r/Tunisia • u/New_Remote_7594 • 11d ago
Question/Help having problems with wife,
hello everyone this is a throwaway acc.
have been married for almost a year (10 months) and it's been fantastic but I think I have made a mistake here somewhere. (29M 26f)
in retrospect, when we started dating we almost discussed everything from our roles together, individual responsibilities, kids, finances, kinks to everything. we agreed that I'd be the breadwinner and she'd take care of the house, chores and kids subsequently.
now, on a random tuesday I'm coming home tiiiirred afff and walk into makeup everywhere, dog barking out of hunger, clothes on the floor and no dinner whatsoever. have been seeing this behavior for the last ~2 months.
have sat her down and chatted and she said "jib m3ak ftour mel bara ena nakel eli yji"...
thing is, we've made an agreement from the very beginning and talked all of this out so we'd adhere to our responsibilities as a couple. now I'm thinking of divorce and can't imagine how to bring it up.
been meaning to discuss this with her parents first but thought I'd slow things down a notch.
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u/No_Ad7729 10d ago
NEVER INVOLVE FAMILY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS!!! Other than that, 7otou tawla w kresi w a7kiw, zouz tgar3ou in other terms, ken wehed ma3adch mse3dou either y'all adapt or ken mouch faisable kol wehed yemchi ichouf 7yetou, act like mature adults.
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u/NarrowElephant6365 11d ago
الطلاق و تدخيل العائلات في أزمة عمرها شهرين قرار متسرع برشة لحقيقة خاصة وأنكم عشتوا 10 شهور باهية مع بعضكم ..راهو التغير الفجائي هذا في سلوك مرتك غالبًا وراه سبب عميق ومش مجرد استهتار ولا عناد ساعات الإنسان تجيه فترة اكتئاب ولا ضغط نفسي ولا يحس بفراغ كبير و يكون التعبير متاعه يخرج في شكل إهمال ..في عوض ما تحكي معاها بمنطق أحنا تفهمنا هكا وأنت قصرت أقعد معاها و أحكي بأسلوب باهي واسألها ثمة حاجة مقلقتك ولا تعبتك ! ..استوعبها وافهم أصل المشكلة قبل ما تاخذ أي قرار مصيري ودارهم خليهم بعاد علختر تدخيل ناس في حكايتكم حاجة تكبر في نفوس و مشاكل تزيد
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u/chomakher 11d ago
Ken ja howa chaheryn mayossrefich ta7kio haka ?
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u/NarrowElephant6365 11d ago
المقارنة متاعك فيها تبسيط سطحي لعلاقة كاملة علختر الحكاية موش شكون يصرف وشكون يخدم الحكاية تخص تغيير سلوكي فجائي وبدون تبرير بعد 10 شهور استقرار..لو كان الراجل هو اللي قصّ المصروف فجأة وبدون سبب واضح بعد ما كان قائم بواجبه حتى هي من حقها تثبت وتفهم السبب قبل ما تتأخذ قرار مصيري كيف الطلاق ينجم يكون يمر بضغط مالية مشكلة في خدمته ولا أزمة نفسية الشراكة الزوجية موش زر تشغيل وإيقاف on/off كيف يصير تغيير مفاجئ في الالتزامات من أي طرف العقل يقول استوعب وافهم السبب الأول موش تهدم الدار وتطلق من غير ما تعرف أصل المشكلة
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u/Objective_Ad_7853 11d ago
كان جاي مايصرفش راهي مالنهار لول عند المحامي تشكي النفقة
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u/Nima-tries-to-draw 11d ago
For the last 3-4 years you did nothing in this sub but hate on women at every chance. Get help.
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u/Choice-Actuator-9420 11d ago
Clearly he’s been deeply hurt before.. the female circle he encountered in his life was probably shitty or he’s the person who’s too shitty to realize that the issue comes from him not from women
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u/mdktun 🫥 11d ago
been meaning to discuss this with her parents first
what does this achieve exactly? it's nonsense IMO
did you talk to her? what did she say? did she give reasons? maybe she's depressed because staying at home too much and not doing an activity and scrolling all day long can be a silent killer.
if none of this works then yes divorce is imminent. don't give up too early
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u/Milksheiq 11d ago
Man !! Just like that … ?
How easy become divorce nowadays …!!
Think twice and take ur time to talk … talking doesn’t mean 30 min talk or a coffee ☕️ break talking … think again why you get married before thinking about divorce!!
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u/Sure-Estimate5786 France 11d ago
he doesn't love her anymore w jetou el forsa bech yetsabeb
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u/Milksheiq 11d ago
I hope one time someone say the whole story with more details … because it’s very easy to blame anyone when we listen to one side only … but any way it’s not a reason to get divorced…
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u/Mooncake_lover 11d ago
That's what happens when you think a marriage is a contract rather than a relationship
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u/Flat_Strike_2283 8d ago
Mariage is literally a contract, otherwise why marry and stay in relationship unmarried you stupid woman
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u/AccomplishedCell7449 10d ago
My hot take as a young woman who deals with chronic depression (but not marriage, lmao):
When a sudden shift like this happens after 10 months of marriage (and has been ongoing for 2 months), it usually boils down to one of two things: either she was hiding who she was and is finally showing her true colors, or she is going through a mental health crisis.
My first thought was depression. Staying home all day without a job or structure can destroy your dopamine levels very fast, to the point where even getting out of bed or washing your face feels like climbing a mountain, let alone doing chores or cooking.
