r/ShitPostCrusaders • • Nov 02 '25

Anime Part 1 Ew

Post image
5.4k Upvotes

97 comments sorted by

397

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '25

To me Dio and Jonathan post Phantom Blood is like a goofy crackship where they fight over custody for Giorno

101

u/DaRealKovi Ambulance-Chan Nov 03 '25

..and Jonathan's body

26

u/ZhangRenWing Has no dignity Nov 03 '25

If I need your body I’ll fuck it-

cyberpunk 2077 theme plays

515

u/Clunk_Westwonk Nov 02 '25

Right, what’s the point of shipping what’s already canon?

Dio participated in every sexual encounter Jonathan had except for the first one

235

u/FrostyMeerkat Nov 03 '25

Also Dio has canonically explored Jonathan’s body

95

u/Clunk_Westwonk Nov 03 '25

It’s always important to check for lumps

16

u/TheJokersRiddler speedweedcar Nov 03 '25

There's literally straight-up penetration in Phantom Blood! Multiple times!!!

12

u/Nookling_Junction Nov 04 '25

Man, this yaoi stuff sure does have a lot of plot attached to it

67

u/Manslayer94 Nov 03 '25

Dio has fucked around with Jonathan's body all this time

41

u/Cerok1nk Nov 02 '25

😭😭😭😭

206

u/Notbbupdate Kars Platinum (Baoh) Nov 02 '25

I ship Dio and Jonathan. This is because I am the boat that sunk at the end of part 1

41

u/TravelerRedditor Nov 03 '25

I shipped Dio and Jonathan, this is because I am the fisherman who dug up their coffin and was shipping it to land at the start of part 3

20

u/DaRealKovi Ambulance-Chan Nov 03 '25

Without you, we would not have had punching ghosts, so thank you for your service

41

u/DoNotIngest Nov 03 '25

Dio really went and fucked all those people with his brother’s dick

12

u/DaRealKovi Ambulance-Chan Nov 03 '25

Real question is, was it an upgrade or a downgrade to Dio?

12

u/[deleted] Nov 03 '25

upgrade

dio is probably pretty big, but Jonathan must be massive

the actual real question tho... did the foreskin grow back?

6

u/DaRealKovi Ambulance-Chan Nov 03 '25

That's not a question, vampires regenerate

147

u/Massive_Weiner Nov 02 '25 edited Nov 03 '25

Nobody who ships them together thinks that they’re actually a good match.

That’s the reason why every single fanfic of that pairing completely rewrites their personalities.

29

u/Commercial_Pea2788 Nov 03 '25

Shipping is fun when you ignore most of the arguments against it. Just like powerscaling.

48

u/Gilpif Nov 03 '25

A lot of Dio/Jonathan fics don't significantly change their personalities. Those almost always make their relationship toxic to abusive, though, which supports your first statement.

93

u/Eleftheria-1 Nov 03 '25

I don’t know man, just let people do what they want.

18

u/Nomingia Nov 03 '25 edited Nov 04 '25

I think any academic analysis of their relationship would agree with the idea that there is a sexual, possibly even romantic element to it. You don't have to be a shipper to think that there might be a deeper psychosexual meaning behind Dio stealing Erina's first kiss, or him banging tons of women with Jonathan's body (the body he openly gushes about throughout part 3.) Dio clearly loves Jonathan's body, and jealousy admires Jonathan in the sense that he wants to take over his whole life and basically be him in part 1, but it's also a thing of power/domination for him I think. He enjoys the thought of killing the Joestars with Jonathan's body and probably enjoyed defiling the pure relationship that body once had with Erina's. He wants complete control over Johnathan, even sexually and even in death.

85

u/Kogasa_Komeiji Nov 03 '25

someone's boring

36

u/JadeS2356 speedweedcar Nov 03 '25

You can't say that when Dio is literally jerking off Jonathan to pleasure himself

42

u/Ocean_Elf_09 Temporary Secretary Nov 03 '25

Another said: ships are done for shit and giggles, they don't have to suck up to the canon.

