I can’t click with most people, I despise my job have no interests, I just feel ok in forms of escapism and dopamine hits like playing games and being drunk, I’ve been depressed most of my life, I’m just struggling to see the point of living but I don’t want to hurt my parents

I'm not depressed about killing myself anymore. I'm happy and excited. I get to rid humanity of such a disgusting creature. Oh what a joy to bring relief and happiness to everyone. They will understand hopefully why I had to rid their cancer. Sometimes I wished they hated me like I hate me. I hope my organs survive for better people to get them.

I feel like ending my life because the people who bullied me are more financially successful than me whereas I have to live on a disability money. They act like they are superior to me just for living on disability. I hate it when people ask me what I do for a living because I know that deep down most people look down on those who live on social security benefits.

My parents have taken everything I can kms with, well not everything but yk. Ideally I'd use a gun to kill myself, but I can't buy a gun. So I wish I had a terminal illness so I could just die. I know this is so wrong to say and wish but life is so hard. Everyone expects me to enjoy it when all my friends are gone, they ignore me, cancel plans, I'm fat and ugly and to top all of it transgender.

I try and be grateful but it doesn't help, I just feel even worse. Why am I depressed when I have food water and shelter. I just feel like shit since I was 9 years old. Life is so hard I don't wanna fight I'm only 19 and it's not getting any better. I don't wanna wait years for it to get better I just want it to be over. I wish I could just have a terminal illness so I can get a doctor to use medicine and kill me so I'm done with. But you have to have a terminal illness for doctors to even consider it.

"nobody is coming to save you, you have to save yourself" and what if i don't care enough to save myself? Then what? They never have an answer.

I died on a random Monday in July. Somebody whom I trusted everything with decided I deserved to be permenantly broken and so she went out of her way to use everything that I had told her about what hurts me and my past trauma to absolutely destroy me as much as humanly possible. I'm talking maximum effort in order to make sure I die. She used everything she learned in those stupid psychology courses to make sure I would never recover. I've been a walking corpse going through the motions since then. Like a light bulb flicked off. Nothing seems real anymore. I tried to kill myself by ripping my cephalic vein out with a pocket knife. It bled but not enough. My roommate held me close to him all the way home and I got blood all over him. I tried to drink my liver into failure. I drank two litres of vodka every day for weeks. I took a whole pack of sleeping pills. I jumped off an overpass. I survived every time. I don't know why. The last time I tried to kill myself was August 3rd, as a birthday present to her, so she could finally see me dead and get what she wanted. Every past attempt was in a whirlwind of emotions, but now I sit looking back calmly on over 100 days of never ending crying, panic attacks, inability to eat or sleep, my lost life, my lost future, my lost love, my loss of self and I think calmly and rationally that I must die. No amount of medication or therapy has helped. I have not been able to heal. I will never recover because she made sure of it. She made sure of it by raping me over and over and over again when I was vulnerable, by making sure my safe spaces were forever violated, by ensuring I could never trust anybody ever again, by ensuring I knew I was a worthless subhuman who didn't deserve to live, by drilling into me that I will never be better and I will never be anything but a broken little doll, ever since the very first time I was raped at 14, by showing me that I never meant anything to anybody ever and I am easily replaceable garbage to be used and thrown out. And nobody cares because I'm a man. It's fine that I got raped and tortured and now have PTSD and never ending panic attacks because I'm a man and therefor I must deserve it.

I'm failing out of university. I can't go to my classes because I can't look at girls my age without having a panic attack because it brings everything back. I got fired from work because she tried to talk to me abt something while I was there and I immediately had a panic attack and was unable to stop crying in fetal position on the floor for over an hour. Wasn't the first time that happened and my boss got rid of me. I can't get out of bed most days. All I do is cry and hug my anime bodypillow and listen to audio recordings of women saying that they love me and I matter and I deserve to live just so my brain can be a little quieter but it doesn't work anymore.

Look at me now. You took a healthy young man with a future and you killed him. You win. Stop pretending this isn't what you wanted. Stop pretending you didn't want this so that you can tell yourself it's not your fault when I end my life. You killed me, intentionally, you put the effort in and did everything you could have possibly done short of pulling the trigger yourself.

It doesn't matter if I die tonight. I already died 104 days ago. I wish I could. I wish for once in my life I could succeed at something, because I'm such a failure that I can't even seem to kill myself. Maybe I was hesitant every time previously because a part of me knew it was just heavy emotions. Maybe now that I have clarity, now that I am calmly evaluating my life and can come to the conclusion that it's worthless I can finally be free of the shackles that have been cast on me. I'm so sick of everybody telling me it gets better. When? Six months from now? I'd rather kill myself then wait six months. One month? Yeah nah man I think I would rather nail my brains to the wall.

I want to etransfer her what's left in my savings (I still love her even though she raped and tortured me to death) and then just walk out into the night. With my final cigarette. I never liked smoking much but I like nicotine. And just keep walking, dissapearing into what's past the city. Perhaps somewhere along the way I'll find a nice place to die, and in that place I'll lie down and wait.

