Thats it. Im sorry but if you only use the pronouns associated to your AGAB, you're cis. Wtaf

This is the only place I can talk to actual trans people without being dog piled.

I see so many “trans” people obsessing over their genitals and identifying with them and insisting other trans people must “accept their AGAB” and how we can only be “socially recognized” as our gender and how we will always fundamentally be our AGAB (similar to transphobes actually) and they ignore what taking HRT alone does to our bodies as well as surgeries. They might as well be cis at that point? If they’re going to identify with their natal body and be completely fine with it isn’t that just cis? I don’t interact with the wider trans community because 99% of them are like this and when I tell them I’m uncomfortable with my genitals being the forefront of my identity and that I’m just simply a man and I’m not comfortable with their pussyboy/girldick omegaverse tumblrite vocabulary, they go crazy and spout a bunch of bioessentialist dogshit.

Hello everyone! Just wanted to ask you a question as a non trans heterosexual male that is trying to understand wtf is going on.
I remember back in the day, I'd say pre 2020-18, there was generally a "live and let live" attitude towards gay or trans people. I'm sure you all had your problems but as an outsider who did its own thing, whenever I came across as someone who was trans I didn't think much of it, people around me didn't think much. The most I've heard about was about some people that fetichized trans people. I live in italy and here we had a very famous politician that was trans, we also had some people in the showbusiness, but it was normal, nobody thought anything of it.
Then starting 2018 everything seemed to change. Suddenly I felt a huge push towards trans "propaganda". Suddenly If I refused to go out with a trans I was a transphobe, If I refused to do x, y, z I was a transphobe.
All my videogames and favorite TV show felt like taken over by shallow propaganda that added token trans characters with 0 character traits going on for them other than being trans and requiring special pronouns.
Even if I harbored no animosity before and I even found myself marching for gay rights in my country, I found myself getting more and more irritated. Whenever a TV show introduced a trans character I would roll my eyes and just stop watching. Not because it was trans but because I've seen it enough time to understand that the character will have 0 impact in the story and was added to break the forth wall and vomit propaganda in my throat.
Around me most of my friends have become rabid lgbtq haters, and each time we receive a dose of propaganda I can feel their hate surging more and more. I don't want to hate random people, so I've been trying to reach out and understand.
I asked before in some other community if they felt this push was worth it, and they all agreed that it's the best thing to ever happen to the trans community, that people who got mad didn't deserve their respect anyway etc.
So as per title, what does this community think about this? do you feel like it was worth it?

To preface I am a 16yo trans man who passes a decent of the time, but people usually think I'm younger because of my height. I workout and do all of that good stuff, but r I've been wanting to get a facial piercing for a while. Eyebrow in specific. I see a lot of stuff saying trans men shouldn't have piercings because it makes you pass less. I'm friends with numerous cis guys and most of them have piercings, so it's not abnormal for my circle. I'm starting T soon aswell. Would it be a bad idea to get an eyebrow piercing now? Should I wait until I start T and I masculinize more?

I’ve been transsexual for as long as I can remember, and I’m coming up on 40. I’ve transitioned, detransitioned, and retransitioned, and I’ve watched something I always understood as a serious medical condition increasingly become a social identity, a community, and a political movement.

The last few years have been incredibly difficult. Over the past couple of months, I’ve turned to writing therapeutically, trying to process the overwhelming feelings of alienation, abandonment, and having the language of my own experience co-opted.

I’ve spent most of my life dealing with severe dysphoria and trying to make peace with my body. I don’t identify with the broader queer or transgender movement, and I resent being told that my medical experience is interchangeable with someone else’s entirely different relationship with gender. I relate to other binary transsexuals with dysphoria, particularly women who just want to transition and live their lives.

I understand that the expanded umbrella gives other people a sense of belonging. But for me, what’s celebrated as inclusion has felt increasingly like erasure.

This essay is my attempt to explain why I’ve reached the point where I no longer want to identify as trans.

I suspect some of you will understand.

an alternate title could be "key differences between the motives of transsexual people vs people who eventually detransition".

i'm wondering what reasons you guys think are bad or good for being trans. personally, I think a really bad one is interests, clothes, etc. anything feminine or masculine as dictated by culture (that is also ever-changing). even when its all in combination, "i dont just like pink, I also like dresses and makeup - I must be a trans woman." but thats just one example, I want to hear your thoughts!