100

u/Rein_Deilerd explains King Crimson to you Nov 02 '25

Bullying people for what they ship is never good. Bullying in general is not good. JJBA fandom does not need any more toxicity than it already has.

20

u/Time-World-3392 Nov 03 '25

I mean they do have multiple kids together

8

u/Fancyman156 Little Cesar's Pizza Nov 03 '25

No he didn’t. He said 欺負Dio x Jonathan的粉是件好事

79

u/Naturally-a-one Nov 03 '25

God forbid people interact with media in creative ways

-31

u/_Xantras_ Nov 03 '25

« Creative ways »

Look inside

Glorification of abuse and incest

18

u/DaRealKovi Ambulance-Chan Nov 03 '25

Abuse I get, but incest? I'm also not sure if it's actually glorified, but that's only because I never read any fanfic related to this. I'm just curious why the incest part is included.

2

u/PhysicalBoard3735 It's a Rock Nov 03 '25

i guess the adoption part? but here me out, that still doesn't make it incest, it's more like half-Incest given everything, like doing your brother in law after marrying his sister

2

u/DaRealKovi Ambulance-Chan Nov 03 '25

Incest is supposed to be about blood relation directly tho. Incest is bad because bad genes are more likely to be passed down to a child between two family members. This is just 2 unrelated dudes living in the same house

1

u/_Xantras_ Nov 03 '25

Abusive situation is still bad regardless, what’s there to salivate about

-77

u/Alternative-Bag2611 Nov 03 '25

Found the guy who ships brothers

41

u/Teh-Esprite Stand Name: 『Touch-Tone Telephone』 Nov 03 '25

Adoptive and they didn't even have a true brotherly relation. One hated the other's existence and the other was traumatized.

23

u/amizelkova 89 years old Nov 03 '25

It's way weirder that you're morally offended by two fictional characters who aren't even blood related getting shipped. Oh no two people lived in the same dwelling before age 18 and now people want them to smooch, bring me my fainting couch

-14

u/Alternative-Bag2611 Nov 03 '25

Sybau

12

u/amizelkova 89 years old Nov 03 '25

The fun part about being correct is not having to, lol. Try it sometime.

58

u/cyborgjohnkeats Nov 03 '25

Racist meme to counter ships you don't like. Interesting choice.

24

u/TheManWithAStand Nov 03 '25

mfw blatant orientalism

8

u/ub3rpwn4g3 Nov 03 '25

I mean, Jonathan did give Dio head

23

u/Throwinghandswithgod Nov 03 '25

Consider its not hurting anyone and I love toxic yaoi

38

u/sleepy_din0saur cockyoin Nov 02 '25

jojo fans develop media literacy: impossible challenge

-38

u/Alternative-Bag2611 Nov 02 '25

What are you talking about

6

u/sleepy_din0saur cockyoin Nov 03 '25

read the books bruh

6

u/Lingx_Cats Nov 03 '25

Didn’t one of Araki’s close friends do jonadio fanart

31

u/Kloetenlars Nov 02 '25

who am i to disagree 💁🏼‍♂️💅💅💅

30

u/SovietFemboy Nov 02 '25

I travel the world and the seven seas

20

u/MrSpiffy123 the daily gif guy Nov 02 '25

Everybody's lookin for somethin

12

u/Epic-Dude001 sex pistol no. 4 Nov 02 '25

Some of them want to use you

12

u/yeetustheyeeter Ate shit and fell off my horse Nov 02 '25

Some of them want to be used you

3

u/Radium_Cobalt_847 Tough Diamond Nov 03 '25

Some of them want to abuse you

4

u/Shiny_Umbreon Nov 03 '25

I am watching you through a camera

6

u/SovietFemboy Nov 03 '25

I don’t remember that part of the song

4

u/Shiny_Umbreon Nov 03 '25

Strange, that is the lyrics on my snore converter

3

u/SovietFemboy Nov 03 '25

Ah, I see now

Happy cake day btw

19

u/pempoczky 89 years old Nov 03 '25

Imagine spending your time getting angry at how other people think of fictional characters