If I dissapear, this is my suicide note. I love you, with my last breath.

we put animals down for behavioral issues. if they're feeling unwell and we want them to suffer less? they get a peaceful going out. so why can't the same be said for us with brains that so actively work against. i've learned today that my brain is split and i've been fighting for my life since birth. why is always get help, go on meds... you'll feel better? and never, "if you need peace i'll let you go". i'm so fucking tired. i had a glimmer of hope and now that's gone again. i can't even tell her I'm feeling this way because she's tired of it. essentially i should just do it or stop talking about it. she didn't say that but she might as well have.

I'm just tired and i want to sleep for a very long and indefinite time

That's it, really.

I didn't want to get better enough, i didn't want to get grades, i didn't want a job, a career, a social life.

It's all my own fault, I'm never getting out.

I don't even want to end it all enough to actually, finally, do it.

i have been having suicidal thoughts since I was 13 years old, I'm about to turn 19 and I deeply regret not having done it before. My family is unstable, I have no friends and the only person I thought loved me now just ignores me, I don't know what to do. i can't stand living like this anymore, i'm depressed.. i cry everynight hoping i don't wake up

It's too tiring even if I'm laying in bed doing nothing. How can a human like me stay alive and survive? I can't move I can't breathe and I can't wait for this to be over I was never meant to be born

That's me. My mom, she's the only reason I'm here today. But would it really be that bad for me to just die once? She sees me everyday depressed as hell with no friends no relationship and no job getting drunk in my room. Isn't this worse than me actually killing myself? I die and all the suffering will be over. At least she wouldn't have to see me like this everyday.me being alive may be doing more harm than good. I think about this everyday.

look, i'm here for the same reasons all of you are. i want to end it all just like everyone else here. but i'm truly shocked at how many people post on here on any given day. i'll scroll for 30 minutes and still be reading posts that had been made in the last 24 hours. that's what this world has come to - it's so unforgiving and soulless that being suicidal is essentially normal. not only that, but in my opinion, it's a rational response given what we're subjected to every day, whether it be in our day to day lives, what we see on social media and in the news, or both.

i don't have a solution, but i just wanted to say that i'm sorry to all the people on here, like me, who feel so terrible every day that we need to come on here and say something, hoping that maybe someone will read it (or hope that no one reads it). it sucks out here. ❤️‍🩹

I don’t want to do this any more. I’m tired of people trying to make me stay. If I could find a guaranteed way to end it all I would.

I may end up homeless soon. I’m disabled. I’ve been through truly unspeakable shit in my life. My father is dying. I can’t do all this any more. I had the will a long time ago but it’s been drained out of me. My family hates me. I’m a lightning rod for their bullshit. I don’t have anyone local to help me or support me through all this. I’ve lost so many people during these years of caretaking my father.

I don’t have anything left to give. I’ve made my health worse caretaking him and trying to keep things together here and for what? So I can still be hated by my family? And now I have potential health issues to deal with and I’m just losing my fucking mind. The pain and grief is an endless and I can’t get support I need. I feel unable to form new connections with people around me because I’ve been hurt so badly it’s fundamentally changed me. I can’t trust others without a huge amount of work.

I just don’t want to do this. It’s not fair. I’ve had multiple brushes with death. Why do I have to keep suffering? Nothing is helping. I just want a good life and it’s not attainable.

I’m in therapy but it’s not helping enough and I can’t be honest about how bad this shit is or I’ll get a hospital stay that’ll leave me in debt, not fix literally anything that caused this, and once more set me back on my medical ptsd.

I don’t know how to keep going. I’m so fucking tired and alone.

i have this elaborate and kind of foolproof way of ending it, i have all the materials at my disposal, if i really had the balls i could do it at anytime. it wouldn’t even hurt much, it would be uncomfortable for a bit, maybe a little scary, a little messy, but largely peaceful on my end. and for a long time i thought the only reason that i was alive is that i was afraid of the pain, or the thought of screwing it up and becoming a vegetable, but i think those are just excuses.
i always said i wasn’t afraid of death, i understood the concept of no eternity, that my body was a temporary thing in this universe, but now that i could end my life at any moment and i choose not to, im coming to this realization that the real thing im terrified of is not the pain or the consequences of failure, its death itself. for the first time in my life, i’m afraid of ceasing to exist, despite the fact that it’s all i’ve ever wanted

Ive been clean from attempting in 4 years and some. From age 12-16 I racked up 50 attempts due to undiagnosed issues, I would not attempt again but the thoughts have swarmed me and it’s overwhelming. Im 20 and so stupid, my math level is stuck at 4th grade and my reading 6th grade, I have bipolar 2, BPD, AuDhd, MDD, PTSD, ARFID, GAD, and agoraphobia. These conditions disable me from working and living life. I physically cannot leave the house alone and rely on my mom for everything and she’s chronically ill so it gets so hard for both of us. I’m trying to get on disability but it’s so hard, I just want to work and live a normal life, I feel worthless to society I don’t provide anything and just stay in my room all day in bed. Every day has become harder and harder to get through

My partner forces me to make promises every night. Two of them to also ensure she doesnt do anything either.

