Question Why have I been feeling “off” recently?
Hi guys, I apologize for seeming lost here. if there is a better place to post this please let me know.
It’s really hard to explain, but as of recent, I have been having this feeling of dread. For context, I am about to have a baby any moment now. I have a loving partner who supports me and loves me so much. I have a great accommodating job that has let me go on maternity leave since 36 weeks, and I get even more leave after baby is born. We have a huge support system around us. Lots of family that’s super excited that the family is growing. I don’t have the best income, but I do get government support. On paper, I cannot ask for anything better in life. We are so fortunate.
I‘ve also dealt with depression for years and back in 2023 I got diagnosed with bipolar type 2. Ever since then it’s been a struggle with anxiety and depression. Once I was pregnant, however, I was the happiest I’ve been in so long. People even told me how much I glowed and commented how much happier I’ve been. And I have until recently.
Once I hit around 32 weeks, I started to become miserable at work all of a sudden. And yeah, it could be pregnancy hormones. I was allowed to sit at work, but my body is still going through the aches and pains of pregnancy. But what got me was the customers. I’ve noticed that there has been an energy shift. I chalked it up as tension and divisiveness in our country right now (USA). But then suddenly I noticed that it wasn’t just the customers that were acting off. My coworkers, my family, and my partner were starting to act the same way.
When I mean off, I mean less patient, more attitude, being more miserable. It was like suddenly a switch turned, and the people around me that I know and love very well suddenly have this negative energy. It started to wear me down. I was so bubbly and interactive with the customers. Yeah, it is customer service and people suck sometimes, but it got so much worse. My attitude started to change as more people would snap at me, push me around. It’s like a dark smoggy cloud is surrounding us right now.
I wanted to be relieved once I was on maternity leave. But that never happened. As I’m preparing for the baby, the feeling has become worse. That dark cloud is suffocating me. I wish I could explain it better, but there’s this energy that I cannot shake off. I also had quit social media because I felt like I was becoming too aware of what’s been happening with the world. Rising costs, overconsumption, corrupt politicians, war, toxic beauty standards, AI, fake news running rampant, etc etc. I‘ve been trying to just focus on baby, but it’s hard knowing how bleak his future seems. It was starting to feel almost hopeless. I hate that I feel this way, but I cannot shake the feeling. I’ve been trying to push it away and just focus on family.
This is all piling up and as of yesterday it suddenly felt like a voice or something was telling me that something very bad is going to happen. I was distracting myself with sleep and YouTube to not feel the crummy sensation, but it became so overwhelming. Once I was able to unplug in the evening and me and my partner went on a walk, it felt like maybe a third eye or something had opened. I suddenly became hyper aware of everything. This feeling became so overwhelming that I started sobbing on our walk. Without even thinking, I started confiding with my partner about how I was feeling. “The world is crappy, and no one is going to know something bad is going to happen until it’s too late.”
I just said this without even thinking. It’s like something took over my brain and blurted it out. He asked me what I meant. I basically told him that something terrible is going to happen to not just us, but all of humanity. Something to do with AI or corruption. And it’s coming soon. I was shaking and crying. He gave me a big hug and talked me through it. Soon enough, I was able to calm down and it felt like I, my consciousness, took my brain back.
Ever since then, I still have this strong feeling that I cannot shake. Just this overwhelming dread that humanity is doomed for something big. I just have a feeling that there exactly won’t be an extinction, but more of a shift on how we are going to live our lives. I just want to know if anyone else has been feeling this way since around late July, early August? Or if there is anyone that can give me comfort or advice on how to confront and resolve this feeling. Again, I apologize if I’m in the wrong subreddit, but I was pulled here to try to look for an answer.
TLDR: Feelings of hopelessness and fear for humanity recently.
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u/TarotMage 3d ago
Maybe you are beginning to see the crucible all sentient beings have been in since the birth of the earth? When has there been a time when things were pristine and peaceful? The only difference after our technology revolution is that we became good at trying to hide the crucible with apps, phones, smart TVs, Netflix, and Door dash. The veil is lifting, however. We must now act according to our duties and live whatever comes through.