However, the part where you mentioned makeup everywhere made me pause at first, because as someone with depression, my instinct was "well, if she has the energy to put on makeup, how can she be depressed?"
But looking at it deeper, makeup and depression are completely compatible, and here is why:
- For many women, putting on makeup is a deeply ingrained daily habit or a coping mechanism. It’s an easy mask to wear so people don't ask "Are you okay? You look exhausted.". May be high-functioning depression.
- Applying makeup takes 10–15 minutes of focused effort on yourself. Running a household, feeding a dog, doing laundry, and cooking require complex executive function (planning, timing, physical energy). Depression paralyzes executive function while leaving quick, routine self-grooming intact.
- The mess itself is a clue. You said there's makeup everywhere. If she was feeling great, she'd likely put it away. Leaving a trail of mess behind usually means brain fog, overwhelming fatigue, or an inability to finish tasks.
Her saying "bring food from outside, I'll eat whatever" sounds like classic emotional detachment and apathy.
That said, you jumping straight to divorce and wanting to talk to her parents first is a massive mistake.
- Don't involve in-laws!!! You're an adult in a marriage. Running to her parents to "fix" or report her breaks trust and infantilizes her.
- Shift the conversation. Stop asking her "Why aren't you keeping your end of the deal?" and start asking "I've noticed a huge change in you over the last two months and you seem completely checked out. Are you struggling mentally? How can we fix this together?"
Rule out a mental health crisis or a tough transition to being at home before you blow up a 10-month marriage over a 2-month rough patch.
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u/Charming_Desk6597 10d ago
Ti aleh tle9 jemla sali aa nibi men awel mochkla tkhmm f tlek ? Mekech sghayer 29 sne wassa3 belek zid ahki maaha ken fehmtch rouha wktha nchoufou
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u/MysteriousRun823 10d ago
Dude that is why you think of divorce ? Really ... Life is hard dude and full of problems, this is nothing. Talk to your wife, see what's up. Chances are she is depressed or pregnant, cheer her up, take her out. Buy her flowers. Be a man. Relationships are not built overnight. it takes time and effort.
If in a few months she does not change and this still is bothering you, well go ahead. Get married and maybe, you'll burn out, get fired and your next wife will divoce you withing two months since you are no longer the "breadwinner"/provider ...
People are not constant, we all have our ups and downs.
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u/PastaWithExtraGarlic 11d ago
Why is divorce the first thing that came to your mind?
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u/Ok-Guidance-2282 11d ago
Because he found out ... Im sorry but He's not gonna be able to change her to a traditional wife.
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u/Head_Club_8098 7d ago
not cooking and throwing clothes on the floor is not something only trad people do this is basic human activities taking care of oneself and of others
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u/LunarPikacat 11d ago
Even if you agreed on certain dynamics, doesn’t mean things can’t evolve, change to accommodate the wellbeing of you both.
It could be that she found her roles overwhelming or unbalanced and she’s not able to communicate that properly. Also, I hope you considered ‘breaks’, like any other job when we take the weekend off, she should get a day or so where she can relax and you can go eat outside or get take out.
If she no longer happy with the arrangement, you sit together and find a better one which is fair for both of you.
Marriage isn’t static as any other relationship as it involves 2 people. And people have feelings, opinions, interact with each other, make mistakes, learn, grow, constantly change (for better or worse). You already thinking of divorce instead of working things out, and worst, contacting her parents is not a good sign.
Remember why you married this person in the first place and try to figure things out together.
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u/Mission-Apolitta 11d ago
Staying at home is a mf , i stayed 2 months at home once and i nearly lost my mind
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u/Fun-Butterscotch9833 11d ago edited 11d ago
is she perhaps pregnant ? is she going through some mental issues ? you should look for the reason behind her behavior and try to work out whatever challenge she is going through. if you think it’s too much for you, then yeah you should definitely opt for a divorce and this time, marry an actual trad wife instead of forcing a liberal one to act out the role.
And I’m sorry but, what are you, a middle school teacher? « discuss this with her parents »? You married someone whom you can’t have a decent conversation with without resorting to family pressure ? I honestly feel bad for your wife, and I hope that she isn’t suffering from depression from the lifestyle that you’re putting her through.
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u/Ok-Guidance-2282 11d ago
So you're blaming him because she agreed to be a "trad" wife at first but now "jib mekla min bara.." Loll ... The word is "traditional"
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u/Fun-Butterscotch9833 11d ago
No. I am blaming him for his poor choices
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u/Ok-Guidance-2282 11d ago
How is it his fault when she was acting like the good choice for him at first and agreed to it ? I think if he reads your comment that would give him actual mental issues.
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u/Fun-Butterscotch9833 11d ago
يخي انتي بش تقعد كل ليلة تقصر بيا الليل؟ ما تحبش تمشي ترقد؟
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u/Ok-Guidance-2282 11d ago
I think this comment means u're at last convinced defending the wife is the actual stupid choice... it's morning here
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u/Fun-Butterscotch9833 11d ago
not really, ema I don’t have it in me to prove a very evident point. It’s also morning here, early morning and that’s fucking unfair
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u/Ok-Guidance-2282 11d ago
Where u at? Can you come to my Dms? (But don't marry me I'm a bad choice)
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u/Few-Spirit9482 10d ago
Hold up hold up you two hahahah, what in the love-hate tension is going on in here ? Bellehi koulouna cha3maltou fellekher
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u/Fun-Butterscotch9833 10d ago
is purely annoyance tension, no love-hate or whatsoever going on here
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u/Fun-Butterscotch9833 11d ago
طونس
I’m a trad wife type of girl, if a guy doesn’t initiate, I don’t also
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u/Objective_Ad_7853 11d ago
And this is exactly why men shoud not never get married.
