Very long rant ahead!!!
I’m so fucking tired of this system. I have ADHD and work in an extremely cognitively demanding specialty and somehow one of the most exhausting parts of my month is accessing the medication I’ve been prescribed for years. I have been on a medication for a long time before moving states for residency but after switching insurance, I had to switch to the generic because the brand wasn’t covered. Fine. Except now the generic is constantly unavailable, on backorder, or only in stock at some random pharmacy over an hour away. So every month, I get to play this stupid fucking game of calling pharmacies, figuring out who has what in stock, hoping they still have it by the time my prescriber sends the prescription, and then praying that insurance actually covers it. And because it’s a controlled substance, there are additional restrictions and hoops to jump through at practically every step. if the generic isn’t available? Well, the brand is excluded from my formulary. I ended up paying over $700 out of pocket for two months of medication because I literally could not get the alternative my insurance supposedly covers.
When I called insurance to explain this, I was basically told there was nothing they could do. Oh, and apparently I could just ask my doctor to switch me to a different medication. Because that’s how medicine works, right? Just randomly switch medications that someone has been stable on because an insurance company decided it doesn’t want to pay for them. The irony of being a physician and having to explain this to a health insurance company is genuinely fucking insane.
I’m already working ridiculous hours, constantly switching between days and nights, studying outside of work, and trying to function on whatever sleep I can get. I work in an environment where I feel like every single shift is an evaluation, every decision is being scrutinized, and every mistake could potentially be used as evidence that I’m not meeting expectations. You’re expected to show up and perform at 100% every single day. You’re expected to be efficient, confident, knowledgeable, emotionally regulated, professional, and somehow immune to exhaustion.
Having a bad day? Better hope nobody notices.
Struggling? Better not let it affect your performance.
Need time to take care of your own health? Good fucking luck.
Meanwhile, I’m spending what little free time I have calling pharmacies and insurance companies, trying to appeal coverage decisions, coordinating prescriptions, and figuring out whether I’ll even be able to get my medication next month. And here’s the part that makes the whole situation especially ridiculous: ADHD affects executive functioning. So I’m expected to use the very executive functioning I struggle with to navigate an unnecessarily complicated system just to obtain the medication that helps me manage it. I also don’t have a partner or family member who can take over these tasks for me. There’s nobody I can ask to call five pharmacies while I’m at work or spend hours fighting with insurance. It’s all on me, on top of everything else.
And throughout all of this, I’m still expected to show up to work, take care of people, make sound clinical decisions, and never let any of it affect me. I’m just so fucking tired of being expected to function like a machine while being treated like my own health and well-being are an inconvenience.
Anyway, that’s my problem but needed to just let it all out somewhere.