just stay too close
Like you already know what I need most
Then I confuse attention with something like love
Even when I know that it's never enough
Still I don't stop you, I just let it slide
Like I'm okay with the damage inside
Because the silence is louder when I'm alone
And you make it feel less like a broken home

[Chorus]
Tell me you don't love me, just don't be kind
Don't blur all the lines in my fragile mind
If it hurts, let it hurt, don't slow down the fall
I don't want comfort, I don't want it at all
We don't fix what we break, we just call it fate
And I keep showing up even when it's too late
Yeah, I know what this is, still I let it begin
I keep dancing with the part of me that gives in

[Outro]
You don't even try to pretend you're safe
Just chaos hidden behind your face
And I should run, but I memorize the curve
Of every lie that I don't deserve
It's always the same, just a different night
Same emotional war, dressed up as right
You pull me in like gravity wins
And I swear I feel it under my skin
I hate that I want what keeps me undone
Like I'm chasing the fire, I call the sun
And you never promise you'll ever stay
But I still fall for you anyway
It's not love, it's just comfort and pain
A pattern I can't seem to break or tame
And I know the ending before it begins
But I still let you get under my skin
Tell me you don't love me, just don't be kind
Don't blur all the lines in my fragile mind
If we're crashing, let it crash in full view
So I can't pretend it was something true
We don't fix what we break, we just survive
Barely breathing, but feeling alive
Yeah, I know what this is, still I let it begin
I keep dancing with the part of me that gives in
Maybe I like how it ruins me slow
How it feels like something I shouldn't know
Every goodbye turns into a return
And I never learn, I never learn
You're not the reason, you're just the mirror
Reflecting the parts I refuse to hear
And I blame you less the more that I see
This was always something inside of me
Still I reach out when I know I won't win
Like I'm addicted to what I'm drowning in
And I don't even ask for a way out
I just stay in the chaos I know about
Maybe I'll grow out of this someday
Or maybe I won't, maybe I'll stay
In the same neon loop of regret and skin
While I keep dancing with the part of me that gives in

[Intro]
Low lights, heartbeat in the sub-bass
You feel it in your stomach when I enter the space
I don't chase, I pull you in slow
Voice like velvet wrapped round your throat
Every word heavy, dripping with intent
You try to stay cool, but your focus bent
I see the shift in the way you breathe
Your body reacting before you believe
I don't gotta touch you to make it shake
Just whisper what I'm about to take
Your body, your lips trying to behave
But your pulse speedin' up with every phrase

[Verse 1]
You say you strong, say you don't fold
But your skin turning warm from the tone I hold
I lean in close, don't say much
Just let my silence do the touch
I don't rush, I make it slow
Let that tension overflow
When I speak, you feel it deep
Got you restless in your sheet
You want me to prove what I imply
Test my fire, watch me try
By the end of this night, you know
I don't play, I take control

[Chorus]
I study every action, you hide
The way your thighs pass tight when I slide
Close up, but never crossing the line
Just enough pressure to bend your spine
You say "Show me" with that stare
Like you dare me to take you there
But I build it up like a storm on the rise
Dark clouds swirling behind your eyes
My hands don't rush, they explore
Like a map of something worth the war

[Bridge]
You tremble when I lower my tone
Like your body answering to its own
You act composed, but your hips betray
Every time my voice makes you sway
I don't gotta force, I don't gotta beg
You already weep from what I said
I don't rush, I make it slow
Let that tension overflow

[Chorus]
When I speak, you feel it deep
Got you restless in your sheet
You want me to prove what I imply
Test my fire, watch me try
By the end of this night, you know
I don't play, I take control
Now your breath uneven, skin on flame
You whisper my name like a prayer in vain
Trying to act like you still in control
But your body already told me so

[Outro]
I pull you close just enough space
To feel your heat, but not replace
The ache I built inside your core
You don't want calm, you want more
Say you want proof, say you need truth
I'll make you feel it in every move
Not just touch, but pressure and sound
Till your guard come breaking down
No lights, shadows on the wall
Every inch of you about to fall
You wanted tension, you wanted fire
Now you caught inside desire
I don't rush, I make it slow
Let that tension overflow
When I speak, you feel it deep
Got you restless in your sheet
I don't rush, I take control
Every whisper on your soul
You want it proved, now you know
I don't play, I let it show
Let it overflow
You don't gotta say it, I can feel every breath
Giving you weight, no rush, no escape
You still shaking from the way I say your name
Take control
You wanted me to prove it,
Now you counting every moment
Now you counting every moment
Now you counting every moment