If you stop doing your part, she can sue you and throw you in jail, if she stops doing her part, you either shut up and accept it or divorce her and continue paying her for the rest of your life.
The stupidiest decision ever a man can make is to get married.
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u/Nima-tries-to-draw 10d ago
lmao men are clearly soooo “oppressed“ under Tunisian divorce laws that they’re literally the majority of unilateral divorce initiators.
Stop acting like we’re handed the prison keys over any man we choose. This paranoid schizo claim is getting real old.
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u/Financial-Tough492 7d ago
Yeah you pay and spend and buy gold and shit ! A whole budget to get the princess to your common home , home sweet home , for her to act all bossy and non chalant ! It’s me am like that if you dot. Like what you got divorce me haha , zero empathy zero responsibility ! I mean why would they be responsible or empathetic , any human being given the chance to practice his authority even if she is not authoritarian she would like to try and run the world by her rules ! Hella what she got to lose
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u/Constant_Celery_6670 11d ago
I think you guys are reading too much into it. The first year of marriage is the hardest ! Ech bch yrakab tbi3a ala tbi3a. Especially if she was a stay at home daughter having everything done for her. It is not easy becoming a wife and demands effort and a lot of behaviour changing. I remember my first year was the hardest and we mostly fought about lunch and dinner too. I eventually learned to cook for him because he works outside all days, provides for me, gives me money to shop and makes me feel special and taken care of. You just need to talk I remember sitting down with my husband hashing the same issue over and over again. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s important for a man to have dinner at home. And maybe it’s psychology but the smell of a home cooked meal when he walks in from a day of work is incomparable. You feel the warmth, the homey feeling and comfort. You just need to talk to her again and again it’s not easy. This being said while you are aware of what is demanded from you as a husband. ( meaning your fridge is full of groceries, you can’t ask her to cook for you while there is an orphin rabta ma3dnous fi 9jar lkhodhra )And after ruling out a psychiatric issue. Hope this helps.
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u/ElleDriver000 10d ago
As someone who has been married for 16 years, I have to tell you marriage certainly comes with its ups and downs. The promise is that we stick by each other through thick and thin..and when issues like this come up and we crack at the second it happens, it really shows you may not be able to handle more serious stuff that absolutely will happen as the years go by. Try to find every possible solution before even thinking about divorce. Be understanding. Be helpful. Also just because you work doesn't mean 100% of the household things have to be on her. Especially when kids roll around..its quite unreasonable and this is why women fall into depression because their work is 24/7 and endless basically with no rewards, no pay, no constant praise.. it runs a woman down quickly.
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u/BAL-BADOS 11d ago
She doesn’t work yet she can’t keep the house clean?! Sorry to hear that bro. It would be more understandable if both partner was too busy working.
Perhaps talking to her parents can motivate her to clean up her low-quality behavior.
Divorce is the final option.
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u/Outrageous-Bridge318 11d ago
Au pire have a break, divorce is quite a lot for just this
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u/Weird-Reach1890 11d ago
haha once a break happens , it's the point of no return .
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u/Outrageous-Bridge318 11d ago
Not really, married couples should learn to navigate breaks
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u/Weird-Reach1890 11d ago
nope that only sounds good in theory, in a relationship and even in more serious stuff like marriages , once a break happens , it's almost always done for
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u/Outrageous-Bridge318 11d ago
No belaaks, in marriage l divorce s3ib so the break reaaaally forces you into trying to make it work
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u/No-Cost5727 11d ago
Maybe she’s going through a depression or smth! (My girl had a similar issue where she even stopped eating altogether and it turns out she was just homesick). So just take it slowly.
And besides you should talk with her and see why she’s acting like that and all and if she no longer likes the arrangement i guess y’all should just separate cuz that’s not worth it in the long run if you’re looking for a traditional life.
I hope y’all have a good life together!
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u/Sad_Literature_9348 11d ago
Blhi la tkarez w nahki maak ka khou w mlkhr you're a grown man be responsible for what you choose se3a mecheklk enty w martek tab9a bink enty w martek theni haja ken enty met9al9 mn mawdhou3 tahki maaha heya w twejha w tchoufou hal mahma kent situation mouch tkhaleha lahkeya 10 mois thelth haja fama hajet dhahrli aham ya bro mn enou bch ykounou macheklk kalb yanbah w shan loubya yarhem bouk oghzer lkodem kifech tzid t9adem f hyetk w sghar li tahki aalehom bch tjibhom l denya kifech l bi2a li bch taaychha fehom w chniya li yelzmhom theb ala 7al l 7al b ydik enty w ahki maa martek enty lm3ares beha mouch ahna ((((( w blhi ya nes la tabdew tahkiw ala macheklkom w ostrou rwehkom khatr mouch testana f chkoun bch y9olk chtaaml w taamlch w ki taamlha tekl sweb3k mbaed ))))))
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u/WonderfulCamp8925 11d ago
Out of subject . I love how supportive and permissive and soft reddit on women. So nice. Something I notice is i dont for one second believe women here care about the woman in question getting divorced or not. I think its subconscious effort to lower or even remove men's standards . Its a projection of what how she wants men to treat her . Which generally means ,he should have no expectations of her . Of course she have all the expectations out of him .
