Anyone lowk hate it here?

[u/filipinohno]

Im a fresher and its Week 6 and I have made 2 very surface level friends - one living 3 hrs away and then the other only being here for a semester. My attendance is shit and I'm realising I hate my course but its too late to quit now. (I'm doing education & modern language) Campus just feels super lonely and I am struggling to talk to people - I've gone to some society events but haven't talked to many people. I also went to a pub quiz and I litch couldn't talk to anyone except for one friend. I was so awkward except for during the quiz I think I've lost all social skills..

[u/rhetorician66]

I see a lot of these posts - I’m an academic in ucd and wonder what you guys think could be done to make this situation better?

[u/eccentriqal → u/rhetorician66]

I’m doing my master’s here, and would be interested in this too. My guess is it that friendliness and openness varies depending on your course and your age. I attended a postgrad mixer the other week and was a little surprised by how different the general approach towards communicating with new people was compared to what I am used to, coming from the social sciences. Many of the students there were younger and in courses entirely unrelated to mine. Ofc, everybody is lovely in their own way but there was definitely a lot of awkwardness.

[u/HappyKirby → u/eccentriqal]

There's also something to be said about how shellshocking it can be to enter uni for the first time if you take even a little bit of time to clear that hurdle you can wake up at week 6 and feel like everyone already made friends without you.

[u/Raging_Hyena_2173 → u/rhetorician66]

Possibly more forced proximity and cooperation with classmates. The huge difference in environment from secondary school to university makes it so easy to avoid spending time with people. If you spend all your time alone then you'll have no friends, and if you have no friends then you'll spend all your time alone... it's a nasty cycle that gets increasingly harder to break out of.

[u/Haunting-Weather5398 → u/rhetorician66]

My brother is in UCD doing veterinary. He said he hates the loneliness there. I wish he was having fun and making friends. Is this a UCD thing? The coldness?

[u/rhetorician66 → u/Haunting-Weather5398]

See I would think vet would be better, smaller cohort, presumably lots of shared classes? But clearly not

[u/laurenstclaire → u/rhetorician66]

By Focusing more on making a gratitude list (and be grateful for the opportunities you have) and less on what you see as the ‘deficits’ that life has handed you.. real or imagined.

Introduce some ‘service’ ie helping others who are less fortunate through charitable giving and spending time volunteering.

[u/CyborgBanana]

 My attendance is shit and I'm realising I hate my course but its too late to quit now. (I'm doing education & modern language) 

It shouldn't be too late. You can leave before October 31st and apply again next year. You won't have to pay the full fees.

My attendance is shit 

You won't make friends in the course if you aren't there. I assume this course is to become a primary school teacher? You should be sharing modules with many of the same students. You'll need to be proactive and make small talk.

[u/dajoli → u/CyborgBanana]

Yeah this stood out for me too. For me the best way to make friends in college was to sit beside people in classes.

[u/filipinohno → u/CyborgBanana]

Honestly, I think I’m gonna stick it out I feel like a part of me doesn’t wanna quit just yet. 

And yeah, my course is to be a secondary school teacher but I am in most of the time for my actual education classes. I feel that maybe because I always choose to sit beside this one girl I’m not making many new friends cause I’m kinda relying on her. It’s mostly my language classes that I’ve been missing but I’ll still try my best w the small talk. I appreciate ur advice!

[u/Exhausted_Human]

I'm nearly 30 and no disrespect but I feel a lot of the people who experienced COVID as a teen to college 18-24 are kinda brain rotted from that experience. Have some pretty awful social skills, attention issues, and communication problems. I really think there's going to be books about this a decade or so now what COVID and the necessary lockdowns did to people emotionally and socially. It's really depressing to see. And then add all the AI use as well. Just depressing.

I've just decided to hang out with mature students.

[u/filipinohno → u/Exhausted_Human]

Don’t worry, I 100% agree with you I’ve genuinely lost my abilities to interact with people - I don’t fully think my situation is from covid but I’ve also recently just had a huge friend breakup so I’m also just pretty nervous to talk to people in general..

Also I agree ai is ruining us. I for one refuse to use it I haven’t used it in 3 years. 

[u/Used-Horse3025]

As someone who graduated last year and really struggled, socially which then led to poor academic performance. Looking back I made a few surface level friends through group projects or by sharing the same modules, but because of our different schedules we never really knew each other outside of those modules. The one thing I look back on and regret the most is not joining clubs and actually attending the meet ups/practices. That’s where you’re surrounded by new people who actually WANT to be there instead of being forced to be there like in your modules. People aren’t going to flock to you, you do have to get outside your comfort zone and put yourself out there, even if it means having an awkward conversation or two. But it DOES get easier. Most of my good friends today ended up being friends of friends, none in even vaguely similar courses. But I had to sift through a few weeds to get the roses. You’ll find your people, but you have to give them the opportunity to meet you.

[u/filipinohno → u/Used-Horse3025]

Thank you this is honestly great to hear, I think I’ll definitely just give it time and try my best for now. I definitely feel you though with my poor social life leading me to struggle in the academic aspect.

I am part of a few clubs/societys it’s just hard to go to many events since a lot of them are in the evening and I never wanna hang around for 4 hrs after classes - or I have work. 

[u/No-Movie1996]

You’re not alone. My son is also first year and expressed the same. Makes me sad- wish I could connect everyone. It takes time to find your people at any large school/ hopefully by next semester!

[u/filipinohno → u/No-Movie1996]

I hope so! Wishing the best for your son

[u/bioniclesrcool]

I'm 30 and thus have no interest in or inclination to make friends with people just out of the Leaving Cert. That is why I'm happy to not have a social life on campus. I'm here for education, not just doing something that is expected at a certain age.