1. Live a whole day tomorrow.

2. I dont write notes, she doesnt harm herself.

Its 7 minutes before the promises run out and its the first time I am thinking about that technicality. She told me it lasts until midnight and its almost midnight. I don't want to break a promise so this is my only way to do it. This is the only way I can get what I want.

I have been put on anxiety/mood meds. My parents know I have been having "dark thoughts" because my partner told them. Fall Break ends and I have lesson plans to get through tonight. Nothing is working and I feel worse than I did three weeks ago when I almost tried to three times.

My partner just texted me asking what I am doing. Its like she knows but I don't want her to know. I dont want her to call for help. It just hit midnight and I need to make a decision before she says something.

I've been sick for so long and now I can't even use my brain the pain is too much I'm literally paralyzed and forced to watch the degeneration of my own health. They think it's anxiety. I just need to reflect more. Are we fucking serious. I'm losing my shit this can't be real. This has to be a fucking nightmare. I need to die somehow I don't know what the fuck to do this is a fucking nightmare

Im 27, slowly 28, even if i will loose all this weight im gonna be ugly and poor, fn sucks to watch all these happy couples kissing their girlfriend, i feel like i getting closer and closer to…leave

I posted today about being in this relationship. It’s only a few more months. I have no family near me, it’s getting winter… like this is the most logical best option. Stay where I’m at, financially leave when i can. I vented about it in a girl community. I stated I don’t have family to help, I don’t have friends who can house me, I was looking for a single person in the world to be nice.

And everybody was just so mean. I am seriously just at my wits end. I can’t tell anybody in real life what’s happening. I went to just vent on the internet, and everyone I guess also thinks I’m just not either a real person, or I don’t deserve kindness. Someone downvoted me saying I have a job, made a claim I was “man-centric” (is having nowhere but car or this man when it’s 40 degrees and less rn freezing at night really that mancentric or is it warmth, shelter, and more safe than me being in my car on the street? Who knows at this point, only redditors do I guess).

I honestly think my life is worthless, everyone else clearly does too. I heard it from 20 plus people today. I’m childish. I need to somehow work for my self more (even though I have a job). Someone just flat out didn’t believe my age. It’s like women do go through relationship/ housing crises. Is it that weird I’m one of those people? Do I have to be quiet about it forever? Is it worth being quiet this lonely suffering ? Genuinely? I just think my life is one of those it keeps getting worse because I keep trying to live. Two years ago I paid 16K to put myself into school. I didn’t have anyone to take pictures of me graduating. I just feel stupid I did that. I don’t feel like any of this is worth it anymore. I wish I had one friend so bad sometimes. Just one.

i realized that its just not worth it. everytime i get up to do something it just takes so much energy. i stutter like im disabled, flinch when someone moves too fast and stiffen when someone touches me. nothing makes me happy anymore. i dont want to do anything. i spend all my free time rotting in bed unless my parents shoo me off it. everythime i think of suicide im filled with hope. im literally crying from happiness knowing im going to be gone soon. im so fucking happy. nothing has made me feel such joy in my whole shitty fucking life. i am geinuely beaming thinking about this. knowing im going to be gone soon is the only thing that keeps me moving.

have ruined my life more than anyone I know. No car no job moved back in with parents. No future. All I can think about is the gun. I
Know it would hurt my family but is that enough to stop me it’s getting less and less of a reason. I’m consumed with the failure of my life I have no friends I have burned every bridge. My business failed I gave my house away to try and get a job in another state and then realized my drivers license is about to be revoked. I gave up a good career to start the dumbest business ever and have burned every bridge in these careers and areas. I think the world is a simulation to find the worst person in it
Which I think is me

I´ve spend quite some time now just floating around and have come to the conclusion that I simply don´t consider life to be worth living anymore. It´s not even in a sad or depressed way, life is just boring and exhausting. Im broke, 5´5, have nothing big going on and thinking back on my life it´s just super mediocre. Best way to describe it is if it were a movie I would´ve turned it off and said it´s a poor and boring script. Funnily enough I spend the last year on self improvement, working out, eathing healthy, and just all in all doing what´s supposed to “make life better“ and yet it has all become just another boring routine. More and more I just get the impulse to “leave“ existence the way you leave a game if you keep losing and it´s too boring. However, childhood me decided to have cats, which are around 8 years old by now, so I might still, sadly, have around a decade in me because in my philosophy I owe them to live because they´re dependent on me through a choice I made. Besides that, life is just such a lame hamster wheel and I feel like I´ve just seen plenty of it already.