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u/Financial-Tough492 7d ago
It’s their high standards mechanism ! And men oh these men ! They should be happy to even exist and now they even want some standards ? And guess what they want us to be responsible and fulfill our role in the world and ina relationship! What kind of asshole would want that
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u/not_emyyn 11d ago
Congrats! t7cheelk !
mtsm3 kleem 7ata tofla ! chouf e7ssesk ech Y9olk and do it t7eb divorce bara rigl oumourk fast 9bel lee yet7chee akther medaamm khmemt hakee bayynee 7kiyaa mnykka barcha art7 w rte7 mokhek !
( mods bllhy saybo zeby ay comment nketbo t3mlou faza ezby kolna twansaa ikol tfhem feya ) respectfully
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u/Easy-Spell8038 10d ago
I Am sorry to tell you this , but my friend she is simply that kind of women from the start , she just dropped the act , selfish , pampered , didn't learn how to/ not used to do house work, a spoiled girl, not ready for responsabilities , and guess what ? That is not the end of it , she will go further with time
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u/Fragrant-Concept-451 11d ago
7kitou bel bhy? Ken hia jawha bhy tw 8months w faj2atan walet hakka base fama mochkla enti mouch 3arefha!
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u/Able-Pain9662 11d ago
Did you agree to this, or did she reluctantly accept because she wanted to get married?
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u/Cynical2026 11d ago
Nobody is perfect, if this is the only thing you don't like about her, I would just accept it and move on. If she is loving and a good wife and respectfull, a bit of laziness shoudn't be a deal breaker. (probably don't expect it to change much though). If you think you will find a perfect woman, it is impossible, you just need to choose your poison. Same for men, nobody is is perfect, sometimes, the shortcomings are something we can accept, sometimes we don't. For me what you're talking about is trivial, but maybe you can't tolerate it, just beware that the next one will have some other aspect she is lacking in. So if you're looking for perfection, it is not gonna happen. Good luck though, w nchalah rabi yhanikom w ken mathmaech maktoub yfara9hom 3la 5ir.
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u/Mental-War-2282 11d ago
Hawel mara fel jom3a 5arajha w oftrou l bara wela estarj3ou chwaya l wa9t kif kont ma5toubin , 26 mezelet sghira to fama nse 30 w t7es ha mezel mo5ha toufouli , belek she is depressed l jaw tbadel 3leha binetkom machekel , a7ki m3aha hia . Also ya bro tensech elli l enti l rajel w enti l 9wey and don't expect her to be as strong as you , l role mte3ek te7tadhenha . W zeyed tkalem fel parents mte3ha ( makomch sghar ) ma tesma3ch klem elli i9ouloulek ken enti jit ma tosrofch tasber 3lik walle , koun layen m3aha chwaya w 7awel efhemha w fel 2 months ma 7kitouch , ma s2elt hech chbeha tbadlet 0 communication?
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u/PuddleFrogRaindrops 10d ago
Does she need to get her period soon or on her period at the moment? I just throw hands at anything that comes my way when it’s that time of the month. Try to have a convo about responsibilities and try to help out if it’s becoming too much for her. Maybe try thinking together about her getting a (part time ? Wfh?) job anyway. Why would you be a housewife while u don’t have kids yet lol
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u/Living-Succotash-380 11d ago
You shouldn’t have gotten married if you can’t have a conversation without involving her parents as if she is some kind of child…also it sounds like you don’t love her 🤷🏻♀️ so yes maybe divorce is better for both of you because she doesn’t sound happy either
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u/Acrobatic_Tackle_515 11d ago
Ken tfehmou 3le 7eja he got a point to feel betrayed! Felle5er el marriage houa a contract, w houma they agreed on some points that both ppl should respect, i think it’s unfair of you to say that he doesn’t love her bsara7a, he doesn’t love her unconditionally ey s7i7 w nemchi m3ak, ema who does!!!
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u/Devmale101 11d ago
Did you make the agreement in the marital contract? Or just verbally. I think before making any decision you may regret. Talk to her about what made her go back on her word. Maybe it has something to do with you stopping doing something she appreciated and when you stopped she felt betrayed and she stopped aswell. Following the teachings of our religion If you divorce her you can't remarry her unless she marries someone else and divorces him. Ask guidance from an expert or from a scholar
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u/Venefica___ 11d ago
I think discuss things with her first , kenou bch tale9 ehki m3aha heya w chouf reaction mtaa3ha chouf est ce que hya bch tab9a aala moufehma mt3km melowel wala , chouf est ce que heya mazelet interested wala things like that yaa3ni , communiqui m3aha mellekher gbal atemchi l had akhar khater enta m3aress beha hya w privacy mt3km de préférence tab9aa mahfoudha w hata saret machakel w communication didn't go well tab9a bin 4 hyout binetkm w decision finale binetkm matkhos hata had akher la darhm la darkm
Anyway good luck
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u/Venefica___ 11d ago
Btw I have friends who are married, and no matter how much they love each other, the promises they made before marriage didn’t hold. Promises are not guaranteed, lehou contract w lehou liste mta3 des tâches . The couple has to be flexible and make decisions based on the actual situation, while also taking their love for each other and their future into consideration.
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u/jinxkhan69 11d ago
If there is respect love and communication i think marriage is somethin you fix not one you jump out on first occasion Any relationship is giving and taking to some equilibrium If it was me i d understand for the first few days Communicate for some more days Make sure she knows am hell angry about this behaviour for few days Take away something i provide for the relationship for few days Id just keep mirroring the behaviour until one of us craves mostly she does cause am always right she goes back to cooking and i go back to washing the dishes
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u/0-1k_1s 11d ago
Talk. To. Her. . Have a long deep resonable conversation, and I mean conversation, not an argument, the talk setting should be both of listening to each others views while leaving all of judgements and anger aside.