-3

u/Alternative-Bag2611 Nov 03 '25

13

u/sleepy_din0saur cockyoin Nov 03 '25

There is no platonic brotherly heterosexual explanation for Dio literally stealing Jonathan's body, spreading his seed, showing it off, and feeling it up every chance he gets

7

u/Fresh-Beyond-4727 Nov 04 '25

How dare people ship two consenting adults I shall have none of this

-2

u/Alternative-Bag2611 Nov 04 '25

They're brothers weirdo

7

u/lilslice_of_queer cockyoin Nov 04 '25

They’re not even related and also not real

2

u/Fresh-Beyond-4727 Nov 05 '25

They're not brothers?

11

u/Storm_Spirit99 Nov 02 '25

Why would anyone wanna ship a guy with the same guy that burned his dog?

4

u/whitekid856 Nov 03 '25

My head canon:

Dio: Giorno is my son you bastard!!

Jonathan: Dont curse in front of my baby!!

5

u/lilslice_of_queer cockyoin Nov 04 '25

BORINGGGGG

-2

u/Alternative-Bag2611 Nov 04 '25

But I love your mom's bussy

10

u/RookieDoesThings flaccid pancake Nov 02 '25

Ew

-23

u/Alternative-Bag2611 Nov 02 '25

Ew

-3

u/RookieDoesThings flaccid pancake Nov 03 '25

Why tf is this getting downvoted? The whole point was to start a chain of ews, this isn’t even the fourth one so the rule of four doesn’t apply!

3

u/Embarrassed-Name-788 Nov 03 '25

Ew

2

u/DaRealKovi Ambulance-Chan Nov 03 '25

Technically yours isn't the 4th one. This is.

Ew

10

u/Zoegrace1 i just want to fuck kira yoshikage Nov 03 '25

You can bully us all you'd like we'll never stop :)

2

u/Useful-Composer9322 Nov 04 '25

I don’t ship it, solely because  1: they wouldn’t be a good pairing anyways And  2: they’re brothers (and even they they’re not biologically brothers and dio doesn’t see him as one necessarily, I don’t see my step sister as my sister bc of how little I see her and it’s still weird)

2

u/Wise_Adhesiveness105 Nov 04 '25

my goat Jonathan is NOT tapping that (his brother) 💔💔

1

u/Berserk_lover1989 Nov 03 '25

2 me they'll always be brothers

1

u/sealingtublicass Nov 04 '25

Did u mean jonathan dad?

2

u/LightspeedDashForce enemy stand Dec 19 '25

They're fictional characters. Who cares?

0

u/Gale- Nov 03 '25

Ew indeed.

-9

u/ShadowShine57 Nov 03 '25

Bully all shippers tbh

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 03 '25

[deleted]

-30

u/KraftwerkMachine Nov 02 '25

meme is correct 👍

0

u/MrWideside Nov 05 '25

Bullying all shippers is good

-14

u/GreenMan1550 Nov 03 '25

I hope when call emergency services and the operator turns out to be Dio x Jonathan shipper you will bully him so hard while bleeding out on the side of the road dio would be jealous of your pride.

-19

u/Q6ry Nov 03 '25

Those are probably the same people that sent death threats to MHA creator for making Deku straight

-22

u/jojolovesdio Nov 02 '25

WHAT THE HELL

-13

u/ImprovementDapper464 Nov 03 '25

You expect Good Gay ships??? don't you clearly know they are popular for the sake of being gay instead of any real chemistry? the only good one i can think of is Ermes and Jolyne maybe

3

u/_teaSpoon903_ Ate shit and fell off my horse Nov 04 '25

Ohh so we lying today?