Disclaimer: I’m not trying to be offensive or condescending even if I come off that way, I’m just genuinely confused and I’d like to understand your perspective.

I’ll leave my rant about the DSM-5-TR vs ICD11 out of this because I think it’ll just distract from everything else but please, research the DSM-5-tr vs the ICD11 in terms of recency & accuracy if you haven’t already.
(I just say this because it seems the general public loves the DSM-5 but never really reads the ICD11, even though it’s used to diagnose gender incongruence.)

Anyways question time I guess.

What’s your definition of gender dysphoria?

What’s the distress requirements for being trans?

What makes internal incongruence less valid than external incongruence?

Why is there a certain level of distress needed despite the fact it’s a disorder of sexual health?

You don’t diagnose physical conditions based off distress, so why this?
(No seriously tho?? This feels like a sub full of people with arthritis getting angry at other people with arthritis for not feeling the same pain??!)

Why do u never consider classism, racism, dissociation of pain, having to live a double life, needing to stay close with transphobic family, just general life issues, before tearing into these people you know nothing about? (It’s mad transphobic?!??!)

Why are the sacrifices u need to make to be trans never brought up in these discussions???
Like the general social, psychological, and physiological sacrifices that we have to make, why are they never brought up? And when they are, why is the top response to just tough it out, stop following rules, etc. That’s not how real life works. It’s depressing but some (MOST) people are dependent on getting their most basic needs met to yknow, stay alive.

Why do u assume every masc transwoman, and every fem transman is out to get the community, like they’re out here trying to make us look bad to cis people.

Why are YOUR standards for existing as your perceived gender dictated by cis people?

Why do you listen to people that aren’t YOU when it comes to YOUR gender presentation?

Why is everyone so scared of making their own definition of masculine or feminine?

I get that “realistically” certain genders present certain ways (they follow stereotypes that have been fed to them through cisnormative ideas) but why are you too scared to challenge those stereotypes? (This isn’t a question for stealth people btw, being stealth is perfectly fine.)

What makes you challenging stereotypes wrong? If you truly believe you’re your experienced gender, like if you truly don’t have internalized transphobia, what is it??

The usual friendly one, everyone loves them, I really do too! They're not rude whatsoever, they're the base of the community, they're what everyone wishes the trans community was full of. The one that's easily offended? Maybe they're a victim of oppression, I feel bad for them, I truly do but there's gotta be a point where you realize that not everyone is against you. It's hard to have a conversation with them. The third ones, the cool ones aka the helpful one, one that's willing to answer your questions, they deserve a thank you!, the fourth one. The ones that straight up bully, harass and verbally attack cis women with no consequences. I don't understand this type of trans woman much though aka the one that likes harassing cis women, do they get some sadistic enjoyment out of knowing that people are too scared to call them out? Please do tell me!

Hey ,I just wished we would post more stuff that isnt saying "look at this person or this person"

I wish we would post positive stuff in an while ,or how we can explain to non transmeds about us, and why we think like that. Or heck idk man! Anything but always focusing on tik tok ppl.

I recently was able to get back on T around 3 weeks ago (thank god. I was on T for a few months at the age of 16 until I moved and state laws changed so I had to wait to go back on. it was hell, i was too depressed/unmotivated for anything at the time.) but I know that not only T will help make me pass & I shouldn’t let it do all the work for me.

I’ve been feeling real dysphoric lately & im so scared of never going to be able to look like a man enough to be seen as one, it’s all I ever wanted. It’s like my body is not connected to my mind & it’s driving me crazy. I feel so much better that I’m back on T but I also want to be able to work on myself and feel better/look better in other ways as well.

I’m a relatively short dude (5’3) unfortunately but I want to build some muscle in my arms/back & broaden my shoulders (as well as working on my hip/stomach area), I just don’t know where to start or what would work the best for that. I have a job & im able to afford a gym membership I’m just scared of embarrassing myself I guess. (As well as just being totally lost on where to start.)

I’m also wanting to know other tips&”tricks” I guess? Especially with clothes & fashion. I dress fine I think, I just tend to have trouble finding shirts that fit my frame to look more “boxy” especially being as short as I am (as well as with pants) so that’s pretty frustrating. Any other guys also having trouble with this?

“You can be a man/like men and be a lesbian.”