Also try to ignore the things you currently don't like about her, and do something sweet and nice (take her out sometime) in order to rekindle what is between both of you.
Basically, try to treat her the way you want to be treated, and then maybe have the conversation.
Bottom line is: 1- you know your partner better than anyone else, you managed to win that woman once and you married her, you can definitely win her many other times. 2- this issue you are facing is classic and happens regularly between couples living together or even binomet.
Extra: Your mum can also give banger advices, she's a woman, probably knows what is probably going on, and she also knows you.
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u/Lions_Whelp 10d ago
Exhaust all solutions before divorce please, divorce is أبغض الحلال whether you're religious or not. From your description of the 10 month it seemed that you didn't discuss it as much as it frustrated you, take it as a chance to construct the common living space, because marriage is not a contract in which "you make agreement on everything", people don't change their habits over night but with constructive loving exchange with the right technique people can learn and build up the suitable possible version of themselves for their partner. Wish you the best keep us updated.
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u/d7w70 Tunisia 10d ago
if she doesnt work and stay at home fine u hv all the rights and better sooner then later my friend tunisian genes are hard to change, she acted good for 8 months and then flipped could be the case we cant really know for sure. if you dont have children just do it. cause im sure u tried eith but that's who she is. All the above is thrown out of the window if she has a job and goes to work, that means u didnt marry a khadema bro, you can expect these things if she's a housewife.
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u/userdoufi 10d ago
Mmmm rather than wasting time to look for tips form ppl who have no idea about whats going on in ur life , cant u just ask her what made her change or have a convo ?
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u/RainyDayAllTheWay 10d ago
9 years of marriage with two kids and let me tell you the perfect marriage does not exist. Before marriage you build the perfect scenario in your head on how your married life would be but that's not the reality. The first year of living together is the hardest and don't tell me you knew each other because Cohabitation is a whole lot different level of knowing each other. Doing the house chore and cooking is not the only thing that you build the marriage on. Dont look at one front and decide that euuh it's not worth it. You need to have the intellectual compatability with your partner, to actually like talking to them and want to spend your time with them, the sexual compatability is very important too. I don't know how your wife has been raised but maybe that she grew up in a house that she was not taught how to take care of a house/be responsible or she was not given this role at her parent's house, remember that this is new to her too. Managing a home can be overwhelming to some people but they can learn. I love cooking but i know a lot of married women that hate cooking. All this needs to be discussed in the confines of your house do not let or bring anyone else into your marital issues. My only advice to you is COMMUNICATION. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, ask her how she feels. Do not blame her on anything just try to understand what's happening. Maybe you can help her with time management so she can be able to keep the house organized. If she hates cooking suggest that you both try simple recipes that you both enjoy, etc. Don't shy away from difficult conversations and good luck.
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u/Elliptical_Adam 9d ago
I would honestly suggest in a very respectable conversation about what you find wrong in the relationship. I personally believe that communication is key when it comes to relationships and divorce should only be brought up if you genuinely see that she absolutely doesn't give a fuck about how you feel or what you guys already agreed on before marriage. Also, if you talk to her, be very nice and respectful and make it clear that your just talking about how you feel and how things should be changed bc if you make her feel blamed she will get tense/ defensive (that's how humans usually work).
bonus: i would suggest that you get her stuff that makes house work more efficient to do and therefore less tiring
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u/bombastic1998 7d ago
Li najjem n9oulhoulek Hedhi martek leezmek tel9a façon bech tfahamha w surtout tefhemha L3ers mouch le3ba W bnet elness mouch le3ba Principalement ahki ahki ahki w si l9iit blocage waktha 7aaawel b façon indirect tahki maa ommha ou ommek maghir mandakhlou l ness lkol fel 3ejja khater mbaad matetfadhech Mafamech haja bekhlef hedha w l tle9 li tahki aalih bech taamlou fel relation hedhi ? Ey w baadou taawed t3ares w y aawed ysirlek nafs l haja taawed etala9 w nokoodou haka fi l circuit li mayoufech !!!!! Wsaa lbel l tafeeehom w l9dar hedhom houma li tbazi aalihom Beki lkol 7dith feragh
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u/kidvisions 6d ago
She might be having mental health problems I think the best way is to consult a psychiatrist, she might be undiagnosed with bipolar because this sudden shift might be an indicator.
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u/Scared-Hornet-4950 6d ago
Couple therapy dont envolv family and if ur issues is cleaning the house maybe you should try helping not saying ur messy but most man make SO MUCH MESS and we cant keep up it makes sense for her to be tired after 7 months or could be hormonal change after marriage
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u/XAOSGENETO 🇹🇳 Sousse 11d ago
Ki 3omrek ma tsou7eb ww awel tofla dji 9odem te5oha .. haw ech isirr... Mostly rahom y3ichou hekeka ! 26 mazalet far5a .. zid asbarr 3leha
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u/SavingsJunior1530 11d ago
ya3ni tsou7eb w tal3eb bbnat nas howa l7al ?
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u/XAOSGENETO 🇹🇳 Sousse 11d ago
3leh tal3ab ... Kol chay la3eb houa ?
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u/SavingsJunior1530 11d ago
mala chnya to9sed ? 7asb mafhemt lazem tjareb tsou7eb 9bal matl9a tofla t3ares biha ?
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u/Expert_Stop5084 11d ago
Don’t let anyone influence you b hata chy, just talk to your wife and kolha what frustrates you.
