Write about scars, not your open wounds

[u/Narun87]

As the saying goes: "Write about scars, not your open wounds." Yet right now, I struggle to write about either my scars or my wounds. A while ago my mother was diagnosed with a terminal disease and my entire life is undergoing a profound shift.

I don't want to go into too much detail, but I am accompanying her through her illness. I have to give up a lot because I am taking care of everything because I have already lost my father, and my sister isn't much help.

I keep a journal of sorts to hold on to what is happening. I would like to turn it into a story, but I don't know how. I find it hard to change things or adjust them for dramatic effect, because holding on to the unvarnished reality is far more important to me right now. At the same time, I can't bring myself to write about anything else because everything else seems utterly trivial in light of my mother's situation. I have long struggled with writer's block, and I've always questioned why I should even tell fictional stories in the first place. But now, that feels even truer. I used to be on a good path toward making a living from writing, but now nothing is moving forward.

[u/RaeLouLynn]

Just be present with your mom. Write your journal. It's too soon to do anything else with the material. You're going to need time to grow into any story that lies within the pages.

[u/RandChick]

You likely need more distance to elevate the story into something artistic and symbolic.

So just free write to analyze your thoughts right now. Later you can look back and notice some themes you might want to explore.

[u/mctboy → u/RandChick]

Yup, 100%. You need that distance.

[u/Melodic_Antelope_727]

Well I’d say you don’t have to write about your mom directly. Just write a cool story that excites you and she will find her way in, because how could she not? In a sense she is you. But there are more important things than writing. And I’m sorry. I lost my dad when I was 21 and my mom is getting up there, and I’m very afraid of a world without her in it. So try to keep your head up. I don’t think you have to stop writing. It could very well help you. I am personally wary of writing anything too autobiographical because I have and it didnt go anywhere. It makes rejection a lot more personal. But maybe it should. Stay strong brotha

[u/AthleteOpen7054]

It's extremely hard to write about something you're currently going through. You need time to reflect on events I think before you can find meaning and even a complete story in them.

It's not screenwriting but I've seen people perform comedy shows about serious events that have just occurred to them in the last year and the shows, while full of emotion, are just too messy and raw to work as proper narratives.

On the other side there's a show currently touring Ireland where a comedian deals with the death of their mother and how they failed to deal with the grief properly for years. It's only something that could be written a decade or so later. It's also wildly successful. I don't think this person would have written as compelling a show the year after their mother's passing.

[u/MrQirn]

If you're going to make art about something important that you're currently working through, I think it's imperative that you detach it from any extrinsic motivation, especially a profit motive. Can you make it for its own sake, without thought to how or whether it might ever be shared with someone? If so, I think it can be therapeutic to write about it- or write something that's inspired by it, and doing so can also deepen your artistic practice.

I also think it's important when you make art from that place to protect it. Even if, after you've worked through your current situation, you get to a point later where you want to share it in some way, be extremely critical about how and when you do.

[u/redapplesonly]

First off: I'm so sorry for your loss and what you are now enduring. I can't even imagine how it must be for you.

I hate to say this, but it is very, very difficult to write about your parents. Its hard to stay objective, portray their foibles while not making them seem like monsters, etc. I've seen other writer friends attempt biographies of their parents, only to become crippled with feeling for all the loaded baggage it brings.

So my advice is, yes, definitely write about these wounds, but remove the literal self from your story. Create entirely fictional characters and then use your experiences to populate their lives. That will be therapeutic for you (I hope) but will also give your story such a ring of authenticity. It will be beautiful.

[u/normal_ness]

The most recent book I published was about a shitty time in my life. I had to put it aside for three years before I could reread it and polish it. But my notes from the time were invaluable.

[u/KTKins77]

So sorry to hear, that is a lot to be going through! I agree that some space and time is generally better but I also see no reason why you couldn't just write what is flowing for you now and then revisit it. We do drafts and rewrites for a reason!

I vote to work on whatever feels right in this moment for you, set it aside, and then revisit down the road when you've had that time to process.

[u/JcraftW]

"I can't bring myself to write about anything else because everything else seems utterly trivial in light of my mother's situation. I have long struggled with writer's block, and I've always questioned why I should even tell fictional stories in the first place"

A story can be about anything, yet have a profound truth in it. And that truth can move people or make them feel seen, even if its just some superhero movie, or some budget horror movie, or some YouTube skit.

I'm going through a lot of hell right now, but I went to go see Endgame Encore recently, and after just sat in the theater parking lot for 40 minutes because certain scenes and characters spoke a truth that deeply resonated with me where I'm at in my life right now. "I don't judge people by their worst mistakes." "If there's even a 1% chance, we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try" and a few other beats, because of the context of my life right now, hit me hard. And this is a movie I've seen dozens of times and never thought about those lines before. Its just some dumb action movie, but man did that have a deep impact on me the last month.

About a year ago, my wife went through acute suicidality. (She's still alive btw) It effected her behavior profoundly. It upended both of our lives, and because of the trauma of the situation I've been going through a lot of my own hopelessness. A lot of stuff in my life changed, and I decided to finally give screenwriting a shot. The wounds, till this day, are still raw and bleeding but the script really expressed so much of what I was feeling, and what I learned about my wife. I've had about 15 readers so far through various rewrites, and everyone confirms that the emotion is obviously deeply personal, seeping through the page, but it paints a highly specific character and vision.

However, I'm trying to write other scripts now, and constantly facing difficulty. Not because I don't have ideas, but because, like you, writing about certain topics feels pointless. But that's just what depression and anxiety does. There's a musician, Steven Wilson from Porcupine Tree, who once said "I only write when I'm depressed." To his credit, his art is often beautiful, but that is a deeply unhealthy way to treat your art--feeling that the only way to meaningfully express yourself is by channeling your ongoing depression. I think there's a balance, and I'm not sure I've found it yet, but I know this: write about what deeply affects you. It might be the harrowing challenges you're undergoing now, but it might also be about anything else you deeply believe in.

I have an outline I finished for a very different story. I think the only reason I finished that outline and not all the others is because it was the message of hope I personally needed--even though it is a cringe comedy, lol.

Overall, my point is that sometimes, like what others are saying, distance helps. But sometimes proximity helps. For me, I took the pain and confusion I was going through, and found the light in the dark that I needed to aim at to stay afloat, and then wrote about the dark and the light in the same story. It helped me, and ended up creating a deeply personal and effecting story.