“You don’t need any qualifications to be trans./you can be comfortable in your assigned sex at birth and still be trans.”

These are just outside groups demanding they be included into labels that were originally used to be a concise description that helps find other people in your group. But now, I could say I want to get to know other trans people, and instead of meeting other men and women who have similar experiences and struggles as me, I am met with incredibly hostile people who think transness is defined by how nonconformist, victimized, or quirky you are. More so, they treat it as a lifestyle, a choice, or something they find attractive or fun.

Setting a true boundary on what is trans and what isn’t trans is not gatekeeping. That is a term to describe unrightfully denying someone something. But what is unjust about simply saying “you don’t apply to this label, sorry.”?

Because true lgbt people have been discriminated against and genuinely gatekept from broader communities, many don’t know how to balance acceptance with being compliant in the degradation of community, labels, and lived experiences. That has led to the uptick in recent years (primarily since 2020) of this radicalized view of acceptance, which has garnered such prominent authority in mainstream leftism and queer culture, that you’re seen as conservative, pathologizing, or bigoted for not subscribing to it.

Stop diluting these labels, they are just worthless now.

Diminishing solidarity and infighting has always existed in the lgbt community but it’s worse now than ever, because there’s people who aren’t even what they claim to be invading in on our, and other marginalized spaces, and hyper-compliant queer culture rewards these attitudes. Being medically and socially grounded gets you labeled as a pick-me or a self-hating transsexual. When I know being trans isn’t defined by suffering, but in no world will it ever be easy.

P.S. I’m sure this is a cold take at best here, so I’m sure many posts echo this same sentiment. But I felt like I had to share it.

Why is it, that I see so many trans men, trans boys, transmascs or whatever they call themselves, be into interests, that are predominantly the interests of teenage girls (no hate to teenage girls y'all).

Yea, there are men with interests that are more common in women. But still, if you look at the overall trend, men tend to have these interests and women tend to have these other interests. So why is it, that I see a really big number of trans males, being into things that most teenage girls are? If we go from the theory that trans men should have male brains, they should also tend to have typically male interests. For example, I see a big number of "transmascs" being into yaoi, webtoon, character ai, fanfiction, shipping (specifically gay couples), being on pinterest, tumblr and so on. Sure, there are very few cis men that also have those interests. But why is the number of trans men that engage in such interests so big? It may be a hot take, but for a big number of those people, I doubt that they're really trans. Honestly, it's so bad, that I can sometimes clock someone from looking at their reddit profile and seeing the communities they engage in

Edit after I read the comments: I think I could have worded my post better, but my point wasn't that men can't do/like feminine things and vice versa. My point was, that in general, men have the tendency to like masculine things and women have the tendency to like feminine things. For the individual it gets more complicated, but in general, things just are like that, cause of brain stuff and hormones and also societal biases too obviously. And of course there are things that both men and women equally enjoy. But there are also hobbys that are dominated by men or women. My point was, that trans men should have pretty similar tendencies to interests naturally in general, because both should have the tendency to more masculine things due to the fucking brain structure. So I find it odd, to see a lot of trans men (online, I don't know it's in real life) to have more feminine tendencies/interests and are in fields with a lot of cis girls (in general obviously again). I just think it's a bit odd, okay? And I actually wanted an answer to this phenomenon, cause my own explanation was that most of them can't actually have male brain structures, because of how many tend to like feminine things, in general. I just find it weird, in a statistical way. Obviously it doesn't matter if one trans man likes to read fanfictions, but if there are way more trans men that cis men in one interest, that is dominated by cis women, it is truly a bit weird, at least for me, alright?

Has anyone had any luck in the USA getting the court room closed and circumventing posting an ad in the news paper? Specifically rural Pennsylvania.. I live in a very, VERY conservative area and I'm not comfortable putting a target on my back. I've considered using my sisters address in another state as it's safer there, however this option would be very expensive.

So I'm 17M and got my new birth certificate today. Correct name and gender. Took nearly a year and I'm glad it's done. Today was supposed to be a great day. I was waiting on this for so long. It was supposed to be great where I could try to forget my dysphoria for a short amount of time. The thing is my caretaker sent me a picture of my new birth certificate because it hasn't reached me yet (might take a few hours or another day). When she sent me that text the first thing she called me 'miss (last name)' even though she knows I'm trans for 4 years or so, knows I want to be a man and knows I really really struggle with this. I just feel like no matter what I'm going to do I'll never be seen as a man. I should be happy that I changed my name, which I kind of am, but I feel like the hurt and pain is never going to stop. It's never going to change and when no one else sees me as a man why should I even continue with this life?