This shouldn’t be a topic of divorce tbh, just khaterha mehish etayblek donc maadesh hachtek beha ?? God!!!
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u/3athma_masmouta leader of the egg rebellion party 11d ago
Ken je houwa mouch 9a3d ysorf aleha rw you'd side with her toul, they had an agreement, she didn't follow through, she sucks at communicating at best and isn't compatible with Him at worse.
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u/LunarPikacat 11d ago
Well marriage is not a business transaction: I pay you this amount, you execute these tasks for me else you’re fired… i mean u still get to negotiate the work conditions, salary, roles afterwards even when you have a job.
Now based on your logic and assuming she’s sick and can no longer commit to the agreement, what will happen?
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u/Weird-Reach1890 11d ago
You are assuming she's sick and adding this detail of your own , in the post it sounds like she just brushed him off " jib haja f thnitek ena nakel elli yji" . Assuming she's sick for two months lol
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u/LunarPikacat 11d ago
I literally said ´assuming’ and i am speaking in general…
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u/Weird-Reach1890 11d ago
mafhmtkch chnuwa thb t9oul mela, explain more
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u/LunarPikacat 11d ago
The post and comment spoke about agreement and her not following through. My point was that this could happen. Relationships have ups and downs. I argued that what if she get sick, have a delicate pregnancy, go through a hard time which will prevent her from doing her role as expected what will happen? I’m bringing this up coz i’ve judged that thinking of divorce for this situation is kinda extreme and there other way to address it.
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u/Weird-Reach1890 11d ago
Well duh , of course in a delicate pregnancy or unusual occasions , they will figure out . but what he talked about here is not what you are talking about . this is not an ups and downs kind of moment, for two months and she had this attitude of "jib mekla f thnitek ena nakel elli yji" is not a down lol, she seems to be brushing him off and doesn't want to hold her part of the agreement. He can also then quit his job , and let's see how it goes from there and what she would have to say then
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u/LunarPikacat 11d ago
He said they only sat one time and chatted and quoted that one line she said. Now we all agree that communication is not her strong point from this post and we don’t have access to her so we can only address OP. That’s why I am suggesting he makes effort and try to sit with her again, communicate, try to understand what went wrong and listen to her.
if she refuses to open up and just keep telling him go buy food it is what it is then he may consider other options. But divorce shouldn’t his first option imho.
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u/Weird-Reach1890 11d ago
so she ruptures her part of the agreement and doesnt communicate anything from her side for two months and HE is expected to make more efforts and try to get her to communicate ? looooooooooool bye please
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u/3athma_masmouta leader of the egg rebellion party 11d ago
If it's a one time thing wela an exception I'd agree with your point, he said Eli they have been married for two months and it's been the same pattern the entire duration.
Mahich a business transaction I agree ama fama a bare minimum, mouch you promise x y and z to your partner then when you get married you show them nothing of it.
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u/LunarPikacat 11d ago
He said they were married for 10 months and it’s been fantastic…
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u/3athma_masmouta leader of the egg rebellion party 11d ago
Ah mb akeka I'll take the L on this one.
although my point still stands, this is a pattern, ken andha mochkla/dealing with sudden issues, it's on her to voice it to him, zeda being a house wife of 2 people ain't that hard of a mental and physical load compared to a job.
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u/Expert_Stop5084 11d ago
Sometimes it can be worse. Routine kills!
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u/3athma_masmouta leader of the egg rebellion party 11d ago
Worse? Bruh try a full time job routine.
Ama in all seriousness, op and his wife simply need to have a conversation.
We're only human if something is more than you can handle you talk with your partner for help, mouch taych kol chy ou you give them back handed replies, I'm not saying op is an angel ama jumping the gun Eli houwa the bad guy in the story wheya she's a victim in distress khaterha simply female is just double standards.
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u/Expert_Stop5084 11d ago
Eli habit n9oulou enou rahou still full time at home can be tiring kima full time job w akther khater it is physically and mentally exhausting in a completely different way than an office job
I agree he has to talk to his wife
Ma9sadtesh Eli houa the bad guy fl hkeya. Ama hearing I’ve been married for 10 months w it’s been fantastic ama last 2 months marti maadesh theb etayeb so I’m considering divorce as an option ofc Menish mesh nji maah. As if a whole relationship is about to collapse khater there’s no food at home.
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u/3athma_masmouta leader of the egg rebellion party 11d ago
Mochklti with your original comment Eli your minimizing the issue he's facing a lot, tkhayl rouhek tekhdm nhar keml for two months, tosrof ala zouz, wtrwh tel9a dar maskha, pets neglected ou no food, Yani le yezzi you did your 9-5 le yezzi you're expected bech tkml chores on top , ken heya routine 9al9ha w her "job" is mentally w physically draining mela houwa what's he supposed to say? At this point ybatl houwa khedmtou wyo93dou ytfarjou ala bathhom,
I'm not into traditional roles and I don't mind doing 50/50, ama wahd yb9a mkatf idih wlekhr yamel kol chy regardless of gender is just wrong.
