r/Seahorse_Dads • u/SpaceCreatureAX • 3d ago
Advice Request Stealth - for how long?
I'm 43yo. I've been on T for years. I also have a copper coil fitted as I had a summer of fun this year (which sort of extended into autumn). I do a pregnancy test before every T injection (just in case!) and guess what - it turned positive today.
I know it happens, even on T, even with a coil. I'm also familiar with the risks associated with my current situation and I am receiving appropriate medical support.
As I'm mulling though my options, I wonder if I could somehow pull it and stay mostly stealth with the general public (my closest network would know obviously). I work mostly from home. I am a big-ish bear-ish guy. 5'11 (180cm), naturally about 100kg. I have relatively short legs and a long back. I have a beard and a receding hairline. How realistic is it that I could just fly under the radar and people assume I'd got fatter? I did have some weight fluctuations throughout the last 5 years so that's on my side too.
I would appreciate anyone's experience of being pregnant (and stealth-ish) post-transition.
(Also, I'm already a parent - I carried a child pre-transition - so perhaps that's why I'm not too freaked out, although I am single).
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u/Hypochondrimax Currently Expecting 3d ago
I’m 5’2” and about 185 lbs right now and was 145lbs when I got pregnant. I’m 28w and still have no issue passing. I just look like a guy with a gut to strangers
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u/transidiot4 2d ago
this is extremely good to know, thanks for sharing, im the same weight and height and have been wondering how long I’ll be able to keep going to work
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u/Calm_Bother_3842 Proud Papa 3d ago
I'm exactly as tall as you, but much leaner and I passed the whole time, despite giving birth in the Spanish summer (so lived in shorts and buttondowns for a long time). Obviously you can't know how things will go as different people carry differently, but it's possible, especially since you work from home.
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u/TheOnesLeftBehind Proud Papa 2d ago
Even at 5’5” and having been 94lbs before pregnancy I passed with my first all the way up to birth at 41+5 after 3.5 years of t, hardly any facial hair and a very twinky twink. It’s very likely you won’t have much issue just based off of what you said but clearly we don’t know what you look like. I gained 60lbs in my first to term pregnancy
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u/bluewigglyworm 2d ago
i was not intentionally stealth like i thought the various departments that i had worked with knew i was trans (my dept knew), but i didn’t really have the belly, i didn’t really even pick up weight until the end of the 3rd trimester so i’m sure people who didn’t know were like “oh maybe he’s just put on a few pounds” and it was really nice to go out in public and not have people know or looking at me differently. i think i’d be feasible if you wanted to go for it!
when the announcement went out at work that i had the baby, my manager (since i was no longer working there) then got about 20 people messaging and stopping by his office being like “what do you mean [my name] had a baby???”, wish i could’ve been there to see the confusion lol
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u/Valuable_Pin_2645 2d ago
5'3" and bearded and I passed all the way through to most people. The only people who I think might know (they still didn't bring it up) are acquaintances close enough to know we were working on family building or other young queer people who can even fathom a man being pregnant.
The older and more conservative the audience the higher the disbelief even tho they would say transphobic things about made up people right in front of me 8 months pregnant lol
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