I want to get into zoology or wildlife biology after high school, I'm in a very conservative state and cannot get a hold of T here, so I have to resort to out of state. The problem is that it's so hard finding an affordable college that offers either of those degrees and is in a blue state and I'm just so stressed. I need to get on T asap because I can't take it anymore I'm on the verge of just ending it. I didn't ask to be this way, I don't know what to do and it just hurts so much.

It’s been 2 years sense that post and he/it still presents fully fem. I really think people wait and stay presenting fully fem cuz they think T will make them a man, not knowing how much you need to work on yourself to make it happen

I am 4 months and 20 days on T, I was really dysphoric pre T and suicidal. I still have days where i feel dysphoric even tho im on T now and having good changes.
But the last few days i been freaking myself out thinking im faking because i cant make myself dysphoric.
it sounds strange but I am chill and not really dysphoric when i think of myself being a girl my stomach doesn’t drop anymore and i don’t immediately get upset at my own thoughts(usually intrusive)

I know I do need to transition but im basically being dumb about my dysphoria because Its been there for almost my whole life and now im kinda chill about it so its freaking me out a bit. I pass for the most part and T is still doing its job so i feel good about how I look and sound and somehow thats making me think its a false sense of hope or means something bad(like me faking)

She was a beautiful trans girl, only 16, with a whole life ahead of her. My talented little angel, the last time I’ve seen her was the day that she was in her new skirt. She was so happy about it, but so sad inside. I’ve tried my best to help her, transphobia is cruel, being trans is cruel, my heart can’t even comprehend it now. I just wish that every trans person could find their own peace, there is still time, it’s not too late, your life matters even if you think it doesn’t. Rest in peace, Ashley, you were everything to me.

when someone says that long and/or dyed hair, makeup, piercings, femenine clothing, femenine-leaning alt style, etc. doesnt help you pass you will ALWAYS see someone who says “cis guys also do those things and no one tells them they’re girls”

it’s because they ALREADY LOOK MASCULINE. they would be seen as men even with a dress on.

some of us pre-hrt have to cope a little more to pass and some of us understand how a third party perceives us. ofc you can care more or less of passing but you can’t say you could pass just because a cis man does knowing that people view man and woman as different presenting genders.

also they always do this in posts where people who actually want to pass are seaking for help, alongside something along the lines of “not everyone wants to pass”; well I do.

Hello everyone, so I'm 17M and I've been talking to this girl 16F, she's cis and doesn't know I'm trans, at least I've never told her.

We started talking recently and have a date later this week but I have this horrible anxiety if I tell her im trans she'll stop wanting to talk to me or tell everyone

I'm completely stealth and whenever I get asked about things like that (still have a high voice) I say i have a medical condition and I dont talk about it (which isn’t exactly a lie)

She's not homophobic or anything of the sort, she hangs around openly trans people too but being friends and dating is a completely different thing

People in relationships, when did you tell your partners and how should I even go about saying it?

Any help appreciated

I just saw Dr Laura (Canadian trans woman) post about someone claiming trans people revert to born gender when they get dementia.

I’m in my 40s so not dealing with that, but I will say I have since getting married experimented with psychedelics including getting to levels that include “ego death” and I have never had anything that included any confusion about me being a girl/ woman. Same with my partner doing the same drugs.

Anyways just some thoughts in this vein! And dr Laura food for thought for you if you use this sub!

How? They talk about it like it's like taking Tylenol. It is a HORMONE that OVERRIDES processes in your body like.. it's not a game

I understand that HRT can become temporarily inaccessible for some for uncontrollable reason but I’m talking about "trans men" that "just forget" or "I didnt care much" or " idk why I've on T for 5 years and I still don't pass.. I often skip my shots" well shit.

Don't they feel like shit? I had to stop HRT a month a few years ago and that was the most horrible transition related experience Ive had, I felt so horribly both physically and mentally mood swings, nausea, vomits, extreme dysphoria, zero energy, felt completely disgusting in all kinds of ways

If you mindlessly and carelessly skip your HRT.. do you even have dysphoria?