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u/ronin-tn 11d ago
5sara sonic mch m3ares wla raw nas7ek, si nn nchof divorce mch solution lahne, extreme yesr
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u/CutiePatootieTN 11d ago
Divorce is extreme for this, just have a talk with her and if she needs help maybe bring her help, tbh I believe having all the housework on her is hard but I understand where you’re coming from. Since you’re the only one working and you both agreed to this from the start she should commit to her end of the bargain especially that you don’t have kids yet. Don’t divorce over a messy room and dirty dishes
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u/3athma_masmouta leader of the egg rebellion party 11d ago
This may sound harsh but taking care of a house for 2 people is insanely easy compared to your Avrage 9-5, if kids are involved I'd side with you on that point wa9tha. (I lived alone, cooked, cleaned did laundry, the whole thing, it ain't that hard)
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11d ago
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u/3athma_masmouta leader of the egg rebellion party 11d ago
Since this is too long of a yap and you started with a wrong assumption, I cook home meals, full home meals, whatever your Avrage Tunisian woman would cook ken mouch more (I always hosted people plus had a sibling that would spend many nights with me), I can understand that an s+1 isn't the same size of a full house w a garden but your wife isn't traditionally supposed to even garden.
Zeda I'm not siding with op, at no point did I said op is right and him going to her parents instead of a simple conversation is just brain dead, and yeah, being a house wife of 2 people is easy shit compared to the job, it only gets hard if you're having kids.
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11d ago
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u/3athma_masmouta leader of the egg rebellion party 11d ago
Sad9ni unless you're married to someone with a shitload of high expectations (specific meals on certain days, foot massages kit trawah) it ain't that hard, you're just either inefficient as fuck, weren't taught how to clean properly, kids make it however exponentially more difficult, pets also ain't that demanding unless they are still in their puppy stage were everyday training is a must.
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u/CutiePatootieTN 11d ago
I loved your response, housework is indeed a full time job. I don’t believe she expected to be a trophy wife or stay at home princess. OP clarified that they’re from the start agreed that he would be the bread winner and she would do housework and that’s like most Tunisian marriages. If bills are not getting paid she blames him, if house is messy she is to blame (can’t believe Im saying this or Im siding with a man lol) because as per their agreement it’s her responsibility to keep a tidy house. It’s her responsibility to hire help at least once a week (even upper class the wife usually makes sure that the maids are doing their job).
Raising kids is another thing. And here assuming that he tidies after himself like a decent human being.0
11d ago
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u/CutiePatootieTN 11d ago
I don’t think hiring help once a week (its 70dt tops) would be that big of an issue.. but I understand your pov and I totally agree with you
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u/Choice-Actuator-9420 11d ago
يا وخي على شهرين نڤزت للطلاق !!! 10 شهور فانتاستيك ذابوا في الماء قدام شهرين ؟؟؟
كان ماطلعت انت قلقت وتحب تبدل الجو وبرة 😒 ماسهل الطلاق عندكم ياسر فرخ في مخك بصراحة
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u/Eveningn 11d ago
Things change rahou people change, w l93ada f dar in itself eta3eb rahou lwhed yfed m routine. Ahki ma3aha
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u/weeambenko Omek 11d ago
Ahki maaha 9olha eli enti lahedht eli hiya tbadlet w chouf chbiha. Khater l3abd ma yousel yhamel lblasa eli aayech fiha ken ma yabda aandou haja m9al9etou, belekchi maach theb to93ed f dar wala aandha mochkla okhra. Ken ma famech sbab 9olha eli enti 9a3ed taamel fi eli tfehemtou alih w hiya le w rahou ma yse3dekch.
Aghleb lmechekel lkbar ysirou fi awel aam mtaa 3ers w yethallou bel communication marra w thnin w 3 moch hkit maaha marra w kahaw theb tala9.
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u/Bleachtheeyes 11d ago
Divorce toul lol obviously aandek lhak since you agreed on this prior to marriage but I suggest you try to talk to your wife kbal.
Ama talking to her parents first ? Really ? I don't think snitching to her parents will make her more receptive to honoring your previous agreement .
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u/Playful-Category8403 11d ago
Hey look marriages come and go, but once you have a kid together then you're really stuck. I applaud you for trying to discuss things with her or her parents, considering that apparently the Tunisian male's reaction to marital problems is typically, shall we say, non-verbal.
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u/Kanthippus98 11d ago
مسكينة مرتك ، عرست براجل داه في كرشو و يخمم في طلاق على خاتر مالقاش العشاء طايب ههههه
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u/thebesthustler 10d ago
What if he stoped doing his part w going to work everyday? Raw tnek bel ma7akem w nef9a , the double standars
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u/Kanthippus98 9d ago
ماهيش مزية كي يمشي يخدم و ساعة قبل كل شي هو يخدم لروحو مش كان لمرتو.
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u/thebesthustler 9d ago
وًموش مزيةً كي تتلها بدارها خاطر أذيكا خدمتها ؟
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u/Kanthippus98 9d ago
So you’re going to kick your wife out of the house just because she hasn’t cooked for two months? Mala rjoulia xd Jech l belek eli martou tnejem tkoun depressed or feeling lonely. Marriage yeli ech bech ikoul fomi is about understanding supporting and communicating with each other, especially when one person is going through a difficult time
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u/thebesthustler 9d ago
If she wudnt divorce him if he doesnt go to work for 2months then thats faaair ama we all know what wud happen if he stops doing his part
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u/Worldly-Street-7049 11d ago
Listen staying at home makes u feel void. E7sess khayeb 3alekher. U just feel overwhelmed, everything is the same shit on daily basis. Zidhom chwaya vitamines defencies, mat9abilch barcha 3bed, no hobbie, & doomscrolling: depression would be saying helo hello . I7sess ta3 laziness, lack of energy, and specifically vitamine D defencies. Jarebt 9a3da fi dar as a girl for few months and doing housework for the family on my break year . Let me just tell u it kills u inside slowly. & even if u talk to her t9olik nothing wrong, feda, or just ma3inich. When she said ena nakel ili iji is literally a give away. Lack of energy mbakhletha bakhla 7ata 3la ro7ha. Just talk to her not in accusative manner, remind her how much u love her, get her out on date, tell her inha tabda hobby jdida for fun. Slowly she will be back to the women u used to be.
& pls for all guys saying divorce her already yezzi min kharban lbyout. Kounou ma7dher khir.
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u/kogayudais 11d ago
Aman go get her hormones checked this could be a sign of depression that could be cause by either thyroid issues, pcos or something like a chemical depression, don't speak with her parents that's the worst thing to involve them before you exactly understand what's going on, also masahlou tle9 sema7ni???? She's probably and in sure she's batteling something inside that only she and God knows. Switching from being okay to this could be really deeply linked to hormones... When me and my husband first started dating I was bubbly energetic half the size I am right now and right after our engagement I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism but before the diagnosis I started being unable to do normal things like simply functioning and I was super depressed cried every day almost not knowing what's going on until I went and got my body checked.. my thyroid hormones were a complete mess and explained why shit got bad .. I'm not feeling my complete best right now with medications but at least I can function... Just so you know thyroid issues could even lead to having illusions and some extreme shit if not treated for a long time ... Nans7ek before any decision go get her checked.
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10d ago
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u/Tunisia-ModTeam 9d ago
Rule 1: Be civil. No personal attacks, racism or bigotry. Check our rules for more details.
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u/thebesthustler 10d ago
Yes a women did that so its a problem with women ?
U want me to say this is a problem within men for solething a women committedAlso its not your business what i read or what i do w keep your advice to yourself w noone asked for your opinion
Also ive said it clearly its not all women but its always a women and if that offends you then u are the one that must seek help
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u/Loose_Tough1371 11d ago
She might have some mental health issues or some vitamin deficiencies .. it's common for girls and it does not come always with clear symptoms but losing passion and laziness are one of them + wassa3 belek it's common for girls
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u/Plenty_Art3184 11d ago
A bit hasty decision there!
Take this as an opportunity to improve your communication with each other. Discuss things slowly and rationally. Think with logic and be understanding and considerate, you two.
Also remember that love can be something you find AND something you build. When you live with a partner, you'll live with their ups and downs. There'll be some form of dedication and patience there. So yeah, If I were you I won't jump to big conclusions especially when it hasn't been a year. Try knowing what changed in the first months.
Best of luck to both of you.
PS: Just to make sure, you guys got married because you were in love or because you felt you were compatible and could build a life together?
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u/Top_Parsnip7116 10d ago
A lot of answers say that considering divorce is an overreaction. I disagree, not being cared for is not a trivial matter and most of the time such behavior is a character flaw that can’t be changed. The wife has stopped being devoted less than a year down the line which proves she most likely isn't the devoted type anyway she just played an act until she didn’t felt she needed to.
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u/sadiovichmd 11d ago
You wouldn’t have an idea what she goes through mentally being a housewife, it means she is just burnt out and you guys definitely need therapy. God bless you!
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u/SavingsJunior1530 11d ago
nahh too early for divorce Talk with her to understand each other.... this is marriage, and divorce is not a solution for a situation like this, plus she is still too young and all of this is new for you both.
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u/Fedupconclusion001 Amazigh 11d ago
divorce for this is craaazy, have you asked her if she is ok to begin with? Or if she needs anything from you ? In that case ask her what you can do to support her ? Like why is divorce the first thing to come to mind 🤦🏼♀️
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11d ago
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u/Ok-Guidance-2282 11d ago
Depressed? He was fooled wakahaw.. she made an agreement. And now he won't be able to change her to what he thought she is... Thing isn't about not commiting to the agreement... It's about the response "jib mekla mnbara..." Men know when they get disrespected zeyed la7dith like it's not about food itself... That's why divorce crossed his mind firstly..
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11d ago
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u/Weird-Reach1890 11d ago
Something to notice in this sub , is when a woman does questionable behaviour, you (not you specifically) will perform all sort of mental gymnastics, come up with all these excuses and give her all the benefit of the doubt, if it was a woman complaining about her man in any area , we would only hear "move on , break up with him"
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u/No-Caterpillar-9990 11d ago
This subject is really complicated. You should consult a psychologist or a doctor (hormones and stuff). Nobody from a reddit post can actually tell u what caused a problem between u and ur wife or what made each behave a certain way. Tho all my support for both of you man.
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u/Illustrious-Toe-305 11d ago
Fisaa naguazt al divorce c bizarre. Manehaa fama haja makch moktane3 beha. Thebha tkoun 100% there everyday with everything done for you and for the house. Hata heya supposed terteh nhar fel jemaa mel tasks hedhom. De plus easy ahki maaha belekchi Mehich épanouie fel role hedha taa traditional wife w Mechi fibelha li she's gonna handle it Ama mahich Farhana , maybe she wants to work instead w toualiw u share house chores . ena I think li enti naguazt al tle9 khatrek au fond theb ala une femme au foyer li mehich chetbadel rayhaa w she's willing to stay at home for the rest of her life . A ce point hénet Alik bech tkhamem fel tle9..Wala tahki ma ses parents?... I'm not defending her Ama your approach lel mochkla deja is very unhealthy
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u/Jinwoo_404 11d ago
You agreed on your roles from the beginning so youre not wrong for being upset. But before divorce find out why her behavior changed. If she no longer wants the arrangement then you have a compatibility problem not a chore problem.